


From the Mouth of an Injured Head

by The_Falling_Star



Series: A call, a withering echo, and it sings all-knowing words [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: American Sign Language, Angst, Big Brother W. D. Gaster, Canon-Typical Violence, Cinnamon Roll Papyrus (Undertale), Complete, Established Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Flowey (Undertale) Being an Asshole, Flowey (Undertale) Fan Club, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Frisk (Undertale) Is a Sweetheart, Ghosts, Goopy W. D. Gaster, Horror, Houseplant Flowey (Undertale), Hurt/Comfort, Magic, Mute Frisk (Undertale), Nonbinary Frisk (Undertale), Original Character(s), POV Second Person, Papyrus (Undertale) Knows More Than He Lets On, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Protective Papyrus (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader is named, Sans (Undertale) Being an Asshole, Scientist W. D. Gaster, Shipper Alphys (Undertale), Size Difference, Slow Build, Souls, Swearing, haunted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 145,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23580004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Falling_Star/pseuds/The_Falling_Star
Summary: DARKDARKERYET DARKERTHE DARKNESS KEEPS GROWING...You never believed in the supernatural, even after monsters escaped the Underground and magic was revealed to the world. But strange, inexplicable occurrences keep happening at your apartment, your dreams filled with visions of a peculiar grey door.Not to mention your weird neighbors and their shenanigans; A pair of skeleton brothers, a talking houseplant, and the quiet kid living with them.Perhaps that terrifying, short skeleton knows more than he lets on...
Relationships: Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), W. D. Gaster/Original Female Character(s), W. D. Gaster/Reader
Series: A call, a withering echo, and it sings all-knowing words [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753795
Comments: 708
Kudos: 617





	1. Handshake

_So what became of love in man?_

_And what became of you?_

_Familiar as you shook my hand_

_What was it you meant to do?_

_Because all can change for one_

_And all, can change in this new day_

_She said the devil will want you back_

* * *

The demonic presence in your apartment first made itself known on a Tuesday.

An odd day for an otherworldly being to invade your home. Did demons follow the Gregorian calendar? Maybe they preferred the lunar cycles, appeared on a blood moon or some such. But today was just a regular, non-celestial-event Tuesday, and yet it was the oddest day in your twenty years on this earth.

Your days had been getting odder since the monsters escaped the Underground. They had been locked under Mount Ebott for nearly a millennia, long enough for humans to forget even putting them there. Despite the kindly goat faces of the King and Queen on the news, the picture they painted of the Underground was a bleak one; overpopulation, a daily battle to keep up morale, never seeing the sun. Thankfully, the government found it prudent to give homes to those escaped monsters as reparations, providing housing in the city of Ebott right at the base of the mountain.

Of course, humans being humans, they decided to dump a good portion of the population in a group of newly built apartment complexes. No one wanted monsters in _their_ backyard, so the housing that was provided was isolated to a series of buildings towards the edge of town, in “luxury, modern apartment homes” as the advertisements said. You were lucky enough to have signed a lease before all the other apartments were snapped up by the government, but that meant that you were almost entirely surrounded by monsters. Your mornings were spent drinking tea on your balcony while bunny monsters kicked a soccer ball in the open space between apartment buildings, a bespectacled chimera listened to the radio on the balcony next door, and a strange, sniffling fairy-like monster fluttered by, actively avoiding any and all eye contact. This was your life now, and really, you couldn’t ask for a better opportunity.

Monsters, as it turned out, hit that sweet-spot of technically inept that was usually reserved for senior-aged humans. They knew what a cell phone, a computer, or a TV was, but most hadn’t interacted with them directly. Certainly not human-built ones, with human cable or internet connections. That’s where you came in. You had your own technical support business, newly established right before you moved into your apartment. A few fliers in the mailroom, rec area, and club house, and the requests came pouring into your inbox. Thankfully the apartment managers had turned a blind eye to your trade (your lease definitely forbade running a business out of your home, and advertising in common areas) considering it kept the monsters out of their hair whenever they needed assistance setting up a Wi-Fi router.

Your Tuesday schedule was entirely booked. Actually, your whole weekly calendar was almost a solid block of back-to-back appointments. You poked at your phone for a bit as you finished your tea and your toast, wondering if it was enough to hold you over until your scheduled lunch break at 1:30. (If you didn’t block off your calendar to eat you would get so involved in your work you would forget. No customer deserved to see you hangry.) Business was certainly good; monsters were surprisingly kind clients. You expected them to hate you for being a human, part of the race that imprisoned them and all their loved ones, but they seemed grateful for any and all assistance you gave. You couldn’t say you’d react the same way in their shoes. Their gold was also a very nice form of compensation for service rendered. You chuckled to yourself, though it came out as more of a scoff, thinking back to what your parents said about you. That your business would fail, that you were making a huge mistake, that you couldn’t make it on your own. _Well, look at me now._

Breakfast cleaned up you shed your robe and pajamas and donned your “uniform”; A plain, grey long-sleeved, button down shirt with your company logo on the breast pocket, black slacks and black tennis shoes. Your long dark brown hair, a mess of curls that spilled down your back was wrangled into a messy bun and your glasses were adjusted on the bridge of your freckled nose. You gave your reflection a quick once-over, deeming it acceptable. That was the best you could really hope for, your appearance was something more of a plain-Jane type look. You wouldn't know how to spruce up yourself with makeup, not that it would really help you in your line of work anyways, so you didn’t see much point. It wasn’t as if you were trying to catch someone’s eye (not that there were many humans around to attempt to woo anyways). There was one fetching feature you did admire about yourself; your eyes. A rather unusual shade of deep blue that you didn’t see very often. Your glasses obscured them, and so they went rarely noticed.

Dressed, fed, and toolbox in hand, you set off to your first appointment of the day. 8:30 AM, Building 5, Apartment 203, a green scaled monster resembling a dragon towered over you as they explained that their printer stopped working. After spending an hour fighting the drivers (and fighting the urge to grab a hammer and go _Office Space_ on the damn thing) you departed, late to your 9:30 AM appointment two floors above in 406, where you had to get a new smart TV installed and set up with Netflix. The mouse monster kindly accepted all of your apologies for running late, waving them off and directing you to the still-boxed TV. They seemed exceptionally appreciative for the help, they were one of the few monsters who was shorter than you and between the two of you the TV was mounted and configured in record time. Another job well done, and you were back on track.

And so it went, darting between apartment buildings fixing computers, resetting phones, organizing cables until before you knew it, your phone read 4:46 PM. Just about quitting time. You were about to pocket the device and begin walking home when an email alert marked as “urgent” flashed across your screen. The subject in all-caps read “HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!”. Your lips twitched into an annoyed frown. Really, that many exclamation points were unnecessary, and you should just go home. But money was money, and you had a reputation to uphold. With a sigh you tapped the email, opening it and skimming over the body of text.

It was worse than the subject.

> “Pleese help! i acidentaly broke my uncles computer! Pleese hurry! I need it fixed before he finds out he will be home soon!!!!”

Well, it was in the same building as you. In fact, it was the same apartment as yours, only the sender lived on the third floor while you lived on the fourth. With a sigh you put away your phone and gathered up your toolbox before setting off. Up two flights of stairs and hanging a left you easily located apartment 304 and gave a perfunctory knock against the door. There was the hurried sound of footsteps before the door was pulled open, and you unexpectedly looked down. There was no monster, but a human before you. A human _child_. You couldn’t tell if they were a boy or a girl. They had a warm olive complexion, nearly shoulder-length brown hair almost the same color as yours, and narrow eyes so heavily lidded you almost thought they might be closed. 

“Oh, uh, hello.” you stuttered, caught off-guard. At least it explained the atrocious spelling on the email, “I got a request from Frisk?”

The child nodded, taking a step back and gesturing for you to follow. You walked inside, glancing around for any signs of other occupants and finding none. Where were their parents? Why was this kid left alone? They couldn’t be any older than ten, though it was difficult to tell with that oversized blue and purple sweater they were wearing. You felt a sense of unease as you followed them into what you assumed was their room, given the action figures and the red race car bed. It was quite large for a child so small. Another, more appropriately sized bed was situated along the other wall, and between them sat a desk and the computer that seemed to be the trouble that got you here in the first place. 

“Are you Frisk?” you asked, then pointing to the old desktop, “And this is the computer that’s giving you issues?” 

<Yes.> they signed, holding up their fist and twisting it up and down like a nodding head. They seemed to remember themselves a moment later, grabbing a notepad and pencil off the desk as if to write down their answers instead.

You quickly raised your hands, flapping one urgently. It was the Deaf equivalent of a quick ‘Hey!’. 

<“I know ASL.”> you signed and spoke together once their attention was back on you.

<You do?> the kid signed in response, having extracted both hands out of their oversized sleeves.

<Yes, I studied it as my foreign language in high school. But I might be a little out of practice.> you signed in reply with a self-deprecating smile, <Are you Deaf?>

“No, they just don’t talk.” a high-pitched voice sounded from somewhere very close, making you jump like a frightened cat. 

The owner of the voice cackled, and you looked down on the desk to see a potted golden flower _with a fanged smile_. “Oh my god, you should see your face right now. What an IDIOT! HEE HEE--Ow!”

Frisk flicked the flower on the back of the...bud? Head? You didn’t know what that analogous plant anatomy would be. 

<Be nice!> they signed sharply, then sighed, turning to you. <This is F-L-O-W-E-Y> they fingerspelled, before showing you the sign for their name. It was the sign for ‘flower’ but oddly with an ‘A’ handshape. Usually the first letter of one’s name was used as the handshape for a name sign. 

“Howdy!” the flower chirped, sticking its tongue(?!?) out and winking at you. As soon as Frisk turned their attention to the computer, the flower’s expression _transformed_ , the smile morphing into a toothy maw that took up nearly its entire face, and its eyes growing from cute, thin pupils to wide, terrifying, black pits. You had just collected gold from a monster not an hour earlier that had to be 80% teeth, and this little flower was far, _far_ more unsettling.

Frisk drew your gaze away from the small potted nightmare, waving a hand and then pointing to the beige desktop. <Here, I tried turning it on, but it won’t start. I even unplugged it and plugged it back in again, but it’s still dead.>

<“That was smart thinking, you did a good job so far,”> you praised. That was more troubleshooting than most adults could manage. <“What happened, did you knock it over?”> the old tower was laying on its side instead of upright. 

<He did it.> Frisk signed, pointing to Flowey, who responded with an indignantly squawked, “HEY!”

<“Well, I’ll take a look, no promises though.”>

<Please just try your best.> Frisk asked, beaming you an award-winning smile. They were a cute and earnest kid. You weren’t so good around children, but you couldn’t let them and their little plant-based terror down, so you gave them a nod and pulled your trusty screwdriver out of your toolbox.

Just to check all your bases, you tried plugging the box back in and powering it on, holding down the power button for ten seconds (“Ugh, we already tried that!” Flowey complained, “Idiot!” You ignored him). When nothing happened you unplugged it again and popped open the case, taking a look around. The thing was ancient, maybe even older than you, and you were terrified to see what operating system it must be running. Vista? XP?? It must be virus-ridden, how it ran at all was a miracle. It took the work of ten seconds for you to spot the loose cable from the power supply and dangling free. A sigh of relief left you. If it had been anything else, you might need spare parts to fix it, and finding something compatible with this old beast would be quite the challenge. Frisk and Flowey would have ended up grounded for sure.

But instead, you plugged the cable back into the motherboard and pushed the power button. As expected, the machine came to life, fans whirring and mobo beeping happily. 

<You did it!> Frisk signed, their beaming smile nearly blinding now. Even Flowey looked a little impressed. You gave the inside of the case a good shot of canned air to clean out the dust bunnies and closed the case back up, situating it where it belonged, like an old grey dog sitting contentedly at their master’s feet. Strangely the OS wasn’t something you were familiar with. Maybe some homebrewed monster flavor of Linux? 

<“No problem”> you signed and spoke, finding it less awkward to just keep doing both in Frisk’s presence. 

<How much do I owe you?>

You shook your head, <“For this? Free of charge. Just promise to be more careful, ok? I usually charge an hour minimum, even for quick jobs. But I’ll give you guys a break, just this once.”> You didn’t feel comfortable collecting money from a kid, and really it only took you five minutes to fix.

<You’re the best!> Frisk cheered, looking to Flowey to concur with them. The flower however seemed to be leaning to one side, as if to peer around you.

“hey pal,” a deep, easygoing voice spoke, originating from _right behind you,_ “why are you in my house?”

You turned and _screamed_. Full on, bloody murder, ‘I am going to die’, scream. Somehow, appearing without making a single sound, there was a skeleton talking to you! And, ok, that was frightening, but your reaction might have been an exaggeration given the circumstance; The skeleton was very short by monster standards, probably no more than a few inches taller than you, wearing a baggy and worn-looking blue hoodie with a fuzzy collar, loose gym shorts and on his feet, fuzzy pink house slippers. Not exactly a frightening look. But you were _terrified_ of skeletons. Something about them just freaked you out, ever since you were a kid. You couldn’t bring yourself to go near any Halloween decorations featuring them, the sight of a Jolly Roger flag made you avert your eyes, and a science class with plastic models had you sitting in the back of the room. Maybe it was the empty, gaping black eye sockets, or the ever-present grin that caused the phobia, who knew?

What you did know was that _this_ skeleton in front of you had both those features, and _was talking to you!_ At your scream he stepped back in alarm. Frisk did too, and Flowey would have, had he not been rooted in place, instead leaning back as far as his stem would allow.

You scream died, strangled off by your embarrassment as you realized with a painful clarity that you were, in fact, an idiot. Your face must have been bright red, judging from the intense heat on your cheeks. The room was dead silent.

“What the FUCK,” Flowey said, shaking out of his stupor, “is your problem?”

“language, kid.” the skeleton scolded, and you saw that he didn’t actually have empty eye sockets, at least not anymore. Instead there were small little lights that seemed to function as pupils indicating he was looking at the flower. How the hell did that even work?

“I’m sorry!” you squeaked, “You scared me.” A very weak excuse for your behavior, but Frisk backed you up. 

<She is very jumpy.> Frisk signed, and Flowey nodded.

“Yeah, I got her good earlier. Not as good as the smiley trashbag though...” he seemed almost disappointed that he hadn’t managed to scare you half to death.

The skeleton was entirely unreadable. You couldn’t discern his expression, if he was angry or upset, his overall vibe going from “not quite chill” to “more chill” now that you were talking instead of screaming. His grin was completely fixed in place, his hands never leaving his hoodie pockets.

“heh, ok. didn’t answer my question though. who are you and why are you here?” his eyelights were roaming over you in an appraising manner that gave you the impression he might be suspicious.

“SANS! HUMAN! WHY IS THERE SCREAMING!?” a loud voice echoed through the apartment. The closed door to the bedroom (how did the short guy open and close the door without you hearing it?) was slammed open and you jumped as another skeleton barged in. This one was very, very tall, so much so that he had to duck under the door frame and almost bumped his head on the ceiling. His clothing was as loud as he was, sporting a bright orange crop top that read “COOL DUDE” and, of all things, jorts. 

“ANOTHER HUMAN? FRISK, IS THIS YOUR FRIEND? DO HUMANS SCREAM AT EACH OTHER TO SHOW FRIENDSHIP?”

“Oh god, there’s another one.” you said, under your breath. Frisk seemed to have heard you though, their expression shifting into a grimace. Did they think you were racist against monsters now?

<She’s here to...> their hands hovered in the air, obviously trying to find some excuse for your presence.

“She lives upstairs.” Flowey said. Unlike Frisk, they managed to look completely innocent and nonplussed...Wait, how the fuck does the flower know where you live? “You know how Frisk gets, running around, trying to be friends with everyone.” He lifted his leaves and bobbed his stem in some plant approximation of a shrug. Frisk seemed to jump on that, nodding their head enthusiastically. 

The short skeleton didn’t seem to buy it, raising a brow bone (how did he do that?) and responding with an unconvinced, “uh huh.”

“WELL, IT IS GOOD TO MEET YOU, NEW FRIEND-NEIGHBOR-HUMAN! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WELCOME YOU TO OUR HOME!” the tall one proclaimed, his skeletal hand resting on his chest in a very dramatic gesture, speaking so loudly your ears were nearly ringing. “SANS, DON’T BE RUDE! INTRODUCE YOURSELF!”

“you just did, bro.”

“UGGHH!” Papyrus looked ready to pull his hair out, if he had any.

“Uh, I’m Alex, nice to meet you both.” you stammered, your voice sounding very small compared to the bombastic Papyrus, “I’m sorry for screaming at you Sans, I, uh, just get scared easily.” _Scared of walking, talking skeletons!_ “I really should get going though. It was nice meeting you too, Frisk, Flowey. You guys can email me if you ever need...help...” Right, you couldn’t let the monsters know that Flowey broke the computer, shit. You were breaking out in a cold sweat at this point.

“OF COURSE. PERHAPS YOU CAN VISIT ANOTHER TIME, AND I SHALL MAKE YOU SOME DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI! IT’S MY SPECIALTY! AND THE ONLY FOOD I KNOW HOW TO COOK!”

“Debatable.” Flowey muttered.

“PLEASE, ALLOW ME TO WALK YOU TO THE DOOR, SEEING AS MY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BROTHER FRIGHTENED YOU.”

Sans shrugged, seemingly taking no offense. “see ya around, scaredy-cat. have a good _fright_.”

“SANS, THAT WAS A TERRIBLE PUN, EVEN BY YOUR STANDARDS.”

“heh, you know i don’t have standards, bro.”

“Not debatable.” Flowey bobbed. 

“COME ALONG HUMAN!”

With that you were ushered out, almost forcibly as Papyrus put his hand on your back to guide you out of the bedroom. Looking back over your shoulder you saw a creepily grinning Flowey waving good-bye, Frisk giving you a thumbs up, and Sans...staring at you. You felt a chill crawling up your back as his eyelights were the last thing you saw before he rounded the corner into the hallway.

“FORGIVE MY BROTHER, I’M SURE HE RUDELY INTERRUPTED YOUR CONVERSATION WITH FRISK AND FLOWEY. DESPITE HIS COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK OF MANNERS, HE IS A GOOD BROTHER...DON’T TELL HIM I SAID THAT.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” you said, still a nervous warble to your voice. 

“GOOD. YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD HUMAN. I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON. GOOD NIGHT!” 

You found yourself back outside, Papyrus slamming the door behind you (though with a kind grin and a wave, at least.) That had to be the strangest service request you’ve ever gotten in your life. “What the fuck.” you swore, now that there weren’t any kids around. You climbed the stairs up to your floor, where your apartment was situated directly above the one the skeleton brothers shared with Flowey and Frisk.

...

Sans was there, casually leaning against the building, right outside your door. You froze, staring at him, and he seemed to make a show of spotting you, like you were an old friend that happened to stop by. Your mouth went dry as he took a few slow steps towards you. How the fuck did he get up here before you!?!

“hey pal, long time no see, huh?”

You choked on your words, and he stepped closer.

“heh, cat got your tongue? don’t sweat it. hey, how ‘bout you put ‘er there?” he pulled his hand out of his hoodie, and you glanced down. It was, of course, all bones. They were thick and not human, but something that your mind couldn’t parse as anything but a skeletal hand. Still, he was your neighbor, and he knew where you lived, and you totally screamed at him like he was some, well, monster. Least you could do was shake his hand.

The second you reached out, your hand clasping his, fingertips touching cold and smooth bone, a noise filled the hall that made you jump.

‘PPPBTBTBTBT!!!...poot!’

...was that...a whoopee cushion?

A small, slightly unhinged giggle wormed its way out of your throat. You must sound insane, and look it, caught between slight amusement and overwhelming fear. Sans also laughed, his chuckle slow and easy, like the most relaxed thing in the world.

“geez, you do scare easy, huh? even the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick sets you off. guess this will be real effective then...”

Did he seriously come up here just to prank you? The short skeleton was still laughing to himself as he pocketed the whoopee cushion (where did it even come from?) Suddenly he raised his hand, a blue light illuminating his left eye and a matching light emanating from your chest. You felt a tug pulling you forward, like a rope was attached to...something inside you, something deep at your center, as if it were pulling on all that you were, all of your being.

You stumbled forward, now in Sans’s personal space, close enough that you could feel his breath. _Skeletons can breathe?_ a small part of you thought. The rest of you was silently screaming. You should be out-loud screaming, but it was as if you had completely locked up in terror, unable to move.

“that kid is real important to us monsters, and it’s my job to make sure nothing happens to ‘em, capiche?”

For the life of you, you will never understand how you manage to squeak the next words out.

“So then why did you leave Frisk alone?”

The skeleton's eyelights wavered, and his perma-grin slackened ever so slightly.

“heh, i guess that’s fair, calling me out like that.” his eyelights shifted down to your chest, staring at something. Is he...checking you out? “huh, makes sense.”

Whatever force tugged you forward released you, and you felt like you could breathe again. You gulped down breaths, and that...center inside of you, you could still feel it, tingling, radiating warmth, like it was alive. Or you’re hyperventilating, and that’s causing those sensations. Yeah, probably the hyperventilating.

Sans didn't back up at all, still very close to you. His eyelights extinguished, two black voids staring out at you and making your blood run cold. “i won’t repeat myself. if i ever catch you harming a hair on their head, y o u ‘ l l b e d e a d w h e r e y o u s t a n d.”

Before you could do so much as blink, he vanished. There one moment and gone the next, a faint buzzing sensation lingering about the air. You’re frozen in place for several long moments, barely able to stand with the tremors running through your limbs.

And your nightmare was only beginning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Handshake by Two Door Cinema.](https://youtu.be/9_PAvbY9we4)
> 
> \---
> 
> Buckle up kiddos, this is going to be a wild ride!
> 
> This is my second fic ever, and it's set to clock in at around 18 - 20 chapters.
> 
> As you will notice, the main character, Alex, is an OC. Apologies in advance, I'm normally not a fan of such fics, but this is the story I'm here to tell. Despite being told in the second person, Alex is not you, nor is she me. This fic is told in this POV as a tribute to Undertale and keeping dat thematic feel.
> 
> If you liked this at all, please leave a comment. It keeps me writing and keeps me motivated! I'm also in desperate need of proofreaders!
> 
> Be safe, and be good kiddos!


	2. Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea

_The sweet surrender of silence forces me to live alone_

_Locked and loaded, where the hell is peace of mind?_

_I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue sea_

_I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue_

  
  


* * *

Breathe.

Breathe.

_Breathe._

Oh god, it feels like you can’t get enough oxygen in you, no matter how much you hyperventilate, no matter how much air you suck into your lungs it still feels like you’re drowning, gasping desperately for each strangled breath. Your apartment is spinning, somehow you made it inside on your shaky legs, your gait resembling that of a newborn fawn. Your fingertips and lips feel a strange tingly, numb sensation, must be the oxygen deprivation. Your kitchen is directly to your right, just as you walk in and you find yourself leaning heavily against the fridge. The cool, stainless steel finish is like a balm, grounding you. Is this a panic attack? Whatever it is, it will pass, you just need to _breathe._

_In._

_Out._

Ok, ok, think. Make a plan and execute it, every problem has a solution, you just did to find it. You have zero doubts that Sans would follow through on his threat, and yet you don’t know how to handle such a declaration. Should you contact the authorities?...The human or monster ones? Who is in charge of the monsters anyways? They have a king and queen, but are they just figureheads? You did hear something about royal guards...

You can’t tell the cops, that’s for certain. You aren’t going to risk the livelihood of all monsters just because one crazy skeleton threatened you. It’s all too easy to imagine them being rounded up and shipped back off to Mount Ebott to rot in a sunless prison. Jesus, what an asshole! If you were someone who _was_ racist against monsters you could cause quite a diplomatic incident, and you’d be telling the truth! No, you had to find some way to placate Sans. You walked over to your couch, flopping onto the worn, second-hand cushions, turning on the TV and opening your music app. You weren’t really listening to the songs being played, but the background noise did keep your thoughts from racing.

...Maybe Frisk? It’s risky, reaching out to the person Sans told you to leave alone, but if Frisk knows you’re backing off and won’t interact with them again, maybe they can let Sans know and their skeleton guard dog wouldn’t rip out your throat.

Oh, that sends you down a bad thought spiral. Sans has some powerful magic, demonstrated in your very brief but very frightening interaction. He can apparently move you against your will, and he can _teleport_. It’s the only explanation for what you saw, with him blinking out of existence, making it to your floor without you noticing, and appearing out of nowhere in Frisk’s bedroom. It’s the only solution that makes sense given the facts and it is _horrifying_. There is nothing keeping Sans out of your home, you could lock your front door, but it wouldn’t matter because the short skeleton could just pop up in your living room right now if he wanted.

Not to mention that tugging that you felt, and he made it look effortless, just a small curling of his fingers and you moved. You wonder if he could have slammed you against the side of the building, or maybe smashed you against the floor...can he teleport _you_ too? Could he teleport you off the balcony of the fourth floor where you lived, letting you crash into the ground? Or maybe use both of his powers at once, accelerating you downwards until you were a bloody mess on the pavement of ripped sinew, shattered bones, fractured skull fragments...

  
  


You’re hyperventilating again. No, you shouldn’t think about that. You need to fix this. Shakily you pull your phone out, bringing up the harried email Frisk sent. Your fingers are trembling so badly that tapping out a reply takes three times as long as it normally would, with all your deleting and retyping of misspelled words, but eventually you manage something that is deemed acceptable:

> Dear Frisk,
> 
> I am sorry for any problems or concerns my presence this afternoon may have caused. I sincerely apologize and assure you it will never happen again. While it may be difficult as neighbors, I will do my best to give you space and keep all potential interactions to a minimum. If further technical assistance is required, I have colleagues who will be better able to provide support.
> 
> Please extend my apologies to Sans as well and assure him that this is the last communication you will ever receive from me. 
> 
> Best wishes,
> 
> Alexandria Silva
> 
> Integral Technologies, LLC

There, ok, one super professional sounding email sent. Hopefully it wouldn’t set off that crazy skeleton even more. You tossed your phone onto the other side of the couch and curled up on yourself, wrapping your arms around your knees. You switched the input on your TV to cable, trying to pay attention to whatever was airing, flipping through the limited channels in your basic package. It was mostly news and shitty drama shows that you could never get invested in, and you ended up watching the weather forecast. Sunny and warm tomorrow, good weather for walking around between jobs.

Suddenly the TV picture started going fuzzy, the broadcast cut through with bouts of static. That was...weird. And made no sense. Instantly you were in troubleshooting mode. Your cable box was hooked up to your TV via an HDMI cable. It was an all or nothing deal, either you got picture or you didn’t. Static shouldn’t happen, unless there was something wrong with the signal?

You flipped through some other channels, the same thing happening on every one. Sometimes the sound also distorted strangely, human voices warped with a hiss of static, pitching too high or too low, the result sounding quite unsettling. It must be the cable box, you concluded. Time for the trusty reboot. You turned it off, the TV screen going black, the flat screen reflecting you sitting on the couch and--

_A floating masked face staring back at you._

You loosed a hoarse scream, throat raw at this point. As quick as you possibly could, you twisted around in your seat, while at the same time scrambling desperately to _get away from that thing!_ The net result was you launching yourself backwards off the couch and ramming your back painfully against your coffee table.

The face was gone.

You were sprawled out on the floor, stock still, save for your heaving chest. Silent, save for your ragged breaths. Your eyes darted about, looking for any sign of...whatever it was you saw hovering behind you. It resembled a pale, white broken mask in your mind’s eye, with a crack running up from a drooping right eye hole, and down from the left until it met a gaping, grinning mouth. It had been just floating there, high over your head, with no body, no face visible behind it. Now, there was nothing.

Minutes passed. Your breathing slowed. With no sign of the mask, you slowly picked yourself up off the floor. It took you a full minute longer to work up the courage to turn your back to where the thing had been floating and face the TV, searching the reflection and finding...Nothing. 

It must have been your mind playing tricks on you. A figment caused by a Sans-fueled terror. Right, of course, it wasn’t real. Another pause as you waited for...something, anything to tell you that danger still lurked and finding none. Maybe you should just call it a night. You hadn’t eaten dinner, but the way your stomach was twisted inside you, food was the last thing on your mind.

Getting ready for bed was a harrowing experience. Pretty much every light in your one-bedroom apartment was left on, and it took a considerable amount of psyching yourself up to turn them off, one by one. Your bathroom was the most difficult, considering the mirror that you very pointedly _did not_ look at. But somehow you did manage, only a single, dim lamp illuminating your bedroom from its place on your nightstand. 

Quiet, again. You should sleep, you knew this, but instead you were sitting straight up in bed, unable to bring yourself to take off your glasses and turn out the last light, the last little bastion of safety. Jesus, you were being a baby, weren’t you? It was just a figment of your overactive imagination, you already came to this conclusion, so why were you being such a little chicken-shit? You took a deep breath, setting your glasses on the nightstand next to your phone and switching the light off, the room plunging into pitch darkness. 

Rolling over on your side you pulled the covers up to your chin and forced yourself to close your eyes. You were fine, you were safe. Sans wasn’t here, you were alone in your apartment, alone like always. You were fine. You were safe. Over and over you repeated that mantra in your head, until you slowly began to relax, drifting off towards sleep...

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


...

  
  


...

  
  


...

Static.

You heard static.

...

The living room, the TV, it was back on, static hissing through the speakers.

...

Louder.

...

LOUDER.

...

A demonic hiss, morphing into a scream that poured into your ears, making you cover them with your hands.

...

**LOUDER.**

...

You curled into a ball, tears streaming onto your pillow as you trembled uncontrollably.

“Please, leave me alone! I won’t hurt anyone, I won’t go near Frisk, _I would_ never _hurt another soul, I swear!_ ” you babbled, begging, pleading to whatever entity was in your apartment to spare you. Oh god, you were so scared, your heart racing in your chest. You didn’t want to die, please, don’t let it get you, oh god, _please, please, please..._

...

...

...

Silence.

...

_Please._

...

..

.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_You were standing in your hallway, darkness consuming most of your apartment. Your bedroom was all but a dark abyssal pit to your left, as was your living room to your right._

_Before you..._

_A grey door._

_Plain. Unassuming, just like every other door in your place. But they were white, this one was grey. It was also on an exterior wall. There should be no room on the other side of this door, only the outside world. If you opened it, would it lead to open air? Would you see the night sky, spread out above your head? Or was there more black, dark, darker than the space between stars, yet darker, a deep all-consuming emptiness waiting to swallow you up too?_

_Your hand reached out, fingers wrapping around the doorknob._

_Static suddenly burst inside your head. It filled every little crevice in your mind, the only thing you could hear, all you could see, all you could_ **_think_** _._

_You twisted the doorknob._

_The static raged, building to mind-breaking levels, pain raking like serrated red-hot knives against the inside of your skull, your head tilting back, lips parting you--_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Screamed, jerking awake. Your heart was running a mile a minute as you blinked sleep from your eyes. What _was_ that? Where were you?

In bed. A dream. Right, just a dream. Something...funny happened with the TV, and then you fell asleep. Must have been night terrors or sleep paralysis again, the static from the malfunctioning TV filling your dreams, right, right...

In the pale light of the early morning, the strange occurrences from last night seemed nothing more than a nightmare your mind manufactured due to stress. You blamed Sans. Hopefully you never saw your skeleton neighbor again, your subconscious had plenty of material for crafting your nightly terrors, you didn’t need him adding fuel to the fires. 

Your covers were tossed aside and your glasses put back on your face after you rubbed your eyes. Despite going to bed early, you were far from well-rested. If anything it felt like you only got a few hours of sleep. Unfortunately, running your own business meant you couldn’t play hooky, and so you dragged yourself to your feet and shuffled down the hallway towards your kitchen.

Your eyes couldn’t help but glance over at the empty wall of your hallway, as if expecting a door to be there.

It was as blank as ever.

Your breakfast always consisted of tea and toast, maybe a fried egg if you were feeling more peckish than usual. You weren’t, all you wanted was a nice dark blend of tea that held the promise of caffeine. You brewed it strong, tempering the bitterness with a good amount of cream and sugar. Toast buttered and slathered with jelly and tea steeped and dispensed into a novelty mug, you made your way out to your balcony. This was probably your favorite part of the day. You could just breathe, taking a second to gather yourself and prepare for dealing with uncooperative tech and clueless customers. You could people-watch (monster-watch?) your neighbors, playing, going through morning routines, talking to each other and admiring the sunny skies they had been denied for so long.

You caught movement from the corner of your eye as a small tendril of a vine wrapped around the lower section of your balcony’s banister. Then another vine, and another. You watched, blinking in confusion. The vines suddenly froze and then--

“BOO!”

The deranged, sharp-toothed grin and crazed eyes haloed with golden petals that flooded your vision made a startled involuntary gasp leave you and you flinched hard enough to spill some of your precious tea. It was Flowey, keen on giving you a heart attack. He cackled, pulling himself the rest of the way onto your balcony and settling himself on the small patio table in front of you.

“Oh, that was HILARIOUS! Hee hee hee! I was expecting a scream though. What, am I not scary enough?” his features warped again, twisting into an even more disturbing grin, like they were made of clay.

“Uh, nope, you are terrifying. Really, _really_ scary. I’m just...tired.”

“Yeah, you look like shit.”

You huffed, frowning at the golden flower. “Gee, thanks...I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Did the smiley trashbag scare you that badly?” Flowey mocked you with a faux pout.

“Sans? He’s _mostly_ the reason I didn’t sleep” you shuddered, thinking again of the mask-like face and the static your mind conjured, “...After I left, he came up here and threatened me. He said to stay away from Frisk.” you took another sip of tea, hoping to settle your nerves. “Is that why you’re here? To tell me to back off too?”

“Me? No, I come up here every day, this is the best place to catch the morning sun.” he said, spreading out his leaves.

“Oh, so that’s how you knew we were neighbors. You’re spying on me.” you commented with an annoyed frown.

“Yup!” came his delighted reply, “I waited until you left every day, watched you through your bedroom window.”

“That’s...really creepy, Flowey.”

“Aw, thank you!” he blinked up at you with a face that could be called cute, and gave you a wink. “Kinda surprised Sans came after you though, he must really be taking the job my mo--the queen gave him seriously. That lazy asshole _never_ takes anything seriously.”

“Protecting Frisk, you mean?” Flowey hummed an affirmative response. “...he said Frisk was important to the monsters. Why are they so important to you guys? And why are they living with you?”

Flowey went quiet at your question, contemplatively sunbathing in silence for an almost uncomfortably long time before finally deigning you with an answer. “...Frisk is the ambassador for all monsters.”

“Hmm.” you took another sip of tea, getting the distinct feeling the little flower was lying by omission. He picked up on it quite quickly.

“Alright, alright. Frisk is the one who...they’re responsible for the Barrier being destroyed. Without them all the monsters would still be trapped in the Underground.”

You nearly spat out your tea. “Holy shit, really? They broke the Barrier?” Flowey just stared at you, his face uncommonly neutral. “Damn, wow, ok. I guess I can see why Sans is so protective over them.” you scratched your head, digesting what Flowey said. “So is Frisk like, a mage or something? They have to be really powerful, right?” You knew that human mages were responsible for sealing the monsters away and erecting the Barrier. Since then, magic had apparently been lost, but monsters said that humans had always been capable of magic, and were still capable to this day. Why no one seemed to be able to use it was beyond anyone’s knowledge. It would make sense that a mage’s magic would one day be able to free the monsters. Kinda poetic too.

Flowey nodded, murmuring: “Yeah, Frisk’s magic is very special...But they really are the human ambassador to all monsters. After everything they did, you could say they’re the most important human on the planet in monster-kind’s eyes.”

“Yeah, they did seem like a good cookie. I guess that’s why you hang around with them.”

The flower scoffed, shooting you a look of pure disgust. “Like I had a choice. The little shit showed up with a shovel and dragged me with them out of the underground. I was perfectly happy in my flower patch!”

You smiled at his little display, not buying it for a second. “Well, I’m glad you’re here anyways to explain things to me, even if you are creepy and terrifying. Do you want the rest of my toast?” you offered. Your stomach was still in knots from last night. Even after having skipped dinner, you didn’t feel much like eating.

He glared at you with a look that screamed _‘You’re an IDIOT’._ “I’m a plant.” he said flatly.

“...so no, then?” you stood, lifting the plate away from the table. 

“I never said no!” he screeched. “What flavor jelly is that?”

“Blackberry.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ll take it.” You set the plate in front of him, watching him chew the remnants of toast and get crumbs all over his petals. “Use strawberry next time. And get me some water.”

You obliged, returning with a shallow dish of water that he situated himself into, roots spreading out. You left to get ready for work, leaving him to contentedly bathe in the sun. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea by MISSIO.](https://youtu.be/cXmW7KhhmtA)
> 
> \---
> 
> Did I mention Flowey is my favorite character? Why yes, I am a proud member of the Flowey Fan Club!
> 
> Oh, and Frisk totally broke the Barrier, yup, just Frisk, no one else. C̶e̶r̶t̶a̶i̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶o̶a̶t̶-̶b̶o̶i̶ ̶t̶u̶r̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶m̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶e̶d̶.̶
> 
> As always, please comment if you like this. Horror is very difficult for me to write, but I hope I’m doing an ok job of it!
> 
> I also dusted off my Tumblr account, you can find it [here](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/). I have no idea how to use it, but, uh, ask me stuff? I dunno ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Paint

_There's something moving through the windows and walls_

_I've seen it before, seen it before_

_You left me living with a lingering soul,_

_how little you know, how little you know_

  
  
  


* * *

> Flowey told me sans was mean and scared you and i dont think he should scare people any more he is better at telling people jokes and making laugh and you didnt do anything wrong. 
> 
> You dont have to stay away i told sans i asked you for help and you fixed the computer and your were nice.
> 
> You cant come over though because i am grounded for having a stranger in the house and Flowey is grounded to for breaking the computer.

In addition to the first poorly edited email from Frisk, another sits in your inbox, sent three minutes later.

> Dont tell Sans i used the computer again to email you.
> 
> Flowey says hi and to get strawberry jelly.

You marked the emails as read and didn’t reply. 

* * *

  
  


If you ever claimed to have a hobby, it was cooking and baking.

You’d picked this apartment specifically for the kitchen. Stainless steel appliances, plenty of quartz countertop space, and a gas stove cinched it for you. It was a bad habit of yours to pick up kitchen gadgets every other week, and by now your cupboards and drawers overflowed with them. It was overkill for someone living by themselves, but you justified it by rarely going out to eat, and saving a decent chunk of change by feasting on leftovers instead.

Tonight was much like every other weeknight, a dinner prepared from scratch while music poured out of a nearby bluetooth speaker. On the menu was risotto with pan-seared chicken. Three of the stove’s four burners were firing, one warming stock, another cooking the rice and on the third, chicken sizzling in a cast iron pan. You flipped the hunk of meat with some tongs, revealing crisp, bubbling skin. Perfect. Now all you needed to do was pop it in the oven to finish cooking, ladle some more stock into the rice and--

Your carefully orchestrated kitchen dance was interrupted by a loud knocking at your door. You signed in annoyance, yelling back with a slightly irritated tone, “Just a second!” Oven door closed, rice stirred, ok, you could probably spare a minute before you had to chop the parsley--

Shit. It could be Sans at the door, you belatedly realized. Maybe you should just ignore it. Of course, now that you said something they knew you were home. What if it was a client with some kind of tech emergency? Or if it was Sans, would he teleport past the door if you kept him waiting?

Another knock.

_Shit!_

Ok, ok, just breathe, maybe you could explain yesterday’s email. Hopefully he understood you really didn’t mean any harm. You stepped over to your front door, and after a deep breath turned the handle, hoping to _not_ to see a skeleton on the other side.

There was.

A very tall one. 

Said skeleton grinning down at you and offered an exuberant wave. “Oh Papyrus, thank god it’s you.” you sighed, relief making your entire short frame sag.

“BUT OF COURSE FRIEND-NEIGHBOR-HUMAN, IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” He posed heroically, and you couldn’t help but grin.

“Of course! I’m, uh, in the middle of cooking. Can we take...whatever this is to the kitchen?” you said, taking a step back and allowing Papyrus to step inside. Maybe it was a little risky letting a near stranger into your home, but Papyrus positively radiated wholesomeness, and unlike with Sans, you didn’t get a gut feeling that it was a bad idea. Besides, you found it near impossible that someone wearing jorts of all things could be threatening. 

“YOU CAN COOK?” Papyrus asked, sounding impressed. You couldn’t see his expression, your attention turned to the rice you ladled more stock into and then the knife you used to finely chop the parsley.

“Yup! Self-taught, courtesy of YouTube. You can learn how to do pretty much anything from watching videos and practicing.”

“WOWIE! I USED TO TAKE COOKING LESSONS FROM MY BEST FRIEND UNDYNE, BUT THE QUEEN FORBID LESSONS IN OUR NEW-NEW HOME.”

“Yeah? Why’d she do that?” you asked, offended on Papyrus’s and Undyne’s behalf. What kind of queen forbids her subjects from learning how to cook?

“UNDYNE BURNED DOWN HER HOUSE DURING HER LAST LESSON.”

“...ok, that was probably a good call then.”

“MAYBE YOU CAN TEACH ME INSTEAD?” the tall skeleton asked hopefully. You glanced over at him, his eyes (eye sockets?) wide and pleading. He looked just like a giant, skeletal puppy. Skeletons still scared you, but Papyrus was quickly becoming the exception to the rule. You almost couldn’t say no to that face.

Almost.

“...I don’t think that’s a good idea.” you said eventually, absentmindedly stirring the risotto. 

“BECAUSE OF WHAT MY BROTHER DID.”

He was more perceptive than his first impression would indicate. You nodded, electing to remain silent.

“WELL. THAT’S WHY I’M HERE. TO APOLOGIZE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR. I WANTED TO MARCH HIM UP HERE TO DO SO DIRECTLY, BUT FRISK AND FLOWEY SAID THAT MAY HAVE BEEN A BAD IDEA.”

You nodded again.

“YES...WELL...I AM SORRY FOR WHATEVER HE SAID-”

“Did he tell you what he said? Or what he did?” you interrupted, trying and mostly failing to keep your voice level.

“HE...IMPLIED-” You interrupted again.

“He threatened to kill me. He used his magic on me, made me move somehow.” 

“OUR BLUE MAGIC ATTACK.” Papyrus helpfully supplied unprompted, then looked rather guilty a second later. 

“...You can do what Sans did to me?” There was fear in your voice, unable to be suppressed. You tried adding more stock to the rice but with your trembling hand, some of it sloshed out of the ladle and made the flames sputter under the pot. 

“NOT EXACTLY. SANS IS MUCH BETTER AT IT THAN ME. I CAN INCREASE THE PULL OF GRAVITY, BUT SANS CAN ALSO MAKE IT CHANGE DIRECTION TOO.”

“And he can teleport.”

“...YES.”

“So he theoretically could smash me to pieces against the pavement.” you muttered lowly, but Papyrus seemed to catch the words anyways.

“SANS WOULD NEVER-”

You whirled around, cutting Papyrus off a third time. “That’s not the impression he gave me! I thought I was going to die! I couldn’t move! He could show up right this second and there is nothing I could do to stop him from hurting me!” You were yelling, a rarity for you, your voice raspy from unfamiliarity at that volume. Tears pooled in your eyes and you blinked rapidly, trying not to let them fall. You always started crying when you were angry and you hated it. 

“I WOULDN’T LET HIM HURT YOU, HUMAN.” Papyrus said, uncharacteristically solemn. He took a step closer and you flinched away from him, the tall monster looking stricken at the involuntary movement.

“I KNOW MY BROTHER. HE DOESN’T WISH ANY ILL-WILL TO _YOU_ , PERSONALLY.” You tried very hard not to scoff and roll your eyes. It sure felt personal! “SANS DOESN’T TRUST HUMANS. HE HAS HAD...BAD PAST EXPERIENCES.”

“He trusts Frisk, doesn’t he?”

“NOT REALLY.” Papyrus answered plainly. 

“But he protects them? Why?”

“HE MADE A PROMISE TO THE QUEEN.” It was as if the simple answer was entirely self-explanatory. It was anything but. “I DON’T AGREE WITH SANS. FRISK TOLD ME HOW YOU FIXED MY COMPUTER FOR FREE. AND FLOWEY DOESN’T SEEM TO HATE YOU, AND HE HATES PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE. AS I SUSPECTED, YOU ARE GOOD HUMAN. MY FLAWLESS INTUITION IS PROVEN CORRECT YET AGAIN! NYEH HEH HEH!”

You offered Papyrus a weak smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Thanks Papyrus. You are pretty cool.”

“THE COOLEST!” He tried to again to step closer, and you remained very, very still. His long gangly arms allowed him to close the distance between the two of you, his large boney hand gently squeezing your shoulder.

“I WILL MAKE SURE SANS LEAVES YOU ALONE. I AM TRULY SORRY FOR WHAT HE DID, AND I HOPE YOU DON’T HOLD ALL MONSTERS ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS ACTIONS.” You shook your head forcefully. “GOOD! NOW! IF YOU WON’T GIVE ME COOKING LESSONS, WILL YOU SPEND SOME TIME WITH FRISK INSTEAD? THEY DON’T HAVE MANY HUMANS THEY CAN SIGN TO.”

“...I’ll think about it.” 

Papyrus didn’t look entirely pleased with your answer but he didn’t press the issue. “ALRIGHT. WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE WE LIVE. I WILL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR COOKING. I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON, FRIEND-NEIGHBOR-HUMAN!” He made a hasty retreat, slamming your front door closed and leaving your apartment feeling exceedingly quiet in his wake. 

You sighed, mindlessly finishing up dinner while you considered Papyrus’s words. You felt bad for Frisk, surrounded by monsters but no one of their own species they could talk to, except for you. That raised a few questions, like where their parents were, or how they managed to get into the Underground to begin with, but really that was none of your business. They seemed like a sweet kid, but you weren’t willing to risk your neck just to keep a near-stranger company. 

You soon plated up your dinner and slumped onto the couch, ready to spend the next hour catching up on YouTube and chilling out after a stressful few days. One of your favorite cooking channels had posted a new video and as you queued it up--

\--static noise rippled across your TV screen and hissed out the speakers. 

Your stomach sank and you slowly turned around, fearing what you might see. Behind you was empty air, no mask floating just behind your couch. With a sigh of relief, you turned your attention back to the screen and setting in for a relaxing night.

The static continued intermittently all the while, no matter what you did to try and fix it.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Your phone was missing.

And, ok, you can work around not having it, but what had you terribly peeved is that you had no _idea_ where it could possibly be. You came back home on your lunch break, set it down on the counter to nuke your leftovers, and by the time you managed to balance your plate and cup of water in one hand without spilling either (quite a feat!) you reached out to pick your phone back up with your free hand and it was...

Gone. Vanished into thin air. You looked around, utterly confused at the complete lack of a smartphone anywhere in your kitchen. You checked on the floor in case it got knocked over, your living room where you had tucked your toolbox against the wall, the bathroom where you had been browsing Reddit while answering nature’s call. No sign of it anywhere.

“What the fuck?” you swore irritably. Your food was getting colder by the minute, so you sat down on your couch, mechanically stuffing food in your face while you racked your brain for any other possible explanation. Whatever, there was always a technical solution to human fallibility. Your laptop was retrieved, your account logged into and your phone’s details brought up. The phone always had GPS on, so all you had to do was perform a quick query for its location and...

> GPS Location Unavailable.

“...What the fuck!!”

“Language!” Flowey chided from your balcony. He was back again, his daily appearance during breakfast quickly becoming a regular occurrence, and he made no effort to hide his near-constant loitering. So long as the sun was out, the snide plant would be perched on your patio table.

You rolled your eyes, pulling open the sliding glass door and poking your head outside. “Have you seen my phone?”

“Yes, it turned into a jetpack and flew by five minutes ago.” he responded, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Hey, be nice! I have to get back to work and I can’t find it anywhere. The GPS isn’t working either.”

“Why don’t I just call it?” Flowey suggested, like you were some hapless idiot. Your next words only strengthened that sentiment.

“You have a phone?”

“Wow. Just because I’m a flower it means I can’t have a phone?”

“Sorry!” you quickly apologized, shamefaced at blurting out something once again that might be taken as a derogatory comment towards monsters. Flowey didn’t seem too terribly offended (just slightly above his usual level of grumbling), vines sprouting and slithering to the edge of the balcony where he lowered himself down. You tapped your fingers against the railing as you waited, the grumpy plant reappearing only a couple minutes later, a chunky plastic phone in hand. The thing was a brick, sporting buttons instead of a touch screen and looking obnoxiously large compared to the flower that held it. The make and model were unrecognizable, and you had a feeling this was a rare glimpse at monster tech.

You told Flowey your number and he called it, the phone ringing once. You strained to hear your ringtone, leaning back into your apartment and listening close. Instead of ringing a second time, it went straight to voicemail, as if your phone had lost signal.

“Well that sucks,” you sighed, taking off your glasses and pinching the bridge of your nose. “Thanks for trying anyways, really I appreciate it.”

Flowey seemed to be caught a little off-guard by your readily offered yet sincere gratitude. 

“Don’t mention it...seriously, don’t. This is Frisk’s phone, they hate it when I borrow it without asking.”

You glared at the irksome little plant, and he twisted his face into a fanged, too-wide delighted grin. 

“I have to get back to work, I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” you said as you slid the door shut again and grabbed your laptop and toolbox. Your phone still had a decent charge to it, maybe whatever was jacking with your TV was messing with your phone too? There would have to be some significant electrical interference to cause that many issues at once. You were grasping at straws at this point, best not to dwell on it when you had a whole afternoon of work ahead of you. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


When you returned home, your phone was sitting on the counter, the battery dead.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


That night, you dreamed of the grey door again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Paint by The Paper Kites.](https://youtu.be/-Cz4eUPGRkg)
> 
> \---
> 
> The hardest part of writing this chapter was finding a matching song, and I suspect it will be the hardest match of this whole fic. You see, we're are just climbing the hill on this roller coaster ride. 
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams.
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	4. Seven Devils

_Seven devils all around you_

_Seven devils in my house_

_See they were there when I woke up this morning_

_I'll be dead before the day is done_

  
  
  


* * *

Weekends weren’t really a thing in your world. You still took service requests, albeit at a slightly elevated hourly rate. If you were going to be at your customers beck and call on a Sunday morning, you better be getting a bigger payout for it. You still needed to go grocery shopping and organize your invoices as well as a whole pile of dirty laundry that needed to be dealt with. Between running around with work, errands and chores, as well as getting less sleep than normal due to the reoccurring nightmares, you were dead on your feet. It was 8:27 at night, and you really should just go to bed early, but instead you were a lump on your couch, too tired and unmotivated to do anything besides be a stellar example of a couch potato.

Your TV had kept up with the weird behaviors, and what was worse, it seemed to be spreading. Your bluetooth speaker occasionally cracked and spat out static, your TV picture garbling into black and white noise, no matter what the input was, and even your phone would randomly lose all connection or the screen would black out, though thankfully it hadn’t gone missing again. It always seemed to worsen and night, when everything was quiet and you couldn’t hear children playing outside or laughing from your neighbors, and the static seemed all the more omnipresent. It filled your home, reaching your ears to matter where you were, and you swore sometimes you would hear words, like a ragged pained sigh that was almost, _almost_...something, some meaning that was nearly there but just out of your comprehension, like a word on the tip of your tongue that you could never remember.

At least you hadn’t seen the masked face again.

But you were seeing things.

Or so you assumed. It started after dinner one night, when the static was especially bothersome and you hauled yourself up off the couch to clean your plate, and you saw something out of the corner of your eye. Some large blob-shaped thing, almost like a shadow. Not dark, just...the absence of information for your brain to parse. The only thing you could liken it to was when you had low blood sugar and you stood up too fast and spots of your vision faded into nothingness. When you turned your head to look at whatever the shape was and you saw your normal living room, you assumed your eyes were tired after a long day and thought nothing of it.

But it kept happening.

You’d spot it in the corner of your bedroom, though your bathroom mirror, behind your couch and passing through the hallway, right where the grey door had been in your dreams. Always it was just a split second, and always when you turned to look there was nothing there, and you worried you may have needed to make an appointment with an eye doctor, maybe something was wrong with your optic nerves seemingly constantly malfunctioning. 

The only problem was that you notice these strange occurrences only happened at your apartment. Your phone was fine while you were out working, your eyes never saw shadows in your client’s apartments. A quick google search for a wide variety of terms (“static from all speakers”, “electronic interference in the home”, “seeing shapes in periphery”) came back with a crazy amount of explanations, some less plausible than others (namely, aliens).

Carbon monoxide poisoning was at the top of that list, so you replaced the batteries on your CO detector, and when it showed a cheery little green light indicating totally non-murdery air, you had a maintenance man swap it out for a new unit. Same result.

Option B was...aliens, but you struck that off the list. Option C was schizophrenic disorder, and _that_ couldn’t be the case, which left option D, ghosts. You didn’t believe in ghosts, or at least you hadn’t, until Napstablook made an appearance on your TV during a promo for a monster celebrity named Mettaton. Apparently, the ghost served as a DJ for a live broadcast. So, ghost monsters were a thing and maybe one was haunting your apartment. Unfortunately, you had a feeling that asking if monster ghosts made a habit of haunting places would make you sound even more racist than you inadvertently already had, so that was out, and you had to turn to the internet.

There were two suggestions for tracking down a ghost, first being setting up a camera. Easy enough, you just opened your laptop in your living room where most of the activity seemed to center around and left the webcam recording all night. The next day when you woke up and reviewed the footage, you weren’t exactly surprised to see the camera’s picture faded and the now familiar snowfield of flickering dots overtook the screen. This was supposedly ghostly activity, and playing frame by frame would reveal hidden messages from the paranormal being. So that’s what you spent your Sunday morning doing, examining each frame of self-made haunted found footage one at a time.

It got old really quickly.

Static.

Static.

Static.

More static.

Oh look, static!

Static.

_A face._

Static.

Wait.

You backed up a frame, your heart leaping in your chest. You swore you saw that face you’d seen in the reflection on the TV almost a week ago, but when you searched through the last few frames it was the random noise you’d been staring at for the last half-hour. Your eyes must be tired from-- **_SLAM!_ **

You screamed, jumping and looking at the source of the sound; an angry looking flower pounding on your balcony sliding glass door.

“Where is my toast!?” he barked.

“...Jesus fucking Christ, Flowey! Aren’t you still grounded!?”

The two of you bickered for a few minutes. It was getting late anyways and you had an appointment you had to make in 30 minutes and you were still in your pajamas, so in fairness you did need to get a move on. Still, you made sure the pissy little flower got the most inferior of jellies in your fridge when you brought him his water dish and slice of toast; apricot. His peeved look was one you tried to remember, and not that other face among the frames of noise.

* * *

The next ghost-hunting technique was a little more involved, and therefore a little more terrifying. You had to wait until background noise was at a minimum, which meant staying up until late at night, turning off your music and your TV and setting your phone down on your coffee table and opening a recording app.

The app had an equalizer that showed the frequencies, and intensities of sounds being picked up. Currently it showed only the smallest flicker of green as the soft ambient background noises you couldn’t prevent were recorded, showing a good baseline of quiet.

“Hello? Testing, one, two, three.” Orange indicators of your voice. Also normal and expected.

“Uh, hi, my name is Alex.” You paused. The recorder showed quiet.

“I just wanted to talk to...whoever you are. I think the static I keep seeing and hearing is you, can you talk to me?”

Silence.

“Who are you, why are you here?”

Nothing.

Maybe this was all silly.

“I think I’ve seen you a few times.”

...you thought you saw something to your left, a brief glimpse of one of those nothing-shadows. There was, of course, nothing there when you looked. The phone still didn’t pick up anything. 

“Are you a monster?”

A little blip of orange, it might have been the echo of your voice...

“...are you here because Sans sent you?”

Orange. Flickers of orange. Every bar on the equalizer lit up, sound levels rising. Yet the room was quiet. Higher. Red. _Red._ **_RED._ **

By the time you reached for your phone and stopped the recording, every bar at every frequency was maxed out. It was still silent in the room, except for your heartbeat pounding loudly in your ears.

You played back the recording, skipping ahead to the last ten seconds.

“Are you here because Sans sent you?”

[ **STATIC.** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfycQJrzXCA?autoplay=1)

Incredibly loud, enough to hurt your ears, louder than should have been possible emitting from the tiny speakers on your phone.

You closed the app, shut off your phone, and retreated to your bedroom where you locked the door and spent the night hiding under your covers and trying not to cry in fear.

  
  


* * *

“...What the fuck are you doing?” Flowey asked incredulously.

“Language,” you scolded, glaring sternly at the little flower. He had given up on waiting for you to feed him this morning and just opened your balcony door and let himself in. “I’m cleansing my apartment.”

Flowey gave you a look like you had lost your damn mind. It would be hilarious on any other day, totally picture worthy. You were nowhere near in the mood for such amused thoughts.

“By burning a plant?? Are still mad about me scaring you?”

“It’s sage. And the smoke is supposed to get rid of evil spirits.”

“You’re about to set off the fire alarms if you don’t stop.” he groused, fanning a leaf to rid the air of smoke wisps around his face.

“You don’t understand, there’s something in here! I keep seeing things and hearing weird noises from my tv and my speakers, it even stole my phone that one day!” 

Flowey wore the most foreign expression on his small petaled face that you have ever seen on the little plant; _concern_. He was examining you, and you were probably a sore sight, with your messy hair, and the ever-darkening circles under your eyes. Flowey said you looked like shit days ago, well, that was nothing compared to now. You were sure you looked, and sounded, insane. You felt it, resorting to stupid superstitions.

“...Maybe you’re working too hard, Alex. You think you should take a day off?”

“I can’t! And even if I could, it doesn’t change the fact that there is _something_ here! I swear Flowey, I’m not crazy. Here, wait, just-” you dumped the burning herb in the sink and doused it with water (Flowey was right, you probably were trying the smoke alarm’s patience more than usual) and retrieved your phone from where you had abandoned it last night, turning it on and opening the most recently saved file in your media player.

> ERROR: Unable to play myrecording1.mp3, corrupt data

You stared at your phone, not quite able to process what you were looking at. It played last night. Just hours ago you had listened to it...

“ _Why isn’t it working!?_ ” you cried, feeling like you about to really lose it.

“Yeah...I’m going to go. You don’t have to worry about the breakfast for today, I’ll leave you be with,” he waved a vine around, indicating all of you, “whatever _this_ is.”

He quickly retreated from your living room, scaling down your balcony and out of sight, leaving you alone.

...

Mostly alone.

* * *

You felt trapped. 

Normally you would have taken a walk around the block, gone for a bike ride, gone anywhere besides your apartment, but you were still terrified of seeing Sans around.

The alternative was being stuck in your apartment with whatever this _entity_ was.

You tried diving into your work to avoid being at home for as long as possible, but you were suffering there too. You made mistakes, causing your appointments to last far longer than they should have. One particularly harrowing moment you even thought you had accidentally erased a hard drive in a customer’s computer by mistake, but you thankfully caught it before you formatted all their data. No amount of tea could compensate for the fact that you weren’t sleeping, and even your homemade bread tasted like sawdust when you nibbled on it in the morning, giving most of your share to Flowey.

The little irritant wasn’t just giving you looks of concern, but pity now too.

He must have tattled to Papyrus because a couple days later the lanky skeleton monster showed up at your door again, with Frisk in tow, human and monster alike sharing mirroring expressions of worry. You couldn’t even begin to explain what was going on with you, and you really didn’t want to be in proximity to Frisk with Sans’s threat lingering in the back of your mind, so you came up with a half-baked excuse for your disheveled appearance that you were merely feeling unwell and you weren’t up for company at the moment. Frisk didn’t buy it for a second, the young child giving you a look of such pleading that it nearly broke your heart. 

You still closed the door after bidding them good night. 

Instead of cooking a proper dinner that you didn’t feel like eating anyways you boiled a tiny portion of pasta and added some butter and pepper to your bowl. It didn’t come anywhere close to what you considered “cooking” or a “meal”, and sadly in place of whatever joy you normally derived from such activities, you were instead left feeling ever more drained. Only half was eaten the rest dumped down your sink as you listlessly shuffled about your kitchen and searched for something that might sound appetizing. Not even your stash of junk food warranted a second look. 

You didn’t want to watch TV, and you had stopped playing your music, which had always filled your home. The silence scared you, but the static scared you even more. So you had shut off and unplugged all the considerable number of electronics you owned. God, you were so lost. Maybe you should just go to bed and stay there, hiding like nothing could get you so long as you hid away. Maybe you were really losing it, what if all of this was in your head? You discounted the possibility earlier, but what if you were sick in the mind? How would you know what was real and what wasn’t?

No, that couldn’t be, you weren’t crazy. It was real, it had to be. It was this _place_ , something about it, something that only existed _here..._ You could move. Yeah, you would go back to your parents, tail tucked between your legs as they gloated cruelly, _‘Told you so! I knew you were a FAILURE!’_ It was better than living like this, questioning your sanity. You’d have to call them tomorrow and admit that you were just some child pretending to be a big girl, all grown up. Only six months you lasted out of school and now you were calling it quits. What a joke you were.

You shuffled off to your room, collapsing into bed and closing your eyes, not quite asleep but not awake either. It was quiet, genuinely quiet for the first time in a long time, no static in your ears and no strange dreams plaguing your mind, but still you tossed and turned. How come you could be so exhausted yet sleep still eluded you? Eventually, you gave up and crawled out of bed to get a glass of water from the kitchen. In the dark, only moonlight trickling through the windows to light your way, everything felt...distant. Otherworldly. Like you were sleepwalking through some facsimile of the apartment. Like this might have been a dream, and you couldn’t tell if you were awake or still in bed. How strange. Water glass emptied you set it in the sink and staggered back to bed, heading down your hallway to--

A figure stood in the middle of your hallway.

_The masked face._

You blinked, breath frozen in your lungs, eyes wide and uncomprehending. The towering specter nearly reached your ceiling, still and unmoving as you were. Except, it appeared to be shifting...no, it was _glitching_. No other word made sense to describe what you saw, bits of the creature flickering in and out of existence, like a TV channel with bad reception. As your eyes tried to make sense of what you were perceiving, you realized it wasn’t a cracked mask, it was the strange creature’s _face_. The eye sockets were dead and empty, showing no signs of life. You couldn’t see exactly what was below the cracked visage with all the glitching, something resembling light grey knit cloth covering its neck, and the rest of its body was composed of dripping shadows. Almost literally, darkness pouring off the thing in wispy clumps that weren’t quite gaseous, nor liquid, but some ethereal inky substance that defied all physics.

It did not move.

You couldn’t say how long you stood there, frozen in place. You didn’t want to run, what if it gave chase? You didn’t want to confront it either. With no other options, you just...did nothing, remaining as inanimate as the anomaly before you. Hardly breathing or blinking you stood until your tense muscles began protesting and your knees threatened to buckle under you.

What if this was in your head? If you tried to touch it, that would prove it was real, wasn’t it? It was an insane idea, but your mind latched onto it and you couldn’t let it go. Almost unthinkingly you took one, small, hesitant step forward.

It still did not move. 

Another step. Your breaths were ragged and deafening, too loud against the quiet.

It remained motionless. Unnaturally so.

Your arm lifted, fingers stretched out, eyes darting between your fingertips inching forward and the creature, waiting for it to realize your intent, to react in _any_ way...

...closer...

... _closer_...

...your fingers made contact, touching it towards the center of the dripping mass, shadows brushing against your skin, light as water vapor, yet oily-feeling like it was clinging to your fingers--

\--the creature flinched, pinpricks of light bursting into being like lit candle flames, staring down at you from those abyssal sockets.

Its mouth parted, like a seam of dripping black, separating and revealing the void.

And it **_ROARED_**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Seven Devils by Florence + the Machine](https://youtu.be/RUMAhf9nMTA)
> 
> \---
> 
> Please note that Alex’s thoughts are not my own. Mental illness != crazy.
> 
> I’m planning on updating on Sundays and Wednesdays, I feel like that’s a good rhythm. 
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams.
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	5. Control

_The house was awake, the shadows and monsters_

_The hallways, they echoed and groaned_

_I sat alone, in bed till the morning_

_I'm crying, "They're coming for me"_

  
  


* * *

  
  


The sounds the creature was making were...indecipherable.

Literally, your brain could not comprehend the noises that seemingly assaulted your ears while simultaneously existed within your own mind. The end result was a headache that felt like your skull was being ripped in two, and you thought for a moment you were going to black out, clutching your head in pain.

Your eyes never left the creature however, some survival instinct making sure you kept the source of your pain in sight. Likewise it had locked its gaze on you. Its eye sockets had widened, expression something akin to shock, the lights in its eyes wavering. Especially the one in the drooping eye, you could barely make out the soft white light that lingered there.

Suddenly, the agonizing cacophony stopped, and with it the agony in your head ceased as well. Perhaps only a second had passed, and under all the overwhelming noise you heard a scream. 

Belatedly, you realized it was your own. 

The glitching around the creature became increasingly distorted, shifting almost violently within your hallway, and sometimes _through_ it, clipping into the walls, until with one last hiss of static, it vanished.

...

_Nope._

_Nope, nope, nope, fucking NOPE!_

You ran. Spun around, sprinting to your front door as fast as your short legs would take you. It didn’t matter that you were still in your pajamas, that you didn’t have shoes on your feet, hell, you didn’t even have your glasses on. All you knew is that you had to _run_ , the flight part of the adrenaline response finally kicking in. Out your front door and down the flight of stairs, you ran to the only place you knew to turn to for help.

You ran to apartment 304.

“Papyrus!” you cried, banging on the front door. “Papyrus, it’s Alex! Help!” Your fists pounding on the door only stopped for a second when you looked over your shoulder to make sure the creature wasn’t following you. “Please, help!”

In between your banging you could hear muffled voices. One you recognized as the boisterous Papyrus, and the other quieter, deeper, and sent chills down your spine. _Sans._ You stopped knocking immediately, realizing this may have been a bad idea. How late was it right now? You probably looked like a mad woman, Sans would not be happy with--

The door swiftly swung open, revealing the skeleton brothers, Papyrus having opened the door and Sans standing not too far behind him. The shorter brother took you in for less than a second before he pointedly did not meet your eyes.

“ALEX? WHAT’S WRONG?” Papyrus asked concernedly, looking at you like there was some puzzle for him to solve. 

“maybe she should come inside, bro.” Sans suggested. It would be an excellent suggestion if it didn’t mean being in the same room as him. “she looks chilled to the _bone_.”

“REALLY, SANS?” Papyrus glared at his brother. You shared the sentiment, now was not the time to be cracking jokes. But Papyrus was an ever-gracious host. “PLEASE, DO COME IN!”

“Th-thanks.” you stuttered. Your voice, no, your whole body was trembling. It was like that night Sans had threatened you, your heart beating wildly against your ribs and you were shaking so much it was difficult to put one step in front of the other. Must have been all the adrenaline still burning through your veins. Sans presence didn’t help, though the shorter skeleton was keeping his distance as Papyrus led you into the living room. Every time you fretfully glanced over at Sans you noticed he was more or less avoiding your gaze entirely (or you just couldn’t see where his eyelights were pointed without your glasses.) Maybe Papyrus did have him reigned in.

“HERE, PLEASE SIT.” The taller skeleton brother gestured to the couch, and you all but collapsed into it. Frisk made their appearance, quietly poking their head into the living room, the commotion had apparently woken them up. They were in their pajamas, sleepily rubbing an eye with one of their hands, the other cradling Flowey’s pot. The small plant seemed irritated to have been disturbed, but his expression shifted to confusion when he spotted you.

“Alex? Why are you here?” You might almost think he was worried about you, if he didn’t sound so damn accusatory. The rest of the gathered household also turned to you expectantly, waiting for an answer to the question.

And what could you say? You weren’t even sure what happened yourself, half-asleep in the dark. Putting it into words was near-impossible, but you tried to explain.

You did a pretty piss-poor job.

“There was this--I don’t know what it was--in my house--had a mask-face-thing--standing in my hallway--it yelled--hurt my head--” you weren’t making sense, tripping over your words, your tongue an unruly thing, slurred by your fear.

The reactions of the various monsters and human differed wildly as they misinterpreted your words. Frisk looked... _determined_ , features set with so much purpose it was unnerving for someone so young. Flowey was murderous, thorny vines coiling out of his pot. He looked like he wanted to go strangle whatever it was you were talking about. Sans didn’t seem to care in the least, his easygoing aura firmly in place, as if you had just mentioned the nice weather.

Papyrus was the most expressive of the bunch, posing into a battle-ready stance and _summoning a four foot long bone out of no where, what the fuck!_

“A MASKED INTRUDER! HOW DASTARDLY! WE SHOULD CONFRONT THEM AT ONCE! I WILL GIVE THEM A TASTE OF MY SPECIAL ATTACK, NYEH HEH HEH!” He swung the bone around like it was a sword.

“eh, just call the cops.” the way Sans finally looked at you it was clear this was _not_ a suggestion. The implication was clear. _You don’t get my brother mixed up in this._

You swallowed heavily. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t-Papyrus, please, put that down.” The skeleton whined in disappointment, but the bone was tossed away into the corner of the living room. Monsters were so _weird_. “Um, what I’m trying to say is, the thing in my apartment, I think it was a ghost monster.”

Silence settled in the room, the air growing more tense. A monster attacking a human in their home was a big fucking deal. Sans’s expression grew harder and all the more chilling, his eyelights dimming in their sockets.

“you sure about that, pal?” 

_Oh for fucks sake!_ Was this crazy skeleton for real!? _He_ attacked you! What, did he think you’d accuse his kind of home invasion for no fucking reason _when he threatened to kill you!?_ The nerve on him!

“Yes, I’m sure!” you spat, infuriated, “It was...it looked like...” Your mouth opened and closed several times as you thought on how exactly to describe the creature. Eventually you turned to Frisk.

“Do you have some drawing supplies I can borrow?”

They nodded, setting Flowey down on a nearby table and darting into their room, returning less than a minute later with a drawing pad and a box of crayons. “Thanks.” you said, offering a small smile as you took the pad and selected the black crayon.

Your drawing skills were on par with the average third-grader, but while the monster had been hard to describe, drawing it, even with your crude hand, wasn’t that difficult. Your work only took a couple of minutes, and you had to keep the page close to your face to compensate for your lack of glasses. That prevented anyone from seeing it until you were ready.

[Eventually, you revealed your drawing.](https://66.media.tumblr.com/76c8e6e3869520c550f696a54ecd6b06/4b4ac16cb97155f3-38/s1280x1920/bad1eee06d475be8dc4b19acd76ac9dd1ecd9b29.png)

“This is what I saw. It was in my hallway, and then it disappeared. I saw its face once before, and I think it's been messing with me since the Tuesday before last.” You didn’t look over at Sans, not wanting to piss him off more. That was the day he threatened you, and you didn’t want to hint at the implication that he’d been working with another monster to torment you.

Instead you squinted and studied the others. Frisk’s face was closed off, their expression blank, and Flowey looked very, _very_ curious. More like _fascinated_.

“HMM...” Papyrus rubbed his chin, the scraping of bone on bone not exactly a pleasant sound. He leaned forward, bending at the waist so that he could examine your drawing with an almost comical level of concentration. His eye sockets narrowed at it (and again you wondered how it was possible for solid bone to move like that), tilting his head to the side as he pondered.

“NOPE! CAN’T SAY I RECOGNIZE THEM. WHAT ABOUT YOU, SANS?”

The shorter skeleton didn’t answer. You glanced over at him.

Sans looked _stricken._ Even though he was the furthest from you and the most difficult to see, you swore you saw sweat beading on his brow, however impossible that was.

“SANS?”

“what?...uh, no, never seen ‘em before.”

That was a fucking lie.

“WELL, MAYBE UNDYNE KNOWS. SHE IS REALLY POPULAR!”

“Your friend?” you asked, the name ringing a bell. Papyrus nodded enthusiastically.

“YES! SHE IS CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD! SHE SHOULD BE NOTIFIED--SANS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

Before you could even shout ‘Hey!’ he had snatched the paper out of your hand, faster than you’d ever seen the lax skeleton move. 

“you said it yourself bro, undyne needs to know, she’ll get to the bottom of this _fishy_ business. i’ll give this to her now, i know a shortcut.” 

And just like that, he blinked out of existence.

“HUH, THAT IS UNUSUALLY RESPONSIBLE OF MY BROTHER...” Papyrus looked rather suspicious for a second. But only a second. “GOOD FOR HIM! MY POSITIVE INFLUENCE MUST FINALLY BE RUBBING OFF ON HIM!”

You sighed, glad he was gone, but now you weren’t sure what to do. This Undyne person seemed to be the one to talk to and you were certain Sans was _not_ going to her. You didn’t feel right asking Papyrus to take you to her yourself, and what, accuse another monster of creeping in your house? Who could also seemingly vanish at will? You certainly didn’t want to go back upstairs, knowing what awaited you in your darkened hallway. Frisk interrupted your thoughts, waving for attention.

<Can we have a sleepover?> they signed to Papyrus.

“WHAT A GREAT IDEA! DON’T YOU THINK SO?” He asked, turning to you. 

In that moment you were without a doubt, positively certain that coming here had been the right call.

<“Yeah, actually, that sounds great.”>

* * *

Papyrus had retrieved a blow-up mattress from his closet, noting that sleepovers were a regular thing with their monster friends. As it turned out, Papyrus slept in the same room as Frisk and Flowey in his race car bed. When asked why he didn’t share a room with his brother, he scoffed. “WITH HIS TRASH TORNADO AND CONSTANTLY PULLING PRANKS? NO THANK YOU.” 

Sleep was out of the question considering all the disruption you had caused, and Frisk was more than eager to spend time with another human, or perhaps just another friend. When deciding on what sleepover activities to participate in, your group was divided; You and Flowey wanted to play video games, while Frisk and Papyrus wanted to run through battle scenarios with action figures. Before a debate could be sparked, Frisk offered the clever idea of playing video games first, and whoever won got first pick from the roster of action figures. Flowey readily agreed. And while you thought at first it was because he was getting his way, you were quickly corrected.

The golden flower set everything up impressively quickly, pressing a controller into everyone’s hands. Frisk and Papyrus took the couch. You elected to sit cross-legged on the floor, as close as you could get to the flatscreen without blocking anyone’s view, on account of your missing glasses. Flowey was situated next to you, apparently getting nice and comfy in his pot. 

“So, Smash then?” the flower far too casually suggested, booting up the game before anyone even had a chance to raise an objection. Not that you had one, you hadn’t played the latest version of this game, but you did dump a good amount of hours into Brawl. You picked Pikachu (blue party hat, of course), Frisk picked Kirby (which Flowey immediately deemed “pink garbage”) and Papyrus selected Captain Falcon (“ANY CHARACTER WITH A SCARF LIKE THAT IS CLEARLY THE SUPERIOR PICK!”). Oddly, Flowey picked Daisy which caught you by surprise, but he offered no justification for his chosen character, merely gave you an enigmatic smirk.

As it turned out, Flowey wiped the floor with all of you. Papyrus was easy pickings. You were quite sure that you could count on one hand how many times he’d picked up a controller in his life. Half the time he died on his own, walking his character off the edge. Frisk fared a little better, but didn’t seem to really care enough to win, often signing with one hand little snippets of half-understood commentary while Kirby floated like a balloon around the periphery of the stage. Which left you, the sole defender against the orange-gowned tyrant of the battlefield. And despite your best attempts to zap the ever living out of her, Daisy sent Pikachu soaring across stage one too many times, the battle decisively ended with a spirited ‘GAME!’ announced over the speakers. Flowey cackled madly, relishing his victory a little too much. 

<“Well, congratulations Flowey. Guess that means you get to pick the first figure in the battle simulation.”> you grinned down at him.

“Hee hee--wait, what? No! I want to play again! One more round!” he protested. You shook your head.

<“Fair is fair, you agreed to it, remember?”> He started grumbling (and maybe a bit of pouting) crossing his leaves like arms as you scooped up his pot. “Hey, you get to pick the best action figure now, right?”

“Don’t be stupid, its all make-believe. They’re just plastic.”

<“Yeah, but you can make up the rules however you want. Which means you can say your fighter is the best as long and you have a good reason for it.”>

"THE HUMAN IS RIGHT. WE AGREE ON THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT AND IF YOU CAN MAKE A REASONABLE ARGUMENT FOR YOUR SUPERIOR ABILITIES, YOU MAY USE THEM HOWEVER YOU WISH!”

This placated the little plant, and the four of you moved to bedroom to start what very closely reminded you of a tabletop roleplaying campaign. Except there were no dice or character sheets, just a bunch of different fighters duking it out to see which side would win. You had split into two teams, you and Flowey together. Frisk picked a female action figure that reminded you of a paladin, appointing her the queen of their army, and Papyrus’s warrior was named Captain of her majesty's guard. Flowey picked some kind of dark knight, and declared himself god-emperor of all the lands, which the Captain did not take kindly to. You couldn’t recognize most of the characters in the collection, but there was one robed man you spotted in the pile and chose for yourself.

“You’re picking the old man with a sword?” Flowey asked incredulously.

<“This is General Obi-Wan Kenobi.”> you corrected. No one at the table understood who that was at all.

<“He’s a magical space wizard. With a _laser_ sword.”> That impressed Frisk. The two monsters were still lost.

“LIKE A REALLY OLD MADJICK?”

<“A what?”>

“Just forget it!” Flowey growled, growing impatient. “I declare war on the queen! With my Chaos Saber, my wizard and my dark army, I will defeat you all!” And so the battle started.

As terrible as Papyrus was at video games, he had a lot of practice with “battle simulations”. His warrior had set many traps of the battlefield that eliminated a great many of your force’s goons, but your Jedi powers prevented complete decimation of the emperor's army (you kept to yourself that it may have been out of character for Obi-Wan to be helping said emperor). It took Flowey a few turns to realize that as powerful as his knight was, blazing forward usually ended up biting him in the butt. Frisk seemed content playing minor characters that fulfilled supporting roles in the battle, infrequently making declarations as Queen.

In the end you and Flowey captured Papyrus’s character, and shortly thereafter your old Jedi was struck down, almost near-death. Only a daring rescue by Flowey saved Obi-Wan, at the cost of a few more underlings. A cease-fire was called for, and your characters met to discuss terms. Frisk had a very surprising offer to bring to the table.

<You will have access to all my lands, and all my warriors.> the Queen told the Emperor.

“What’s the catch?” he responded, wary of such a generous offer. 

<We unite under one banner.> Frisk paused for dramatic effect, <You have to marry me.> They waggled their eyebrows and Flowey groaned, breaking character.

“Damn it Frisk, why do you try and flirt your way through everything!?” 

Despite Flowey’s grumbling, there was totally a royal wedding. Obi-Wan was the officiant. 

By the time it was all over, everyone was suppressing yawns. Frisk and Papyrus retired to their respective beds, and Flowey’s pot was placed on the windowsill, leaving you to curl up on the air mattress in the middle of the room. 

<This was so much fun! We should have another sleepover sometime!> Frisk signed happily. They seemed to have genuinely enjoyed having you over, and if you were honest, you did too. Sure, the games might have been a little childish, but it was still entertaining.

<”Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”>

“YES, YES, WE WILL HAVE THE FRIEND-NEIGHBOR-HUMAN OVER AGAIN SOON. BUT RIGHT NOW, IT IS REALLY LATE AND WE SHOULD ALL SLEEP!” With that, Papyrus extended out a bony arm towards the light switch, blue light engulfing it and pulling it down, casting the room into darkness. 

It might have been frightening, with the threat of the strange creature still looming in your mind, but your exhaustion coupled with the gentle sound of your friends’ breathing lulled you to sleep.

* * *

  
  
  
  
  


You couldn’t move.

  
  


You were awake.

  
  


Your eyes were open.

  
  


_You couldn’t move!_

  
  


There, in the darkness, something is shifting...

Thick shadows forming together, growing, rising, solidifying into a large, dripping shape...

_The creature._

Dark shadows make up the bulk of its massive form and its face, pale and white, grew closer as it leaned over the bed. The eyelights that glowed faintly from the depths of those pich-black colored sockets examined you. As near as the face was, even without your glasses, you could tell that the dimmer light in the drooping eye resembled that of a certain short skeleton, but the other was actually a ring. It looked like a pupil, wide as it roamed over your prone from. You could trace with your eyes the cracks in its face, fissures running up and down, speaking to some devastating past trauma. 

You still couldn’t move. You could scarcely _breathe_ , feeling like a weight was pressing on your chest.

The thing hissed, or rather, the static noise emanated from it, as if hidden in the mass of shadows was a radio that wasn’t tuned. Couldn’t Frisk or Papyrus hear it? It was soft, like a whisper, and _so_ very close...

Something materialized in your periphery, white like its face. The object floated closer, and you realized it resembled a hand. Made of _bones_. Skeletal, just like Sans and Papyrus’s, only this one had a large hole right through the palm. It continued floating closer. Pale fingertips reached for you, steadily closing this distance, brushing against your cheek. It felt cool, and unimaginably light, like smoke ghosting against your skin. You gasped. You--

_Moved!_

Jerking backwards, skittering away from that hand, away from--

It was gone.

You were panting, able to breathe freely now, sitting straight up on the edge of the mattress. Sleep paralysis and its associated symptoms, difficulty breathing, inability to move a muscle, auditory and visual hallucinations, they were all familiar to you. But that felt so _real_. Was it?

Were you losing your mind?

If felt wrong to be here, with a gently snoring kid and their overgrown skeletal friend, both peacefully sleeping like nothing was wrong. It was normal, and you...something must be wrong with you. You stood, walking to the door and carefully and quietly opening it, giving one last parting look over your shoulder. 

Flowey was watching you with questioning eyes. You told him nothing as you fled and shut the door silently behind you. All you needed was space, a moment to clear your head, maybe a glass of water. _Just a moment to breathe_ , you thought as you walked towards the kitchen.

The TV was on, the _‘pew pew!’_ sounds of laser fire coming from the living room. A few steps closer and you could see bathed in the blue light of the TV’s glow, slouching on the couch was a hoodie-wearing skeleton with dark circles under his eyes.

Eyes that turned, familiar white lights locking onto you.

“heya pal, what are ya doin’?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Control by Halsey](https://youtu.be/so8V5dAli-Q)
> 
> \---
> 
> Guess it’s about time Sans and Alex had a little chat.
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams. I’ve also been posting some images to go along with each chapter [(including Alex’s terrible rendition of the goop-man himself)](https://66.media.tumblr.com/76c8e6e3869520c550f696a54ecd6b06/4b4ac16cb97155f3-38/s1280x1920/bad1eee06d475be8dc4b19acd76ac9dd1ecd9b29.png), and will eventually post some behind the scenes info.
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	6. Wild Ride

_Where we thought we lost you._

_We thought you was down and out and couldn't see._

_Turns out I was wrong here_

_And you are much stronger than me._

  
  


* * *

  
  


“I, uh...” 

You didn’t expect to see Sans. It had to be really late, or terribly early, depending on how you looked at it. You almost wanted to ask him what he was doing up, considering he looked pretty terrible (worse than death, heh) and obviously in need of a good night’s rest. But you didn’t just ask someone what they were doing in their own damn house.

Instead your eyes fell to your hands, fidgeting with your fingers. “I had...a nightmare. Or I saw that thing again, I don’t know.” You sighed heavily, running your fingers through your tangled hair. You don’t know why you started spilling your thoughts, maybe because being honest was easier when you felt so vulnerable and confused. “I can’t tell what’s real anymore. I keep seeing and hearing things, and when I saw it in my hallway and it _hurt_ I was sure it was real, but it...it looks like _you_ and I’m wondering if it all in my head and I’m just-”

“he’s real.” Sans cut you off, rising up off the couch and walking closer. You took a step back away from him, eyes wide with fear. He stopped. And maybe looked just a tiny bit...guilty? It was hard to tell with Sans, that grin permanently plastered to his face, the only hint of his emotions coming from his eyes.

Except when you showed him your drawing, that was a look of shock you didn’t think you’d ever catch him wearing again.

“lighten up, i’m not gonna hurt ya. i know we started off on the wrong foot-”

“That is one hell of an understatement.”

“-but i’m not gonna attack you in my living room while you’re in your pajamas and my brother is one room over.” 

Right, because he could attack you in your own house whenever he damn well pleased.

Silence settled in for a while. You stayed tense and still, and he stood awkwardly halfway between you and the couch. Eventually you relented with a sigh.

“Can I have some water please?”

Sans perhaps looked a little caught off guard by your request, but soon covered it was a shrug, “sure, pal.” He started casually walking again yet keeping a careful eye on you to make sure you weren’t about to bolt as he led you into the kitchen. Meanwhile you kept a close watch on him to make sure he wasn’t going to change his mind and attack, not really caring if your overly cautious bearing offended him. You sure hoped it did, he certainly deserved it. He retrieved a cup and filled it with water, setting it on the counter so you didn’t have to take it from him directly, giving you a ‘there you go’ gesture with his hand.

“you want me to drink it first, prove it's not poisoned?” he teased, sounding ever so slightly miffed under his relaxed demeanor. Huh, maybe you were getting under his skin. Metaphorically.

“Nah, you can keep your germs to yourself, thank you.”

“ouch, that hurts my feelings ya know. i’m practically the cleanest skeleton you’ll ever meet.”

You silently pointed to his hoodie as you took a sip of water, in particular the ketchup stain on it. He tugged on the blue fabric, examining the red mark.

“huh. ok, second cleanest then.”

You gave him a flat look, noting that you only knew two skeletons, and had never seen any others among all the monsters that lived in Ebott with you. 

Well, except...

“...So you know who he is, the one who keeps following me.” you stated after a brief pause. Your conversation had been bordering on civil up until this point, and while you hated steering it into more contentious waters, you needed to know what it- _he_ Sans had referred to them, who he was haunting you.

“like i said, i’ve never seen ‘em before.”

You set your glass down with a little more force than was called for, glaring at the skeleton. It might have even been more effective than usual, seeing how close he was to your height. 

“Please don’t lie to me. Considering everything you’ve done to me and how I’ve been looking over my shoulder since the day I met you, the least you could do is tell me the truth.” you said sharply. Sans’s eyelights dipped down to your chest (why did he keep doing that?) before he sighed, leaning heavily against the kitchen counter.

“alright, alright, i guess i owe you that at least.” he rubbed his face, leaving you wondering how the scraping sounds didn’t bother him. “yeah, i knew him. know him, i guess.” His eyelights drifted up towards the ceiling as his voice grew quiet, “i thought he was dead.”

“...So he is a ghost then.”

“eh,” Sans shrugged, “kinda? monster ghosts exist-”

“Like DJ Napstablook?”

“right, like him. but ghosts are really rare, and ghosts like napstablook are even rarer. usually you won’t see them out in the open like that, they like to possess inanimate objects for bodies, tryin’ to find the right one. like a snail looking for a shell that fits just right. when they do, they become corporeal.” 

He glanced back down, looking directly at you. “your friend ain’t like that. he’s more like the ghosts in your human stories; stuck between this world and the next.”

“So how do we get him to...” you waved your hand in a circle, “move on?”

“we?” he huffed out a humorless laugh that landed closer to a scoff as his voice became more heated, “pal, there is no ‘we’ in this equation. ‘sides, how do you think he got stuck like that? he did it to himself. he was messing with things he had no fuckin’ business sticking his face in, knowing full well what the consequences might be, and did it anyways. even if there was something that could be done, which is a snowball’s chance in hotland, where he is now is exactly what he deserves.”

Sans’s tone almost dared you to challenge him. His eyelights went dim, eye sockets nearly completely black, his finger bones curled into a fist. You just stared back, eyebrows raised high at his ireful speech. Whoever this person was to Sans, it was personal, and you did not want to go there with the hostile skeleton.

“...Alright, fine, let’s say he’s stuck there. Why is he following me around? And how do I get him to leave?”

Sans shrugged again, his demeanor flipping like a switch right back to easygoing. “no idea pal, he’s kinda your problem now.” He may as well have added _‘sucks to suck, pal’_.

“What.” you said flatly.

“just like i said, i don’t know how to get him to leave, and i don’t know why he’s following you around. but i got a suggestion for ya,” he said with a wink, “maybe try making friends. worked out pretty well for frisk. i ain’t sayin’ what works for one human works for another, but it’s worth a shot. all considering how you got a bed to sleep on tonight, i’d say that’s a good indication, yeah?”

You had to admit he did have a point; you treating Papyrus, Frisk and Flowey kindly had led to them assisting you in your hour of need. Still, he wanted you to befriend a terrifying ghost? “You haven’t seen how much jelly Flowey likes on his toast, I’ve gone through a shit-tonne in the last week.”

Your tone was light but Sans’s expression turned a few degrees cooler, judging by the sight of his tightening grin.

“yeah, the weed doesn’t count,” clearly not a Flowey fan, “monsters aren’t like humans, we don’t play nice to your face and stab each other in the back when it suits us.”

You regarded Sans seriously for a moment, your mouth set into a thin line. He was baiting you, and you weren't going to fall for it.

“I know humans can be terrible. We have treated monsters cruelly, and we treat each other just as bad, if not worse. I understand why you hate humans.” He looked mildly shocked by your admission but hid it well. You continued on, heedlessly, “I don’t speak for all humans though, I can only act on my own behalf. And I _swear_ I wouldn’t hurt a monster. I wouldn’t threaten them and scare them shitless. You know what _I_ do Sans? I run. I ran from you and I ran from that ghost. I don’t hurt people, even when they terrify and hurt me, even when they lie to my face.” Your blue eyes were hard, and somehow despite being a small, weak human, he managed to look a little cowed. 

“...ok, pal. geez, should have expected that...” he straightened up, looking serious, well, more serious. You were quite sure you’d never see him fully shed that casual demeanor. “i’m sorry for scaring ya like that. you’re right, i didn’t know you and i didn’t have the right to go around threatening ya like that.” 

Huh, your little declaration must have impressed him to earn an apology. He hesitated, like he wanted to say something, but finally spoke whatever was on his mind. 

“...look, i know you can be trusted, or else i wouldn’t be saying this,” It was your turn to look stunned, jaw dropping. Sans trusted you?? How the hell did that happen? He continued, ignoring your shock, “hell, i probably shouldn’t say it...but i feel like i owe you one, so here goes; you’re stronger than you think. all humans are. monsters might look scary and we got magic, but humans won the war a millennia ago for good reason. really pal, you don’t have to worry about your friend hurtin’ ya.”

“What about that splitting headache then?” you grumbled. Sans didn’t seem to be lying, which you quite appreciated, but what he was saying didn’t make much sense. How could someone like you ever pose a threat to monsters like him?

“what headache?” Sans asked, confused.

“When he...I don’t know, tried to yell or something, it hurt my head. He makes a lot of static-y sounds. Like he’s trying to tell me something.”

Sans was quiet, and then out of nowhere started laughing, the sound a deep baritone chuckle. 

“What? What’s so funny?”

“oh, geez, pal, it's just, heh heh, i think i figured out part of why he’s following you.”

“What, why?” this stupid skeleton wasn’t making any sense.

“heh heh, well, let’s start here; what’s my name?”

“Sans?” your answer sounding more like a question, now very confused.

“and what’s my brother's name?”

“Papyrus. Sans, where are you going wi--Oh my god, you guys are named after fonts!” you face-palmed hard enough to make a resounding ‘SMACK!’ sound echo through the kitchen. How did you not notice earlier!?

“here’s a hint, your friend’s initials start with W.D.” Sans was having too much fun with this. Sadly, you just weren't that clever and didn’t understand. “c’mon, think about it, pal. what can you do? what do you know that most people don’t?”

“Computers?” you offered, and he shook his head, looking no less amused, not a hint of impatience as you sat and thought...what could you do? What did W.D. stand for? You didn’t think you had much in the way of abilities beyond your skill in technology. Hell, that’s why you met these guys in the first place, was fixing their computer and...and...

“I know sign language.” you said, thinking out loud.

“yep.” Sans nodded.

“W.D. is Wing Dings, the font with a bunch of hand symbols...He knows sign language?”

“heh, good job pal. you deserve a dog treat for that one.”

You ignored his obvious sarcasm. “That doesn’t explain the headache though.”

“right, i guess you can’t see his words, and it probably wouldn’t make sense to you even if you could.” you looked at him oddly, befuddled at what he meant, and he shook his head dismissively, “don’t worry about it, pal. let’s put it this way, what happens when you try to print to a printer with the wrong drivers?”

“It spits out reams of paper in gibberish--oh, I think I get what you mean.” Drivers were the translators that computers used to communicate with other devices. If that translation didn’t happen the device freaked out and started malfunctioning. And in this analogy, if your brain didn’t understand what words were being spoken...

“yeah. i think half the problem is the whole stuck in between dimensions thing, but you just weren't speaking the same language. i don't think he ever meant to hurt you at all, so you don’t have to be scared. he’s not like...well, he’s not like me.”

You stared at Sans for a good long while, examining him. Probably long enough to make most people uncomfortable, but he didn’t seem to mind, looking back at you with that same grin, chill as ever. Like he was inviting you to see him for who he was, who he _really_ was, the truth of what made him. 

“You wanted to protect them. You would do anything to protect the ones you love.” you said, knowing you were speaking a truth without being sure of exactly _how_ you knew that. It surprised you a little.

It oddly didn't surprise Sans. He only shrugged.

“another point for alex. don’t cash them in all at once.” he made a show of yawning, which didn’t quite work while he was grinning at the same time. “so, not to be a shit host, but when are you going back to your own place?”

“Well, if my “friend” isn’t going to give me another killer headache, tomorrow morning I guess.”

“so, now?” he asked, pointing out to the balcony where the sun outside was beginning to rise.

“Oh, crap. I didn’t realize it was so early. Wait, are you kicking me out?” Sans only grinned, his expression back to unreadable.

“pap said you liked to cook.” Your gaze narrowed in suspicion at the non-sequitur.

“...Yeah?”

“so how about i let you use my kitchen to make breakfast.”

“...You are a really shit host. Also, I can’t without my glasses.”

“heh, fair point. i can fix that.” You raised an eyebrow as he lifted a skeletal hand, light glowing from one eye socket as a blue ring formed where his eyelight normally was, and you felt a familiar tug pulling at something deep inside you. 

Suddenly the world dropped out and you were free-falling. Your stomach was in your throat, like the drop on a roller coaster ride, nothing but a terrifyingly endless black surrounding you that stretched forever, endless and infinite and all-consuming abyss. You are _nothing_ , a speck, a mote of dust to be consumed and claimed and--

You were in your living room, gravity reasserting itself and you standing on your own two feet. The time between being in the skeleton brothers’ apartment and yours had to have lasted a fraction of a second. Disoriented you widened your stance to keep from tipping over, which led you to stubbing your toe on the leg of your coffee table.

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK!?”

“heh, sorry, i don’t like stairs, figured this was faster.”

You hissed through your teeth as you inhaled sharply, glaring at Sans with furious anger. “You fucking teleported me!?” His only response was a shrug. “You can’t just do that without asking! Never do that again!...And you’re in my house! Uninvited!” your voice was going shrill.

“yeah, sorry.” he didn’t sound apologetic at all, “wonderin’ if your friend is around.” he glanced about, checking out your apartment. “nice place.” You growled, wondering if you could strangle someone who lacked a windpipe. While you would have loved to kick him out, to be honest you were scared of being alone. Even if Sans served as your only company, and as poor company as that was, he was still capable of teleporting you out of danger. 

“Well, I’ve seen him mostly here,” you gestured to your living room, showing off the obvious absence of an intruder, “and the hallway.” you jerked a thumb over your shoulder. You both walked over, looking at the clearly deserted passage. “Guess he’s not here. Stay put.” you ordered in short tones, like Sans was a misbehaving dog. You marched to your bedroom, retrieving your glasses and phone before returning to the smiley asshole. 

“Alright, you can go back now.”

“...you aren’t comin’ with? i thought you promised to make breakfast?”

“First of all, I didn’t promise you shit. Secondly, I’m taking the stairs, but not before you _get out of my damn apartment!_ ”

“sheesh, testy. ok, pal.” he winked before he disappeared. You sighed, glancing around the quiet and empty room. Something in your chest felt funny, just like the last time Sans used his magic on you, and you wondered if monster magic had some strange side-effects when used on humans.

Or maybe you were just scared you’d see that face again, cracked and grinning a wide, dark smile.

You left the apartment before you could think too hard on it.

* * *

Sans hadn’t unlocked the door to let you in, and so you quietly knocked, to which he responded:

“who’s there?” like it was some fucking knock-knock joke. You were getting real tired of this skeleton.

“Sans, let me in!” You said harshly, trying to keep your voice down so you wouldn’t wake anyone up. 

“sans let me in who?”

“...Screw this, I’m going home.” The door opened, a rather disappointed Sans revealed.

“geez, tough crowd. c’mon, I’ll show you where the pancake mix is.”

You rolled your eyes, following him into the kitchen. Like you would ever use premade pancake mix. You were about to get the stove going when Sans suddenly grabbed your upper arm, his grip surprisingly tight for someone with no muscles.

“hey, pal, you mind keepin’ this business with your friend between us?” he asked, his voice low. He was asking, but the tense grin told you he’d much rather be making a very, very strong suggestion. You roughly jerked your arm out of his grip.

“Why? I already told everyone...you never reported him to Undyne, did you?” you realized, your shoulders slumping as Sans confirmed your earlier suspicions. 

“there’s no need to get her involved. there’s no need to get _anyone_ involved. like i said, he won’t hurt you. trust me, it’ll be better off this way.”

You glared at him, incredulously. He said he trusted you, even let you know that tidbit about humans being stronger than monsters _so that you’d feel like you owed him._ Fuck that.

“I’m not lying to your brother.” you bluntly snapped. 

He gave you a flat look in return, “i know you won’t. i’m just asking that you don’t bring it up. your friend is pretty forgettable, and if you don’t say anything, pap’ll just think undyne took care of it.”

“If I have to come back down here because you’re wrong about him, I’m telling Papyrus everything. Frisk and Flowey too.”

“deal.” Sans readily agreed. You didn’t like this, it felt like lying by omission. Papyrus had been so kind and generous, the last thing you wanted to do was keep secrets from him, _especially_ on Sans’s behalf...Or maybe it was for the best, you didn’t want him getting too worried over you. That thought made a discordant pang ache in your chest and you absentmindedly rubbed the heel of your palm over your sternum. 

“Fine.” you agreed, “But you’re going to help me with breakfast.”

Sans became your less than willing sous-chef, getting ingredients and utensils for you while you cooked. He _hated_ it, clearly having expected to sit back and keep watching his movie you’d interrupted, but there was no way he was going to get off scot-free after all he put you through. That, and you had no idea where anything was in his kitchen. You caught him edging back to the couch while you cubed up some potatoes and before he could manage to sit down, you asked to get you some ketchup. 

“why do you need ketchup?” he asked, confused as he pulled out a bottle from what seemed to be a whole stash of them. 

“I don’t, I just wanted to make you walk all the way back over here.” You heard an indignant choking noise that sounded like it could have come from his brother instead of the unflappable Sans. You ignored it, not even bothering to look up. “Now rinse off this bowl, I need it for the scrambled eggs.” Sans groaned, like you’d asked him to run a marathon. Papyrus woke not long after, acting as though you’d performed a miracle getting his lazy brother to actually _help_ with preparing a meal. He was ready to jump in and lend his assistance, Sans sagging with relief at the prospect of tagging his brother in, but you shut him down. “You’re always so helpful Papyrus, why don’t you relax? Can’t have too many cooks in the kitchen after all.” you replied sweetly. 

Oh, _that_ irked Sans something awful, it was amazing, the bones on his hand audibly scraping against the mixing bowl as he gripped it tighter. 

You did relent eventually and let Sans retreat to the couch, where he seemingly dozed off (you couldn’t tell if he was faking it, but you assumed so) and Papyrus helped you finish breakfast. The taller skeleton was just too restless to just sit back and watch, and far too enthusiastic to say no to. Unfortunately that enthusiasm was a little too much (“No, don’t smash the whole egg into the bowl! Here, watch.”) and with his volume (“BUT HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO BEAT THE EGGS INTO SUBMISSION?”) the rest of the household was soon dragged out of bed. Frisk got underfoot, tapping you to get your attention and asking how they and Flowey could help (“Why are you dragging me into this? She’s supposed to be feeding me on _her_ balcony!”). Eventually you wrangled Papyrus into _gently_ stirring the potatoes, Frisk and Flowey into setting the table, and you only managed to burn one pancake in all the commotion (that one was deemed Sans-worthy).

Breakfast was served not too long after, nothing very fancy but a still impressive spread; A tall stack of fluffy pancakes, scrambled eggs, fried country potatoes, crispy bacon and some chopped fruit all assembled on the table.

“WOWIE! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO MAKE ALL THIS, YOU ARE A GUEST!”

You shook your head while smiling, “It’s no problem, think of it as a thank you for letting me stay the night. Besides, it’s not very often I get to make a meal for friends.”

* * *

Shortly after breakfast was eaten, you announced that you were going back to your apartment seeing as you had to get to work soon. Papyrus immediately objected.

“WHAT IF THAT MASKED HOOLIGAN IS STILL UP THERE? THEY COULD BE SETTING UP TRAPS!”

“it’s fine, bro, i checked it out earlier. the place is a _ghost town_.” Frisk snickered, the first sound you could recall hearing them make. 

Papyrus still insisted on walking you to your apartment, and you were thankful for the company. You weren’t quite ready to be alone again. Spending time in their house had made a pleasant warmth bloom in your chest. You were so used to being by yourself, with no one to fall back on when things got tough or scary, that the small amount of time you had spent in your new friends’ company put into stark contrast how lonely it truly was. Maybe that was why you put up with Flowey, despite his prickly attitude. As nice as that early part of your day was, it was nicer when it was shared. 

And now you had to go back to an empty apartment.

Well, mostly empty.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU WILL BE OK?” Papyrus asked, looking worriedly down at you. You were sure if you said no, Papyrus would let you stay with him as long as you wanted. But you couldn’t take advantage of his kindness, nor could you run forever. 

“I will be.” you said, trying to sound more confident than you actually felt. The tall skeleton was still studying you, and you once again got the impression that he knew more than his cheery exterior belied. 

“IF THERE IS ANY SIGN OF DANGER, YOU COME STRAIGHT BACK DOWN, ALRIGHT? YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE HEROICS TO THE PROFESSIONALS. LIKE ME!” he said, striking a pose. You laughed, grinning warmly up at him.

“Don’t worry, I will...Thank you Papyrus, for everything. I don’t know what I would have done last night if you guys weren’t there to help me.”

“THINK NOTHING OF IT! YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME!” 

You exchanged good-byes and you headed inside, apprehension slowing your movements to a crawl. You didn’t have much time before you needed to get to work, yet you couldn’t help but sneak through your apartment looking for that dark figure, like _you_ were the intruder. Just as before, your search yielded nothing and so you turned on your speaker, blaring music to cover up the silence as you got ready.

You managed to get cleaned up and presentable in record time, about to shut off the music and depart with your toolbox for another long day when you paused, glancing around the empty kitchen, empty living room, empty hallway. Something compelled you to speak.

“Um, hi, it’s Alex again...” you took a steadying breath to even out your trembling voice. “I think we need to talk, maybe tonight?”

...static hissed out of your speaker. 

“Alright then.” you nodded your head, telling yourself you were _not_ fleeing your apartment.

* * *

Returning that night was difficult. Several times you had almost convinced yourself to go running back to Papyrus, but you knew that wasn’t what needed to happen. But holy hell, what _needed_ to happen was so terrifying. It made you hesitate for a full minute outside the door to your apartment, until your cat monster neighbor stared at you like you were some weirdo while he fished his keys out his pocket. You could do this, Sans said it was safe. That...didn’t encourage you much. Oh god, what if that thing hurt you again? No, no, you could do this, you could be brave. You had someplace safe to go if you had to, _you could do this_.

You opened your front door, expecting to see the figure right there in the living room, but there were no signs of the shadow monster. A sigh of relief left you, thankful to postpone your ghostly encounter for a little while longer. You’d skipped lunch on account of the big breakfast (and maybe to avoid your apartment for a little while longer) so you put together a quick curry for dinner and sat on your customary spot on the couch, mindlessly watching some baking competition show. You must have still needed to catch up on sleep because you managed to doze off halfway through the third episode, curling up on your side and falling asleep.

* * *

...

  
  


...

  
  


...

A cool sensation brushed against your cheek, as light as a gentle breeze, the softest whisper of a touch.

You tried shifting away in your sleep, but the strange feeling brushed against you again and you groaned, peeking open an eye.

A cracked face stared back.

You gasped, shooting upright in an instant and staring at the monster that idly studied you, tilting his head. His eyelights drifted up and down your mussed form, and you ran your fingers through your messy hair to try and neaten it for some dumb reason. A glitchy ghost was floating in your living room, clipping through your coffee table, and you were worried about your hair. 

Right, you were supposed to talk to him, supposed to make friends.

“Can you understand me?” you rasped, voice thick from sleep.

He tilted his head further, and ridiculously it reminded you of a puppy. This massive shadow creature was nowhere near a cute pup.

<You know sign language?>

His eyes lit up excitedly.

You signed the first words you ever learned.

<My name is A-L-E-X.>

Two skeletal hands with holes in the palms materialized beside the monster, and they began to move.

<Greetings. My name is G-A-S-T-E-R.>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Wild Ride by Jimkata](https://youtu.be/IVz3Pkjv9Uw)
> 
> \---
> 
> Good god, it only took 6 chapters to get THE TWO FREAKING MAIN CHARACTERS TO TALK. 
> 
> Anyways, this ends the first arc of the story. From here we are shifting away from the horror elements of the plot (but not permanently). There is a 100% chance of fluff and drama in the forecast, I hope that’s your thing.
> 
> Snail fact!: Snails grow their own shells, in fact, they hatch from the egg having already grown one! It grows with them, constantly forming throughout a snail’s life. So Sans was wrong; hermit crabs look for shells that fit right, not snails. I’ll cut him a break though, he’s a physicist, not a biologist, and he had a particular snail farmer on the brain.
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!
> 
> P.S. You guys know what Alex’s soul color is by now, right?


	7. Molecules

_I wanna confess that you own me_

_And we don't rest if we're lonely_

_There's innocence in the moment_

_Maybe now's the time to be alive_

* * *

Communicating with Gaster was...difficult.

For one, he didn’t use American Sign Language like you and Frisk did, where sentence structure varied from English and signs had multiple meanings dependent on context. Gaster conversed with something similar to Signed English, which as the name implied, was closer in structure to the spoken language. Nearly every word that would have been spoken was signed and that led to a lot more fingerspelling faster than your eye could track at times. In addition he apparently had the ability to summon more than two hands, sometimes using three or even four floating skeletal hands to communicate, seemingly able to manifest as many as he wished. But _only_ hands; He didn’t appear to have arms, which made some signs very confusing. In fact, he didn’t seem to have limbs at all. Shifting, dripping, inky black darkness was all that served as his body, besides his mask-like face. On top of all that he glitched out of occasion, fading in and out of view, cutting off whatever either of you were saying. It led to a lot of <What?> and <Can you repeat that?> heavily sprinkled throughout your conversation.

But what he did have to say, figuratively speaking, was very, very interesting.

<That was you touching me earlier?> you asked. It was the second time he had touched you, recalling your sleep paralysis incident. It might have been a bit creepier if you hadn’t touched him first.

<Yes, I thought you wanted to talk.> he replied, looking confused, <Did I misunderstand? It is difficult to perceive through the void at times.>

<Is that why you can’t hear me now?>

<Correct, it currently sounds like static to me when you speak.>

You laughed incredulously, forming a ‘Y’ handshape and shaking it between the both of you for the word <Same!> Was Gaster really just trying to talk this whole time while you thought your apartment was being haunted by some demonic monster? <I kept hearing static everywhere. I thought you were trying to scare me on purpose.>

<Apologies, that was not my intent.> He looked rather pensive, <Is that why you ran last night?>

That question sobered you up. You studied him, internally deliberating if Sans was right, wondering if you should take a risk like he did and offer up information that could potentially be used to harm you. Eventually you responded, pointing at Gaster, then tapping your index fingers against your head, the sign for ‘pain’:

<You hurt me.>

He looked aghast, eyes going wide and he practically flailed his detached hands. <I am so very sorry! I certainly did not wish any harm.> The ghost looked rather lost, as if unsure of what more to say all while looking quite disturbed at what he’d done. Clearly not someone who wished you harm, much to your relief.

<What were you trying to say?>

The most peculiar thing happened, and you thought it might have been his glitchy appearance, but after a moment you realized the monster may have been _blushing_. A purple-grey color stained his cracked cheeks, reminding you of the shade of saturated storm clouds. It was very bewildering, and almost...pretty.

<You...> he hesitated as he flushed, <You startled me.>

...Holy shit. 

Your face screwed up as you did your best not to bark a mad laugh. You scared a ghost monster and it screamed in shock and the sound broke your brain. 

What was your life coming to?

<Why did _you_ touch _me_?> he asked, turning the question around on you, and shifting the attention away from his embarrassment.

<I didn’t know if you were real. You weren’t moving, I thought I was going insane, hearing static all over the place with no cause. I wanted to touch you to see if it was all in my head. I’m sorry for scaring you.>

<Same,> he repeated the sign between you two, <I was...sleeping. Or the approximation of it, sleep is impossible in the void.> You didn’t understand that last sign and had him fingerspell it for you.

<Is that where you are from?>

<Yes. It is...unpleasant.> You waited a moment for him to explain further, but he didn’t seem to want to elaborate. You didn’t understand, but you weren’t about to press a massive monster for answers that they wouldn’t volunteer on their own. You shifted your lines of interrogation. 

  
  


<Why do you keep visiting my living room?>

<I visit your hallway.> he corrected, <You have sampling bias, the majority of your waking hours are spent here, and so you observe me here most often instead of my true origin point.> You felt a little like a student being lectured, and it made you pout. <There appears to be a convergence point between the void and this reality, and I utilize that to poke my head into this existence, so to speak. I am not fully here, as you can see.> He gestured to his lower half embedded in your table. 

<Isn’t that uncomfortable?>

<I can’t feel it.>

Weird. 

...Wait, that didn’t make sense. <Can you feel me?>

He dipped his head into a nod, reaching out with his long, spindly bone fingers extending towards your arm. You lifted your arm in turn, giving silent permission and he brushed his fingers over your skin, again that feeling that cool, barely-there sensation, tingles trailing after his digits. It caused goosebumps erupt on your forearm, and Gaster examined the reaction curiously, leaning down from his considerable height to get a closer look. 

<Does that hurt?>

You shook your head.

<Why is your skin doing that?> he asked like he was missing part of an equation.

<Usually humans get goosebumps when we are cold, or scared. I’m not sure why it's doing that now, it felt weird when you touched me.>

He pressed his...lips? You weren’t sure if that was accurate, but his mouth closed and you heard soft static, assuming he was making a curious hum and filing away the observation.

<I can feel you, and occasionally inanimate objects. I have failed to physically interact with anything besides you except for very rare circumstances.>

<You took my phone.>

<On accident,> he hastily replied, <I was holding it when I slipped back into the void. I returned it as soon as I was able.> He gave you a wry grin, <Sadly there was no signal there.>

You giggled, returning the grin. There was a lull in the conversation after that, and you hesitantly breached a topic that wouldn’t be so lighthearted, given the subject. 

<Sans said you->

Gaster’s expression darkened, eyelights going dim as he cut you off before you could finish signing, his hands flying with sharp movements. <I saw what he did. I saw him threaten you.> It was the first time you saw his display any sort of anger and, much like Sans, Gaster was terrifying when furious. Rage was roiling off him in literal waves, the shadows of his body thrashing. You leaned back, worried you had gone a step too far with all your questions and unintentionally crossed a line. 

He noted your disquiet, the fury draining out of him in an instant. His hands disappeared and his sockets partially closed, as if he were retreating inward. It took almost a full minute for his hands to reappear, your heart pounding a fast tempo in your chest all the while. <Forgive my outburst, I have been stuck here for a long, long time. Perhaps deservedly. I have been trying to escape for nearly as long, with little success. This ordeal has been trying, to say the least.> He glanced down at you, his gaze heavy, <There are points where the veil between reality and the void are thin and a part of my essence can seep through. Only one place in the Underground like this exists, a small area no bigger than a room. I met the human Frisk there. They were very kind to me. I cannot begin to explain what the experience of the void is like, nor what it means to finally have someone to talk to after languishing there, alone.>

You shivered involuntarily. You knew humans went mad in isolation, what must it be like in the void? You imagined it was like the split-second teleportation Sans dragged you through, that small fragment of time where nothing but you and an infinite blackness that threatened to consume you existed. It was quite uncomfortable for less than a second, what must it feel like to spend weeks or _years_ in such a place. You would have lost your marbles long ago.

<Frisk didn’t tell me about you,> you signed, disappointed in the kid. <I ran to their home yesterday and told them I had seen you.>

<I asked them to keep my existence a secret.>

<Why?>

Gaster didn’t answer you right away, and really didn’t answer you at all. <It is complicated...I would ask you to keep my secret as well, but it appears to be too late for that.>

<I only told Frisk, Flowey, Papyrus and Sans.> Gaster almost winced at the last name.

<I suppose it was inevitable Sans would realize I was here. I believe his magic was the catalyst.> You raised an eyebrow curiously and he continued his tale, <I could not leave that room in the underground. Once the Barrier came down, I began seeking other avenues of escape from the void, places where reality as you know it has less integrity. This is exceedingly difficult, much like trying to find an exit to a room in the dark, but the door is very small and the room is infinitely big. That night when Sans used his magic on your SOUL, the exit sign was lit up and I found the door.>

Your eyes widened to dinner plates as something clicked into place.

<The grey door!>

<How do you know about that?> Gaster looked down at you disbelievingly. 

<I started seeing it in my dreams the first night you came here.>

<Fascinating...I’m afraid I scared you that night as well.> You nodded and he let out a static-laced sigh, <I do admit I was trying my utmost to be seen and heard again. I had no intention of frightening you however.> His eye sockets narrowed, <Unlike my brother.>

...what.

“What!?” you yelled, out loud.

<Sans is your brother!?>

<Correct.>

<Papyrus too??>

<We do share the same set of parents, yes.> He signed, being very patient in the face of your astonishment. 

<But he didn’t know who you are!>

<He was very young when the incident that led to my displacement occurred. He wouldn’t remember me.>

He was lying. Your mouth set into a firm line and now your eyes narrowed in distrust. Gaster glitched and flickered in and out of existence, all the while his eyes looked just like Sans’s did when you caught him in a lie.

<Please, there is a reason why Papyrus doesn’t remember me. No one who knew me before the accident does with the exception of Sans. It is difficult to explain, and I would prefer not to discuss it.> he pleaded. That confused you, but the more you considered it, the more horrifying the concept became. What if everyone you ever knew forgot you? How painful would it be to be trapped and voiceless while everyone close to you continued on with no memory of you ever having ever existed? You looked up at Gaster’s cracked face, not wanting to push further into what was obviously a painful past and decided to let it go for now.

<Ok, I won’t talk about it...So I take it you can’t leave?>

Gaster hesitated for a moment before responding with a question of his own.

<Do you want me to?>

Your answer was immediate, and emphatic.

<No! Of course not! Now that I know you aren’t going to hurt me.>

<Never. I will never harm another soul, I swear it.>

The wording caught you off guard. They were your words, weren’t they?

<Could you hear me that first night?>

She shook his head slowly. <...I saw you crying.>

You glanced down, feeling ashamed. How must that look from the outside? Gaster was screaming from the void, trying to be heard after so long spent in the dark, and you just hid in your room, crying. How weak you must have looked. 

A pale hand drifted into view, a finger gently lifting your chin so that you were looking at Gaster once more. His expression was closed off, unreadable. 

<Was it my brother?> You didn’t want to answer, fidgeting with your fingers and biting your lip.

<Was it me?>

<...I thought Sans sent you to intimidate me.>

<I can assure you that was not the case. Why was he threatening you?>

<I made an unexpected visit to their apartment and he told me to stay away from Frisk. Apparently he doesn’t trust humans.> You neglected to mention that Sans said he trusted you now, as improbable as that was. 

<Yes, I suppose that would be an understandable motive after everything that has happened to him.> He gave you wry grin again, this one considerably more self-deprecating, <I also suppose you are in good company in that regard.> You wondered what Gaster had done, what caused such bad blood between brothers? What caused everyone to forget him, even his own family? Sans said he deserved this, but you could think of very few crimes that deserved such a punishment. 

His expression turned more serious, <You should never be frightened in your own home, I want to apologize->

You cut him off with a waving gesture, <You didn’t mean it, it was just a misunderstanding. There is no need to apologize again. You can stay here as long as you need to, until you can get out of the void.>

He gave you a sad smile then, made all the more forlorn by his drooping eye and damaged face. <I appreciate that my dear, I truly do, but I believe that is quite impossible.>

You frowned, raising your hands and then lowering them several times. You knew nothing about the void, besides what little glimpses you believe you may have seen, but that didn’t make sense to you. He was here, wasn’t he? In part at least. And what about magic? Surely there was some form of magic that could bring him back? But you were quite out of your depth, and the one thing you hated were people who knew nothing acting like they understood how to do your job better that you (yet hired you to fix their computers anyways).

You yawned, checking your phone and realizing it was one in the morning. How long had the two of you been talking? You really had to get some sleep, and told Gaster as much. He nodded in understanding, though you sensed he was disappointed about it. As you went off to your bedroom, the shadowy monster followed, gliding silently along behind you like some goopy lost puppy.

<What are you doing?> You asked. Was he going to watch you sleep or something? He’d probably already done that before, hadn’t he? He seemed to catch the train of your thoughts, his face flushing again.

<Apologies, I will...stay here...> He awkwardly hovered in the middle of your hallway, almost phasing through your ceiling.

Well, that wouldn’t do. With a sigh you gestured for him to follow as you led him back out into the living room. You grabbed your laptop, setting it on the coffee table and booting it up.

<Here, can you touch this at all?>

Gaster tried to press one of the keys, but his finger sank right through it and the table below. His...shoulders you supposed, or as close as what shoulders would be from the mass of liquid-like shadows, slumped as he let out a staticky sigh. You didn’t accept defeat however, turning on your TV next. You pulled up a video in your feed on how to repair a particular smart phone model’s touch screen. <Can you see that? Can you hear it?>

Gaster’s sockets narrowed, as if trying to spot something very far away. You knew you squinted in much the same fashion when trying to read without your glasses. <The fidelity is quite poor. I cannot hear it, but I am getting partial visuals.>

<Better than nothing.> you pulled up a list of options to stream for him. <What do you want to watch?>

He seemed overwhelmed with the long list of movies and shows, none of which would have been familiar to him. After a minute of indecision he signed: <...You pick.>

<What did you use to watch? Did you even have a TV in the Underground?>

He shook his head, <I was too busy with my work.>

<What did you do?>

His hands shook. They weren’t glitching at the moment, but a visible tremor ran through them. <I was the Royal Scientist.>

You stared, wide-eyed. Not _a_ scientist, _the_ scientist. Gaster must have been one of the more important and prominent monsters in his society, not to mention one of the most intelligent, and here he was casually standing, well, floating in your living room. Meanwhile, just this morning (well, yesterday morning, technically) you served breakfast to the ambassador of all monsters after having a sleepover with them.

Your life was _really_ getting weird.

You pulled up a search bar, typing a phrase and selecting the first result that pulled up, turned on closed captioning, muted the sound, and pressed play. On screen the opening sequence of Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey began.

<Good night, Gaster.>

<Good night, Alex.>

You waved and went to head to your room, until you felt a light brush of bones against your shoulder.

<Thank you.> he signed, looking very genuinely grateful. You gave him a tired smile, and resumed your journey to bed.

Maybe Sans was right after all. 

All you needed to do was be a friend.

* * *

  
  


.

..

  
  


...

  
  


_You stood before the grey door._

_The void was on the other side. Without a doubt you knew the endless abyss of black existed just beyond this portal. And oh, how it called to you, like a siren’s song, like a thread was tied to the core of your being, tugging you forward._

_Your fingers wrapped around the door handle._

_Another hand covered yours, made of white bones with a hole in the palm._

_You looked up to see Gaster standing next to you, gravely shaking his head._

_You turned the door handle anyways._

_Static ripped through your mind, eviscerating all that you were until--_

  
  


You woke up in a cold sweat, looking around your room.

It was silent and empty.

You fell back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

The next morning Gaster was gone, your living room quiet and lacking any supernatural entities. You weren’t sure how often he made it out of the void, but judging from the increasing frequency at which you had interacted with him and you dreamed of the grey door, you assumed he would be back again soon enough. However, you were greeted to the sight of another familiar monster outside.

Flowey was waiting for you. And not with his usual demands for food, but instead a strange sort of hunger for details on your houseguest.

“Did you see it again?” he all but demanded, ignoring his toast completely. These days Flowey had been upgraded to a pot of soil that he sunk himself into every morning, the centerpiece of your patio table. 

“Yes, I saw him. We had a nice chat.” you answered and took a sip of tea.

“...and?” The flower leaned close, small fangs growing with his almost desperate question.

“And what?” 

The plant grew enraged. “Who is he!? Where did he come from? He is a monster, isn’t he?”

You raised an eyebrow at Flowey’s barrage of questions, wondering why he was so interested in this particular monster. “Why do you care so much?”

“I know _every_ monster in the Underground, I’ve spoken to every last one of them, but I’ve _never_ seen him. And suddenly he just pops up out of nowhere? That’s impossible! How??”

“Look Flowey, he’s a private person, and I’m not going to talk about him behind his back.” That, and Sans asked you to keep quiet about Gaster’s presence. Two skeleton monsters requesting you keep your mouth shut was enough for you to nip this conversation in the bud (shit, was that a pun? Sans was rubbing off on you, a frightening concept). “He would have rather I never told you about him in the first place. Besides, you can’t possibly know every single monster, there are hundreds of you guys.”

“I do.” he said, voice frighteningly calm and firm. No warping features or terrifying expressions, just a bitter flower glaring up at you. “Frisk knows him too, they recognized that drawing and they wouldn’t tell me about him either. Somehow two _humans_ know about this one strange monster, but **I** don’t!?” You could hear the barely restrained rage bubbling just under the surface.

“...How do you know everyone? Did you have some special job like Frisk?”

Flowey didn’t respond, didn’t say another word, instead grabbing his toast and retreating from your balcony.

“Flowey? Wait! Where are you going?”

He didn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Molecules by Atlas Genius](https://youtu.be/twbNIsfMIc8)
> 
> \---
> 
> Oh hey, look, a new tag.
> 
> Yep, Gaster is a skelebrother (though I am more of a Dad!Gaster fan myself). What warmed me up to the idea was 100% [Leaf’s art](https://leafaske.tumblr.com/tagged/leafs-gaster-bros) (though this Gaster is not their Wingdings). 
> 
> This chapter was the most difficult to write for many reasons, most of which are spoiler-y. It is also quite a tonal shift, and I’m really hoping it doesn’t come off as too abrupt or exposition-heavy.
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	8. Bloom

_When the evening pulls the sun down,_

_And the day is almost through,_

_Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,_

_But my world is you_

_Can I be close to you?_

  
  


* * *

It was inevitable that when two analytically minded people got together with a conundrum on their hands that spreadsheets would eventually get involved. Somehow it seemed Gaster was able to spend increasing amounts of time outside the void if you plotted all the activity you had once thought to be paranormal in origin along a trendline. Gaster agreed to your data-collecting exercise, likely not from any sort of belief he could escape his fate, but no scientist could resist the urge to find some statistical meaning among all the data points, and so when he appeared the following evening you got straight to your assessment.

<“Can you hear me now?”>

<I can hear your voice, I can’t make out the words.>

<I’ve noticed the same thing sometimes with the interference you cause on my electronics...> you typed in some notes on your laptop where you were keeping a log. You had noted times and dates when Gaster appeared, his “glitch level” as you deemed it, and how much he could interact with the environment. That part needed further testing.

<Ok, your turn, try and say something.>

He looked at you like you’d casually mentioned you were going to jump off your balcony. <No, absolutely not.>

<It was just a bit of a headache, don’t scream this time and it will be fine.>

<I would prefer we did not test this particular facet of my predicament. Here, we can move on to physical interaction with inanimate objects.> One of his hands reached forward and closed your laptop lid, surprising both of you. That was quite an improvement from the other night. But you were not deterred.

<Gaster, I will be ok. We should be thorough. I thought you were a scientist?>

You couldn’t tell if he glitched out, or flinched at what you said, but he appeared even more reluctant now. You were growing impatient however.

<Ok, how about we try it once. If it’s that bad, we won’t ever do it again, alright?> you bargained. His eyelights searched your face, and seemingly finding that you weren’t going to let this go, he caved.

<...Very well.>

Gaster spoke. 

It was as incomprehensible as it had been the first time you heard him, though now there was definitely some static overlay partially muting whatever garbled nonsense assaulted your ears, your brain relaying it as utter garbage data, complete with a headache. You winced and he stopped talking out loud immediately, one of his hollow hands gripping your shoulder.

<Are you ok?>

You tapped the thumb of your splayed hand against your chest, the sign for <Fine> as you shook your head and blinked rapidly, trying to clear out that strange sensation in your mind. He looked very doubtful. <I’m fine, I swear, it wasn’t nearly as bad as the first time.> You opened your laptop, entering in some more notes detailing your experience. Gaster’s hand was still on your shoulder, and you looked up from your typing to see him examining you closely with a look of concern. It didn’t escape your notice he touched you rather frequently, and always with great care. You assumed his time in isolation had left him touch-starved, and you were the only thing guaranteed to be solid under his bony fingers. Ever since that first time he had experimentally tested touching your face in Frisk’s room, he never really stopped.

You couldn’t say you minded. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time someone even did so much as hugged you, as pathetic as that was.

With a sigh he released you, hovering to look over your shoulder and read your notes. <Perhaps we shall refrain from that particular test.> he gently suggested. Really it wasn’t that bad, so instead of agreeing you changed topics.

<Was that really Wingdings?> you didn’t think a _font_ could constitute a language, but hey, you were talking to a magical monster ghost, so who were you to argue?

He nodded. <Most cannot understand it. However I have not seen a reaction such as yours. Then again, you are the only human I have attempted verbally communicating with.>

<...Your brothers could understand you?> you hesitantly asked. Talking about them seemed to be a sore subject, and he only gave you another, very curt nod in response.

<Sans said your name was Wingdings.>

Gaster actually _groaned_ at that, rolling his eyelights. <I prefer W.D. Gaster, or just Gaster, but yes, I suppose that is my name. Sans knows I hate it when he calls me that.>

You smiled, imagining what the three of them must have been like back then, the loud Papyrus, the joking Sans and the contemplative Gaster all together must have been entertaining as hell. 

Maybe you could make that happen again some day.

For now, you resumed your tests and questions, compiling them all into a spreadsheet. What could be measured could be improved, as the saying went.

<How often do you manifest here when I’m not home?> you asked.

<Once, to return you phone.>

<Only once?> you questioned.

<It is very difficult to manifest or maintain a presence without your SOUL in proximity to the convergence point.>

He had referred to souls last night, but you had assumed he was meaning in the figurative sense. Some context must have been missing that you didn’t understand.

<My soul?>

<Yes.> you blinked up at him owlishly, uncomprehending. Souls weren’t real, it was just a metaphor, or something religious people believed in. Perhaps you missed your mark, but Gaster did not seem like a pious type. He picked up on your confusion, his hands rapidly signing to explain. <The SOUL is the culmination of your being, and the root of all magic. For monsters, this magic constitutes our entire body, giving us physical form and our SOULs serving as the metaphysical core for that magic. Humans on the other hand are entirely physical beings, and the SOUL is the only location from which your magic can be summoned. It is a conduit allowing you to harness your magic, or enables others to use specific types of magic on you. When Sans utilized his Blue Magic, he was directly targeting your SOUL.>

You stared at him, trying to assimilate this information into your world view. It wasn’t fitting. The idea of a soul being _real_ flew in the face of everything you knew and understood. But you had felt it, hadn’t you? When Sans used his magic on you, both times, you felt that warmth in your chest. If you really concentrated on that feeling, that stirring of something integral to who you were, digging deep into that core of what made you _you_ , a flicker of the feeling returned. It was like the sun warming your back on a cloudless brisk fall morning while you sipped a heavily spiced chai. 

<Yes! That is it!> he signed animatedly, as if you were a student that found the answer to a particularly difficult question on your own. He tapped a slender finger bone against the middle of your chest, right where you could feel.... _your soul._ You couldn’t see anything different where he pointed, just your shirt. Could he be looking at something you couldn’t observe? Was that what Sans was looking at before? <It is how I am able to navigate the void, like a lighthouse in a dark harbor. When you are not here, finding the door is highly improbable. I believe the occurrence when I was able to return your phone was a statistical anomaly, and would mark that as an outlier.> he went to add to your notes, only his hands phased through the keyboard and he frowned, his expression becoming quite irritated at the inconsistency of his corporeal state. 

You were still shell-shocked, running shaking fingers through your hair. You had a soul. What the _fuck_. <Can I do magic?>

<Of course.> He tilted his head, <Have you not tried yet?>

<I don’t know how. No human knows how, except Frisk. They are the only living human mage, we lost the ability to use magic hundreds of years ago.>

<Interesting. That does explain much of the inaccuracies I observed in that documentary.> He seemed to notice your shaking hands as you signed, another summoned hand carefully holding your wrist to observe the trembling. <What is the matter, are you unwell? You look rather pale.>

You shook your head, slowly pulling your hand back so you could ask the one question that was causing such a contradiction in your head. You didn’t believe in gods, you didn’t believe in an afterlife, so what you knew and what Gaster described mixed like oil and water, unable to coalesce into an internally consistent understanding of reality. 

<What happens to a soul when you die?>

He looked strangely concerned at your question, <Monsters turn to dust when we die, our SOULs included. Human SOULs are far more powerful. Under the right conditions, they will persist after death. If those conditions are not met, they will shatter.>

You nodded absentmindedly, not really understanding. Part of you didn’t want to understand, it was too overwhelming. You had a soul. You had _magic._

Fuck Gaster’s spoken language, _this_ was what would break your brain.

<...perhaps we shall continue these tests later, yes?> Gaster gently prodded, pulling the laptop off your lap and setting it aside. You barely registered that he was able to move it. <It is late, I believe you should rest.>

* * *

A few days passed and things more or less settled into something “normal”, whatever that meant. You had tried your best to welcome Gaster into your apartment, as much as you were able for someone stuck in another dimension anyways. You could sleep again (well, besides you regular nightmares, those were status quo), now knowing that Sans wasn’t going to kill you, the being haunting you was mostly harmless, and you could talk to Frisk and Papyrus whenever you wanted with impunity, both their phone numbers added to your very meager list of contacts. 

The only one who was pissed at you now was Flowey. 

You thought he was pretty much always angry, but now you were coming to realize that the grumpy attitude was more of a facade, and when he was truly upset he simply shut you out. For two days you hadn’t seen a single vine or petal of him, and you were starting to feel a little concerned. You kinda missed the little creep. In an effort to mend bridges, you headed back to your building after work and began making your way to apartment 304.

You weren’t alone.

As you approached the stairwell, so did a yellow, glasses-wearing, bipedal dinosaur-looking monster from the opposite direction, the two of you reaching the stairs at the same time.

“Y-you f-first.” the monster stuttered with a weak smile, clearly nervous. Were they afraid of humans?

“You’re fine, I’m in no rush.” you replied out of habit, gesturing to the stairs to allow them through first. Shit, if they were scared of humans, you should have gone so you weren’t walking behind them. The monster hesitated and the situation was quickly reaching awkward levels.

Eventually they did start ascending the staircase and you followed at what you considered a polite distance. Hopefully. You were second-guessing everything, especially considering how you were trying your best lately to be a stellar example of humanity. Who knew how many others were like Sans who saw the worst in humans? 

The awkward train did not stop. They climbed to the second level, then the third and you of course followed. Did they think you were trailing them on purpose? Surely they had to realize it was just a coincidence, there were multiple apartments on each floor after all. The yellow monster walked down the open-air breezeway, the same direction as you, and you just wanted to tell them “Hey, I’m not a stalker, I swear!”

They stopped in front of apartment 304.

“Oh, uh, you know the skeleton brothers?” You asked just as they lifted their hand to knock.

Poor timing on your part, they flinched and looked at you, looking more anxious than ever. “O-oh, yes, I-I’m...yes.”

“Cool.” _Wow, real smooth Alex._ “I was actually dropping in too.”

“Oh.”

“...Yup...I wasn’t following you. On purpose I mean.”

“I s-s-see.” Oh god, they were trembling now. Could you make this any worse? Painful seconds passed and they made the genius call to knock on the door. 

Papyrus answered and you almost sighed with relief. There were few situations that couldn’t be improved with the addition of the exuberant skeleton.

“WELL, IF IT ISN’T MY FAVORITE PROTEGE AND MY FAVORITE NEIGHBOR-HUMAN-FRIEND! AH, THE BURDENS OF BEING SO POPULAR, ADMIRERS STOPPING BY UNANNOUNCED AT YOUR DOOR ALL HOURS OF THE DAY! FEAR NOT, THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL FIND A WAY TO ENTERTAIN TWO GUESTS AT THE SAME TIME! NYEH HEH HEH!” 

You and the yellow monster glanced at each other, looking to see who would go first.

Of course you spoke at the same time.

“Actually, I came to see Flowey and Frisk.”

“I-I’m actually l-looking f-for S-Sans.”

Oh god, Papyrus looked so crestfallen as he realized he was the one person in his house neither of you wanted to see. You’d hug him if your arms didn’t fall right at his midsection where he was just spine. That would be weird. 

“SIGH. COME IN THEN, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS STILL WELCOMING AND GENEROUS TO ALL GUESTS, EVEN ONES THAT ARE NOT HERE TO BASK IN HIS GREATNESS.”

You both walked in while Papyrus trudged off to collect the other members of his household, leaving you alone with the anxious monster. 

“I’m Alex, by the way.” you said, figuring introductions were probably overdue at this point. 

“O-oh! I-I’m Dr. Alphys.” she said, giving you a nervous smile that showed off her buck teeth.

“Nice to meet you.” Silence followed, and you realized how much easier this was with your other friends. Even Gaster was a little weird after being isolated for so long, but this was like some positive feedback loop of social ineptitude.

Alphys’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she snatched it like it was a lifeline. You couldn’t blame her. And really you would have let her be, except her phone was the most advanced looking piece of monster tech you had ever seen.

“Whoa, that is so cool! Is that one of those phones that runs on magic?” you blurted out.

She paused her rapidly clicking claws typing out some reply to a message. “O-oh, th-this? Yeah, um, I made it.”

“Holy shit, you _made_ that!?”

“...Y-yes?” she replied, like it was a perfectly mundane thing.

“That’s, wow, I’ve always wanted to see one of those up close. I’ve seen Frisk’s before and I would love to take that thing apart but I’m sure they wouldn’t be happy with me if I did that. I don’t get how you got a phone to pull power from magic instead of a lithium-ion battery, how does it even charge? Does it have adaptors? Or does it run wirelessly for everything and--oh, geez, I’m rambling, sorry...” you trailed off, running your fingers through your hair in embarrassment.

“...Wow.” she replied eventually, brows raised and eyes blinking behind her glasses. You wished you could just vanish like Sans or Gaster. “I didn’t think anyone else was interested in my work.”

You huffed a shocked laugh, “Are you kidding? Monster magic is the most revolutionary thing to happen to tech! Oh, uh, I work in IT.” you explained, pointing to the embroidered ‘Integral Technologies’ logo on your shirt.

“R-really? I’m the Royal Scientist.” she said, with an odd but endearing mix of bashfulness and pride.

A Royal Scientist. Just like Gaster...did that mean something?

Sans chose that moment to pop in right in front of both of you, causing you to jump back and yelp. Alphys seemed entirely used to the sudden appearance of the short skeleton, but strangely grew nervous, like she really did not want to talk to him. 

“heya pal, still jumping with joy to see me, eh?” His grin was still plastered on, and still fake. 

Your hand was pressed to your chest, heart beating far too fast under your palm. “You’re going to kill me one of these days.” you croaked.

“only with my _killer_ sense of humor.” He winked at you, which earned him a lowly muttered “Boo.”

He shrugged, apathetic to your distaste, “so, alph, pap said you wanted to talk?”

“Y-yes, I-I h-have th-those r-reports-” Sans cut her off.

“how ‘bout we swing by the lab?” and before the yellow monster could answer they both blinked out of existence.

At least he wasn’t just rude to you.

...damn, you should have asked for her phone number. Alphys seemed really cool.

Frisk and Flowey soon emerged from their bedroom, Frisk with a friendly wave and Flowey looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here. 

<“Hey guys! I had something for you both.”> you said, feeling quite a bit lighter now that Sans was gone. You pulled out two envelopes, handing one to each of them. 

<What is it?> Frisk signed with one hand, a dangerous prospect considering he held Flowey’s pot with that arm, the crabby plant glaring as he swayed back and forth while Frisk signed. 

<”Invitations. You don’t have to open them now, I just thought it might be fun to have a get-together, just the three of us.”>

Flowey looked at you venomously, seeing through what you were trying to do; get back in his good graces, and clear up whatever misunderstanding may have occurred. Frisk looked overjoyed, a wide smile splitting their face. 

<We accept!> You expected as much from a master negotiator like Frisk. 

“You can’t just do that!” Flowey spat. “You don’t even know what it is!” Frisk pointedly ignored the prickly plant.

<We’ll _both_ be there, don’t worry.>

<”Great! Alright guys, I have to get home, I’ll see you soon.”> you said with a wave good-bye.

“Humans are the fucking worst-OW! DON’T FLICK ME!”

* * *

“AHHH!” you screamed, jumping backwards as you came face to face (well, face to chest-black-goop thing) with Gaster.

He sighed, a conjured hand rubbing his forehead with mild exasperation. Two more hands formed, signing to you. <Is my appearance truly so off-putting?>

<I’m sorry! You look fine, really! I just can’t hear you coming and I scare easily.> you apologized, a blush heating your face. This was the third time this week you had screamed in his face (chest?) because he suddenly appeared when you weren’t expecting it. While you considered it a good sign that Gaster was able to manifest outside the void more often, you were going to go grey at this rate. This time you were leaving your bathroom when you opened the door and, _ta-da_ , shadow monster floating in your hallway.

Besides the unintentional jump-scares, sharing an apartment with an incorporeal roommate who popped in and out of reality wasn’t always easy. As it turned out, Gaster loved watching science documentaries, usually nature ones. You thought he would enjoy space themed shows more, considering most monsters’ love of the sky, but after one particular viewing he got worked into a glitch-filled tizzy, ranting about inaccuracies and misrepresentations of some mathematical-magical principal or another that you simply couldn’t follow. Meanwhile he strongly disliked your cooking videos, mainly on account of being incapable of eating anymore. So your evening relaxation time after work was no longer dedicated to sourdough techniques and methods of tempering chocolate, but lionesses chasing down prey and belugas in the Antarctic. It kinda sucked, but you couldn’t deny this small window into the wider world to a man (monster?) who had been trapped in darkness for years and whose continued existence in reality was chained to your very soul.

He drifted closer, joining you in the small bathroom. You arched an eyebrow at him, wondering why the hell he was entering _this_ room of all places when he leaned over the sink, ducking lower to examine his appearance in the mirror. 

<I’ll have you know I used to be far more visually appealing to the eye. I bore quite a resemblance to my brothers back then.>

His third hand that wasn’t signing to you traced the cracks above his crescent-shaped right socket containing the dimmer of his mismatched eyelights. You leaned closer, looking at his reflection and studying it as intensely as he was. Besides the dark eye sockets and eyelights like Sans’s, or the tall stature and long-boned hands like Papyrus, it was difficult to see much more of either brother in him. You had thought his face was a mask before because it was so flat, no longer resembling a skull. There was no nasal opening, no teeth, he almost looked melted smooth, especially with the drooping eye. You wondered, not for the first time, how he got this way and somehow stuck in the void. Ever since your chat with Sans, the desire to know what happened grew but you had held back in asking. Could whatever poor decision he made be _that_ terrible to cast him into the void and maim his body like this? Though, as far as monster appearances went, his really wasn’t so bad. Perhaps you were just used to it by now because if anything, he _was_ one of the more visually appealing ones.

<Skeletons scare me.> you admitted, looking at him through the mirror, your own reflection still flushed as you sheepishly admitted your phobia to a skeleton monster. He seemed more shocked at your admission than anything, but you did spot that he was slightly offended. <For humans, skeletons symbolize death.> you hastily added in an effort to explain.

<...Is that why you are so frightened of me?>

<I really do scare easily, it doesn’t matter what you look like! But what I’m trying to say is, if you looked more like your brothers than you do now, I would probably would have been more scared of you.>

<...I’m not sure if that helps the situation at all.> Shit, you were putting your foot in your mouth again, that certainly sounded better in your head than when you signed it. Well, if you’re digging yourself into a hole, you might as well keep going.

<You’re also really big, you wouldn’t scare me if you were Sans-sized.>

He laughed at that, and for a brief moment you thought you almost heard it instead of that otherworldly static hiss. A relieved grin pulled at your lips at seeing some mirth in his broken face.

<Does it hurt?> you asked after a moment. He tilted his head, confused by your question. You reached up towards his face, pausing and giving him a moment to object. He didn’t. Your fingers extended, lightly brushing up against the fractured bone. It wasn’t as cold as the darkness that composed his body was, the bone smooth and almost soft under your fingertips, like a polished river stone. By contrast the cracks were rough and sharp, catching on the pad of your thumb as you drew it down his face. He watched you carefully with a heavily lidded gaze, and you swore you could almost feel his shuddering breath fanning against the skin of your arm.

You slowly pulled away, and he quickly gained his composure, a small smile on his lips. 

<No, my dear, it doesn’t hurt at all.>

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Bloom by The Paper Kites](https://youtu.be/wgXvIBPTeO8)
> 
> \---
> 
> Oh, the goop-man is BESOTTED.
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	9. I Of The Storm

_If I could face them_

_If I could make amends with all my shadows_

_I'd bow my head and welcome them_

* * *

> Hello Alex, this is Alphys. Frisk gave me your phone number.

> Sorry, I hope this isn’t too weird, you just seemed cool when we talked the other day ^-^”

> Sorry you can just ignore me.

The three texts were sent in rapid succession. You set down your tea, typing before she could send another apology.

> Hi Alphys! I’m glad they did, I wanted to ask you for your number before Sans kidnaped you
> 
> What was that about btw?

There was a lot of typing, a pause, more typing, those three dots starting and stopping and eventually you got a very brief reply.

> Work stuff.

Oh right, Alphys was the Royal Scientist....Wait, what did Sans have to do with that then?

Alphys quickly changed topics.

> You seemed interested in my phone earlier do you want to come over tomorrow? I can upgrade yours to use magic if you want.

You typed faster than you ever had before.

> YES
> 
> PLEASE
> 
> OMG are you serious? That would be amazing!
> 
> Do you live in Ebott Springs?

You asked, referring to the apartment complex you lived in.

> Ebott Manors house 2B.
> 
> 7:30 PM ok?

Ebbot Manors were the townhouses up the road a bit, closer to the mountain. The homes were larger than the apartments you and most of the monsters lived in. Only a select few monsters lived in those homes, most notably the King and Queen. It would make sense that the Royal Scientist would also reside there. It was within walking distance, thankfully. You didn’t have a car or a driver’s license, so much further would have required a bus ride. 

> Yeah, see you then!
> 
> So excited :D

> Me too! ^_^

* * *

You knocked on the door of apartment 106, waiting for a reply. This appeared to be one of your very rare human customers, judging by the name on your work order; “David Pearson”. You couldn’t imagine a monster named Dave, given all the names you had encountered in your line of work. After you counted to ten in your head without a response you knocked again, a snappish, “I’m coming!” making its way past the door.

The man who opened said door seemed surprised to see you. Which was really dumb, considering they’d requested this specific timeslot.

“I don’t want whatever you’re selling.” he hastily said, motioning to close the door.

“Sir! I’m here to fix your laptop!” you quickly replied before he shut the door on your face.

“You’re Alex?” David asked, looking incredibly doubtful. He gave you a once-over looking you up and down, and you knew _exactly_ what was going through his mind. _Alex is a boy’s name. Girls can’t fix computers. Does not compute._

“Alex” instead of “Alexandria” was present in all your emails and advertising for this very deception, because humans trusted men over women when it came to tech. Monsters never shared this same thought process, thankfully.

“Yup!” you replied with saccharine enthusiasm. “Is now still a good time, or would you like to reschedule your appointment?”

“...Now is fine, I guess.” You couldn’t imagine his voice was capable of being any _less_ enthusiastic, in direct contrast to yours. “Is there anyone else available to fix my computer now? It’s not an easy fix.” 

Ohh, he really was one of _those_ guys. You knew what he meant; _Are there any men you can send instead of_ **_you_ ** _?_ “I’m afraid not, I am the sole proprietor of Integral Technologies.” You grinned up at David with a fake smile that would make Sans proud. “You had a virus on your laptop, correct?” He nodded. “I have tons of experience with that, I can assure you I’ll get it cleaned out.” You had to put the professional veneer on thick, or else the infuriated bitch might shine through instead. 

“...Alright.” he said finally, in a tone that suggested it was totally not alright. He showed you the laptop, and sure enough, booting into it resulted in pop-up after pop-up for male enhancement pills and “Singles in your area!”

“I have no idea how it got like this, it just happened out of the blue.”

_It’s the porn David. You caught the virus from watching all that dirty porn on those shady as fuck websites._

“It just happens sometimes. Unfortunately, this infection looks pretty severe, and to ensure complete recovery I will need to take it with me.” Your acting must be getting better because you actually managed to sound sympathetic on that one. 

“Can’t you just fix it here?” David whined. A grown-ass man _whined._

“No.” Ah, your favorite response. Short, sweet, and brokering no argument.

“ _Ugh_ , fine. When can I get it back?”

“Two days, maybe tomorrow if everything goes smoothly. I can do a rush job, but that will be an additional charge.”

“No, tomorrow’s fine, I guess.” he said for what felt like the tenth time in just as many minutes.

“Perfect, I will need you to sign this here and pay the deposit-”

“You’re charging me before you’ve even fixed it? That kinda bullshit.”

Your fake smile grew a little more brittle around the edges. “That is correct, sir. You wouldn’t imagine how many customers stiffed me after fixing their computers, and so I had to implement this deposit system. It will only be a $20 charge.”

“I guess.”

You wanted to bash him over the head with his own laptop.

But you politely refrained, getting him to input his credit card into your phone, and sign your agreement, at which point you accepted his laptop and promised to give him an update tomorrow. 

“What if I want to call you?”

“You can contact me through the same email you opened a ticket-” David interrupted you.

“No, I mean, can I have your number. In case I need to text you or something.”

_...Ew._

“I will provide you with regular updates David, if you have any concerns, you can always email me.” You smile was well and truly gone now.

“You can call me Dave.”

... _Gross._

“I will let you know when the laptop is ready, _David._ ”

He didn’t like that at all, his features darkening into a scowl.

_Good._

“Have a good afternoon.” You said, leaving him stewing as you left apartment 106.

* * *

It was raining that evening and of course you forgot your umbrella and you ended up drenched. Thankfully the temperature was pretty mild and so your teeth weren’t clattering too bad when you entered your apartment, and you had carefully stowed away any electronics in your toolbox before the downpour started. A change of clothes and a hot bowl of soup would surely right everything, maybe even some fuzzy socks for your feet.

You turned after taking off your squelching wet shoes at the door to head to your room when a mass of darkness materialized before you, a startled gasp escaping your lips.

<No screaming this time, a marked improvement.> Gaster signed, smirking down at you. You sniffed, pouting up at him, probably looking like a drowned rat.

<You’re doing it on purpose now.> you accused. His smirk widened.

<Perhaps.> He finally seemed to notice you were all wet, eyelights taking note of your soaked clothes. He reached out to tuck a stray lock of dripping hair behind your ear, the cool bones brushing against your temple drawing another shiver out of you that you weren’t entirely sure was caused by your saturated state.

He drew his hovering hand back, looking as if he were about to mention his concern over your condition but you snatched his hand up in yours before he so much as form a handshape.

<What-> he started to sign with his free hand, bewildered at your strange actions but you cut him off, pushing a ‘V’ handshape towards his captured fingers, the sign for <Look!>. His eyelights followed where you were pointing, a drop of water clinging to the tip of his finger. Interacting with liquids was an unprecedented feat for your shadowy friend, only solid objects had occasionally yielded to him. 

You grinned widely up at him as he tapped his thumb-bone (you really needed to ask him what the proper anatomical name was for his bones) to his forefinger, rubbing the moisture between his digits with fascination. How long had it been since he felt something as simple as water?

His attention was diverted back to you, the long spindly bones of his fingers curling around yours and hoisting you arm up. <You are cold.> he stated with a frown, observing the goosebumps forming on the exposed skin of your arm. <And why are you wet?>

You slipped your hand from his grasp so you could sign. <It’s raining, I was going to go change into something dry.> you explained.

<It’s raining? Presently?> he signed eagerly, eyelights shining brightly in his dark sockets. 

<...Yes?> you answered, confused as to why such a mundane event would make him appear so animated. Then your eyes went wide as you realized a second later, <You lived Underground, it never rained there.>

<There were areas where groundwater collected on the upper sections of the cave system and percolated down. However you are correct, it did not truly rain there.>

<Come on then!> you grabbed his hand once more and led him to your balcony, and he obediently followed. Really his hand wasn’t attached to his body at all so you had no way to “pull” him anywhere, but his fingers tightened their grip and he indulgently floated after you with a bemused smile.

You opened your sliding glass door and he froze, his smile fading and the edges of his form glitching. <Someone could see me.> he signed, unsure once he realized your intentions. 

<What does it matter? Sans and Papyrus won’t, they live downstairs.> You doubted either of them would lean over their railing and attempt to spy on you during a rainstorm.

<Seeing a creature of the void may have...unintentional consequences.> he enigmatically answered. 

Wait, did that mean there were others like him? You shook your head, trying to stay focused without distracting thoughts.

<No one will see you, it’s dark, raining, and this is the highest floor. Just trust me?> you smiled up at him earnestly, and you could see his hesitation receding slowly like the tide, and eventually he gave your hand another squeeze.

With that affirming signal you stepped out onto your balcony, back into the deluge with Gaster close behind. It was cold outside, the sound of all the heavens pouring down drowning out nearly everything else. Rushes of water rained down over the both of you, droplets splashing on the fractured bone of his skull, dripping down the cracks, into his eye sockets and open mouth. Any worry forming of his discomfort was wiped away by his expression of pure _awe_ as his face tilted skyward _._ You couldn’t be sure how much he could see, his ability to view into this dimension was steadily improving, but the storm clouds were very distant fixtures in the dark sky. After a moment you realized it didn’t matter much, his eyes closed and he seemed to just savor whatever sensations he was able to feel again for the first time in ages. 

Quiet minutes passed with only the sound of the storm and distant cracking of thunder in your ears, until eventually lightning streaked across the sky. You nudged Gaster, waiting until he glanced down at you and signing <look> again at the storm clouds. Another white flash and his pupil-shaped eyelight went wide in wonder. He was transfixed by the sight, but you weren’t really watching the storm; the open look of amazement on his face, lips slightly parted and rain dripping down the smooth bone of his jawline, his pale face illuminated by the occasional dazzling lightning strike was something you devoted to burning into you memories instead. 

The rain began to relent, the lightning becoming dim flashes in the distance and the thunder rolling in low rumbles. You were beyond soaked, full on shivering now, but it had been more than worth it. You squeezed his hand, realizing you never did let go after all this time, Gaster’s attention pulled away from the retreating storm, giving you a smile that warmed your chest despite the cold.

<Are you alright?>

<I’ll be fine.> You could barely feel your fingers around the bones of his hand and your lips were blue. None of it mattered. <How was it?> you nodded your head to the storm.

He signed with his free hand what had to be one of your favorite signs in all the world, especially with the long slender bones of Gaster’s hand.

<Beautiful.>

* * *

<Wait here one second, I’ll be right back.> you hurriedly signed once you made it back inside. Gaster gave you an amused yet patient smile. He _couldn’t_ go anywhere besides back to the void. You rushed to your bedroom, dripping all the while, and swapped out your wet clothes for a warm and dry oversized sweatshirt and comfy yoga pants then grabbed two towels from your linen closet. The first you wrapped around your head to soak up the water from your drenched hair before your shirt was completely soaked, the other you attempted to use to dry your incorporeal friend.

_Attempted_ was the key word.

“Are you fucking serious right now!” you growled. The towel phased right through him, somehow not absorbing any water whatsoever, but your hands, as usual, did not. He still felt like a semi-solid but cool, oil-slicked mass, just damp now too. “This doesn’t make any sense!” Your hands ended up dripping wet but the towel you held in them was completely dry. It was like some video game glitch in real life. He laughed at your befuddlement, the sound coming off as slightly robotic, but you could almost hear what sounded like an actual voice under all the distorted layers of white noise.

<Well, do you have any bright ideas?> you asked. Adding to the absurdity, the water dripping off of him was soaking your carpet. How the hell did the void work??

He rubbed his chin in a way that reminded you too much of Papyrus, and then with a shrug that could have been Sans’s he shook himself like a dog. You shrieked, cold water droplets flying everywhere, including on you. 

<”Seriously!?”>

<Apologies.> he grinned widely again, eyelights shining with mirth, <You must admit, it was quite effective.>

You grumbled as you acceded, the shadow monster now much dryer, even if you were decidedly less so. You patted yourself with the extra towel, turned on the T.V. for him and went to make your dinner. You soon returned to the living room cradling a bowl of hot soup, curling up next to him on the couch. He couldn’t really sit on anything, floating like he was, but he somehow scrunched up his body of amorphous shadows in an approximation of it. This had become a sort of evening tradition, simply relaxing side by side on your couch, watching monster programing. It was unfamiliar to both of you, and a fair compromise considering your varying tastes in television. Tonight was a MTT Special re-run, and Gaster didn’t seem to mind as you interrupted the second viewing with a question.

<What was the Underground like?>

You could see him thinking about how to respond, his hands vanishing as he retreated inward to form a cohesive answer. He did this often, and you believed it to be a side-effect of his time alone in the void. Interacting with others (well, really just you) put a visible strain on him occasionally, and he would spend a considerable amount of time collecting himself, more than what might be considered polite. Or sometimes he just excused himself from a conversation altogether (often when you came close to asking how he got stuck in the void). No matter his discomfort however, he never retreated back to the void. Even when he floated in your hallway in that state of near-sleep with dimmed eyelights, he clung to this reality as desperately as he could.

It made you wonder what it must be to experience the void beyond the grey door as he did. What he must have endured to make a ghost appear haunted. 

He did eventually answer however, the corners of his wide mouth tilting upwards into a fond grin. He told you of the ruins and how they housed the monsters when they were first banished to the Underground and sealed away by human mages. Then of the capitol, the most populated area that formed a bustling metropolis and where King Asgore ruled. Snowdin, a rocky landscape of snow-covered cliffs and a forest of enchanted trees that fed on magic instead of sunlight. Waterfall, where it “rained” and the waters glowed with traces of magic and flowers echoed the wishes of monsters who saw stars in the stead of glittering crystals studding the caverns. Hotland, where lava surged and the magical and thermal energies of the Underground flowed strongest and therefore--

<...the CORE is situated above it, feeding on the vast energy stores available. It is quite a large machine, approximately twice the size of your apartment building, if not larger. It powered all of the Underground.> he concluded, you mostly silent as he described a world so far removed from your own. How monsters survived, hell even _thrived_ under a mountain was beyond you. 

<That is amazing! How long did it take monsters to build a machine over _lava?_ >

Gaster looked up, tapping his chin with his finger. <To build, it took about seven years. Research and design lasted around three. Perhaps longer if you consider initial concepts before I had backing of the king--> Gaster froze, eye sockets going wide and his eyes slipping down towards you to see if you had caught his mis-step.

You had.

< _You_ created the CORE!?>

<...Yes. It was what earned me my title.> he signed. How different his admission was from Alphys when she told you her position as Royal Scientist. There was no pride, instead it felt more like you had stumbled upon some dirty secret that he was not yet ready to share. 

<You do understand that humankind would throw themselves at your feet to have an energy source like that.> you gestured at the tendrils of transparent shadows that continued his lower body, <figurative feet anyways.>

Gaster gave you a half-hearted glare that may have been more playful, but something seemed to be plaguing his mood. He appeared rather uncomfortable, unable to fully meet your gaze. <I may have gleaned that from the documentaries, they often mention the problem of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere.>

<This is crazy.> you signed, and he tilted his head in confusion, <You-> you ran your fingers through your hair, shaking your head as a hollow laugh escaped you. <I am living with a super-genius who designed a machine that powered an entire civilization, and I’m...> you trailed off. Increasingly you were feeling inadequate. You were no closer in coming up with a theory on how to rescue Gaster from the void, and in keeping his predicament a secret you had no one to assist you in a perhaps futile quest. The thought of Frisk who freed all the monsters, Sans who served the Queen, Alphys and Gaster who were far smarter than you could ever hope to be. It left you feeling discouraged in their wake. What could you do? Type some numbers into a spreadsheet? With no magic, no know-how, no clue on how to save the one monster who had somehow found himself tethered to you. Whatever chose _you_ of all people should have picked someone more capable.

Gaster seemed to read a bit of your dour disposition and gave you a sardonic smile, <You are living with a ghost who made some questionable decisions and suffered the consequences,> he corrected. <While _I_ am living with a woman who kindly let me stay in her apartment after unwittingly terrorizing her for a week.> You raised your hands to object that it was a misunderstanding and he was never at fault for that, however he got ahead of you, gently placing his larger hand over both of yours and lowering them back down, <You have given me far more than you can ever imagine. I am beyond grateful that it was _your_ SOUL that lead me here.>

<I want to help you. I haven’t done anything, I just want to get you out but I don’t know _how_.> you signed, your throat feeling tight. 

<You _are_ helping me. You are a human who gave refuge to a forgotten monster, and that alone is commendable. While my current predicament is less than ideal,> you snorted at that. It was _hell_ , you could see it in his eyelights, <Being here, with you, makes it tolerable. To be anywhere near _tolerable_ was something I never thought possible. Do not minimize what effect you have on others.>

You weren’t sure what to say to that. Whatever praise he’d given was not deserved. You’d only done the bare minimum of decency, what anyone else should have done. You just so happened to be the human that lived where the exit from the void resided. That didn’t make you special. Certainly not capable. But you didn’t want to bring down the mood any further than you already had, so you reached out to grasp one of his hands, smiling up at him, even if it didn’t quite reach your eyes. 

<What are your bones called? Can you teach me?>

He studied your face. It struck you how intense his gaze could be at times, almost as if he could see through you. Eventually something relented in his expression, meeting your smile with one of his own. 

<Always so curious.> he signed, his smile turning to one of almost fond admiration. <Very well. This is a P-H-A-L-A-N-X...>

* * *

You weren’t quite sure when it was that you dozed off on the couch, something that you were making a bad habit of. The bedroom at the end of the hallway you had proclaimed off-limits to Gaster, the only sanctuary in your shared home, but you were finding you didn’t want to leave his presence. So when you started getting sleepy you procrastinated shuffling off to bed and instead stubbornly hung out with him until you could no longer keep your eyes open and sleep claimed you. One moment you were watching TV, and then...

  
  


.

  
  


..

  
  


...

  
  


...a nightmare.

  
  
  


A scream tore out your throat as your limbs spasmed. Your foot collided with a cold mass and a sound like a distorted grunt reached your ears. It was dark, the lights turned out and the TV off, leaving you blind to whatever it was you touched, to whatever danger was coming for you. And with your heart beating a painfully fast rhythm in your chest, something _had_ to be coming for you.

Night terrors had been a near constant feature of your dreamscape for as long as you could remember. The dreams were rarely reoccurring, but the theme was entirely consistent; you died. You were stabbed by a man chasing you, you were in a car accident and crushed under twisting metal and shattered glass, you drowned in a lake, you fell from your balcony. Tonight, like most nights, the dream was almost entirely forgotten when you woke, only the vaguest recollection remaining. But the terror, that stayed with you for hours.

Two fuzzy lights entered your field of vision, mismatched in size, and you flinched as you felt something cool, smooth, and hard cupping your cheek. _Phalanges_ the one non-panicking corner of your mind helpfully supplied. It was Gaster. It also reached your attention that his eyelights were fuzzy because your glasses had been removed and in your flailing not only had you kicked him, but kicked off a blanket that had been draped over you. He really was getting better and picking up objects.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered guiltily once your mind caught up to what had happened. He had been looking out for you and in return you had practically punted him. He could apparently see well enough in the dark to read your lips and shook his head dismissively. “Are you ok?” He pressed a finger to your lips to quiet your worries, his thumb brushing slowly back and forth over your cheek. He was silently trying to calm you down, you realized. Of course he was, you were breathing like you’d sprinted a mile and your body was trembling. 

This hadn’t been the first time he’d seen you in such a sorry state, as you recalled that first night he had made it out of the void. He certainly must have heard you screaming at some point during his time here, it was such a regular occurrence. He never mentioned anything if he did. Did he think you were strange? Or weak? To be reduced to near-tears over something that you knew wasn’t real? In that moment, you felt you might have known the answer. He couldn’t sign to you, your vision too poor to see, but he could reassure you with gentle touches and his soft eyelights that looked at you without a hint of irritation, only concern. 

When the tightness in your chest eased, your breathing slowed, and your heart stopped pounding against your ribcage, Gaster tugged on your arm, easing you up to your feet and leading you to the bedroom. You were tired and your mind was a mess of fear and guilt and sluggish with exhaustion. Two hands, one on each of your shoulders and a third around your arm kept you steady. Halfway down the hallway you paused, looking at the blank wall. Your arm reached out fingers pressed against the white, eggshell surface, feeling like just beyond your perception the grey door lingered, the void’s siren song a distant melody playing only in your head. Gaster gently but insistently urged you forward. As your gaze was torn away from the wall you noticed the distress in those glowing eyes of his.

Once you were guided into bed and the covers pulled up to your chin Gaster’s assessing eyelights roamed over you. There was hesitation, indecision played out over his pale face you could just barely perceive in the dark, torn between respecting the privacy of your room and wanting to ensure whatever terrors plagued your mind were well and truly gone.

<Stay.> you signed, making the choice for him. His eyelights softened and he nodded, the shadows of his body pooling next to you on the bed. It was so strange to have a being so large “sitting” on your bed, yet the mattress did not dip down in the slightest. One skeletal hand reached down towards you, petting your hair, phalanges running through the dark strands. The movement was slow and languid, comforting in a way that made your body relax and your eyes drift shut. Was it strange to let your monster roommate touch you like this? In that moment, drifting between awake and unconscious, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Someone was watching over you. Someone who cared about you. It felt right, like the most natural thing in the world. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The next day Gaster was gone. For once you were grateful for his absence, too embarrassed over your pathetic behavior to meet his eyelights. You’d have to thank him eventually, just not now. No more sleeping on the couch for you. 

Your phone blinked with a notification, displaying two messages on the only social media you maintained; your LinkedIn account that was relegated to “networking” (the social kind that relied on schmoozing instead of ethernet cables). Ostensibly the worst part about being involved in the tech industry, a necessary evil to advance in your field. But instead of fellow graduates of your college wanting to reconnect or a recruiter trying headhunt, there was a name you wouldn’t have expected to see: “David Pearson.”

Your stomach clenched nervously as you opened the message of a man who apparently decided to stalk your very limited internet presence.

> Hey its Dave. Is my computer done?

And the second message, even more brief:

> U single?

You resisted the urge to throw your phone off your balcony, and maybe David’s laptop along with it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [I Of The Storm by Of Monsters and Men](https://youtu.be/M2eKjotiofY)
> 
> \---
> 
> The longest and fluffiest chapter so far. Next up in the forecast; Drama!
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Seriously, contrary to most organic lifeforms, I am sustained by feedback instead of food, water, and air.
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	10. No Light, No Light

_You want a revelation_

_You want to get right_

_But it's a conversation_

_I just can't have tonight_

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


You were back at apartment 106, fixed laptop in hand and an invoice pulled up on your phone. The sooner you could get this over with, the better. You knocked on the door, three sharp rasps of your knuckles.

“Come in!” David’s voice called, and you hesitated outside, really hoping he would have come out into the hallway instead. “It’s unlocked!” No luck on that front then. With a sigh you opened the door.

You were greeted to the sight of David lounging on his couch playing a video game, some first-person shooter that looked just like any other you’d ever seen. The game didn’t pull your attention however, what did was the fact that David was _shirtless_. Your eyes widened and you felt heat creep over your freckled cheeks. _Shit!_ He was, objectively, hot. His face was also, just as objectively, very punchable. That didn’t stop you from getting flustered and you scrambled to get your professional persona back in place.

“Oh, hey Alex!” he greeted like you were some unexpected guest, pausing his game. You had emailed him this morning to let him know his computer was fixed and he agreed to you coming over at this exact time, so he fucking planned to be half-naked _on purpose_. You really should have thrown his laptop down four flights of stairs.

“Hello.” you greeted, not able to muster more than a flat tone, or even a hint of a smile. You were sure if you tried your lips would have curled into a sneer instead. “Your laptop is all set, if you could please log in and verify it is operating as expected, then sign this release form-”

“I messaged you on LinkedIn, did you see it?” he interrupted, pushing himself up off the couch and walking closer to you. Like most folks he was significantly taller than you, and your body tensed. You didn’t trust yourself not to stare at his bare torso if you tried to meet his eye so you looked down at your phone instead, opening the signature portion of the release form. The quicker he could sign it, the quicker you could charge his card and get the hell out of there. 

“Yes.” you said, your voice slowly turning into a hiss. “I chose not to respond.”

“So no boyfriend then?” he said with a laugh.

“That’s none of your business.” you said through clenched teeth. “Can you please sign this?”

He completely ignored you, laughing again. “That’s a no!...Hey, you want a drink?” he walked away from your outstretched hand holding your phone aloft and instead headed to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of some liquor from a tall cupboard.

“I’m not twenty one yet. Your signature, _please._ ” you said forcefully.

“You’re over eighteen though, right?” he said with a lecherous grin.

_Fucking gross!_ You were sure your eye was twitching.

“That’s a yes. How ‘bout if I sign that, you give me your number.”

An idea came over you, and it took every scrap of self-control to not break into a Grinch-worthy grin. “Alright, fine. I’ll give you my personal number, let me see your phone.”

David grinned with a smug, self-satisfied smile as he fished his phone out to trade with you. You quickly keyed the number into his contacts, and as soon as the phones were returned to their respective owners he sent a text. Your phone remained silent, and his expression darkened. It was like a storm cloud ominously passing over his face, his tone dropping and icing over.

“This isn’t your fucking number.”

Your demeanor was perfectly neutral, or at least you hoped it was. A chill was going down your spine at how quietly incensed he was, an instinctual warning going off in the back of your mind.

“I said I’d give you my _personal_ number, this is my work phone. I can’t claim this on my taxes if I use it for personal stuff. I’ll call you when I get home.”

He seemed placated, though you couldn’t be sure if he believed you. Best to leave while you could.

“See you around.” you calmly said with a wave, and for a split-second his eyes dropped down slightly to your neck and you got the impression he was seriously contemplating grabbing you. Before he got the chance, you hastily retreated from his apartment. He could do hardly anything more than utter a quick “Bye” as his door was slammed shut.

As you ran away from the building you quickly pulled up Papyrus’s number and tapped out a quick message:

> I’m sorry but I gave some creepy guy your phone number, please ignore it!

It took all of two minutes for Papyrus to call you back.

“ALEX, WHY WAS I SENT AN IMAGE OF A HUMAN PHALLUS!?” He wasn’t on speaker but the skeleton’s loud yell made it sound as if he were.

“...God damn it.”

Sans was going to kill you.

* * *

It took quite a bit of explaining on your part to get Papyrus to understand the human behavior of unsolicited dick pics, insomuch as such things could be explained. When it clicked for him and you confirmed that yes, it was very vulgar and no, you did _not_ welcome such pictures to be sent to you it took a while longer to convince Papyrus not to scold David for his unseemly behavior towards a potential “date-mate” (“Trust me Papyrus, there is exactly **_zero_** potential for dating there.”) You eventually persuaded him to just block the number (you did so as well) and assured him you were fine and never planned on interacting with David again. It wasn’t too difficult to get him to drop the topic when you brilliantly distracted Papyrus with the promise of cooking lessons (or was he just playing along?).

By the time you said good-bye you had climbed the many flights of stairs to your apartment, a weary sigh ‘woosh’-ing out your lungs as you unlocked your front door. You had never been so happy so see Gaster in your living room, his mask-like face turning and his wide smile broadening when he saw you. The tall monster rose and glided closer to greet you properly, a conjured hand gently squeezing your shoulder.

<Long day?> he asked, noting your sagging frame. You nodded, and he gave you a sympathetic look. <Would you like to like to watch the TV today?> You had not so subtly hinted that you were getting sick of the nature documentaries. (<Why does the same British guy narrate every single one!?> <...That is Sir David Attenborough, and you should be so honored to have his voice grace your ears.>)

<No, it’s fine.> On habit alone you launched into your daily checks, “Can you hear me?”

His eyes brightened and he nodded, signing an affirmative, and you eagerly retrieved your laptop to update the “Gaster_Master_Spreadsheet.xlsx”. Or rather, let him update it while you got started on cooking dinner. You fired up your playlist, music quietly playing in the background while the apparition that was your roommate satisfyingly ‘clack-clack-clack’-ed with his nimble phalanges on your keyboard. _This_ is what you needed after a day like today, the comforting presence of Gaster and a culinary project to make you forget about creeps like David.

Once the spreadsheet was filled out (sadly you were not able to convince Gaster to speak again) you eventually got to talking about your upcoming plans, including your visit with Alphys this evening (you caught his disappointment before he managed to conceal it) and your get-together with Frisk and Flowey in a few days, then cooking lessons with Papyrus the day after. Somehow your social life had really taken off, though anything at all was a step up from its former state of totally non-existent. You had _friends_ , and damn it if your SOUL didn’t warm at that thought.

<Remind me again, who is Flowey?> Gaster asked you while you were cooking dinner. He was leaning against the far side of your kitchen, where the wall opened up into a “bar” area. Really it was just an extension of the countertop that could barely fit two stools side by side.

“He’s Frisk’s friend, he lives with your brothers. I told him about you that one night with the whole debacle...thing,” _when I thought you were a demon that was attacking me,_ you decidedly kept to yourself, “He said he was supposed to know every monster in the Underground and he’s pissed we won’t tell him who you are. I’m going to win him over with cookies.” you said as you prepped your food. 

You decided tonight was the opportune day to christen your new pizza stone, which in hindsight was a terrible idea. It was edging closer to summer, and to make a good pizza you had to crank your oven up to the highest temperature it would go and keep it there for one whole hour. Your kitchen was now sweltering, and you could feel sweat dripping down your body and seeping into your shirt as you grated some mozzarella cheese. You were sure your face was flushed from the heat, framed by dark and damp curls rebelliously falling free from your hair tie. You must look like a soggy disaster to Gaster.

...and why did you even care what you looked like? He’d seen worse from you. You had to hold back a cringe at the thought of him seeing you bawling.

<I don’t recall such a monster. He is a flower, yes?> Gaster signed, seemingly unfazed by your appearance, or the heat. You’d consider him lucky being immune from harsh temperatures, but he couldn’t eat pizza which was a truly terrible fate. 

“Yeah, a little flower with a face. A really, _really_ creepy face. Who cusses a lot. More than me even.” 

<If you took more care not to burn yourself constantly, perhaps you might utilize less foul language.> he chided, although there was a hint of a smirk that told you he wasn’t being serious. Mostly. You both knew you weren’t always very careful in the kitchen. The first time you burned yourself in his presence you scared him nearly as badly as he did when he appeared out of nowhere. He still fretted over you like a mother hen whenever you had some minor culinary-related injury, despite the frequency of them. He fretted over you pretty often, now that you thought about it; When you had a bad day, or you were cold, or you had a nightmare. He always had this hint of a look, almost like longing, as if he wished he could do more for you from beyond the void. 

“Anyways,” you said, dragging the conversation back to your little plant friend, “He already knows you’re here, and since he will be over here I was hoping you could meet him and hang out with Frisk again.”

Gaster’s eyelights flicked side to side, <...I cannot appear at will, there is no guarantee I will be available to engage->

You cut him off, gesturing to his shadow-body physically leaning against the counter. “You’re doing much better of late. You can hear me, you are here more often than you’re in the void, and you managed to use the remote all by yourself.” you said, pointing to the TV turned on. Images of sharks in blood-stained waters played, not exactly great ambiance to go with marinara. 

Gaster was becoming increasingly anxious, reminding you of a certain nervous yellow monster. <Today is simply a good day, an outlier.>

“Nope, spreadsheet don’t lie. You’ve seen the trendlines, you’re getting better.” He closed the lid of the laptop as if to dismiss the facts displayed there. 

You finished topping your pizza and opened the oven, a blast of superheated air billowing in your face as you very, _very_ carefully slid the pie onto the stone before quickly closing the oven door. Giving your full attention back to Gaster, you regarded the monster who was looking at you with an almost pleading look. He knew what you were going to ask, and was silently begging you not to.

“Why won’t you talk to anyone but me? Why hide away?” you gently queried anyways, walking around the counter and reaching up to place a hand on the approximate location of his shoulder, or what you hoped was a shoulder. It was difficult considering the amorphous black mass that was his body, and how strange those shadows felt against your skin. You much preferred the smooth sensation of bone.

He glanced down at you, smiling weakly in a way that didn’t reach his eye sockets. <Trying to be rid of me already, my dear?> You were impervious to his attempts of deflection.

“Gaster, seriously. Why?” 

He sighed, and you could _hear_ it now, not just the hiss of static but the sound of his breath. How a skeleton-ghost breathed was beyond you, as were many of the feats monsters did on a daily basis. 

<There may be negative repercussions to reminding someone of what was lost to the void.>

<But Frisk met you after your “incident”,> as he so called it, <and you’ve never met Flowey before. It couldn’t hurt to meet them.> you countered in sign, hoping it would come across gentler.

<Sans would not appreciate it.> Sans did ask you to keep Gaster’s presence quiet, especially from his brother, but on the other hand...

<Fuck Sans!> And that you signed because swearing in sign language was fun. Something about it being a visual language made it more visceral. “Whatever he’s mad at you for isn’t worth socially isolating yourself forever over.”

You couldn’t tell if he appreciated the sentiment or not, his wide mouth stuck between quirking into an amused grin and a melancholy frown. <I do not entirely disagree with my brother...I would rather everyone forgot me.>

That stunned you. Sans was always quick to pile on unwarranted condemnation in your opinion, and Gaster, well, he was nice. Caring, always looking out for you as best as he could, comforting you when you were at your lowest. It wasn’t necessary, you managed just fine before he came along, but stars above, how you did appreciate it. So why was someone who had only shown you kindness wishing to remain forgotten? _What did he do?_

<Why? What happened?> you finally asked. He knew the question was coming, it had been building up for a while now, both of you dancing around whatever terrible incident that led to him becoming this shadow of what he once was. Whenever you tried hinting at your curiosity, he would, in a very calculated fashion, divert your attention to something else. But you had never asked point-blank before and now there was no means of evasion or deflection left for him.

You almost regretted it, Gaster looked pained. He didn’t move, glitching crackling around the edges of his form. And then his expression closed off so completely you swore his face was a blank, soulless mask. 

<...I won’t discuss this with you. I’m sorry.> he finally answered. As if to make it final, his hands vanished. 

...After everything, he wasn’t going to tell you. 

And damn it, that _hurt._ You welcomed him into your home, you did everything you could to help him and make his situation more comfortable, you looked past all the terrifying moments that plagued the beginning of your relationship and he couldn’t give you the truth? Didn’t he trust you? 

You said words that might as well have been a physical slap.

“I never thought there’d be a day when apparently Sans trusts me with secrets more than you do.”

Your blue eyes had turned a few degrees colder and you had to turn away from him. You were angry, and that meant tears were forming. You rapidly tried to blink them away, your jaw clenching. You would _not_ cry. The pizza was done anyways, the benefit of an extra-hot pizza stone was that it took only minutes to finish. You retrieved it and dumped it on a cutting board, the cheese furiously bubbling and browned, the crust nicely charred. For once you couldn’t care less about the state of your painstakingly prepared food.

“I’m going to go change.” you announced, not bothering to look at the specter who was still in a stupor as you trudged off to your bedroom and shut the door a little harder than you intended. What wasn’t he telling you!? You had earned that answer...hadn’t you? Or were you overreacting, stressed from the ordeals of the day? You wished there could be someone you could talk to about it, but Gaster asked you to keep him a secret. Which you totally did! Didn’t that count for something?

You pulled off your sweaty shirt over your head, debating if you had time to shower before heading to Alphys. Your closet was yanked open to peruse your meager collection of non-work outfits when you spied in your periphery a dark shape phasing through your closed door causing you to whirl around.

<Alex, I apologize-> Gaster stopped mid-sign as he realized that he’d walked in on you changing, your upper body bare except for your bra. Your face felt blazingly hot, hotter than it had from the oven, and you must have been red as a tomato. Gaster likewise had rapidly darkening cheeks, the purple-gray color flushing on his pale face while his pupil-shaped eyelight swelled to the size of a saucer. He didn’t move an inch, just stared in shock. Stared at _you._ In a second your embarrassment was forgotten. You were _livid._

“Get out!” you screeched, throwing your shirt at him. It flew right through him, his shadowy body glitching wildly. Gaster was visibly distressed, and a second later he faded away entirely, back into the void. You were breathing heavily, staring at the spot he once occupied while balling your hands into fists. Did that really just happen? Did he really walk in on you? When you said you were changing?? Surely not on purpose, he always respected your privacy...

...Did you overreact?

You pulled on the closest top available, a dark hoodie, and quickly retrieved the cutting board bearing your pizza from the kitchen. You were going to do what you always did when things got to be a little too much; you ran. Pizza in hand you evacuated your apartment and set out into the night towards Ebott Manors.

There was one main road that went up the mountain this far away from the city of Ebott proper. The development you lived in, and the one you journeyed to, were so new that uncut forests lined the street and there was no sidewalk, forcing you to walk along the shoulder. Twilight blanketed the world, chirping frogs and your own tumultuous thoughts all there was to keep you company as you steadily walked uphill. In the distance the dark shadow of Mount Ebott loomed, and you felt a chill come over you when you spared a glance up at it that had little to do with the cool night air. The mountain had always been an ominous beacon in the distance, a thing of legend that claimed human lives, the place where you went to be forever lost. 

You now knew it to be the prison that held all of your friends until one human mage came along to free them.

You’d have to ask Frisk how they managed that.

...did Frisk know what Gaster did? You couldn’t ask that, it would be going behind his back. Stars, why couldn’t he just tell you? Did he think you’d hate him for whatever it was? Sans seemed to think it was pretty terrible, even Gaster hinted that he deserved to be in void and forgotten. He should have told you, let you decide for yourself if his punishment matched the crime, but you didn’t even get that option...What if he did do something really bad? You couldn’t imagine him committing a heinous crime, he was so gentle...but what if that was just with you? What cruelty could he be capable of? What if he did something truly terrible? 

Your thoughts kept spinning in circles with no signs of escaping the gyre of dark thoughts.

Lights ahead signaled the townhouse complex where Alphys lived. A large sign with gold-leaf lettering proclaimed “Ebott Manors” in elegant script, and your thoughts were temporarily drawn away from your roommate as you attempted to navigate your way around the rapidly darkening complex.

It took a bit of wandering but you found the correct house, double-checking your texts to make sure you got it right. The clock showed your were about a half an hour early, understandable considering how you fled your apartment in a rush. You shook your head at that, not wanting to think of Gaster and your...argument? Could you even call it that? You were the only one angry. In your mind’s eye you saw Gaster’s face looking at you with shock and dismay before he vanished, guilt welling in you. You were certainly not the only one who was hurt. Jesus, how could you do that, throwing things at him? Maybe you were more like your parents than you thought. You’d have to apologize. He took care of you when you were frightened and in return you thought that you were entitled to know his past? When you saw how badly it hurt him to think about it? After everything he’d gone through, you just decided he owed you the truth? 

Lost in your thoughts, you looked up to realize you’d been standing in the middle of the sidewalk, just staring at the ground for who knew how long. You needed to get it together, you weren’t thinking about Gaster for the rest of tonight. You doubted he would even want to see you again anyways. Besides, you had a new friend to hang out with, you were getting a magical upgrade to your phone! You should be excited!

...You wanted to go home and talk to him.

Nope, you marched your ass right up to the door labeled 2B and knocked. It didn’t matter if you were early, you came bearing pizza, _homemade_ pizza at that, so that should cover any social faux pas. It was a second after you knocked when you realized you probably should have texted Alphys at some point on your walk up here that you were headed her way, but it was too late now.

You really regretted that when a tall, blue monster you had never seen before opened the door.

A single yellow slit-pupiled eye stared down at you curiously, but ultimately held a gleam belonging to a predator. Sharp teeth reinforced that fact, as well as the strong, toned body you could see courtesy of her tight black tank top. Holes were cut out revealing her muscled sides and what appeared to be gills. Long, damp red hair draped down her shoulders, fins poking out past the wet locks, and you guessed she may have just gotten out of a shower.

Two thoughts immediately struck you; the first was that this monster was terrifying. Not like Sans, who’s casual appearance hid the horrifying abilities the skeleton wielded. No, this monster could obviously break you in half like a matchstick, and you had no idea what kind of magic she had on top of that.

The second thought was that she was fucking _hot._

  
  


“...Can I help you?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine](https://youtu.be/DAadeukgC7I)
> 
> \---
> 
> Alex has a type; tall and scary. 
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Comments keep me writing, even when sunburnt and exhausted. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	11. The Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning in the End Notes. It does contain spoilers.

_We're all scared of trenches_

_And grow weak at knees_

_I want you to know that_

_If all you've ever wanted_

_Was a dream_

_Then you know that I can't help you_

* * *

“Can I help you?” 

You had been just staring, open-mouthed when the monster spoke, sounding like she was already tired of dealing with you. You could feel your cheeks blushing as you came to the conclusion that you had the wrong house, clearly this fish monster was not the Alphys you were planning on meeting. 

Wait a second...didn’t Sans make a fish pun before?

“Are you Undyne?” you blurted.

The blue monster looked surprised for a second, then immediately suspicious. “Who are you and how the fuck do you know my name? I don’t remember ever seeing a little dweeb like you before.”

_Ouch._

“Uh, I’m friends with Papyrus, he mentioned you a couple times.”

“Oh!” she said, her demeanor shifting back to relaxed. You felt like you could breathe again now that her yellow gaze wasn’t boring into you.

“I’m actually here to meet Alphys, my name is-”

“Alex? I-is that you?” Undyne stepped aside, revealing the familiar yellow monster you had been expecting still wearing a lab coat. A sigh escaped you, thankful that you hadn’t made some dumb mistake. “S-sorry, I wasn’t expecting you yet, I just got off work.”

“Wait, your new friend is a _human?_ ” Undyne said disbelievingly and with a touch of poorly hidden distaste. _Double ouch_...oh, Alphys called you a friend, sweet!

“Y-yes? I thought with Frisk-”

“Pshh! Frisk doesn’t count, they’re the least human-like human ever. Trust me.” That yellow eye slid back to you, and you remembered that Undyne was Captain of the Royal Guard. She probably had some unpleasant experiences dealing with humans, and you really couldn’t blame her for being so wary of you. Only a few hours had passed since you left apartment 106, and you could attest that humans sometimes sucked.

“Sorry I’m here early, I made some pizza.” you said, lifting your peace offering.

“Damn, you made that? I take it back, you’re cool, come on in.” Undyne said with a grin that showed off rows of razor-sharp teeth. You suppressed a shiver and weakly smiled back as you were ushered inside. The townhome’s interior was expectedly larger than the apartment where you lived, the ceilings higher and the rooms more spacious. Just beyond the front door were stairs that likely led up to the bedrooms, to your left a living room with a beautiful black piano serving as the centerpiece, and past the stairs was the kitchen where the monsters gestured for you to follow.

Undyne looked ready to take a slice right then and there but you suggested (insisted) that it be heated up in the oven. You were not going to feed new potential friends lukewarm pizza. Besides, if there were monsters worth impressing, it was the Royal Scientist and Captain of the Royal Guard. They may not have been part of the monarchy, but close enough that this was still a pretty big deal. Undyne turned the broiler on high, and you realized just how plausible it was that she burned down her last residence. You lowered the temperature as soon as her back was turned. 

“Sorry again for dropping by without texting you first.” you said as the two monsters gathered plates and cleared off a place on the table to eat. The kitchen wasn’t very tidy, especially the table which was littered with scientific papers, some manga books, and a weapon that resembled a mini-trident that you remembered one of the ninja turtles wielded. Most of it was haphazardly shoved aside to make room for you and Alphys to sit. Undyne was perfectly content standing, leaning back against the counter with a self-assured air to her that almost made you feel envious.

“N-no problem...i-is something wrong?” Alphys hesitantly asked. You must have been wearing a worse look than you thought, trying to get rid of the frown tugging at your lips by rubbing your face.

“Uh, kinda, yeah. I had a...disagreement with my...roommate.” The words came haltingly. You weren’t sure just how much to disclose about Gaster, or unload your personal problems on near-strangers. “It’s something I probably shouldn’t talk about...So, are you two roommates?” you said, grasping at the first distraction you could think of.

Alphys blushed (looking really adorkable) and Undyne burst out in bawdy laughter, nearly as loud as Papyrus. “BWAHAHA! ‘Roommates’! HA! Alphys is my _girlfriend_.” Undyne mercilessly corrected, gathering up the still blushing Alphys in a tight hug. “I mean, who could say no to this cute nerd’s face?” Alphys’s yellow scales were turning a brilliant scarlet shade. If ever there were a mis-matched pair, it was these two, based on what little you knew of them. 

“Yeah, you two are pretty cute.”

“See, babe? We’ve got the Nose-Nuzzling contest in the bag this year.” Undyne said, practically bursting with affection. 

Alphys pushed her glasses further up her scaled snout and murmured “Y-yeah...” the enthusiasm sounded more than a little forced. “Um, U-Undyne?” Alphys legs fluttered uselessly in mid-air. The lizard monster wasn’t too much taller than you, but Undyne was nearly Papyrus’s height. 

“Heh, sorry. Can’t help myself.” Undyne’s grip loosened on her girlfriend, the tall fish monster surprisingly carefully setting her back down on the floor with a sheepish grin. For just a second you caught a look of genuine affection that was shared between the two. It was so warm and adoring that you had to look away, preoccupying yourself with getting dinner sorted by retrieving the pizza and cutting it into six even slices. It was rare for you to see a relationship like that, their love being blatantly displayed for all to see. A feeling rippled through your SOUL that took a minute to properly identify; jealousy. You had never anticipated having something like that for yourself, and to see it right in front of your face, so open and pure, it made your chest ache. 

You quashed that feeling down, stamping it out like a nefarious insect in your home.

“Food is ready!” you announced, breaking whatever spell had the two staring into each other's eyes and directing their attention back to you. Both of them were blushing now, and damn if they weren’t the cutest fucking couple ever. 

...You really should have just stayed home.

“So, what does a Royal Scientist do anyways?” you casually asked between bites, gesturing to Alphys’s lab coat she had yet to shed. 

“O-oh, most of it is, um, c-classified. C-currently we are researching renewable magical energy sources to share with humans-”

“You mean the CORE?” you asked.

“How do you know about that?” Undyne questioned you, her yellow eye narrowing. You had made another mis-step, and it felt like everything you said was a mistake before this dangerous monster. 

“Um, my roommate told me about it.” you said, voice warbling under the intense scrutiny.

“M-monsters were ordered by the Queen to keep quiet about the CORE.” Alphys explained, patting Undyne on the forearm in an effort to get her girlfriend to relax, “They really shouldn’t have told you that.”

You immediately lifted your hands up, eyes darting between the two monsters, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was a secret. I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

“You better not.” Undyne growled, earning her a reprimanding look from Alphys. “Hey, I’ve had to deal with those crazy conspiracy humans for _weeks_. Thinking monsters are going to use mind control or chemtrails or bullshit like that.”

“Sorry,” you said, not sure how you could manage to apologize on behalf of your own race, “I was just curious about the Underground. Like I said, I won’t tell anyone.”

“...Alright.” Undyne said after a few seconds passed, and the three of you lapsed into awkward silence.

Surprisingly, Alphys was the one to break it.

“S-so, are you and your roommate, uhm, ‘involved’?” she asked.

“Yeah, you got a lover’s quarrel going on?” Undyne egged on. Geez, what was this, gossip hour? You barely knew these two.

“What? No!” you said, feeling a hint of a blush warming your cheeks. “No, he’s a monster, of course not.”

Undyne’s demeanor again abruptly dipped into cold. “You have a problem with monsters?”

“No!” you said, more firmly than you meant to, your voice in your own ears uncommonly irate. “I don’t have any problems with monsters. I meant _I’m a human_. I don’t think I’m really his type.” 

Alphys had a strange glint come over her eyes, her glasses catching the lights oddly.

“Have you ever held his hand?” she asked.

“Yes, but that’s not-”

“Does he stare longingly into your eyes?” Undyne also questioned, looking equally intently down at you.

“Yes, but not because-”

“Does he hold you tight?” Alphys didn’t let you finish.

“He doesn’t have arms, so no, he _can’t._ ”

“What about-”

You cut Undyne off before they both got carried away. “Guys, seriously, it's not like that, ok? I’m pretty sure he’s not going to want to talk to me ever again after tonight, least of all want to date me. Can we just drop it?”

“Yeah, fine, ok.” Undyne said with a sigh, then muttered under her breath, “I still ship it.”

“Me too.” Alphys meekly added, and you snorted, almost bursting out laughing at the absurdity. They didn’t even know who your “roommate” was!

You and Gaster? What a crazy, insane idea!

...Right?

Sure, you were friends (hopefully that title still held) and yeah you cared for one another, what friends wouldn’t? And, ok, sure he touched you a lot, but that was because you were the only thing he _could_ touch...or at least that used to be the case. He was able to interact with the physical world far more often now, but he still held your hand or squeezed your shoulder or brushed his phalanges through your hair. But all that aside, you were a human, a part of the race that locked his underground. He probably wouldn’t be stuck in the void if it weren’t for humans. And you looked so different from him, what would he find appealing in you? Your mind flashed back to his blushing face as he walked in on you getting undressed. That was just embarrassment, right? And he was...ok, you could admit to yourself you thought him a bit dashing. You admired the way his eyelights glowed and the corners of his lips curved into a wide grin when he found something (you) amusing. You loved watching the way his hands moved, the long, slender bones signing to you or stroking over your skin or-

“Do you still want me to upgrade your phone?” Alphys asked after you had seemingly zoned out for who knew how long for the nth time tonight. You blinked, taking a second to process what she had just said.

“What? Oh, yeah! Please!” you replied after a second, setting down your plate. Undyne practically pounced on it, snapping up the last of your pizza. You raised an eyebrow as she snarfed down the food.

“...Whaf? Ifs goof.” She said through a mouthful of pizza, you and Alphys wincing.

“Not afraid to catch human germs?” you asked, feeling surprisingly braver in the fish monster’s presence. Maybe because her cheeks bulging with pizza looked rather comical instead of frightening. 

“A-actually that is highly unlikely, considering the physical and thaumaturgical differences between our species.” Alphys stated. _Doctor_ Alphys, you remembered.

“What the nerd said.”

“...Right. Well then, magic phone?” You turned to Alphys, pulling your phone from your hoodie pocket and flashing her a hopeful and excited grin.

“Right! Follow me.” she led you upstairs, walking past what had to be a master bedroom. The door was open and inside you saw what was practically an anime shrine; Manga books filled several bookshelves, posters covered much of the walls and action figures posed on rows of shelves. Another room looked like a home gym, barbells littering the floor and a punching bag mounted to the ceiling. The last two rooms were a bathroom and an office where Alphys entered. 

There were filing cabinets overflowing with folders, pages leaking out of drawers and piled on the top of the metal structures. A bench stretched along the other wall covered with all sorts of tools. Some you recognized; soldering irons, a 3D printer, various screwdrivers and thermal paste haphazardly sprawled over the work surface. Others were entirely unfamiliar to you, devices that glowed or let out sparks of their own volition.

“I w-won’t be able to do all the upgrades tonight.” Alphys admitted, taking your phone from you, popping it out of its case and cracking open the shell, “I have some more parts on order, but I can make some definite improvements now.” The way her hands moved was mesmerizing. Every movement was practiced and precise, and she never struggled for a second to unclip a cable or remove a fastening. She made it look effortless in a way that was nearly unnatural. There was a familiar feeling about it, a buzzing in the air that you could recognize; _magic._ Alphys’s was far more subtle than most monsters, but her magic was no less potent. 

“I’m really thankful you are doing anything at all. I kinda feel like pizza wasn’t really much in exchange for all this.”

“Don’t worry about it! I-it’s n-nice t-to...” she stuttered, and for the first time since she started working you saw her hands shake.

“...Have someone interested in what you do?” you ventured.

Alphys blushed. “Y-yeah.”

“I get it. I kinda didn’t have any friends until recently. If it weren’t for Frisk I probably wouldn’t have any at all.”

Alphys laughed at that. “Yeah, they have a way of doing that. Undyne and I might not be together if it weren’t for them.”

“Wow, really?” you chuckled, leaning against the desk so you could better watch her work. Maybe Flowey wasn’t lying to Sans all that time ago when he said Frisk liked making friends. Maybe that was their sort of magic. “You’re really lucky, Undyne seems like a catch.” You froze, eyes going wide. “Damnit, I think that was a fish pun...stupid Sans.”

Alphys giggled again, a hint of rose still coloring her cheeks. “Yeah, Undyne is so cool.”

“Undyne is freaking gorgeous.” you said with admiration. “And you’re pretty cool too.”

Alphys’s blushing turned a shade darker, but her smile was decidedly soft at the corners. “Um, s-so here’s what I’m doing with the battery...”

Alphys walked you through the upgrade she was performing on your phone. About half of it was over your head, and even after asking what seemed like a dozen questions your mind couldn’t wrap around all of what she explained. You simply did not know enough about magic. It once again put into perspective the gulf of knowledge between you and monsters like Alphys and Gaster. Sure, you were pretty clever, for an average human, but you were no genius. The yellow monster seemed no less enthusiastic despite your glaring ignorance on the topic. If anything you felt like she was all the more determined to help you understand.

Eventually she did finish up, putting the last touches on the upgrade, your conversation lapsing into silence. And, as your mind always seemed to steer of late when left unmoored, your thoughts turned to Gaster. What could you possibly say to him? You fucked up, you had just said how few friends you had, and the one closest to you had been driven away by your own hand. You rubbed your face, trying to get a hold of yourself.

“...Was your fight really bad?” Alphys asked, her voice quiet. You took a bit to answer her.

“Maybe? We’ve never fought before. I mean, we haven’t even known each other for that long. We spend a lot of time together though, and...I think I fucked everything up.” you ran your fingers through your hair, trying to get a hold of your thoughts. “I know he did something bad in the Underground. He got hurt from whatever he did, but he won’t tell me what happened. I _hate_ secrets, I don’t like keeping information to yourself just because it makes you look better, y’know? Like, if he just told me, maybe we could work through it together.” You straightened up, shoving your hands into your hoodie pocket and staring off at the ceiling. “But that’s just me. That’s what _I’d_ do. And after everything he’s been through, I really don’t have that right to pass judgement on his decisions.” You looked back at Alphys, her hands having gone completely still and her gaze distant. “You lived Underground, I’m sure it wasn’t easy. I’m sure someone like you had to make some tough calls.” _A Royal Scientist, just like him._ “Is it wrong to want to know the truth?”

Alphys was dead silent and pale, her yellow scales losing some of their natural golden luster. For a moment you panicked, wondering if you had gone too far, overstepped in your very new friendship. But before you could spout an apology she spoke up.

“Y-you’re right. I’ve...I’ve done some things I regret. A-and yes, I did it b-because I was trying to help monsters a-and...” she shuddered, a shiver running down her whole frame. “It was bad, Alex. Really, _really_ bad. But after everything, it was better for me to tell the truth. I don’t think you’re wrong for trying to figure out what he did.” she fidgeted with her claws, a rasp of her nails dragging over her scales breaking her silence. “Just, m-maybe...don’t judge us too harshly? You don’t understand what it was like down there for us. N-not that i-it’s your fault! J-just...”

“I wasn’t there. I didn’t go through it.” you finished for her, and she nodded.

“I’m sure he will explain things to you eventually. If he’s really your friend, he will tell you. A-and if you’re r-really his friend, you sh-should wait for him to be ready to talk.” It was surprisingly assertive for Alphys, and you smiled at her.

“Yeah, I think you’re right...and I don’t judge you either. We’ve all made mistakes.”

“...T-thank you.” she said quietly, not quite able to meet your eyes, but wearing a smile all the same.

“Sorry to dump all this on you the first time we’ve ever hung out.” you said, rubbing the back of your neck. “Hopefully I can still come over when those parts come in? I can pay for them, and I’ll bring more pizza, or whatever you guys want.”

“Of course! I-it’s fine, really. Your phone is done anyways, h-here.” she handed you back the smartphone. It was in the exact same condition as when you’d given it to her, not a scratch or mark present. You certainly couldn’t do that good of a job. The only difference was that it felt slightly heavier in your hand, and cooler. Alphys had explained that magic generated much less heat than regular batteries, and could hold a charge for far longer, making magical phones longer-lived in general. You also had access to UnderNet now, and while you weren’t a big fan of social media, you felt like you could make an account to at least add Alphys as a friend. 

“S-so, um, do you like anime?” she asked, her buck teeth displayed in a grin and her claws tapping against each other.

“Yeah, I don’t watch much, but there are a few shows I’m a fan of.”

“W-we can watch some if you want?” she asked, looking ever so hopeful. Undyne was right, you couldn’t say no to that face.

“Sure!” Maybe hanging out watching TV was a good way to get your mind off Gaster. 

Suddenly a thought occurred to you. Something you weren’t sure you should give voice to, but before the yellow monster could exit the messy office you called out.

“Hey Alphys, can I ask you a question?”

“Um, sure, w-what is it?”

“Who created the CORE?”

“Oh! It was--” 

Alphys face went entirely blank.

It was beyond creepy, the vacant expression looking horrifically unnatural. The brilliant spark in her eyes was completely dead, with a chilling emptiness left in its stead. It was only a second however, just a blink of an eye and Alphys came back to life, looking completely flummoxed by what had happened. Your eyebrows were raised high and you were sure you looked as rattled as you felt.

“S-sorry, I, um...f-forgot...I guess...” she sounded so lost, her voice dazed. 

“Don’t worry about it.” you replied, your own voice hollow. “Maybe we can watch some anime now?”

“Right! Yeah, follow me!” she said, the incident seemingly forgotten. She led you downstairs, down two levels into the den where a large flatscreen was set up on the far wall and a very large couch spanned most of the room. It looked really comfy, the sort of place you could imagine Papyrus and Frisk lounging with their friends all having a good time. 

Even with such a happy vision in your head, all you felt was a chill.

_Alphys knew Gaster._ They may have even worked together on the CORE, maybe even been friends. But she couldn’t remember him, couldn’t even speak his name. Such a clear illustration of Gaster’s fate had sapped all the warmth from your chest.

“You ok? You look like you're about to puke.” Undyne asked from the couch, her long limbs sprawled out as much as possible.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, just lightheaded. Been a long day.” Undyne and Alphys shared a look, and you realized you were being pretty shitty company again. “So, what are we watching?”

Undyne grinned widely, teeth on display, “Killer robots with giant swords, YEAH!!”

You could see why Undyne and Papyrus were best friends.

The rest of the evening was spent binging episodes of some mecha-fighting show you couldn’t bother remembering, your thoughts far away and centered on a particular ghost who haunted your apartment. They say you died twice, once at your death, the second was the last time someone spoke your name. How unnaturally twisted it was that Gaster still existed, yet he was closer to that second death than the first. You could count on one hand how many people knew his name, but how many _should_ have remembered him? Royal Scientist, creator of the CORE, skeleton and brother to Sans and Papyrus. Who liked the rain and David Attenborough and spreadsheets and touching your face, who was secretive and contemplative and always so needlessly worried about you.

He should be remembered. 

* * *

It was dark and cold on the way back home. It took several attempts to get Undyne to let you walk home alone, citing your safety. “It would look pretty bad if a human went missing after visiting a monster home.” she stated. Such things hardly occurred to you, and you realized how on guard someone like her had to be at all times. Any conflict between humans and monsters would reflect poorly on them, even if it wasn’t their fault. “Text us when you get home then.” Alphys said after you declined her girlfriend's escort _again._

“I will.” you promised before setting out. It was late, the road was dark with only the moonlight of the waxing gibbous above to guide your steps. There were no streetlamps this far out, and if the road hadn’t been totally abandoned you might have been scared. But there was no one else around, just leaving you with your thoughts again as you put one foot in front of the other. Your arms wrapped around your body to preserve heat and your footsteps picked up the pace.

Would Gaster be waiting for you? Your chest ached and you weren’t sure which was worse; having to face him now, or drawing out the hours until that confrontation happened. Even after talking to Alphys you were still a bit mad at him, he did carelessly walk in on you after all, but your anger regarding his secret had certainly fizzled out. He would have to tell you what happened at some point, but you weren’t going to pressure him into it.

Walking downhill at your fast pace had you home relatively quickly, the halon lights of your apartment complex looking warm and welcoming in the distance. To think you had considered moving out not too long ago. You couldn’t now, not when Gaster relied on you to escape his prison. He’d be back, he _had_ to, unless he wanted to languish in the hell that was the void, and you would have to ask for his forgiveness when he returned.

With a heavy sense of dread pulling at your heart, you climbed the many stairs to your apartment, texting Alphys and Undyne as you ascended. Things were quiet, the noises of your neighbors minimal while you retrieved your keys and unlocked your door. Your hand curled around the door handle and you took a steadying breath as you opened it.

There was no one to greet you.

An examination of your apartment yielded no hint of Gaster, and it felt like your stomach twisted inside you. He didn’t want to talk to you. He’d rather be in the void.

And damn if that didn’t hurt.

* * *

You didn’t think you’d ever been this lonely.

Your mornings spent with Flowey had ceased, his pot empty for quite some time now. You knew he was still coming up here to sunbathe, just not while you were around. You even left toast out for him, only to find the slices of strawberry jellied bread tossed off your balcony and littering the quad below. He must hate secrets as much as you did.

Evenings spent with Gaster also stopped. You swore you could see him at times, the empty nothingness your eyes couldn’t properly perceive back in the corners of your vision, but nothing more. None of his shadows, no static of his voice, no glimpses of his face caught in mirrors. The only time you saw him was in your dreams when you tried to throw open the grey door and he tried to stop you. The dream-Gaster would conjure dozens of hands, pulling at your arms, clinging to your wrists, even one wrapping around your throat as you fought to reach the void on the other side.

You woke up screaming.

Silence was all that answered you.

* * *

Days passed.

You were supposed to have Frisk and Flowey over tomorrow, and whatever excitement you’d held for your get-together (and bid for an armistice with Flowey) was decidedly muted. Summer had seemingly arrived, warm days stretching longer into the night, and you tried your best to get out and enjoy it, going for long walks or riding your bike around the outskirts of Ebott.

Anything to avoid your apartment. 

You locked up your bike on the rack downstairs before starting the long climb up to the top floor. Your chest had started aching of late, and at first you had wondered if there was something wrong with you, but it clicked in short order what was happening. Your SOUL hurt. You huffed a laugh out your nose. Such a ridiculous thing. You could still hardly believe it was real, but the ache was pretty convincing evidence. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why there was a pain in your chest.

Maybe you should ask him to come back? He’d been avoiding you, probably still wary, probably still hurt. You wanted to give him space, but maybe he was ready to talk now? Or maybe you’re being selfish. _You_ wanted to talk, that didn’t mean _he_ was ready. You sighed, reaching your door and rubbing your sternum as you walked inside. You had to get prepared for your guests tomorrow, maybe some baking would distract you from the constant ache. Maybe you were being a little pathetic, your playlist for tonight a melancholic collection of songs that you selected from your streaming app and set your phone down next to your speaker to pull out a recipe card.

An hour later there was a banging on your door, someone knocking heavily on it. There were only two monsters you knew of who would make such a racket, and only one who ever frequented your doorstep. 

“One second, Pap!” you yelled, pulling a tray of cookies from the oven. You could spare a few to give to your skeletal friend. Oven mitt discarded on the counter, you walked over and unlocked the door.

It burst open before you could reach the door handle, someone instead turning it and pushing it forcefully open from the other side. The door collided with your face and the sudden impact sending you reeling backwards and sprawling onto your kitchen floor. You tasted blood, felt it dribble down your chin, and a sharp sting on your lip told you the door striking your face had split it open.

“What the fuck--!?”

Your eyes went wide as you caught sight of who had breached your apartment.

David stood in your doorway.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Violence.
> 
> SPOILERS - Incident occurs right at the very end of the chapter, just after “you walked over and unlocked the door.“ - David shows up at Alex’s apartment and pushes open her front door, smacking the door into her face, cutting open her lip and knocking her over. 
> 
> The next chapter will also contain similarly violent scenes and aggressive language. I will provide a warning and summary in the end notes again for those who want to skip it. 
> 
> \---
> 
> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [The Breach by Dustin Tebbutt](https://youtu.be/RCQV7FYlwlE)
> 
> \---
> 
> Shit is getting real.
> 
> This chapter was a pain to write, I’m sure things could be worded better or a typo or two was missed. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	12. Awake My SOUL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning in the End Notes. It does contain spoilers.
> 
> I also _highly_ recommend you read this chapter (and every chapter, really, but this one especially) with the [Reversi](https://archiveofourown.org/skins/929) Public Site Skin applied.

_In these bodies we will live,_

_in these bodies we will die_

_And where you invest your love,_

_you invest your life_

_Awake my SOUL_

  
  


* * *

  
  


David reeked of alcohol.

He was a few steps away from you, standing in the open doorway of your apartment, but the scent was so overwhelming it still reached your nose. His eyes were bloodshot, locked on you with a dark and obsessive quality you had yet to see in a fellow human. That look was one of a hunter staring down prey, and today that prey was _you._

He stumbled further into your apartment and you scrambled backwards, arms and legs fighting to find purchase on the cold tile beneath you, trying to put as much distance between you and the deranged man bursting into your apartment.

“You never fucking returned my texts. I knew you were a lying bitch. You’re all lying bitches. Fucking whores, every--every last one of you...” his words slurred as he came closer, his eyes once again dipping down to your throat. Those eyes held the promise of terrible things in store, and cold fear shot down your spine, your heart beating against your ribcage. David stepped closer. 

“I will fucking teach you not to lie to me.” he pointed, gesturing with a shaking finger to punctuate each word, “Whores like you need to get put in your place. I’ll fucking do it, I’ll fucking show you...” You felt the cupboards against your back as you were unable to put any more distance between you and the intruder, cornered like a rat. Your phone was out of reach, up on the counter next to your speaker that still played a sad, crooning song that was entirely discordant to what you were experiencing. There was only one option left, the last idea your panicked mind could grasp. One name you could scream at the top of your lungs.

“GASTER!”

It was like a leash was snapped as the shadowy monster you knew materialized before you. Or rather, the creature you _thought_ you knew. The being that formed between you and David was less like the ghost you had befriended and more so resembled a personification of death. Shadows rippled from his body, forming amorphous shapes that whipped violently back and forth. His eyes were darker than you had ever seen before, black pits that swallowed up any hint of light and warmth, leaving in those empty sockets frigidly cold. Skeletal hands formed, two, four, eight, until it seemed as if a halo of bones had surrounded him, fingers bent like claws. His mouth may have been the most disconcerting, the wide gash of darkness _dripping_ black, the white bone in-between resembling sharp teeth that grinned with a hauntingly wide and deranged smile.

You did not know who this creature was. Not the one who comforted you from your nightmares. Not the one who gently brushed your cheek or your hair. Not the one bearing amused smiles. He was a stranger. And he was _horrifying_.

David stopped his advance, took a step back, eyes wide with terror and his face paling as he beheld the _thing_ floating between you and him. For a moment, all was still, and for a moment you thought perhaps David might flee and everything would work out ok. 

Your hope was short-lived.

David drew himself up, face twisting in anger and disgust. “This freak your boyfriend then? Shoulda known you were a _monster fucker_. Nasty bitch, you-” he stepped closer, and in turn so did Gaster. His mouth stretched open in a silent roar as he rushed forward to intercept the man advancing on you and--

He clipped right through him.

There was confusion on both their parts, Gaster as he tried to reconcile what had just happened and David as he shivered from the cold, oily feeling of interacting with Gaster’s shadows. The ghost was the first to recover, his many hands reaching for the human, and David’s arms swung wildly to bat away the swarm of bones, knocking over your container of spatulas and ladles, the cookie tray and cookies sent flying, a bowl of fruit sent spilling across your counter, a peach splattering next to you on the floor. 

For all Gaster’s efforts, nothing he did touched David.

It took the human male a moment to figure out what was going on, but when he did, he looked _enraged_. 

“What the fuck is this shit? Some stupid fucking magic? Dumb bitch, you think monsters scare me?” He lunged for you again, and you lifted your hands over your head to block an incoming blow. Instead of hitting you, David grabbed you by the neck, his grip painfully tight as he lifted you bodily off the floor. Panic blew through your mind as you wheezed, air trapped in your lungs and you couldn’t scream. At the same time you felt Gaster’s bones close around your wrists, two of his conjured hands lifting your own up and pressing them against your ears. 

You realized what was coming next.

Gaster bellowed an unearthly, horrifying sound.

Your hands couldn’t block out all the noise, Gaster’s voice grating against your eardrums and fresh pain blooming just behind your eyes. You knew what to expect however, and perhaps your repeated exposure to Gaster’s strange language had built up a tolerance because when you were dropped somehow you were able to find your footing. You sidestepped David, maneuvering yourself out of the corner of your kitchen.

David was not so lucky. He was clutching his head, teeth bared as he roared in pain, back bowed as he suffered what had to have been the worst headache of his life. Something snapped in the man because his body suddenly jerked upright and he began swinging wildly at Gaster.

The ghost glitched, his form wavering and a pained look crossing his fractured skull as repeated strikes flowed through him, his shadows _ripping_ in the wake of David’s punches. Chunks of his shadow body were being torn away, their liquid writhing darkness edged with visual glitching, blitting spots until they faded out of existence entirely. The human kept up his onslaught, and Gaster’s bellowing voice cut out into static, and somewhere under all those layers of white noise you heard _pain_.

A new fear made a cold pit form in your stomach. Could Gaster be killed? Sans had told you humans were stronger than monsters, and David seemed all the more intent on continuing his attack, now realizing he was actually doing some damage. He was clawing at him, shredding him apart like some savage beast, _and Gaster just took it._ For you, he was staying between you and David to protect _you_. 

_He was going to die for you._

Blazing warmth blossomed in your chest.

Your entire vision darkened, or rather, everything you perceived seemed comparatively dim to the light that erupted from your chest. In your periphery you could see something hovering over your heart, shining with a radiant brilliance. It was blue, the deepest, purest shade of blue you could have imagined, more vivid than any jewel.

Your _SOUL_.

In David’s chest you saw another light, this one orange and muted, almost rust-colored. You didn’t know how you were able to see past his flesh, but that had to be his SOUL in there, a little heart shape hovering in the center of his torso.

Both David and Gaster had gone still again, enraptured by the appearance of your SOUL, while you were a frozen statue, your heartbeat roaring in your ears.

“More magic?” David slurred, seemingly coming out of his stupor, “Fuck this!” he raised his fist to resume his assault and your hand shot up as well.

The heat in your SOUL erupted like a solar flare, igniting your nerves and stealing away your breath.

In a flash, David’s SOUL was washed over with your Blue, and you _pushed_ extending your arm out as if shoving him away.

His body went flying straight out the open door, soaring across the breezeway and slamming against the wall on the other side.

David was momentarily stunned, just staring at you with glazed eyes as if his mind couldn’t understand what happened, he couldn’t comprehend that feeling of having the center of all that you were yanked around like it was tied to a rope. _You_ could barely understand, blinking in shock down at your trembling hands, bewildered at what had just transpired over a split-second, at _what you just did_.

_Magic_. You just used Blue Magic.

“Monster-fucking bitch!” David tried to take a step closer and you lashed out with your hand again, pinning David against the wall. Now _you_ advanced on _him_ , walking past the injured Gaster, out your door and into the breezeway, placing yourself between David and your hurt friend. As you looked at your splayed fingers you noticed a ghostly blue flame-like glowing licking up your fingers. The same blue light you’d seen from Papyrus. 

The glowing magic wavered, and you saw orange slowly creeping back into David’s SOUL. _Oh god, you couldn’t hold him_. He was thrashing against your pull, and the harder you tried to grasp your magic, the more it eluded you, like water dripping through your cupped fingers. 

Your magic slipped, extinguished like a candle flame and David pushed himself off the wall, charging towards you--

A red blade materialized between you, sharp tip aimed right at David’s SOUL. He stopped just before he could impale himself on the hovering, glowing crimson knife.

A ring of white pellet-shaped lights encircled you, then two rows of bones erupted from the ground, one white, one blue, forming a barrier three protective layers deep. Magic crackled in the air, like static before a lightning strike, coating the roof of your mouth in a buzzing sensation. 

You glanced over to the stairs, movement catching your eyes and you spotted your downstairs neighbors standing at the top of the stairway. Papyrus, Sans, and Flowey draped around Frisk’s neck were all assembled there. You weren’t looking at them however, not exactly, but rather Frisk’s SOUL.

It was the brightest red you’d ever seen. Almost painful to look at, a bloody scarlet that could make your eyes water if you stared too long. 

Frisk’s face was almost unreadable, but from what you could gather, they were _not happy_.

David chose that moment when you looked away to bolt.

Sans vanished--

\--and reappeared right in front of the fleeing David.

“not so fast, bud.” His skeletal hand reached out, just as yours had, his left eyelight flaring an eerie blue, the same light dancing between his phalanges and he jerked his arm down. 

David smashed to the floor with a painful-sounding ‘THUMP!’

“ALEX, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” Papyrus asked, approaching you. The row of blue bones dissipated, like fizzling dancing sparks that extinguished after a few seconds. The white bones, red knife, and small pellets did the same a moment later as the rest of the gang followed, Frisk’s SOUL fading back into their chest. Looking down you noticed yours had done the same. You couldn’t remember when.

Looking back up you noticed that several of your neighbors were also outside their apartments, staring. The cat monster next door, a purple bunny monster from across the hall who had probably heard you slamming David against the wall, a few more from further down who must have overheard the commotion.

You looked back at your apartment, the door still open and Gaster gone. Was he ok? 

“ALEX?” Papyrus asked again, looking down at you with concern.

<You’re bleeding.> Frisk noted, and you touched your lip, flinching at the sting and pulling your finger back revealing crimson blood coating it, completely forgetting in your adrenaline-fueled fight that the cut even existed.

“I’m--”...what, you’re _fine?_ You weren’t, you wouldn’t be for a while.

“hey bro, mind calling the cops?” Sans casually asked his brother. David was vainly struggling at his pink-slippered feet making some very disconcerting gurgling and growling noises.

“OF COURSE, BROTHER. WE SHOULD CALL UNDYNE TOO.” he said, retrieving his phone.

You couldn’t remember the next few minutes. You couldn’t hear Papyrus speak to the authorities on the phone. You knew you were staring, a dazed look on your face. Staring at your hands, at your chest, at your apartment, at David. You couldn’t meet any of your friends or Sans’s eyes. 

You wanted Gaster. You wanted to make sure he wasn’t hurt, you wanted to hold his hand--

“gotta stay here, pal.” Sans’s baritone voice ripped you away from your thoughts, his eyelights knowing. “it’ll be fine, trust me.” You could read between the lines. _My brother is ok._

Stars above you hoped so.

The cops arrived within minutes. You weren’t sure what it meant that they would rush to a monster-populated complex, if that was a good or a bad thing. Sans released his magical hold on David just as they crested the stairs, two officers reaching him before he even managed to get to his feet. They handcuffed and dragged him away to the opposite end of the breezeway where they plunked him down and you assumed began asking questions.

Another officer in front of you was doing the same.

He was older, with a moustache and wearing a very calm expression. Like he’d see this a million times before. It was pretty impressive, considering you were flanked by a towering skeleton monster. “I got a report of a domestic disturbance, ma’am, can you tell me your name?”

You opened your mouth to speak and a raspy whimper was all that escaped past your lips.

Papyrus settled his hand on your shoulder and on your other side Frisk held your hand, small fingers squeezing yours reassuringly. Glancing down at them you even saw Flowey looking up at you with a look and gesturing with his leaves in a way that said, _‘Well, go on.’_

You took a steadying breath.

“My name is Alexandria Silva.”

* * *

Undyne showed up not long into your recounting of the incidences of that night. She was wearing a strange but _very_ cool mishmash of traditional-looking armor and kevlar, the monsters’ sigil of three triangles below a pair of wings emblazoned on the pauldrons. She looked like some modern knight, walking out of a comic book. Or an anime. When she first saw you and the state you were in she was absolutely _furious_ , and that was a terrifying thing for someone as fierce-looking as her. It was also kinda heartwarming that she even cared. The cop interviewing you was decidedly getting antsy now, even though two more squad cars had arrived, the Sheriff and another officer also crowding the breezeway. More still were in your apartment, photographing the disaster that was your kitchen.

It seemed a bit overkill.

You had to start over from the beginning, Undyne taking a report of her own, and it was draining. Frisk and Papyrus still stayed next to you, even Sans remaining fairly close as you started the story over, explaining how you first met David and how things escalated from there.

You didn’t mention Gaster. 

Undyne picked up on it quicker than you imagined, her yellow eye going wide when you said you lived alone and there was no one else to witness the break-in. Which Sans of course noticed, his eyelights trained on you and his grin tightening slightly at the corners. God damn it, _this_ was why you hated keeping secrets! Now you had to figure out what to tell Undyne and placate Sans somehow. How would you even explain the void ghost in your apartment _that no one could remember_? That was a can of worms you were just entirely too exhausted to address. Maybe later, maybe another night, but not here.

You had another inexplicable phenomena to describe, and one was enough.

“You used _magic_ to get him off of you?” the officer asked, sounding more than doubtful.

“Yes.” you meekly answered. It sounded insane just saying it out loud.

“Hey, good job nerd!” Undyne praised, flashing you a grin. The officer ignored it.

“Ma’am, have you consumed any drugs or alcohol?” he asked.

“No, I don’t do anything like that. I’m not making it up, I know it sounds crazy.”

“What’s so crazy about it? Magic is totally normal!” Undyne argued, sounding angry on your behalf.

“Normal for _monsters_ , humans can’t-”

“frisk can.” Sans cut in, “y’know, the ambassador to all monsters? adopted by queen toriel?” _Wait, what!?_ , “got a million-dollar smile?” Sans pointed some bony finger guns to the kid, and right on cue they smiled with that beaming grin that could melt the coldest hearts. 

Name-dropping the Queen seemed to have worked. “Alright, fine, for argument’s sake, let's say you can do magic, miss. Can you provide a demonstration?” the Sheriff asked.

“Um...” shit, how _did_ you perform magic? You raised your hand up, trying to conjure that blue light around your fingers again that radiated from your very SOUL.

Nothing happened.

“I don’t know how I did it.” you admitted.

“WE SAW IT!” Papyrus said when he saw a dubious look exchanged between the officers, “WE ALL DID. ASK ANY MONSTER HERE, THEY WILL TELL YOU THE SAME THING.” You wanted to hug Papyrus for defending you. The rest of his household gave general sounds and nods of affirmation, and you felt a flicker of warmth in your SOUL. 

“Ok, alright, so you used magic.” The first officer said, clearly wanting to move on. “What happened next?”

You described how you restrained David for a few brief moments before your magic gave out, then how your neighbors downstairs galiently stepped in to defend you (Undyne was particularly proud of that, slapping Papyrus on the back with a toothy grin) and how Sans pinned David to the ground when he tried to escape.

“You restrained a human with magic?” the Sheriff asked.

Sans’s grin turned shit-eating, “yup. you wanna demonstration of my magic too?” he looked over his shoulder, back towards where David was being administered a breathalyzer test. “might be able to get him again from way back here.”

“It is illegal for a monster to use magic on a human.” he ground out through clenched teeth. The officer’s neck was turning red in what you assumed to be anger. 

“Unless that monster is defending himself!” Undyne bit back, a growl in her sharp words, yellow eye narrowed. There was a dare there, like she just wanted to see this man _try_ and arrest one of her own.

“He wasn’t defending himself, the suspect was running away. At best he was performing a citizen’s arrest, which monsters are also not permitted to do, _since you aren’t citizens!_ ” he emphasized, nearly spitting the words. 

If looks could kill, the sheriff would be dead where he stood, Undyne’s one-eyed gaze _burning_. You knew right then the police hadn’t shown up so quickly because they were worried about the monsters living here, they were trying to find an excuse to condemn them.

“Sans was protecting me and every monster here,” you spoke up, your voice stronger than it had been all night. Every set of eyes turned to you and you felt a rush of warmth in your chest. “David was out of control, drunk, attacking me and anything in his way.” _He attacked Gaster,_ you internally raged, “Who knows what he would have done if he came across another monster tonight. If I could have used my magic I would have done the exact same thing.”

Sans looked at you oddly, his perma-grin going a little slack. He was so hard to read. It better be gratitude he felt.

“You’re a human citizen, that is your right.” the Sheriff countered, but getting a read of the room he held up a hand, “I’m not here to determine the law, just enforce it. I’ll be adding this to the report and if the District Attorney decides to press charges, that’s up to them.” That seemed to diffuse some of the tension, but certainly there was a charge in the air that wasn’t there before.

The officers finished taking your statement, following up with pictures of your split lip and bruised neck, making you sign some forms and providing you with contact information for the detective who would be assigned the case and a victim’s advocate. The first officer told you how to apply for a restraining order, what to expect if you were summoned to court, and a half dozen other bits of information your exhausted mind couldn’t hold on to. Paramedics came next, checking out David first before he was led into the back of a cop car, then to examining you and applying antiseptic to your wound. It was so late, the whole thing taking hours before everyone cleared out and the last of the cops left. 

Your friends never left your side.

Even after the officers were gone, they guided you back into your apartment. Frisk and Flowey started cleaning up your kitchen (Flowey sneakily stealing some cookies that landed on the counter instead of the floor) while Papyrus had you sit on the couch. His lanky arm reached down towards your face, his right eye socket illuminating with orange light while simultaneously his fingertips glowed a warm green. Miraculously, his magic healed your cut lip and the hand-shaped bruises on your neck, a tingling warmth flowing through your flesh as it was restored to its normal, healthy state.

“Is this some ET shit?” you chuckled in stunned amazement, running your fingers over the healed areas, prodding for some sort of damage and finding none. Monster magic was _amazing_.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND, HUMAN.” None of the monsters picked up your reference.

“Don’t worry about it.” you waved him off. “Thanks Pap. Thank you all for saving me.” you said as you looked around the room at all of them. You didn’t want to think what would have happened if they hadn’t rushed to your aid.

“don’t sweat it, pal. maybe try staying out of trouble.”

“Yeah, nerd. You gave Alphys a scare.” Undyne agreed. “You’re coming over again, right?” Her sharp grin was just a smidge sharper than usual. You knew what she meant. _You are going to tell me what is going on with your invisible roommate._ You swallowed hard, nodding and avoiding Sans’s eyelights burning holes in the side of your skull.

<Do you want to have another sleepover?> Frisk asked. Flowey even glanced over with you, a slight hint of hopefulness of his face (along with cookie crumbs). 

“Maybe another night.” You sounded almost as exhausted as you felt. “I might have to postpone our get-together by a day, probably the cooking lessons too. I hope that’s ok?”

“Wait, how come the nerd gets to do cooking lessons and I don’t?” Undyne said, waving her arms.

“Maybe because she doesn’t burn houses down?” Flowey suggested with a healthy dose of sarcasm and a muttered, “Idiot.” under his breath. 

“Why don’t we have a sleepover after the lesson, alright?” you asked, trying to diffuse the situation. 

“As long as we play video games.” Flowey grumbled, begrudgingly agreeing to your proposition. He was really worried about you, you realized. Even if he was mad, he still cared about you.

“Of course, we need to have a rematch.” you said with a tired but grateful smile.

And you were so very grateful that night. 

* * *

After a round of goodbyes and another round profuse thank-yous were given to each monster (and one human) in your apartment you finally closed and locked your front door, slumping against it wearily. Stars, you just wanted to sleep, maybe for the next 24 hours straight. You’d have to cancel tomorrow’s appointments, that was for sure. 

You willed yourself to your bedroom, shucking off your clothes that landed below you on the floor instead of your hamper. An oversized and comfy shirt that fell to your mid-thigh was pulled over your head and you crawled into bed, your bare legs stretched out in front of you while you sat up, leaning your back against the wall.

You were so tired.

But you couldn’t sleep, not yet.

“Gaster?” you said, your voice sounding so soft, yet so loud against the silence. You weren’t sure if he could hear you, was he back in the void?

Your friend materialized a second after you spoke, almost as if he were just waiting for you to summon him.

He was on you immediately, disembodied hands flying up to hold your face, eyelights looking over every inch of you, desperate to find one hair out of place. His hands brushed over your bottom lip, skimmed down your neck, phalanges running over your shoulders, your arms, your hands. You were fine, of course, Papyrus had seen to that.

You were far more concerned with him, searching his body for wounds. There were definitely chunks of his shadows that looked almost torn, reminding you of shredded black fabric, frayed and dangling. A whimper left your rapidly tightening throat and tears welled up in your eyes.

<What is wrong?> he all but demanded with another set of conjured hands, the first pair never leaving you, his larger hands holding yours like you would disappear if he let go. 

“You’re hurt.” you croaked out past the knot in your throat. “You’re hurt because of _me_. I should’ve used my magic sooner, I shouldn’t have yelled at you that night, _I’m so sorry!_ ” the tears overflowed, streaming down your cheeks. You were ugly crying, you had to be, all the guilt and the stress coming out in sobs that wracked your whole frame. Your eyes screwed shut, more tears squeezed out and you tugged your hands out of Gaster’s firm grip. He released his hold immediately, your hands displacing your glasses as they covered your face and tears saturated your palms.

You felt a bony hand rubbing your back and long phalanges running through your hair, carding through the dark locks as you cried. He couldn’t speak to you in a language you could understand and you couldn’t bear showing your face to read his signs. And so he gently and soothingly did his best to calm you until your tears ran dry and your hiccuping sobs very slowly subsided. He even got you tissues so you could blow your snotty nose.

You didn’t deserve this.

You did eventually manage to stop hiding your face and chance a glance up at him, shame welling up in your chest. How many times had he seen you like this? Crying or screaming, at your weakest, at your worst? You knew you looked terrible, nose red, eyes bloodshot, dark circles under them and hair a mess from his fingers running through your curls. Instead of disgust he gave you a kind and reassuring smile, one hand cupping your cheek, his thumb gliding back and forth over your skin while another picked up your glasses and placed them back over your eyes so you could see clearly again.

<There you are, my dear.> His eyelights were so bright, so warm.

You could cry again from the _devotion_ in those eyes.

_You didn’t deserve this._

Before you could break down again he took hold of your chin so you couldn’t look away as he signed.

<I should be the one apologizing to you. You did not deserve what happened tonight, you do not deserve a house mate who ignores your privacy and keeps secrets. You deserve to know just who you are living with. I do not regret for a _second_ what happened to me. _This,_ > he gestured to his wounds, <I deserved all of this and more.> You desperately tried to shake your head but he tightened his grip on you, keeping your head still. 

<I dread the day when I will tell you what I’ve done. I _will_ tell you. Perhaps you could indulge me a little longer. It is a terrible thing to ask of _you_ , to wait a little while longer until I confess to you the truth. Could you do that for me?> He relaxed his hold on you and you nodded.

He sighed, smiling down at you like you’d just given him a wonderful gift. 

_Stars, what did he do?_

Gaster leaned down, closing his eye sockets and affectionately pressing his forehead against yours, face so close you could hear his strange breathing. One of your fingers traced the fracture that ran down his cheek, the cracked line no worse than it had been the first time you mapped it weeks ago. 

“Does it hurt?” you whispered, almost too afraid to ask. 

He shook his head.

He was lying.

He drew back, tucking some of your unruly hair behind your ear.

<It is late. Rest.>

<Stay?>

He smiled down at you, looking so very pleased that you had asked that of him.

<Of course, my dear.>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Violence, verbal abuse.
> 
> SPOILERS: Incident occurs from the beginning of the chapter up until “You sidestepped David, maneuvering yourself out of the corner of your kitchen.” - An intoxicated David walks into Alex’s apartment, says some very not nice things about her and women in general. He approaches her, Alex calls for Gaster and the goopster arrives looking pants-shittingly scary. David is not deterred and still goes for Alex. Gaster tries to stop him but being a goopy void ghost, phases right through him. David grabs and lifts Alex by the neck, choking her. Smart goopy boi covers her ears and yells 💧❄✌✡ ✌🕈✌✡ ☞☼⚐💣 ☟☜☼✏ 💧☟☜ ✋💧 💣✋☠☜✏ really loudly and David drops her.  
> Canon-typical and plot relevant violence continues from there. 
> 
> \---
> 
> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons](https://youtu.be/DFQVtIiRDuA)
> 
> \---
> 
> This is my favorite chapter so far. I hope you like it! (Let me know if you did!)
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	13. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD, FAN ART! The amazing [Nyxkon](https://www.instagram.com/konartist_21/?hl=en) drew these [three](https://66.media.tumblr.com/e82b3e67d2d01234fca937b093568e92/6af1203fe02aced7-1e/s2048x3072/0944a01ea343a1a33f47838fcdd0c5ec4d656a68.jpg) [awesome](https://66.media.tumblr.com/d9e527688d5af9183e8288794443cfa2/6af1203fe02aced7-ba/s2048x3072/8f09fe53221e6c5220074d71dcc0175318242695.jpg) [drawings](https://66.media.tumblr.com/54cdae0ce5ea56cb7b022d729be5a767/6af1203fe02aced7-39/s2048x3072/f791df6ad00d410d3efc8deba27085ea750d4a88.jpg) of the goopster! THANK YOU! 💙

_When the words_

_Weigh heavy on the heart_

_I am lost_

_And lead only by the stars_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You stayed in bed when you woke up, eyes opening to stare blankly at the blurry wall.

You didn’t want to move. You didn’t have it in you to face the world. Everything had shifted in the span of a night, everything different and daunting _and you just wanted to run and hide_.

Gaster, still in your room, noticed you were awake, somehow knowing without you moving that your slumber had ceased and drifted into your line of sight. Was it creepy that he was watching you sleep? Studying you so closely that he knew, perhaps just on your breathing alone, that you had awoken?

He brushed your hair from your eyes, a gentle smile on his wide lips, and you decided you didn’t care if it was. Your gaze, still bleary and glazed from sleep, swept over his battered form. He looked a little less damaged than he had the night before, like his frayed shadows were weaving themselves back together. You could breathe easier knowing he would heal from this ordeal. 

<What do you need?> he asked, phalanges running through your hair still. He seemed to like doing that. You did too, something about it settling your anxieties. And there were oh so many of those.

_I need you here, with me. Oh stars above, don't leave again._

“My phone. Some water. Please.” your voice had that raspy quality to it again, probably from all the sleeping and crying and all the other bullshit that happened to you.

Was David still in jail? Or was he free?

Stars, you never wanted to leave this bed again.

Gaster nodded, opening your door instead of phasing through it this time, coming back moments later with both your phone and a glass of water, as well as your bluetooth speaker.

<Would you like to listen to your music?> he asked, setting the speaker on your night stand after passing you your requested items as well as your glasses. You nodded in response, sitting up and chugging the water before handing him back the empty glass. There, now you felt slightly less like death warmed over. Next was canceling all your appointments. You _hated_ doing this, you hadn’t taken a day off in months. While you were sure the monsters would understand (surely half the apartment complex had to know what happened by now, monsters were such _gossips_ ) you hated making anyone wait on you. You had an obligation to help people, what if someone was depending on you to fix their problem? What if it was important? 

<It is ok to ask for a reprieve. You are allowed to rest for a day.> he patiently signed after your finger had hovered over the “Reschedule appointment” button for far too long. You sighed, tapping away on your phone as you resumed shuffling around your calendar. It was like a puzzle, trying to get everything to fit. “I know. I just-” ... _I don’t want to be a failure._ You shook your head, sighing again. “I know.”

That task done, you tossed your phone aside, pulled your bare legs up to your chest and hugged your knees as you resumed staring at the wall. All was quiet save for a melody playing from your speaker.

Gaster hovered patiently beside you, but even a void ghost’s patience had its limits.

<Perhaps you should eat?> he gently suggested, the movement of his hands signing at you making you jump as you were startled out of your thoughts.

“Oh, no, I’m not hungry...Can we maybe talk?”

He hesitated, just for a moment, worry in his eyelights. Did he think you’d make him tell you his secrets? After you just agreed to wait? He must have realized you wouldn’t because he signed, <Yes, of course.>

“Are you all right?” you asked, a frown tugging at your lips. He tilted his head and your gaze dropped down to one of the more prominent tears in his shadowy body. “You should have gone back to the void when he-”

<I thought we had already discussed this.> he signed before you could speak further, <I do not regret my actions last night, merely their ineffectiveness.> He looked annoyed, which you felt was a severe underreaction. He could have _died_. Turned to dust.

“But are you _ok?_ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to get my things when you are injured, I have legs for christ’s sake.” your fingers ran through your hair, and he frowned at that anxious tic. 

<I offered, did I not? I will recover in short order, no doubt. It is rather fascinating, I would have thought this form incapable of being damaged, certainly by anyone other than yourself. It might merit further experimentation-> Your head snapped up, a fierce glare hurled at him. The column of your spreadsheets that detailed your reaction to his voice was notably blank because he so disliked causing you pain, there was no way in hell you’d allow the same to be done to him. 

He quickly caught on, <Perhaps we delay that enquiry. Regardless, yes, I am ok. You do not need to worry yourself. If anything I should be thanking you for your actions.>

For _using magic._

“I’m a mage.” you said. This was obvious, judging by what you did last night, but you just wanted to say it out loud. To hear the words spoken. To make it seem more real.

<That you are.> he signed, something about his expression so unfamiliar to you it took a moment to place. It was _pride_. He was _proud of you._ You couldn’t remember anyone giving you such a look. <A powerful one, at that. Papyrus could not manage what you did on your first try, it was most impressive.> You recalled Papyrus could increase gravity. What you did was...well, you weren’t sure exactly, but it wasn’t that.

“Papyrus knows healing magic, I think that is way better than whatever I can do.” You pointedly looked at his tattered body, “And Sans can-” Gaster waved you off.

<Sans is the most magically gifted monster in the Underground, hardly a measuring stick to compare yourself to. Papyrus is also quite skilled, though I could see you surpassing him. Certainly you have the capacity to become more powerful than me. Or rather, more powerful than I was.>

“What happened to your magic?”

<Much of it does not function in the void or upon its occupants. Healing magic included.> Ah, what he meant was even if you had that ability, or Papyrus knew his brother existed, it wouldn’t matter. That did little to assuage your guilt. <I can still conjure additional hands, but little else.> Again you stumbled onto something that was taken from him by the void. 

“What magic did you use to have? Blue Magic?” _Like your brothers?_

<Not really, not like yours in any case. Besides healing magic, I was particularly skilled at bone attacks. If they are infused with Blue Magic they become dangerous only if an enemy moves. If they remain still the bones will harmlessly pass through them. Alternating waves of such attacks can effectively disorient an opponent.> You remembered the row of blue bones that sprang up to protect you. Papyrus had done that, and it seemed very much in line with what you knew of him. Those bones would have never hurt David unless he ran into them. 

Gaster’s expression turned dark and chilling as he also seemed to recall the man who attacked you last night. <If I were not trapped in the void, that little piece of _scum_ would not be breathing right now.>

A shiver ran through you. Your friend had appeared a thing of nightmares last night, and you forgot how terrifying he could be at times. How he was once _your_ nightmare. 

<...Apologies. Perhaps she should discuss lighter topics.>

“I’m sorry for throwing my shirt at you.” you blurted out.

He frowned, not very happy with this conversation either. 

<Your reaction was entirely understandable given the circumstances.> A slight blush colored his white skull, and you realized now it might be his magic that was making that pretty shade of purple appear (how else could _bones_ change color?). Well, magic and presumably recalling you in a state of undress. Much like you were now, considering you were still not wearing any pants, mostly on account of laziness and exhaustion (at least you had on underwear and all the important bits were covered). Gaster once again seemed to follow the same trail of thoughts and you caught him staring at your bare legs before his eye lights pointedly shifted away.

...Did he possibly like you in that way? 

...Did you like _him_ like that?

The thought brought a heat to your own cheeks. 

He cleared his non-existent throat before signing <I’m sorry for barging in here, that was highly inappropriate.>

_I’d let you do highly inappropriate things to me._

_Fuck_ , where was that coming from!? Damn it Alphys and Undyne, putting those thoughts in your head.

“It’s fine, it was a mistake. I should have controlled my temper-” he was raising his hands to sign an objection, but you stole a move from him, lifting a hand and grasping one of his before he could manage to sign anything. “I know, we’re both sorry, ok? Can we just go back to how it was before?”

He looked at you curiously, <Before?> he signed, one-handedly.

“I mean...” you couldn’t quite meet his eyelights, instead your gaze sliding back to the wall. Your fingers, however, laced with his. The large bones of his hand positively dwarfed yours, but somehow your small, slender fingers and his phalanges just _fit_ together. Your SOUL soared at that, thrumming in your chest.

Gaster looked down at your joined hands like it was some sort of marvel, then up you, _timidly_. Like one wrong word might break whatever spell you had woven and send him running back to the void. 

_Hilarious_. Little you, the human, was scaring _him_.

“...I don’t want you to leave again. I don’t want to be alone.” _I want you here, with me._ Your voice was so very quiet, but he heard you, summoning another hand to respond. 

He always heard you.

<I never truly left.> He chuckled, low and humorlessly, and you stared at him, wide-eyed. It was the first time _you could hear his voice_. Still with an undertone of white noise that distorted it slightly, but you could imagine what he would sound like if he could speak to you. Nearly as deep as Sans’s was, the smooth tone contrasting the sharp static.

Gaster completely misinterpreted your look, and you’d have to let him know later he was not nearly as stealthy as he thought he was. <I thought you would want me to stay away given my intrusion, that perhaps I had long overstayed my welcome.> You shook your head, realizing now how stupid both of you were. Had you just _talked_ you wouldn’t have been miserable by yourself for days. <You never asked for this, to have me here. You simply offered me your home and took it upon yourself to attempt to free me.> He was smiling at you again, that smile that warmed your SOUL, the one that sang your praises when you yourself found nothing of merit. 

“You’ll stay then?”

He laughed again, this time with genuine mirth. Something that felt stupidly like butterflies fluttering in your stomach ensued from that sound. <Yes, my dear, of course I will. For as long as you will have me.>

You pushed your luck.

“Can you meet with Frisk and Flowey tomorrow?”

He tried to muster a look of disappointment, but his amused grin (oh how you so loved that one too) ruined it. <Yes, I suppose I do owe you that much.> His expression lost a bit of levity and he rubbed a thumb over the back of your hand, smooth bone gliding over your skin.

<Perhaps while we are discussing prickly topics,> he canted his skull down at you apologetically, and you braced yourself. Such a look coming from him of all people making you on-edge, <I truly hate to ask this of you, and I would be the greatest hypocrite to demand answers, but given the circumstances-> you squeezed his hand, _Just get to the point._

<Your nightmares, my dear.> You froze, your body locking up. <I worry that they may grow worse. I was quite surprised you did not suffer one last night.>

“Were you watching me sleep?” you asked, and _shit_ that came out far more acidic than you intended. The way his eyelights contracted you realized you were right on the mark with your accusation. Words began babbling out your mouth, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I asked you to stay, I know you weren’t being a creeper stalker-type or anything, I’m just going to shut up now.” you clamped your jaw shut. 

Gaster looked _very_ uncomfortable and _very_ called out. 

“Sorry-”

<No, you’re right, I was watching you sleep. I am sorry, I am incapable of sleep myself. You are--> he had two fingers in a “U” handshape, but he stopped mid-sign, apparently changing course at the last second and soon regretting it, <It is...relaxing watching you...> Oh geez, he was blushing like crazy, and _fuck_ , this was getting awkward.

_Abort, abort!_

“I’ve always had them.” you said quickly, and you watched as Gaster visibly backtracked to where this conversation had been and what you could possibly be talking about. He remembered just as you added, “My night terrors.”

<It wasn’t me, then?> and now you looked confused, and he clarified, <I had though I had frightened you that first week, that perhaps my presence here->

“Oh, no, _stars_ , no! It’s not you!” he smiled a bit at your monster expletive, and yeah you had picked that up from being around them all these months, “I’ve always had bad dreams. Since I was little.”

< _Littler_.> he corrected with a grin, and you pouted. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, encouraging you to continue.

“It’s not really anything in particular, besides the door I mean. Not a specific recurring nightmare, I just...” you never told anyone this, not since your parents. How dismissive they were, how weird they made you feel. You managed a tentative glance up at Gaster. There was, as always, a complete lack of judgement, simply quiet concern. 

“I die.” you whispered. “In my dreams, over and over, night after night, I die.” 

Gaster’s hands stilled, and a look of horror overcame him. You imagined it was what you looked like when you saw Alphys forgetting mid-sentence who Gaster was. His hand still laced with yours squeezed, almost painfully tight before he seemed to reel himself in, muting whatever strange expression crossed his skull.

<How can I help you?> he asked. If he had a voice you could understand, you could imagine it would sound a little helpless at this point. 

<Stay.> you signed with your free hand, “There’s nothing else you can do...just keep out of kicking range, I’d hate to whack you again in my sleep when you’re--” you bit off your next words. _I’d hate to hit you when you’re already hurt because of me._ “I really don’t mind you watching over me when I sleep. You can wake me up before it gets too bad, right? You’re probably right, with all that happened. It does get worse when I get stressed.”

<Only if you don’t mind.> he signed, looking uneasy, <Whatever you want, I will do whatever you ask of me.>

_Except tell me your secrets._

You snuffed that thought out.

<Stay.>

He nodded, that familiar, longing look back in his eyelights. 

You were both quiet then, the music a lilting melody that kept you at ease when you would have otherwise felt like a wire pulled too taut, bound to snap. That and Gaster, who never once let go of your hand. He was a grounding presence, keeping you here and not subjected to your worries, numerous as they were. The future now was such an uncertain thing, but he was still here. He would still look after you. As long as you had that, the rest...it was _tolerable_. 

“I think I’m ready to eat now.” you said after three songs had played, and his thumb had traced dozens of lazy circles on the back of your hand. With a pleased smile he helped you to your feet. You took a steadying breath, thinking of all that needed to be done; you needed to file that restraining order, you needed to get ready for Flowey and Frisk to come over tomorrow, you needed to reply to some emails, you needed to bathe and eat and be a functioning human adult woman, even if things were not so ideal.

You could do that. 

  
  


You had Gaster with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter, fluffy chapter. I feel like everyone needs a breather after what happened.
> 
> Alright guys, I got good news and bad news: Good first, I’ve posted a bonus chapter [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293251/chapters/58557841) from Gaster’s POV. Just a warning...the goop man is not all right. If you don’t want to look at the shadows behind the curtain, I’d recommend skipping it. It is optional for understanding this story.
> 
> Bad news: I’m going on hiatus. We’ve reached a point in this tale where things are getting complicated, and while the ending I have for this story is still the same as I planned from the very beginning, the path to get there has diverted quite a bit from my original vision. To give you guys the best story I possibly can I’m going to take a break to ensure whatever meandering trail these characters lead me down ends with a figurative sunset on the Surface. 
> 
> This won’t be for terribly long, probably just a couple weeks at most. After that we will be getting right back into the usual upload schedule. I’m really sorry to do this, I hope you can understand. I will **not** be abandoning this fic, if you have spent your time reading my silly words, I really appreciate it, and I promise you will be getting a finished, complete work in the end.
> 
> As always, please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	14. A Beautiful Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it, [Gaster’s POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293251/chapters/58557841) for this chapter.

_It's time to forget about the past_

_To wash away what happened last_

_Hide behind an empty face_

_Don't ask too much just say_

_Cause this is just a game_

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


“I can’t believe you’ve done this.” Flowey said, looking as grumpy as you’d ever seen him.

Honestly, he looked _adorable._

He had a little bowtie around his stem and you couldn’t help but squee when you saw it. _He was so cute!_ Frisk was also dressed up, wearing a charming pink gown with layers upon layers of tulle, and a blue suit jacket that was perhaps one size too big. They’d grow into it. 

<“You both look so fantastic.”> you gushed. Frisk flipped their shoulder-length hair, mimicking a pose you’d seen from Mettaton countless times while Flowey grimaced so hard their face was damn near defying physics.

<You look good too!> Frisk excitedly signed. You blushed at the compliment, not so much because Frisk had given it to you, but because it reminded you of what you learned earlier that morning. 

Gaster could trip.

You were wearing the only dress you owned, the “special occasion that isn’t a funeral” dress; A simple midnight blue halter number that, while somewhat plain, was cinched at the waist and did a fine job of highlighting and accentuating what little curves you had. Your hair was also tamed, the front half up and your curls carefully coaxed into something that wasn’t a frizzy mess. You debated makeup but decided it ultimately wasn’t worth the headache.

When you emerged from the bathroom all done up and hurried to the kitchen to work on last-minute preparations for your get-together, Gaster was “sitting” on your couch, hunched over your laptop and scrolling with a look of deep concentration. A quickly muttered “Fuck!” from touching a still hot sheet tray made him glance up at your direction and automatically rise to assess the damage (and scold you, no doubt), when he hesitated. His pupil-shaped eyelight swelled and _somehow_ , the void monster’s shadows caught the leg of your coffee table _and he tripped._

“You ok?” you asked, worriedly leaning over the kitchen counter to make sure he wasn’t injured. _More_ injured. While most of the wounds had healed, he still wasn’t fully recovered from David’s attack. 

He popped back upright, nodding hastily as a purple blush blazed over his skull.

“...Are you sure?” you asked, arching an eyebrow. 

<Yes...if you’ll excuse me.> He began hovering towards the hallway.

“Wait! Frisk and Flowey will be here soon!” you called after him, a bit of a threat creeping into your voice. He said he’d talk to them, and if he was getting cold feet now...

<I will return in just a moment.> he assured you, and then faded from reality.

It didn’t occur to you later _why_ he might have tripped. 

“This is the dumbest shit you’ve ever made me do.” Flowey sneered at Frisk, indifferent to your wandering thoughts. “A fucking tea party, really!?”

<“Language. And what’s wrong with tea? I thought you liked my cooking?”> you gave him a mock pout. Flowey looked like he was about to slap that pout right off your face. 

Practically overflowing on your patio table were all sorts of finger foods; Cookies, finger-sandwiches, scones and all the tea accoutrements of cream, honey, lemon wedges and sugar. Flowey’s pot had been moved from its usual spot to a chair and was propped up on a hastily gathered pile of books. Now occupying the center of the table were two of your fancy cast iron teapots set over tealight candles on a stand to keep them warm, one a herbal tea blend and the other a Darjeeling black. It had been difficult to source a decaffeinated version of the latter, but you really did not want to send your two guests back to Sans and Papyrus hyped up on caffeine. 

“Your cooking is fine,” he said, and you gave him a smug grin. That was quite high praise from the prickly plant. He pointedly ignored it, fanning out his leaves to indicate the spread strewn over your small table, “But this is ridiculous!”

<I like it. It feels all fancy.> Frisk said, raising a teacup to their lips with their pinky finger extended as they noisily sipped. Flowey rolled his eyes and you couldn’t help a round of giggles that escaped you. Despite your addiction to tea, you never had a tea party before. It was rather silly, dressing up and making a bunch of dainty little foods to pair with the beverage, but it seemed like a fun yet simple activity to do. You could host it in your house, and such a banal event might not be Flowey’s cup of tea (heh... _fuck_ , damn it Sans!) but surely it wouldn’t upset your overprotective pun-loving neighbor downstairs. 

<Have you had Golden Flower tea? It’s Asgore’s favorite.> Frisk asked. It was easy to forget sometimes that this kid knew monster royalty on such a personal level.

<“What’s Golden Flower tea?”>

<Tea made from golden flowers that grow Underground. They used to grow on the Surface but they went extinct. It tastes really good.>

Your eyes slid over to Flowey, looking him up and down while he slurped from his teacup. _He was a literal talking golden flower._ Did plant monsters think it offensive when you consumed other plants? He noticed your pondering look, growling a heated, “What?”

“Nothing!...<So Frisk, the Queen adopted you?”>

<Yeah! She’s really nice! And really busy with ruling and all, I think she’s in France right now for a summit. That’s we’re staying with Sans and Papyrus.>

“More like being an ambassador put a big target on your back.” Flowey countered. Frisk glared at him and Flowey raised his leaves and bent his stem in a sort of shrug. “What? It’s true.”

<Is that why Sans is protecting you?>

<Yeah...> they responded, a little forlornly.

“Who would have thought humans could be _sooo_ mean. Death threats thrown around left and right. Geez, it's almost like I told you so.” Flowey said, their high voice sarcastic and mocking. 

“Be nice.” you gently chided. <Is that true, Frisk?> you asked, very concerned. They nodded. 

Shit, you could almost forgive Sans for their behavior. Between the cops attitude the other night, Undyne’s reaction to learning you were a human and now this, it seemed almost understandable Sans had threatened to kill you for just helping his kid. Humankind was still being cruel to monsterkind, perhaps not as obviously as locking them inside a mountain, but it was very much there, if only you had bothered to look. You had been so insulated to all of it, all of your friends and neighbors were monsters, you didn’t engage with people on social media, and what few humans you interacted with didn’t seem to mind them (besides one very glaring and obvious exception).

<“I’m sorry you have to go through that. Will you see your mom again soon?”>

They nodded, some of their usual cheer returning, <Yeah, she’s coming back in a couple weeks!>

“What about you?”

Flowey glared at you, “What do you mean ‘What about me?’”

“Are you going with them? The Queen lives in Ebott Manors, will you go too?”

Flowey’s glare grew a touch colder, perhaps approaching legitimate disdain, “Where is that stupid monster of yours you’re hiding from me? I thought that’s why we’re here to begin with, right? So you can butter me up with cookies so I’ll play nice again? I’m not stupid.”

“...Ok, if you want to be like that, fine. Yeah, he’s here, I think he’s just hiding ‘cause he’s shy. And yes, I do miss having you here every morning to complain and eat my bread. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him but he’s really...secretive.” you settled on, “I’m trying really hard to keep all my friends happy but it’s pretty freaking difficult with all these secrets going around.”

You stared at Flowey pointedly, gesturing to him.

“What?” he growled again.

“That was my apology. Now this is the part where you say,” you pitched your voice higher, “‘I’m sorry for being a jerk Alex, I forgive you, I’ll be nice and not throw toast of your balcony and I really like your tea-’”

“Ugh, shut up! Fine! I’m sorry! Happy?” he yelled, waving his leaves.

“Yeah, pretty much. As long as you’re here tomorrow morning. Now do you want to meet my friend and not be an ass?”

“Lady, you’re talking to the wrong flower. But I’ll play nice, just this once.” he winked and stuck out his tongue, and you grinned, happy this little “fight” was over. Frisk was also seemingly very pleased, jumping out of their chair and pumping their fists into the air.

<Yeah! Doctor Gaster time!>

<”Alright, let’s go inside.”> You gathered up Flowey’s pot and set him on your coffee table, Frisk hopping up onto your couch and kicking their legs excitedly. “Gaster!” you called. An uncomfortably long moment passed where you stared around your empty living room, longer than you’d ever had to wait for him to reappear. But eventually his shadows warped into existence and he obligingly glided towards you. Perhaps it was a trick of the light, but he seemed...smaller, as if his shadows were being scrunched up. He looked so reluctant and hesitant, it was concerning. He was never like this with you, was meeting someone new truly so daunting for him?

You gave him your most encouraging smile and nodded your head towards your two little guests. His eyelights drifted down to Frisk and he offered the child a small, fond smile, which they more than eagerly returned. 

<Hello again, Frisk, I am-> whatever Gaster was going to sign was cut off when Frisk rushed over to hug the bottom section of the ghost’s shadows. Damn, that kid was too sweet. The chilling, almost slimy feeling of interacting with the dark mass of Gaster’s body had to be uncomfortable, but they didn’t seem to care in the least, even if their arms were partially embedded in the goopy mass. Perhaps a bit awkwardly, Gaster’s skeletal hand patted the top of their head.

<I’m so glad you made it to the Surface!> Frisk signed as they drew back, craning their head to grin up at him. <This is my best friend F-L-O-W-E-Y.>

His eyelights drifted down lower to the coffee table where Flowey’s pot was, the little flower looking most curiously up at the shadowy monster. 

The lights in Gaster’s sockets shrank to pinpricks and his hand suddenly gripped your upper arm, pulling you back away from Flowey, his bones digging painfully into your flesh. “Ow! Gaster, what the-”

Your roommate’s demeanor had changed in an instant, his shadows writhing. The ghost had summoned four hands, one around your arm, two that were signing, and one threateningly pointing a skeletal finger right in Flowey’s little petalled face.

<Vile creature, you stay away from her!>

“Who the fuck are you!?” Flowey’s eyes narrowed into a glare at the sudden hostility, then went wide and black as his face warped and he grew a terrifying fanged smile. “Who are you to tell me what to do with my _friends_?” that last word was a chilling hiss.

<I know what you’ve done. I’ve heard whispers through the void, I know what games you play with your “friends”. You should still be in the Underground--No, you shouldn’t even be _alive_.> Gaster’s eyelights extinguished, <If you can even consider it living when you don’t have a _SOUL_.>

Flowey looked murderous, red-thorned vines growing out of his pot and his teeth becoming longer, sharper, his white magic pellets glowing around him-

“Enough!!” you shouted. Your fingers dug into the hole in Gaster’s palm, pulling him off of you, and he let out a staticy hiss. Whatever resulting sensation from your fingers invading his hand was obviously uncomfortable. “You do not act like this towards a guest in _my_ home.” you admonished, your temper flaring.

<That _thing_ ->

“Is my friend!” you shouted. Gaster’s ire relented somewhat as you raised your voice, something like worry flashing in his eyes.

<...May we please speak-> he glared down at the little flower, a ridiculous sight considering their vastly different sizes, before his eyelights flicked back up to you, <-in private?>

“Yes.” you snapped, and trying to gain a little more control over your cold tone, you looked back at Frisk and Flowey. Frisk was frowning, worry making them toy with the layers of their dress while Flowey was still glowering. “Sorry guys, just a minute.”

“No.” Flowey spat. “I think we’ll be leaving now.”

<We will?> Frisk signed, confused.

“I know where this is going, and Papyrus wanted our help, remember?” Frisk’s face lit up as they recalled something, though their joy was short-lived. They nodded, picking up Flowey’s pot while looking at Gaster with disappointment. 

“Wait, guys-” 

“We’ll see you tomorrow, Alex.” he cut you off, waving a leaf dismissively. With one last parting glare aimed at Gaster from the little plant, Flowey and Frisk departed, leaving the two of you in the apartment alone.

There was a tense quiet.

You were _seething._

“What the fuck is your problem!?” you yelled, rounding on Gaster, hands balled into fists clenched tightly at your sides. The ghost looked alarmed and ashamed, but most annoyingly of all, he was still glaring, anger flickering in his dark sockets.

<While I cannot tell you what to do->

“That is for _damn_ sure.”

<-I would ask that you stay away from that _thing_. It is keeping secrets from you.>

“Just like you are!” He winced at that, “Get off your fucking high horse.”

<I don’t understand what equines have to do with->

“It’s a human colloquialism, it doesn’t matter! You can’t just judge _him_ when you do the same fucking thing.”

< ** _It_ ** _hurt monsters- > _

“SO DID YOU!” you screamed.

Gaster flinched, like you had just struck him. 

...God, he was so easy to read.

“I knew it,” you murmured, voice very low and cold. “You don’t have to tell me who it was you hurt, I said you could wait and I’ll stand by that. But you can’t go off on my friends, _in my home,_ like you are somehow better than them!”

< ** _I am_** _._ > Gaster said, drawing closer and towering over you. Was he trying to intimidate you? You defiantly raised your chin, meeting his glare and refusing to be cowed. He was signing so forcefully that his bones were clicking against each other. <I tried to save monsters, I tried to get us out of that prison. That _thing_ killed monsters for its own amusement. That _thing_ has no SOUL. You have _no idea_ how many attempts it has made on Frisk’s life, it doesn’t care _because it can’t_.>

You froze, staring up at him uncomprehendingly. That couldn’t be right. 

Something Sans said to you came back, unbidden a memory replaying in your mind:

_“monsters aren’t like humans, we don’t play nice to your face and stab each other in the back..._

_...the weed doesn’t count."_

  
  


...Did Flowey really kill someone?

  
  


<Alex?> You had been quiet for a long time now, and in his eyelights you saw Gaster’s anger had relented during your extended silence, his phalanges brushing against your cheek. You flinched at his touch and his hand drew back like you had burned him. 

“Frisk trusts him,” you said finally, voice level again, “and I do too. He’s a little asshole but I know he cares. I’ve seen it.”

<That still does not excuse what it did.> You scowled up at him and he sighed, knowing already what you were going to say, <I don’t excuse my actions, I think I’ve made it perfectly clear that I deserved this punishment.>

You wished, as you always did, he would just _tell_ you. Let you judge for yourself if he was really worthy of the loss he’d suffered. You had promised to stay his confession for now...But there was another line of questioning that could help you understand. 

“Do you regret what you did?”

There was no hesitation. 

<No.>

You stopped breathing, your expression stricken. Gaster’s hands clasped your bare shoulders, and you struggled not to shake out of their grip.

<Do not misunderstand me. I regret that I hurt others. I regret how I went about things. But I do not regret the outcome. Believe me when I say I only wanted to help monsterkind. If I had not made those choices back then, monsters would still likely be trapped Underground, or perhaps even at war with humans again. At the very least, I can assure you, Frisk would be dead.>

You were quiet again. 

One of Gaster’s large hands slowly slid over your shoulder and up the side of your neck, measured enough to give you plenty of time to object or pull away, his digits skimming over your skin until he finally placed his cool phalanges once more against your cheek. <I am sorry. I apologize for my outburst. I know you must think I am a hypocrite,> you scoffed at that because _yes you fucking did_ , <But do you understand that I am only telling you this, I only reacted like that, because I care for your safety?> It felt really underhanded what he was doing. It was difficult to hold on to your anger when he held your face like this, no matter how righteous that fury was. You couldn’t even turn away from him. 

“Then trust me to take care of myself. Or trust Frisk, or your brothers, or whoever to keep me safe. Flowey isn’t going to hurt me, I slept in his room for fuck’s sake. You were there.”

<I know, I-> he looked like he wanted to say something more, but was holding his (metaphorical) tongue. Instead he closed his eye sockets and took in a rattling breath, the hand on your shoulder gripping you tightly. It was as if he were trying very hard to control the emotions that played out over his cracked face. And then something relented, letting go, and he looked almost pained. <Please, _please_ be careful around him.> A tension in your chest relaxed as Gaster finally called Flowey ‘him’ instead of ‘it’, a breath rushing out of your lungs. He was ceding to you, just like that. <I do not think you understand the consequences if anything were to happen to you.>

Gaster would be stuck in the void without your SOUL. 

His life, or at least his existence in reality, was entirely dependent on _you._

“I do. I’ll be careful.” you promised. “I thought you said you didn’t know who Flowey was?” 

<I did not know its--his name. Your _friend,_ > his face screwed up as if he’d caught wind of something foul, <Caused quite an incident in the Underground.>

He paused and frowned, looking over you searchingly, contemplatively. Like he was having an internal battle over what to say. He raised his hands to hesitantly sign;

<I am not alone in the void.>

Your eyes went wide and you inhaled sharply.

<When I fell, others fell with me. They thankfully did not descend to the depths that I did, which is just as well; I was the Royal Scientist, the outcome of my decisions should have ultimately resulted in me shouldering the punishment, regardless of my followers’ participation.>

Your eyes narrowed in confusion, and perhaps accusation. “You said you were alone.”

<The void is not a singular place.> He hummed, eyelights drifting to gaze in the middle distance as he zoned out to organize his thoughts. <Perhaps a better descriptor is that the void is the absence of place and time. If you consider space-time as a four-dimensional construct, with a value assigned to the coordinates X, Y, Z and T, the void encompasses all the scenarios in which one of those values is equivalent to ‘NULL’. That would provide a quantity of voids equal to two to the fourth power.>

You did some quick mental math. “...There are sixteen voids!?”

<Presumably. It is a bit more complicated than I have presented it. I was able to do some limited experimentation but my pursual of knowledge took me in other directions. Perhaps if I had studied it more closely I would not be here. And given all that you know, I believe you can surmise where ‘here’ is.>

The furthest one could fall. When every value is NULL.

“The sixteenth void.”

<Correct. The others are in varying locations, some closer to reality than others. Occasionally, I do glean information from them, but communication is in a singular direction. Since the incident and prior to today, I have only been able to directly converse with two entities.>

Yourself and Frisk.

The only two known mages in the world.

<I heard talk of the vessel through them, and I did not know that your Flowey and the creature they referred to were one and the same. The picture they had painted was...far more grotesque than I care to subject you to.>

You didn’t want to ask. Not Gaster anyways, you would ask Flowey yourself. “Why do they call him the vessel?”

At this, Gaster’s signing hands dropped. The one on your cheek did not, thumb idly tracing over your cheek. You felt it was more for his benefit than yours. 

<Perhaps...> Oh, he looked so dismayed at this, <Perhaps, if you are so inclined to speak with him, you should inquire that for yourself.> Your eyebrows raised at that, shocked he would suggest you interacting with a monster he had deemed such a threat. <The Underground was a dark place. I do not wish to discuss the horrors that existed down there, certainly I would prefer to tell you of the echo flowers and Snowdin’s enchanted forests, but what happened when we were all trapped and so desperate to escape...>

_“It was bad, Alex.”_ Alphys had said, _“Really,_ **_really_ ** _bad.”_

<We have secrets. Far be it for me to tell you the mistakes of another monster.>

There was a silence that followed, and for the first time in Gaster’s presence, it felt awkward. You were confused and upset and _angry_. Today was supposed to be fun, relaxing, a way to take your mind off David and everything that followed.

You never expected to have that anger directed at your closest friend. 

<...Do you want me to go?> he finally signed.

“NO!” you snapped, your outrage rising again like a flash fire consuming a flood of oxygen. You told him you didn’t want him to leave! You told him you didn’t want to be alone!

<I only meant into another room, just to give you space.> he quickly reassured you, his thumb stroking your cheek again, <Whatever you ask.>

“You think I’m overreacting.”

<No.>

“Liar...” You sighed, trying to wrangle your temper. You felt like a coiled spring wound too tight. “I just want you to trust me. Let me talk to him, let me understand. Trust me when I say I can take care of myself.”

<I know, I do, my dear. I trust you more than anything.>

“Good.” your arms crossed, and you could see him fighting to hide one of those amused grins at the display. You let your arms fall back to your sides, “I don’t like secrets. I don’t like fighting with you.”

<I know.> he repeated, his eyelights drifting down towards your SOUL. <I’m sorry.>

“Then I want you to make it up to me and help me clean up the party _you_ ruined. Do you have any idea how excited Frisk was to finally see you again?” He did look remorseful at that.

<I apologize...You do look quite lovely in that dress.> There was something dark in his eye lights as he signed that, and you felt your blush returning.

“Flattery won’t get you out of this.” you grumbled, unable to meet his gaze.

<I will endeavor to make it up to you...I predict I will not be selecting the programming for tonight?> he signed. He was probing, making sure you were still on good terms, that today would end with the two of you curled up on the couch together as you always did. 

Of course it would. 

“Smart man...Monster.” you corrected, shaking your head, “Now grab the cling wrap and paper plates, I need to make up some apology platters from the leftovers for my neighbors. I’m pretty sure BP next door believes I’m a crazy cursed human with all the screaming going on.” 

Gaster frowned at that, and you waved him off. You’d had another nightmare last night, your hoarse cry cutting the silence of the dark. Ridiculously _Gaster_ apologized to _you_ for not being able to wake you up before it happened. You could only hope the walls were decently soundproofed.

The man killing you in your dreams had a face now.

Your void ghost briefly tightened his reassuring grip on your shoulder, offering a small smile before releasing you and obediently drifting off to the kitchen. Alone, you sighed, running your fingers through your hair, messing up all the work you had put into styling it this morning. 

It was difficult to care, you had been given a lot to think about.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Flowey was on your patio the next morning, waiting for you. You had put his pot back in the center of your table as an open invitation and he was occupying it, eyes closed and leaves fanned to catch the summer sun. You had never been so glad yet so apprehensive to see him again. And never had you seen him so...calm. He was always angry or sarcastic or terrifying, always trying to get a rise out of those around him. All of that was gone. 

“Hey.” you greeted him gently.

“Hey yourself.” he replied, the voice flat, another oddity to his demeanor. “So what did your boyfriend say about me?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” you said, replying perhaps a bit too quickly.

Flowey snorted, “Oh please, I have eyes! I saw the way you looked at him. And he was looking back at you all lovey-dovey and gross.” he stuck out his tongue. 

“He said you didn’t have a SOUL.” you cut to the chase.

Flowey shook his head. He didn’t look sad. Resigned, perhaps.

You hadn’t thought SOULs existed until very recently, but after having seen and felt yours, you couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have that gone. What did it mean to be missing one? How did it feel to go through life with such a crucial component missing?

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your pity.” he snarled through his bared fangs, glaring at you.

You raised your hands, “Alright, alright...But, how is that possible? I thought all monsters had SOULs?”

Flowey hesitated, roots shifting through the soil of his pot. “I’m not really a monster. I’m something else. Artificial, I guess.”

“The vessel.” you said, and he nodded.

“Alphys made me.” 

You gasped, your eyes flying wide open. You knew Alphys had been up to something but, this...this was darker, it felt like the threads of something sinister that your fingers had only just curled around and begun to tug. 

“Why?” you asked, voice strained.

“She was trying to break the barrier using the power of monster SOULs. Monsters can absorb human SOULs and the same works in reverse. We were short on spare humans down there, but there were lots of monsters to harvest from. So that’s where I was supposed to come in. I was supposed to be a vessel for SOULs.”

“But monster SOULs turn to dust when a monster dies.” you recalled, and Flowey bobbed on his stem.

“Right, so she was also trying to strengthen monsters SOULs so that she could reap them when they dusted.”

You felt sick. This was some horror movie level shit, taking SOULs from dead monsters? Your stomach churned at the thought.

It only got worse.

“Have you met the Amalgamates yet?” he asked, tilting his head curiously but his voice back to that same eerie calm.

“I don’t think so...”

“Yeah, I guess they probably have been told to avoid humans. What Alphys did to them...well, it's probably better I warned you, in case one day you have to fix Endogeny’s tablet because they drooled on it or something. It wouldn’t look good to have you freak out, stars know you are too damn jumpy.” he looked at you, as if waiting for your offence at the insult, but you were too stunned to even pretend to play along. He sighed, turning more grave, “The monsters melted and their bodies fused together. It’s like a walking horror show.”

You blanched, eyes wide and horrified. Belatedly you realized Gaster hadn’t wanted to tell you this, not to protect Flowey, but _Alphys_. They truly must have been friends before his fall. Flowey shared no such qualms, unearthing all of her dark secrets with too casual an aplomb. You wondered if he had earned that right, considering he was her creation, subject to horrors of his own.

“The funniest thing about it all was that Alphys did her job _too_ well. The Amalgamates are practically immortal now. They _can’t_ die. So I’m still just an empty flower.”

His eyes went dark, _soulless,_ devoid of all light and life, voice a growling, haunted, thorn-lined sound.

“ **I hate it.** ”

What could you say to all that?...Nothing, really, so your fingers extended, reaching out towards Flowey. He gave you a look that clearly said ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ while crouching away from your hand like a cat that did not want to be petted. Heedless, you slowly advanced, until your fingers gently brushed over his golden petals.

He went very still, looking, well, like an inanimate plant. Unblinking, uncomprehending, unresponsive of what you were doing. But eventually he seemed to relax, but never quite leaned in to your touch. After a minute or two grumbled “All right, all right.” and swatted your hand away with a vine. 

The moment passed, and you took a deep breath to steel yourself, worried most about this next part.

“Gaster said you killed monsters.”

Flowey went quiet again, contemplating how to answer you for a while. When he did his voice was small. “...I did, but I didn’t this time, so it didn’t really happen and everyone is still alive.” 

Your bewildered expression at the nonsensical sentence must have prompted him to add, “It’s hard to explain.”

You smiled sadly. “You know, that’s what Gaster keeps telling me. That monsters have lots of secrets and lots of bad things happened down there. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t.”

“Can you at least tell me if you regret it?” you asked quietly.

“I’m sorry I hurt people. But...” he glanced up at you, looking almost lost. And so, _so_ young. It was hard to think of Flowey as a child, with the way he often spoke (cursing aside) he seemed much older, far more jaded to the world and its inhabitants. Now, looking at him, it was hard to see him as anything but a kid.

“...I broke the Barrier.”

You blinked, not expecting that at all.

“I thought you said Frisk did that?” 

Flowey shook his head. “Frisk helped me, but I did it. I did what I was made to do, I absorbed every SOUL in the Underground. But to get to that point, for everything to happen the way it did...I did a lot of bad things along the way. I hurt a lot of people. I hurt my friends. I did it for fun, I thought it would be funny or it would make me finally feel something. I tried so hard just to feel **_anything_**. I always thought it was ‘kill or be killed’. I kept telling myself it was ok because they wouldn’t remember any of it, so it didn’t matter, that nothing I did mattered. It was all just a game.” 

Your eyes went wide and a chill came over you. What Flowey was saying didn’t make sense. He hurt monsters? For fun?? Gaster’s warning made far more sense now, but another little snippet the flower had spoken caught in your mind; _They didn’t remember._

Was Flowey somehow like Gaster?

He continued on, still looking unusually young. “I am sorry, but I’m happy everyone is free.”

“...Yeah, me too.” you said after a long while, more than a little shaken. 

Looking at Flowey you studied him closely, the small plant never quite meeting your cautious gaze. Would he have eventually told you this if it weren’t for Gaster? Would Alphys? And what could you make of it, learning that, somehow, he had done terrible things that somehow no one could remember?

...Could you forgive Gaster for whatever he did?

“Hey, you want some toast?”

Flowey looked up at you, astonishment worn his small face.

“...With strawberry jelly?” 

You smiled, marveling at how _hopeful_ he looked just then.

“Yeah, of course.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars](https://youtu.be/4Kvd-uquuhI?t=80)
> 
> \---
> 
> Aaand I’m back! I missed you guys T-T (and I hope y’all are seeing this with the AO3 email issues)
> 
> We will continue with our regular schedule of two chapters a week, posted Sundays and Wednesdays. 
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and be good kiddos!


	15. SOUL Meets Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD, MOAR FANART! The fantastic [Slivang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvang/pseuds/Silvang) drew [Gaster and Alex](https://i.imgur.com/BOfDGnd.jpg) from the last chapter! I cannot overstate how amazing and perfect it is, THANK YOU! 💙💙💙

_I want to live where soul meets body_

_And let the sun wrap its arms around me and_

_Bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing_

_And feel, feel what it's like to be new_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You knocked on the door to apartment 304 with three precise rasps of your knuckles at 10:29 AM, armed with your phone, a chef’s knife, and a shopping bag full of ingredients. 

Opening the door at exactly 10:30 AM, Papyrus was wearing an apron embroidered with the words ”KISS THE COOK” and a kissy-face emoji printed under them. Underneath the apron, the tall skeleton was clothed with a neon sleeveless shirt, very high-cut jogging shorts, and sneakers.

“That’s, uhm, an interesting fashion choice.” you noted, in lieu of a proper greeting.

“IT IS MY TRAINING OUTFIT!” he loudly and excitedly proclaimed, stepping aside to let you in.

“...Are you planning on running laps in the kitchen?” you asked, very confused at Pap’s antics.

“NO...UNLESS THAT IS PART OF YOUR LESSON PLAN?” you shook your head as you unloaded your cargo onto the counter, “THEN NO! YOU WILL TRAIN ME TO COOK,” you swore you saw an orange gleam in Papyrus’s black eye sockets, “AND I WILL TRAIN YOU ON HOW TO USE BLUE MAGIC! NYEH HEH HEH!”

“...Wait, what!?”

“YOU HAVE MAGIC NOW! AND THAT MEANS YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO CONTROL IT! IF NOT, YOU COULD CAUSE ALL SORTS OF TROUBLE! BUT FEAR NOT! UNCLE PAPYRUS WILL IMPART HIS VAST STORES OF MAGICAL KNOWLEDGE UPON YOUR SMALL, IGNORANT HEAD.”

You glared up at him as he condescendingly patted the top of said head. 

“I’m a year older than you.” you grumbled, putting a hand on your hip. Ten months, technically. Papyrus was twenty as well, but your birthday was right around the corner, and that was close enough to count. 

“BUT YOU ARE STILL VERY SMALL.” What was with all these stupid big monsters pointing out how short you were?? Your glare turned petulant, and the damn skeleton grinned down at you, “AND VERY ADORABLE. WHICH MEANS YOU NEED TO BE PREPARED TO DEFEND YOURSELF IF DANGER ARISES!” In case David decided to make a reappearance, he meant. He was still in jail, for now. You sighed, realizing that Papyrus was right, you did need to learn how to control this new ability of yours.

And honestly, you were excited to learn. It was terrifying, that unfamiliar sensation of magic flowing through you, your SOUL burning as you unleashed a power you had only the faintest grasp on. But oh, how _exhilarating_ it had been. Even caught up in the moment, afraid of Gaster’s safety, afraid for your own, there was an undeniable, unmistakable thrill that ran through you. 

“Alright, deal. Cooking first then?” you asked, and Papyrus nodded so hard you could hear his bones rattling. 

“Ok then, today we are going to start with knife skills. Watch closely, you need to grasp the knife like this...”

* * *

The cooking lesson went...ok. 

Papyrus was, as ever, an eager student. He followed your directions well enough, but there were many habits (presumably taught by Undyne, and now that you had met her it made total sense how she managed to burn down her house) that were utterly disastrous. It took all of your patience to re-teach him the proper way to chop vegetables. No, you didn’t wield the knife like a sword, no you don’t smash the veggies with your fist, no we don’t saute them over towering flames...you wanted to pull your hair out and thanked the universe this lesson wasn’t taking place in your kitchen. Besides wanting to keep all your precious equipment safe, you were also worried about Gaster. The animosity he had for Sans did not extend to his youngest brother. Just mentioning Papyrus made a heartbreaking look cloud over the ghost’s face, and you couldn’t imagine subjecting Gaster to this; Seeing the tall skeleton grinning and cheerfully boasting his skills would have surely put a damper on your closest friend’s feelings.

“You don’t have to fight your food,” you admonished, preventing Papyrus from obliterating a garlic clove by grabbing hold of his wrist. “This isn’t about trying to beat everything into submission, cooking doesn’t work like that. It’s more like...” you trailed off, trying to think of the correct analogy.

“A PUZZLE!?” Papyrus offered, stars practically shining in his eye sockets.

“Yeah, I guess that would work. A puzzle. Every ingredient has a way to bring it to its full potential, lots of times more than just one way. But it’s up to you to coax it out. You can’t force it, it’s just about relaxing and going with the flow. Here, try this.” you offered, stretching your arm upward to lift a spoon full of pico de gio up to your student. 

He leaned away from your offering, “THE CHEFS’ GUIDE I READ SAID NOT TO TRY YOUR CREATION BEFORE SERVING IT.”

“...What the hell sort of guide was that? Did you find it in the trash??”

“YES.”

Shit, you forgot monsters survived off of garbage humans had dumped down the mountain.

“...Well, it ended up in the trash for a reason; that is a terrible attitude towards cooking. Next rule; _Always_ taste as you go.” you paused, reconsidering that statement. “Er, actually, _almost_ always taste as you go. Raw meat doesn’t count. Seriously, try this though, my arm is getting tired.”

Papyrus obediently took the mouthful of pico that you offered (and you ignored the part of your brain that was sputtering at the impossibility of the mechanics of eating without flesh), chewing thoughtfully. “Try and tell if it needs more salt or acid or spice. You want to always be judging for little tweaks you can make before serving your final dish.”

“HMM...MORE SALT.” he finally decided, and you ate a spoonful yourself, concurring and adding a pinch. 

“See? You’re right, it's a puzzle, and the answer isn’t always the same every time. I think we are all set here, you want to grab everyone?”

Papyrus readily nodded, shouting for Frisk and Flowey. “Where’s Sans?” you asked, albeit reluctantly. You couldn’t help but be thankful the middle skeleton brother was absent from the apartment.

“WORKING, I’M SURE...I HOPE. IT IS HARD TO TELL WHAT HE IS UP TO THESE DAYS. SINCE WE REACHED THE SURFACE SANS HAS BEEN ACTING STRANGE.”

You hummed, pondering thoughts interrupted by the one-human stampede of Frisk bearing a bored-looking Flowey. 

“Ugh, I was in the middle of a match, this better be good.” he groused.

“IT CERTAINLY IS! YOU WILL NOW TASTE THE DELICACIES OF OUR COMBINED EFFORTS! IT IS SURE TO OVERWHELM YOUR TASTE BUDS!” Papyrus proclaimed.

Flowey’s unenthusiastic gaze shifted over to you, and you gave him a subtle wink. 

<What’s for lunch?> Frisk asked, looking not the least bit deterred. You wouldn’t put it past the kid to have suffered a meal or two prepared by the tall skeleton. Well, if your efforts succeeded, they hopefully wouldn’t have to shoulder such burdens anymore.

“Let me guess, spaghetti?” Flowey drawled, rolling his eyes.

“A GOOD GUESS, BUT NO. ALEX HAS EXPANDED MY CULINARY HORIZONS. I PRESENT TO YOU...” he literally paused for dramatic effect, and you had to cover your mouth with your palm to hold back a snicker.

“...TACOS!”

Sadly, he did not have a plate cover to dramatically unveil, instead merely placing a tray of tortillas on the table as well as bowls of pico de gio, sauteed fajita vegetables, refried beans, sliced avocados, shredded lettuce, crema, and cotija cheese crumbles. 

The two kids looked at each other with raised eyebrows before looking back at the beaming Papyrus. Frisk broke out one of their trademark smiles.

<This looks great! Thanks Uncle Papyrus!>

“NYEH HEH HEH!” 

You had to count this lesson as a success.

* * *

After lunch was eagerly consumed, Papyrus told you to change into something more suitable for training and to meet you outside in the quad your balcony overlooked. You weren’t too enthusiastic about the location your first magic lesson would take place, considering how half the apartments of the four buildings that framed the wide open grassy area were afforded a full view of you. Walking out into the middle where Papyrus, Frisk and Flowey waited, you spotted a large cooler next to your friends. A quick glance around showed a few monsters eyeing your group curiously. One small yellow monster shouted, “Hey Frisk!” down from their balcony, to which the human child waved back enthusiastically. The shout drew more attention (it seemed every monster knew Frisk’s name), and you could feel the number of eyes watching only grow.

“You sure this is the best place for this?” you asked, self-consciously rubbing your bare arm. You ended up dressing similarly to Papyrus in an old tank top and shorts.

“You’d rather trash your place instead?” Flowey grinned up at you, “I’d like to watch that.”

“DO NOT WORRY, ALEX. THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER FAILS TO IMPRESS, AND AS MY STUDENT, YOU WILL ALSO LEARN TO BE GREAT!”

You smiled at the tall skeleton, massively grateful he was your teacher, and not a certain short brother of his. Pap did put you a bit at ease.

Frisk tugged on the hem of your shirt, drawing your attention and held up a large sheet of blue construction paper with the words “GO ALEX!” colored in red crayon. It was difficult to read given the dark shade of blue, but you smiled widely as you realized why they picked that particular color. 

<Thank you. Will you teach me too?> you signed. Frisk was the only mage that you knew of. It made you wonder if any others existed in the world. And if humans always had magic, why was it just now that two suddenly came to be?

And why you?

<I’ll help you.> they signed back after giving Flowey the paper sign and instructing them to hold it. <You have to cheer properly, Flowey.> Frisk admonished.

“Woo.” he gave the most bored cheer ever and a halfhearted shake of the sign. You laughed and Frisk crossed their arms, something that made a tiny smile form on his petaled face.

“ENOUGH DILLY-DALLYING, IT’S TIME TO LEARN MAGIC!” Papyrus boomed, nearly making you jump out of your skin. “GO STAND OVER THERE, ACROSS FROM ME.” he said, pointing to a spot about twenty feet away from him.

“NOW, AS A HUMAN, YOU NEED TO DRAW OUT YOUR SOUL TO USE MAGIC. GO AHEAD.” he waved his hand.

“...How?”

“YOU DID IT THE OTHER NIGHT, JUST DO WHAT YOU DID THEN.” Papyrus answered, like it was obvious.

“I don’t know what I did exactly, it just kind of...happened.”

<Can you remember how you felt?> Frisk asked. <To get your magic to work you might have to draw out your SOUL trait with your emotions. Like this.>

Frisk’s face turned gravely serious, once more unsettlingly so for someone so young. They had a look of pure determination, and in that moment you believed that there did not exist in this world an adversity they couldn’t overcome. Their sheer force of will was something you could _feel_ , stirring in your SOUL.

Their SOUL shined in front of their chest, that brilliant shade of red, so bright and pure it made you want to squint your eyes. 

<”What’s a SOUL trait?”> you asked, your eyes still drawn to the scarlet little heart.

“It’s what makes human SOULs so powerful. Monsters don’t have them, at least not as much as humans do. Mo--the Queen has a lot of Kindness, Undyne has a lot of DETERMINATION but nowhere _near_ what Frisk here has.” Flowey explained, a weird little smirk on his face.

<“Is that what your SOUL trait is?”>

Frisk nodded, oddly frowning at Flowey before glancing up at you. <That’s why mine is red. Your SOUL trait determines your color. It’s what makes you who you are.>

<“What’s orange?”> you asked, thinking of David’s SOUL.

“Bravery.” Flowey said, expression wrathful as he recalled the human that attacked you. 

“...and blue?”

“Light blue is Patience.” Frisk shook their head at Flowey, fingerspelling <C-Y-A-N.> “Oh whatever, same fucking thing.”

“ _YOUR_ BLUE IS INTEGRITY.” Papyrus said, the words feeling heavy. 

You swallowed, your mouth dry as that revelation settled in your mind. The core of your being, the thing that made you who you were, was your integrity. You could understand how that might make sense, how it framed a lot of your interactions with others, particularly Sans and Gaster. Of course you wanted to know what happened all those years ago, you wanted the truth. And of course you would call Sans out on his lies, and you would welcome a wayward monster into your home. And you would defend them, as you would defend any of the monsters who were abused by humans. It was the right thing to do, it’s what humans should have done all along.

You felt it then, that warmth in your chest. It felt like sunlight, like a warm fire crackling in a hearth, like a hot shower after being caught in a rainstorm. _That_ was your magic, pooling inside of you, and with a thought, you drew it out.

Your SOUL hovered just before your sternum, the vivid sapphire blue so intense it made all the colors around you seem muted. Like the first time you saw it the breath in your lungs caught in your throat. This was _you_. 

“GOOD JOB!” Papyrus praised. “CAN YOU FEEL YOUR MAGIC?”

“Holy shit, yes, Oh my god, this is crazy!” you looked over and Frisk and Flowey with an ‘ _are you seeing this!?_ ’ expression on your face. Frisk gave you a beatific smile and a thumbs up, and Flowey rolled his eyes, but you did catch his smirk. 

“OK, NOW TRY AND CHANNEL THAT MAGIC. READY?”

“For what?”

“NYEH!”

Papyrus threw something at you and before you could even _think_ to use your magic it was too late.

A water balloon smacked you right in the head, exploding with a burst of water and drenching you. 

Flowey started cackling, laughing so hard he might have fallen over if he wasn’t rooted to the ground. “You should see your face!” another peal of high-pitched laughter. Frisk looked like they were also about to break, but were just barely holding it in, their hand covering their mouth.

“What the hell, Papyrus!?” you sputtered.

“YOU MUST TO LEARN TO EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED! OBSERVE! SNEAK ATTACK!” Papyrus threw another balloon at you (where the hell was he hiding them!?) and this time you covered your head with your arms and twisted away, shrieking as the water balloon exploded against your shoulder. 

“YOU NEED TO USE YOUR MAGIC!” Papyrus said, kicking open the cooler to reveal it was _full_ of water balloons. There had to be a hundred of them in there! He retrieved two more, one in each hand. 

“Are you kidding me!?”

“NO, THIS IS A VERY ADVANCED TRAINING TECHNIQUE THAT I JUST CAME UP WITH YESTERDAY.” He threw another one, and this time you dodged out of the way, the balloon splashing near your feet.

“ _MAGIC_ , ALEX! YOU’VE FORCED MY HAND.” Papyrus reached out with one long arm, his eye socket glowing orange as blue magic sparked to life around his fingers. It suddenly felt like you were being pulled downwards, or a huge weight had been hoisted on your shoulders. Papyrus had increased gravity on your body! You could barely move, and that seemed to be exactly what the skeleton had intended. “I BELIEVE IN YOU!” he said as he wound up to throw another one.

You tried to remember what you had done that night David attacked, how it felt when you had used magic for the first time. The warmth was still there, gently streaming from your SOUL, you just needed it to come out, it needed to be a _rush_ , a thrumming heat to overflow and spill forth.

You raised your hand, blue flames bursting to life around it.

The balloon stopped, encircled in your magic and hovering in mid-air.

“Holy crap, I did i-” another water balloon collided with your face.

“NEVER LOWER YOUR GUARD!” Papyrus said as he lobbed another one your way. You were ready this time, your magic taking hold of the balloon, and then instead of stopping it, you sent it flying back the way it came. It was a very strange sensation, what you were doing, but also somehow almost natural. It was as if the water balloon was a weight tethered to a taut cord pulled along by its momentum. And if you _twisted_ that cord, spun it around, none of that momentum was lost, just sent in another direction. You could _feel_ the balloon, the mass of it, the forces acting upon it, but all without physically touching anything at all. It was as if some extra sense had been installed in your brain, processing this new information, yet at the same time it felt like it might have been there all along, lying dormant and waiting for you to wake it up.

The balloon whizzed past Papyrus’s head, barely missing him. Cool guy that he was, he didn’t move an inch, no hint of flinching away from the incoming projectile. “VERY GOOD, BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” Gravity returned to normal, the skeleton's magic dissipating. You could move again, and by the way he was grinning you had the distinct feeling that despite having freedom of movement returned to you, this was going to get a lot worse.

In a way you were right. Papyrus had been going easy on you at first, tossing the balloons in your direction with what you now realized was a very relaxed speed. He could throw much, _much_ harder if he wanted (he was clearly the most athletic of the three skeleton brothers) and once you had successfully scored a hit on him (barely grazing his leg bone) he began rocketing projectiles your way.

Maybe this was a good training technique because you might have been beginning to get a feel for this whole magic thing. It took a bit of practice, but once you were consistently catching balloons with your magic and semi-consistently firing back, Papyrus was very skilled at ramping up the difficulty. He would throw them faster, or throw multiple balloons, or toss them rapid fire so that you would have to dodge while trying to aim a retaliatory strike back at him. He also stopped standing in place, instead moving about the quad (although you were sure he wasn’t trying _that_ hard to dodge) and varied the speed of the incoming balloons like a baseball pitcher trying to throw off a batter. Always he kept you straining just a little harder, but never made it so difficult that you felt overwhelmed.

At one point you stumbled as you ran, your magic slipping and a balloon thrown wide of where you were intending, colliding with Frisk instead. The resulting splash along their side soaked Flowey. Instead of getting upset, the two shared matching grins that could only be considered diabolical.

“It. Is. ON!” Flowey announced, and then his petals curled up over his face and he _buried himself underground._ Since when could he do that!? Also, super unfair! The little flower utilized the tactic often, pairing up with Frisk who provided the ammunition for the plant monster’s vines to fling at you and Papyrus alike. He howled with maniacal laughter, clearly getting the upper hand until Frisk double tapped him right in the back of the bud, chucking balloons with both hands. 

“Traitor!” he screeched, and it was truly a free-for-all then. Laughter and splashes of water chased you around the quad, until you were breathless and your cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

It was the best training session ever.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie](https://youtu.be/Yr6mVfl_klE)
> 
> \---
> 
> TEN POINTS TO THE HOUSE THAT SPOTS THE MLP REFERENCE. 
> 
> Also, heights of our various characters, for those curious:
> 
> Sans - 5’ 2”, 158 cm  
> Papyrus - 7’ 6”, 229 cm  
> Undyne - 6’ 11”, 211 cm  
> Alphys - 5’ 4”, 162 cm  
> Frisk - 4’ 6”, 137 cm  
> Flowey - 1’ 5”, 45 cm  
> Alex - 4’ 10 ½”, 148 cm (she’s a smol bean)  
> Gaster, before fall - 7’ 3”, 221 cm  
> Gaster, after fall - ??? He’s a big ol’ pile of goop, you can’t measure that (it's pretty similar to what he was before though)
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> I don’t know about you guys, but I needed a more lighthearted chapter right about now. 💙
> 
> Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	16. when the party's over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD, EVEN MOAR FANART! The wonderful [cipher-the-sidhe](https://cipher-the-sidhe.tumblr.com/) drew [Gaster and Alex](https://cipher-the-sidhe.tumblr.com/post/619879019793530880/fallingstarstuff-because-apparently-we-are-all) from Chapter 12! Goopy boi does a heckin’ concern, so beautiful, THANK YOU! 💙

  
  


_Don't you know too much already?_

_I'll only hurt you if you let me_

_Call me friend, but keep me closer_

_And I'll call you when the party's over_

  
  


* * *

  
  


When you crossed the threshold of your apartment, dripping wet and with a wild grin on your face, Gaster was, as always, there to greet you. Armed with a towel and a smile that didn’t seem quite as wide as usual. You felt your expression fall, worry overtaking you.

“What’s wrong?”

Gaster silently offered you your phone (for once in the history of the universe, you were glad your shorts did not have pockets and you had been forced to leave your phone at home). With a quick “Thanks” you unlocked it, revealing 16 notifications. 11 missed calls, two voicemails, and three text messages. All from the contact “Mom”.

<It was alerting while you were out. Is there an emergency?>

“Doubt it.” you muttered, opening up the texts first.

> CALL ME

> Is this u?????
> 
> Channel 6 Ebott News
> 
> Man Arrested for Break-in, Assault in Ebott Springs Apartment Complex, Monster Magic Used to Subdue Suspect
> 
> Police arrested David Pearson for allegedly breaking in and assaulting a young woman living in Ebott Springs, a housing complex well-known for its monster population...

> I told u living there was a stupid decision!!! U need to move back home!!

You let out the biggest sigh, lifting your glasses and pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“Can you put this in the void, please?” you asked, holding out the offending device.

Gaster looked at you with mild concern, and instead of banishing your phone to the shadow realm, he set it safely on the counter.

<I don’t believe Alphys would appreciate it if you misplaced your phone in another dimension.>

“ _I’d_ appreciate it...Well I guess I could just change my number...”

<Will you not respond? It said your mother was calling, surely something is the matter?>

“Yeah, I’m making her look bad, apparently the news picked up on what David did. I’m not responding to her, ‘The only way to win is not to play.’”

<’The only winning move is not to play’,> he corrected, and your brow furrowed in confusion, <From the film _Wargames_. I found a VHS copy in the dump once. Regardless, I don’t understand, is she not concerned for you safety?>

“Yeah, probably, but more from me being around monsters than other humans. This is how our conversations always go. She’ll insist I should move back home, tell me I have no idea what I’m doing, that I’m making the family ‘so worried’ but really she just doesn’t want to look like the mother of a daughter who fraternizes with monsters, and then I’ll tell her that it was a human who attacked and monsters helped me and she’ll twist it so that it’s somehow _my_ fault, like I did something wrong and I was just asking for it, and then she’ll lay on the guilt trip and bring up how I never call and--You know what?” you said, cutting your rant short, “I’m not doing this, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again. I was having a good day too.” You buried your face into the towel and let out a muffled scream.

Gaster’s eyelights were small, and he looked quite lost, like he didn’t know what to make of you and your torrent of words. He defaulted to comfortingly squeezing your shoulder, clearly not sure what to say in this obvious minefield.

“Can we just pretend none of this happened and watch some TV together before I have to go?” You had promised Frisk and Flowey you were going to stay for another sleepover, and you really didn’t want to spend your next few hours with Gaster in this soured mood.

He nodded, still regarding you with a look of disquiet. He must have had questions and you really didn’t want to get into your toxic family dynamics right now. <Of course...Perhaps later, we may stop pretending?> he cautiously ventured. <Only if you wish to discuss it, certainly.>

Your mouth pressed to a thin line. He probably just wanted to help you, to give you the opportunity to vent. But what if he didn’t understand? What if his parents were kind people who didn’t treat him and his brothers as yours had? Would he tell you to try and get along for the sake of family just as so many others you had discussed this with?

“Maybe later. Not today.” you said evasively. “I’m going to go change, can you pick something to watch?”

He nodded, bones running down along your arm before he drifted back towards the living room.

The two of you ended up watching Wargames, apparently it had been one of Gaster’s favorites when he was a child. You got to laugh at some seriously ancient depictions of human technology, and he regaled you with his quest to build a supercomputer with broken 80’s-era telephones he had foraged from the dump. You tried to imagine what a little Gaster may have looked like, and your heart broke a bit at the thought of a small skeleton sifting through literal trash, attempting to build something from the remnants of your kind.

You reached out, your fingers threading with his as you held his hand, the two of you side by side on the couch while the movie played. Your thumb wandered over the knobs and ridges of his bones, mapping them in your mind so you could forever navigate them on touch alone. Having seen both Sans and Papyrus’s, you noted how each brother varied in bone structure; Gaster’s, while massive compared to yours, were slender compared to the other skeletons. Your wandering mostly steered clear of the hole in his palm, grazing over the rim before his eyelights curiously peered down at you.

“Sorry.” you murmured, “Does that hurt?”

<No. The inner surface-> he conjured up another hand between the two of you, allowing a closer study of the damaged anatomy, <-is quite sensitive. It is uncomfortable to have it touched.> You could imagine why, seeing the sponge-like structure of the marrow where his bones had been sliced clean through. 

“Sorry.” you repeated, and he shook his head, smiling down at you.

<It is quite all right.>

You lapsed into a comfortable silence as the movie continued. As much as you tried to pay attention to the screen, your eyes kept being drawn to the monster beside you, your mind a quagmire of confused thoughts.

What was he to you?

A roommate, though not by choice. A friend certainly. Your best friend, considering the limited pool afforded the prerequisite title. He was the only one you trusted to look after you, the only one who you let your guard down around. And there were things that were shared between the two of you that were more than just friendly. Like how he brushed his fingers through your hair, or how you held his hand, just as you were now, fingers laced together in an alternating pattern of flesh and bone. 

And you _liked_ it. You liked this closeness that had been fostered. If anything, you wanted to be closer, you wanted _more_. Some thoughts had been swirling about your head that were... _indecent_. 

...But would he want that? Could he ever want you, a human?

<Is something the matter?> he asked, stirring you from your thoughts. You blinked, realizing you’d just been staring at him for god knows how long.

“No, sorry, just zoned out.” you stammered, feeling a blush heating your cheeks.

You forced your attention back to the TV, resolving to sort out whatever the hell was going on with you.

Or at least work up the courage to act on your feelings.

* * *

When you went back downstairs to apartment 304 with an overnight bag and a pillow, Papyrus lamented that he could not stay as Undyne had unexpectedly requested his help. Sans had his feet kicked up in a recliner with his hood pulled low over his face, presumably sleeping (and probably still faking it) leaving you to keep an eye on Frisk and Flowey more or less by yourself. If this was how it would be with Sans, an uneasy truce where you ignored each other unless interacting was necessary, you could live with that.

As you listened to Papyrus’s instructions for the two kids, (“ONLY ONE SWEET TREAT BEFORE BED! IF YOU ARE STILL HUNGRY, EAT SOME VEGETABLES! DON’T FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH! DON’T STAY UP TOO LATE! AND NO ROUGHHOUSING!”) you found the whole situation to be utterly hilarious; _you_ , babysitting. A few months ago you would have laughed at the idea of willingly spending time with a couple of kids. A nightmare flower and a magical ambassador no less. Yet here you were, looking forward to it. Somehow you had also earned Sans’s trust, though you doubted he would have left Frisk under your care while neither he nor Papyrus were around. For the best, really, you were sure those two (Flowey, mostly) could cause a whole bunch of mischief, and it was good to have backup, just in case.

There was, just as last time, a debate on what sleepover activities the three of you would be participating in. You and Frisk had more aligned interests, settling on braiding each other’s hair and painting nails, the polish and hair ties supplied by you. Flowey rightfully pointed out how unfair that was, considering he lacked both prerequisite body parts, and that you promised him you’d play video games. A compromise was reached when you suggested playing Smash Bros. while your nails dried.

Frisk was quite eager to play with your long hair, but it became apparent very quickly they had no idea what they were doing and your curls only ended up a knotted mess. “Ugh, just let me do her hair and she can do yours, otherwise this will take all night.” Flowey groused as Frisk appeared increasingly distressed while you battled to work the tangles out with a brush. You eyed Flowey cautiously, brush stilling in your hand at his suggestion. “What? I can’t do any worse than they did. I won’t rip out your hair.”

You gave him an appraising look before agreeing with a reluctant “Ok...”, unsnarling the last of the knots, then turning around so that you could work on giving Frisk french braids while Flowey’s vines wove through your hair. 

<Are you and Doctor Gaster ok?> Frisk asked as you tied off the pleat on the left side of their head, coaxing them to turn the other way so you could work on the right side.

“What do you mean?”

“They want to know if you broke up with your boyfriend because of me.” Flowey answered, vines wrangling the separated sections of hair. At least he wasn’t pulling too hard. “Why is this stuff so damn wavy?” he grumbled.

“Well considering that we are not dating, and he’s not my boyfriend, I technically can’t break up with him. But yes, we are ok. We talked it all over and worked everything out.” Like totally rational adults.

...Who hold hands and practically snuggle on the couch every evening.

<He’s not your boyfriend _yet_.> Frisk signed with a grin, as if reading the direction of your thoughts.

“Ugh, gross...” Flowey groaned, and you could hear him rolling his eyes. “There, that’s as good as it gets, I haven’t done this in a while.”

“Where’d you learn?” you asked, inspecting the long braid. He did a good job considering how frizzy it currently was.

“An old friend. They were really good at braiding and knots and knitting.” The usual irritation that lined his words was absent, and he almost sounded nostalgic. 

“Well, thank you.” you said, finishing Frisk’s hair (their braids were unfortunately a little lopsided, you weren’t the best at this either), and offering the small flower a smile. He crossed his leaves, grumpy expression firmly back in place. It discouraged you from digging any further, especially considering he used a past tense when speaking of his friend.

“Ok, time to pick nail polish!” you announced, dumping out the zip-top bag full of the little glass bottles. You had a pretty decent collection, even if you didn’t wear it often. With you constantly yanking RAM sticks out of computers or popping open cases, you inevitably chipped the polish less than 24 hours after it was applied. However, this seemed like a good excuse to indulge as ever.

You picked out one of your favorite colors from the pile, a vivid deep blue with silver glittery flecks floating about, and Frisk selected a bright shimmery scarlet.

“Seriously?” Flowey said when he looked at your chosen colors. “A little vain, don’t you think?”

Ah, right. 

“What colors should we use then?” you asked, and Frisk nodded.

“Fine, I’ll pick.” The little plant didn’t seem too terribly upset at being given the choice, his eagerness poorly hidden, “Frisk gets this one,” he said, a vine curling around a glimmering purple polish, “It matches your shirt. And Alex...” he sifted through the bottles for a minute, examining a few before ultimately settling on a jet black.

“This one? Why?”

“It looks cool.” he said, lifting his leaves and bobbing on his stem. You hadn’t worn black in a very long while, in fact you had never opened this particular bottle. Once, when you were younger, you had painted your nails with such a dark color and your mother flipped out, claiming you looked like some emo kid who cut herself and threw your polish in the trash.

You felt a little rebellious right now.

“You’re right, it is really cool. Ok, let’s go with this.” Frisk grinned, and you held out your hand so they could carefully apply a coat of the inky black over your nails. They had quite a steady hand for a ten year old, probably from all the drawing they did. They got a little bit on your cuticles, but otherwise did a great job, and you told them so as you admired their work.

And if the color happened to remind you of a certain void ghost made of black shadows, well, that was just a nice bonus.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Each day following your training session you had taken every spare moment to practice your magic.

Your clothes flew from your closet in the mornings, your dishes were lowered into your dishwasher surrounded by a haze of blue, your phone hovered in front of your face displaying a diagram of the innards of a customer’s laptop that was laying half-disassembled on their table. The monster whose apartment you were in, a creature that mainly consisted of a single large blinking eyeball, watched you tentatively, their eye only rarely flicking up to observe your magic.

You worried how monsters might react to your new ability, all considering it was human mages who locked them away so long ago. Yet again the monsters surprised you, asking a casual question or two, but otherwise not too entirely concerned with magic. You supposed it was so everyday and commonplace for them (their bodies literally consisted of it) that one more magic user wasn’t an interesting addition. 

What _was_ interesting was the confrontation that happened a few days ago and the subsequent news article that had been plastered all over UnderNet. Every client was asking you about it; if humans breaking into homes were commonplace, if more humans would be back to take revenge for a monster using magic on one of their own, if the cops could be trusted or if they should call the Royal guard to defend them if they were attacked. You did your best to assuage their concerns and tactfully answer, with the disclaimer that you were just one girl and not a representative of every human out there. Strangely, monsters always said “the humans” instead of “you humans” when speaking to you, as if you occupied a separate category rather than lumping you in with the rest of your kind. 

You found yourself appreciating that, and then feeling a bit wrong at harboring disparaging thoughts towards your own species.

That evening while you were preparing dinner you intensely stared at a mason jar of tomato sauce, your Blue Magic skittering around the lid. A twisting motion was more tricky to coax your magic into doing, you tongue stuck out as your brows furrowed in concentration. 

“hey pal, what-”

Your startled scream cut Sans’s words off and the lid to the jar shot straight up, along with tomato sauce that splattered over you, your kitchen, and your ceiling.

Gaster materialized in an instant, eyelights searching for danger before his gaze narrowed at Sans.

“Sans, what the fuck! I told you not to teleport in here!” 

“i’m pretty sure you said not to teleport _you_ , and to not come in uninvited.” he corrected. You aimed a furious glare at him, the look completely ineffective against the lax skeleton. 

“oh, right...knock knock?”

“I don’t know if I can force-choke a skeleton but I’d be willing to test it right now.” you growled, raising a hand, magic flaring back to life.

Sans was entirely immune to your threat, his attention instead directed towards his approaching brother.

“‘yours’ huh?” He said, grin turning more amused as he pointed a thumb back towards you. What did that mean? Gaster’s glower deepened, his hands forming.

<What do you want, Sans?>

“ten years and that’s how you greet your little brother?” Sans’s eyelights took in the taller skeleton monster appraisingly. As always, it was hard to read Sans, but you got the distinct impression he was appalled. “you, uh...did quite a number to yourself, ‘dings. crayons didn’t do it justice.” 

Gaster wore the most severe frown you’d ever seen on his cracked face.

“Sans, I swear to god if you don’t get out of my apartment right this second...”

Sans lifted his hands up in a gesture of surrender, his grin still perfectly relaxed. “geez, chill, no need to get up in arms for your boyfriend.” Was that a joke about Gaster’s lost limbs? Your glare now hovered somewhere between murderous and exasperated. 

“Why does everyone keep saying that!?”

“heh, you didn’t deny it...i just came to talk.” he said before shoving his hands back in his hoodie pockets and his demeanor grew more serious. “you gotta tell me what you told undyne and alphys about my brother.”

At this Gaster looked over at you curiously and perhaps a bit hurt. Great, now he probably thought you were talking about him behind his back.

“I just told them I got in an argument with my roommate.” Gaster looked dismayed at that, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty. He _did_ ask you to keep his existence a secret.

“Look, what was I supposed to do? When we were fighting-” a ‘snerk’ sound poorly disguised as a cough came from the short skeleton, followed by what sounded like ‘lover’s quarrel’, “Shut up, Sans. We were fighting and they picked up on how upset I was and I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this. Or was I supposed to go to him?” you jabbed a finger at the still snickering Sans. “What do you care anyways, Sans?” 

He suddenly stopped laughing, his eyelights shifting over to Gaster. Whatever he read on his brother’s face made his perma-grin slacken. “wow, you didn’t tell her anything, did you? at least that habit of yours hasn’t changed.”

“He doesn’t have to tell me anything, I trust him.” you said, feeling the need to defend Gaster.

“heh, ‘course you do. look, pal, some things monsters are better off forgetting. the more people learn about my bro, the more they might start remembering and asking questions. things on the surface are pretty cozy, all considering, and i’d really like to keep it that way.”

“You know I don’t understand what the hell you are talking about. It’s not like monsters will be stuck back Underground if someone realizes Gaster is back.”

There was an uncomfortable silence that followed. 

“...Guys, you’re scaring me.”

“still scared of skeletons, huh? figured you’d get over that since you keep one in your closet.” 

“That was terrible. Quit trying to distract me. And anyways, I don’t think they _can_ remember. I uh...I, um, did a little experiment...” the suddenly trained eyelights of both monsters staring at you made your shuffle in place, “I asked Alphys if she remembered who built the CORE. It was like she was about to tell me and then she went completely blank. She couldn’t remember at all.”

Sans’s eye sockets narrowed at his brother. “so you brag to her about the CORE, but skip all the parts that make you look bad.” he said, his tone cold. Gaster didn’t react to Sans at all, still staring at you, disbelievingly now.

At once your SOUL clenched. Gaster had asked you to keep him a secret, and while you hadn’t gone against your word, perhaps not to the letter, but maybe the spirit of what he wanted? What if Alphys _had_ remembered? What would you have done then?

Weren’t you supposed to be INTEGRITY?

“I’m sorry-”

<Later.> he sharply signed, and your words instantly died in your throat. 

You’d fucked up, _again._

“well this is awkward.” Sans lightly commented in the silence that followed. Ugh, he was still here. You better just get this all over with.

“What am I supposed to tell Undyne? Alphys invited me back over their place in a week or so and I can’t see how I can get out of that conversation.” The yellow monster had texted you a few hours ago informing you that the parts to upgrade your phone would be delivered soon.

The two brothers looked at each other, quietly pondering your question.

<Perhaps tell them I am a ghost monster?>

“Can you hold hands with ghost monsters? ‘Cause I kinda told them we do that.”

Gaster flushed purple as Sans burst out in raucous laughter.

“gotta _hand_ it to you, pal, when I said make friends with my brother, you sure got in the _spirit_ and went above and beyond.”

“ _Shut up Sans!_ ” you hissed. That just made him guffaw harder, and you rolled your eyes. “What if I just tell her the truth, that you don’t want to be seen?”

<It would be difficult to explain how the police omitted me from their report while searching your home.>

“Can monsters turn invisible?”

Sans shook his head, wiping a tear from his eye socket. You frowned, not only at the display, but the nonsensical ability of a skeleton to tear up in the first place. “nah, only ghosts.”

“Well I got nothing then. I really don’t want to lie to my friends anyways.” Gaster gave you a small, fond smile at that. That kindled a bit of hope in you, that perhaps you hadn’t screwed up everything.

“well, if you won’t lie, the best you can do is keep your mouth shut going forward, and quit bragging about your love life.”

You sighed heavily, knowing that any objecting you did in response to Sans’s needling would only egg him on. Instead you took a different tack.

“So did they ever press charges for what you did to David?” you asked Sans, and his sockets widened a little at that, your distraction successful. He probably never expected you to care. And if Sans wasn’t someone important to those close to you, you probably wouldn’t.

“nah, i don’t think so.”

You arched an eyebrow at that. “You don’t _think_ so?”

“i never followed up on it, seemed like too much work. pap didn’t say anything about cops coming to arrest me, so i’m guessing they decided to drop it.” he said with a shrug. Holy hell he was lazy. “what are they gonna do anyways, lock me up? i’ve got a _skeleton key_.” he winked. You snorted a laugh at that one, imagining Sans nonchalantly teleporting out of a jail cell, then you scowled when you realized Sans might have made you laugh. 

“what about you, pal?”

“You mean with David?” you said, and Sans nodded while Gaster’s expression darkened considerably. That human would never know how lucky he was that your friend was stuck in the void. “He got out of jail on bail yesterday. I got the restraining order though, and he’s being evicted. Turns out the lease agreement forbids breaking into another tenant's house and attacking them, who would have guessed.” your tone sharp and icy.

Gaster’s shadows were growing, and you couldn’t help but feel your own mood turn black. David was why you were practicing your magic. If he came after you, you wanted to be prepared.

You had always been weak. It was something you had learned to live with, as a woman, as someone born smaller than most. You were short and scrawny and when it came to physical confrontations, you simply couldn’t stand a chance. But having magic changed that, the power dynamics and how you viewed the world turning on its head. Sure, someone like Sans or Undyne could probably still kick your ass six ways til Sunday, but David?

If he broke the restraining order, if you ever saw him again, you would make him regret what he did to Gaster. You would make sure he knew _exactly_ how it felt to be helpless and weak. 

You had to forcefully pull yourself away from such vengeful thoughts. “The detective said I probably wouldn’t have to testify, so hopefully this whole ordeal can just get put behind us.”

“one less human around here to worry about. no offense.”

“That’s just a bit offensive.”

“eh” Sans shrugged, unbothered. “welp, i guess i’ll be leaving. later, vader.” he winked at you, and you scowled. How come Sans was the only monster who got your Star Wars references? 

<Sans, if I may speak with you for a moment?> Gaster asked, his face unreadable and mask-like again.

Sans’s eyelights went dim, his grin falling so much it was almost a grimace. “i don’t think we have too much to talk about, bro.” Sans replied icily.

<Please?> There was more than one way to convey a request in sign language, and Gaster had decidedly used the more formal version this time. It was not just a request, but a respectful one. The pleading seemed to have worked, because Sans’s shoulders sagged and his white eyelights resumed their usual luminous glow. 

“...fine. i’m sure i’ll regret this.”

<You may want to go to another room, my dear. And to be safe, cover your ears.>

“Yeah, sure. But this-” you pointed to the sauce still splattered all over and glancing at Sans, “better be cleaned up by the time I get back.” You walked off to give the brothers some privacy, and to try and salvage your shirt. Hopefully the stain wouldn’t set in.

As you waited, splayed out on your bed and in a fresh set of clean clothes, you pondered what they might be talking about, and how you could address your screw-up with Alphys. You could hear Sans’s baritone voice raising, and Gaster’s strange language just barely at the edges of your perception, his voice kept low and measured. Probably so he wouldn’t hurt you, but it was quiet enough through the closed door that the headache you usually associated with his weird noises never came. 

It was getting concerning the regularity in which you and Gaster seemed to do something that upset one another. 

Maybe it was happening so often because you cared too much. 

There was quiet in your apartment, and you felt Gaster approaching, like a thread tugging on your SOUL. _How_ you knew where he was when he moved silently was beyond you, but a knock at your bedroom door confirmed it. You reached out with your magic, tugging the door open and revealing Gaster hovering on the other side, his wide mouth ever so slightly downturned into a frown. 

“I’m sorry.” you said quickly, sitting up, “I shouldn’t have asked Alphys, it was a dumb decision I made in a split second, I wasn’t thinking-”

Gaster held up a hand, and you fell silent. He glided over to your bed, his shadows pooling beside you, close enough that you could feel the cold, oily darkness pressed against your hip.

<Why did you ask her about me?>

You shrugged a little helplessly, tucking your legs against your chest and wrapping your arms around them, “Curiosity, I guess. I know that’s not a very good reason. It’s pretty selfish, actually. I just didn’t understand how someone like you could be forgotten. I still don’t. You and Alphys were friends, right?”

He nodded, <She was an intern at my lab. One of my brightest.> he sighed, and you wanted to reach out to hold his hand, hoping that he could forgive you, but instead your fingers dug harder into your skin.

“I’m sorry.” you said, pouring as much sincerity into the word as possible.

He glanced over at you, eyelights wandering your face before he reached out to touch your arm, phalanges idly tracing imaginary lines between your freckles as he appeared deep in thought. 

<I asked you to keep me a secret for selfish reasons.> he finally signed. 

Something cold settled in your SOUL.

“...So no one would remember what you did.” 

His hand skimmed down your arm, over your wrist, and finally held yours. It felt like your SOUL was set right again with the intertwining of your digits. 

<We are so different, you and I.> he looked wistful as he signed. You glanced down at your joined hands, at the long phalanges curled around the back of your hand, at the hole you could see your palm through. Your thumb ran over his bones, hard and cool, unlike anything you’d ever felt before, unique and inhuman, not the soft yielding of skin and flesh. He was right, he was a monster and you a human, from different worlds and cultures and _species._

He followed your gaze, a small smile curling his lips. <I did not mean this, my dear,> he said, his thumb running over your knuckles. <I mean here.> he tapped a spindly phalange against your chest.

“My SOUL?”

He nodded, his smile falling by degrees, <I could ask you what you would tell the families of those who were lost to the void. I could ask you if you would allow them to live in blissful ignorance that they are missing something so close to their hearts. But I already know your answer. You are INTEGRITY. You would speak the truth, even when it is painful.>

You stared up at him, taken aback. You hadn't told him this, he simply knew it from looking at your SOUL. You felt exposed in a way that you’d never experienced before, finding it altogether unnerving how he could glean the inner workings of your thoughts and feelings by the color of your being.

“But you wouldn’t. You want it all to stay forgotten.” you realized, voice low and distant. 

<There is little to be gained with that truth, what was done cannot be undone.>

“So you won’t tell me how you fell into the void.”

<I will. I promise I will, you deserve to know.> he emphatically signed, <...But I am selfish, and so I asked to keep my misdeeds hidden from you.> He grinned ruefully, <One facet we certainly share is our curiosity. I am all too familiar with that desire to know more, and if I would not tell you, it is a reasonable assumption that you would seek answers elsewhere.>

You shook your head, “I promised to wait until you were ready to tell me. I’ll keep that promise. Alphys was the one who said I should wait. And to not judge you too harshly when I did find out. You were right about the Underground, I don’t know what it was like, I never will.”

Your thumb brushed over his smooth bones, and you found yourself leaning against the strange shadows of his body. 

“No matter what you did, you trusted me, and I’m sorry I betrayed that trust. I won’t let that happen again, I swear.”

He looked down as you, and you couldn’t help but marvel at the gentle white glow of his mis-matched eyelights as he took you in. What was it he saw in you when he searched your face?

You could only hope it was someone still worthy of his trust.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [when the party's over by Billie Eilish](https://youtu.be/pbMwTqkKSps)
> 
> \---
> 
> It is my personal headcanon that Chara taught Asriel how to weave flower crowns, and the two would-be future rulers of the Underground gifted such crowns to each other often.
> 
> Remember how I said Chapter 12 was my favorite? Well, I lied, the next one, Chapter 17 is.💙
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	17. Lose It

_Caught up in an overflow_

_My hands, your bones_

_Wide eyed, you look at me_

_Set on fire in a silver dream_

  
  


* * *

  
  


Today was your birthday.

And you had made sure you hadn’t told a single soul.

Birthdays of years past were quite an unpleasant experience for you, and in an effort to not bring attention to yourself you made sure that the date was hidden on all your limited online profiles and when asked you simply mentioned, “Oh, it’s in June,” but neglected to include the date, or did your best to evade that topic of conversation altogether.

And you were twenty-one this year. Which meant that, instead of a night of bar hopping, you were going to buy wine. Three whole bottles, in fact. One red, one white, and one rosé (the latter was the only one you planned on drinking, the first two were going to be used for cooking. You were _ecstatic_ you could finally use the long-forbidden ingredient). In preparation of this new opportunity, you had done exhaustive googling on brands and reviews to select just the right wine, picked out the one liquor store that was within walking distance and even gotten your passport out of the very back of your closet, residing in a folder inside of a box that you stowed all your legal documents in (with Gaster’s help, you couldn’t reach up on the tall shelf without grabbing a chair. He gave you one of those amused smiles as he obliged you, but wisely did not comment). Without a driver’s license, this was the best you could do to prove you were of age. 

A plan for your “coming-of-age initiation” ready to execute you changed out of your work clothes, substituting the button-down for a light tank top and the slacks for shorts. You’d have to ask Gaster what constituted “business casual” in monster terms, because your chosen uniform was sweltering in the summer months.

Said ghost was watching you put on your shoes, looking somewhat alarmed.

<Where are you going?>

You gave him a strange look. “Shopping, why?” 

<No reason. I was merely curious.> he said, his eyelights shifting.

“You’re a pretty bad liar, you know that? Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.” you checked your phone to make sure you had the right directions (bless Alphys and her upgrade, you didn’t have to worry about battery life any more) and grabbed your passport before giving Gaster a wave and departing with a, “Try not to miss me too much.”

He grumbled something under his breath you couldn’t make out even if you had understood Wingdings. 

* * *

Your quest was going well. You made good time to the liquor store (you had a feeling you wouldn’t on the way back, it was all uphill), it took minimal effort to find the wine you wanted amidst the rows upon rows of booze, and you didn’t drop anything while you juggled three bottles and fished your passport out of your pocket.

The cashier was examining it closely now, looking repeatedly down at your picture and back up at you. It wasn’t that old, and really the only difference was that you had taken off your glasses in the photo. Did it normally take this long?

“You have another form of ID?” the older woman asked.

“Uh, no, that’s all I got. Is there a problem with my passport?”

“...Today is your birthday?” she asked, sounding unreasonably suspicious.

“Yup. June 17th. Just getting some wine. For my birthday. Do you need my credit card now?” you said, pushing the wine on the counter a little closer to the register.

She grabbed the wine and stowed it behind the counter. “If you don’t have another form of ID, I’ll need you to leave.” she said sternly.

“What? Are you serious? You think that’s a fake or something?” you said incredulously. 

“Pretty much. Now you can leave, or I can call the cops.”

“Alright, fine, I’ll leave.” you muttered, face red with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. You had never been kicked out of a store in your life. Well, except when you were with your mom, she liked to kick up fits at the slightest inconvenience. You wouldn’t be like that. You could postpone your little celebration for another day, take the bus to another store.

“I need my passport back.” you said, unable to mute the irritation that lined your words.

“No, I’m handing this over to the cops. Do you want to wait for them to show up?” she said, pointing to the door.

She couldn’t do that! It was yours! You did nothing wrong! And what, you were supposed to wait around for those same cops who wanted to arrest a monster who defended you? Who thought you lied about using magic?

In a fraction of a second, you reacted without thinking.

You lifted your right arm, blue flames erupting around your hand as you curled your fingers and an identical halo of magic surrounded your passport. It was ripped from the cashier’s grasp, flying into your outstretched hand, effortlessly as breathing.

Strange, how quickly something as foreign and wondrous as magic was becoming second nature to you.

It wasn’t to anyone else.

The cashier screamed, and behind you gasps from other customers and nervous muttering filled the air. You could feel the tension, the eyes upon you with looks of _‘what are you?’_

You walked out the door.

Powerwalked was more like it. Well, the most accurate term would have been ‘fled’ out the door. You wanted to run, but you didn’t want to draw more attention to yourself. Shit, you didn’t do anything wrong! It wasn’t your fault that stupid woman didn’t know what a real passport looked like. Using magic wasn’t illegal, and you didn’t use it on her, only your property. 

Geez, what if she called the cops anyways? She had seen your name. They probably had security cameras too, being a liquor store and all. What if footage of you got posted to the internet? What if _everyone_ learned you could do magic instead of just monsters? Fuck, _fuck,_ you should have never done this, bad things always happened on your birthday, you never learned, did you?

By the time you made it back home you had run through every disaster scenario in your head and had looked over your shoulder for cop cars at least two dozen times. You kept telling yourself you hadn’t done anything wrong but it didn’t stop all the ‘what if’s that kept popping into your mind. You all but slammed the door behind you, locking it and leaned heavily against it, your breathing coming too fast for having only climbed stairs.

Gaster set down your laptop, hovering over towards you looking you over, likely noticing that you were as empty-handed as when you left. And also an anxious wreck, that was probably what made a troubled frown tug at his lips.

<What happened?>

“If government agents come to take me away, you’ll at least tell Sans, right?”

That just made him look more bewildered and concerned.

<To answer your question, yes. Now, perhaps you can answer mine?>

You did, explaining your brief interaction at the liquor store while you ran your fingers through your hair. “I mean, they can’t arrest me for assault, right? I didn’t touch her. Would a court consider magic touching?”

<Alex.>

“People know Frisk is a mage, right? I mean, what else could take down the Barrier? Except, I mean Flowey did it, but people don’t know that, they would have to assume more than one mage exists.”

<Alex.>

“I can’t be the only mage. Monsters have been spouting about magic since you guys came to the Surface, it can’t be _that_ big of a deal. They wouldn’t send some black suits after me, right? Someone else out there _must_ know magic, I can’t, oh god, I can’t-”

<Alex!> he snapped his fingers (you didn’t need flesh for that?) in an effort to get your attention, and for good measure held your face with both of his hands. His cool bones felt _really_ nice against your heated skin.

<Please breathe, you are hyperventilating.> he calmly signed, as if he could suffuse some of that calm into you. You nodded, taking a few steadying breaths. <Good, now, I highly doubt anything will come of this. And even if that were not the case, I believe your friends would lend aid in such dire circumstances, yes?> you nodded again, <You are allied with the Captain of the Royal Guard, and the ambassador and child to the Queen, I am certain there are enough strings to pull to get you out of nearly any situation. However, I cannot imagine you having to utilize such connections, so perhaps you should restrain from catastrophizing.>

“Yeah...Yeah, ok, sorry.”

<You have nothing to apologize for.>

“I worry you a lot.” you said, feeling guilty about it. Not just this, but the nightmares, and working too much and the kitchen accidents and David. You had always tried to be independent but somehow you were still someone’s burden.

<True as that may be, I cannot fault you for it. Perhaps then, you will not fault me for this.> he signed and released you.

You looked on curiously as he glided into your kitchen, opening a cupboard and retrieving something from the top shelf far outside your reach. Grasped in his skeletal fingers was a bottle containing some dark liquid that caught the light oddly.

“What’s that?”

<A magical liquor, a personal favorite brewed by an old friend of mine. It is also your birthday present.>

Your SOUL did something funny in your chest, like it was turning itself inside out while doing a backflip.

Great, all your evasion tactics had somehow failed. “How did you know it was my birthday?” you tried to keep the glum tone out of your voice, and only partially succeeding.

<Your birth certificate was quite visible when you had me retrieve that box. Humans in this country must be twenty-one to consume alcohol, correct?> You nodded, a little dumbstruck, <I had this procured for the occasion, I hope it does not offend you.>

“How?” you asked, and then figured out the answer yourself a second later, “Sans.”

Gaster nodded, pulling two glasses out from your freezer. Clearly, he had been prepared for this. <I found it strange that he did not know your upcoming birth date, as that would presumably mean Papyrus, Frisk and...Flowey,> you ignored his hesitation at that name and the slight sneer that crossed his face, <were also unaware. Which would mean that for some reason, you did not want your friends to know about the occasion.>

He poured a measured amount of the strange liquid onto the chilled glasses. It was still oddly refracting light as it streamed out of the bottle, at times appearing a dark coffee color, and then a moment later a fiery orange-red. <And if that is a correct assumption, I would hope that you can forgive me for wanting to celebrate, even in this small manner.> He slid one of the glasses towards you and picked up the other.

“You can’t drink.” you murmured.

<No, but I can toast.> he gestured for you to pick up the glass, and you did, still feeling a bit stupefied. <To you, for surviving another revolution around the sun. Happy birthday, Alex.> he raised his glass towards you, and you unthinkingly raised yours in turn, a light ‘Clink!’ sounding as they tapped against each other.

You felt a smile slowly spreading across your face, and maybe tears welling in your eyes. It was a small gesture, or would have been if it were anyone else, but Gaster had to ask _Sans_ to make this happen. You could only imagine how that conversation must have gone. But he had wanted to do this for you, even after realizing a bit indirectly that you hated your birthday.

“Thank you. This is fine. Perfect, actually. Probably the best birthday present ever.”

<Perhaps you should try it first?> he said, grinning widely, then caught your wrist as you raised the glass to your lips. <Small sips, it is quite strong.> he warned.

You were thankful for that warning as the liquor slipped down your throat. It burned, and you couldn’t stop the small coughing fit that followed. 

Gaster hummed disapprovingly as he patted your back, <Perhaps I should have diluted it.>

You waved him off. “It’s fine.” you wheezed, and he raised a brow bone a bit dubiously. “Really, it’s fine, it’s pretty good. Just...” another cough, “strong.” You weren’t lying, it did have a good flavor; smoky and some sort of spiciness you couldn’t place, but also a sweet richness to it, almost but not quite like a deep caramel or heavily toasted marshmallow, all coupled with that unmistakable feeling of magic tingling along the roof of your mouth. It was very hard to pin down a flavor that you could liken it to, all you knew was that it was delicious. 

The second sip went a little better, now that you knew what to expect. The tingling that lined your mouth felt like it was spreading, now in your fingertips. It felt pretty good, actually. 

<You’re not upset?> Gaster ventured, the hand on your back trailing along your spine while the other swirled the liquid around his glass and he casually watched the shifting colors. A farce you could see right through, he was nervous that you would be bothered by his surprise.

“No, this was sweet, and very much appreciated...I just haven’t had the best experiences growing up when it comes to my birthday.” You still hadn’t discussed your parents with him, and you didn’t have any desire to do so now either, but the words tumbled out of your mouth anyways. “I don’t like to call attention to my birthday, that behavior was...discouraged. I was made to feel guilty for wanting anything really. If I got a party or a present, it was drilled into me how much of an expense it was, or how much of a burden, and no matter how grateful I was, it was never grateful enough. _I_ could never be enough.” Well so much for not talking about it. “Sorry, I’m being a downer, aren't I?” you took another sip of the magical booze, hiding your face behind the glass.

One of his hollow hands reached out to yours, fingers lacing and giving you a gentle squeeze. <I am beginning to understand how your habit of apologizing for things that are not your fault came about.> You bit your lip to avoid saying “Sorry” again. The corner of his mouth quirked up as he caught exactly what you were doing. <Well, you know I will not be disclosing your birthday. I’m quite sure Sans will not either.> he pondered that, then frowned, <Or perhaps he will, just to spite us...Regardless, you should know that you are not a burden. I cannot stress that enough.> he was looking down at you, eyelights warm and sincere, and for a moment you might have almost believed him.

You just wished it wasn’t always him seeing you at your weakest.

He smiled in a way that didn’t quite reach his eye sockets when you didn’t respond, and gently tugged your arm. <Come, sit, you’ve been on your feet and I have some experiments to conduct.>

“What?” you said, letting yourself be led over to the couch.

<You are the first mage in nearly a millennia to imbibe, are you not curious what effect it would have on your magic? Certainly the effects are well studied in monsters, perhaps too well studied in this monster’s case, Grillby always wanted to test his latest brews with me and I may have been too eager to indulge him...> you grinned as he chattered on, your heart feeling light in your chest.

Maybe this was _exactly_ the kind of birthday you needed.

* * *

Your magic started slipping right about halfway through your second drink. 

“No, wait, let me try again!” you insisted, perhaps the slightest slur to your words.

<Very well, please mind the TV.> Said device was currently streaming your music, and there had already been one close call so far.

“Can’t have you missing out on your one true love; Sir Attenborough’s voice.”

<I will not dignify that with a response. Are you ready?>

You nodded, and Gaster tossed the hacky sack pilfered from your junk drawer into the air. You caught it with your magic, the small bean-filled ball hovering in a field of Blue Magic. A kitchen towel was tossed up next, also caught (fabric was more difficult, it was so _floppy_ ) and you grit your teeth.

<Are you sure? This could be messy.>

“I can’t see what you’re signing, just toss it!” you goaded, your gaze locked on the two articles hovering in your magical clutches. You heard a sigh, and then felt as well as saw an apple being tossed into the air.

That was an oddity you were curious about. This sixth sense you had now allowed you to feel things sometimes before you even initiated your magical grasp on them, so long as you were concentrating hard enough. It made sense in a way, how could your magic grasp something if you didn’t recognize where it was in space? It was still beyond weird, and _really_ cool. 

The apple glowed blue as you added it to your floating collection. A headache might have been starting to form behind your eyes.

Gaster made a surprised sound, and you grinned triumphantly, albeit with your gritting teeth it might have veered more to a grimace. “See, told you.”

He summoned three hands, each plucking the objects out of your magical grasp that you released with a heavy sigh. <That was rather surprising, and impressive. Your control over your magic is progressing at a rate that is quite unprecedented. Now, watch the tip of my phalanx, and do not move your head.>

“Pfft, a sobriety test, are you serious? I’m fine!” you said, picking up your glass again. 

<That you are, but if you would please indulge me.> he patently asked, and you really couldn’t say no to him. His floating hand wandered about and you did your best to keep still and track his slender finger made of bones, but his face was distracting. How he looked so serious and focused, eyelights bright as he watched you.

Fuck, how did you get to a point where you thought a scary skeleton monster was so damn cute?

<I believe you are inebriated.> he announced, watching you take another pull of the dark liquid with slight disapproval.

“That’s the point, ain’t it doc?” you grinned. This was fun, why would you ever stop now? You tapped on your phone, skipping a song that was too slow for your current tastes.

<What is also impressive is how little of it you have consumed to get to such a state.> he signed with a smirk.

“Is that another short joke?” you accused.

<Never. I would certainly not point out your small stature and inability to reach tall shelves without assistance. Nor the fact that even my abnormally short brother is still taller than you.>

“...You guys are the worst.” you grumbled, finishing off the last of your drink. “I’m ‘fun sized’, not short.”

<Of course.> he signed, his smirk turning a bit darker. He cocked his head minutely, pondering something. 

“What?” you asked, that toying grin on his lips making some strange things dance in your SOUL. 

He was still for perhaps a beat too long, and when he did sign, you felt like it wasn’t what he had originally intended. 

<I never see you dance.> he noted.

“What?” you sputtered again, inelegantly.

<You constantly listen to music, but I have not once seen you dance. Why is that?>

“Because I can’t. I can try, but it's seriously embarrassing.” he lifted his hands to sign, and you set down your empty glass a bit too forcefully, grabbing both of his hands in yours. “Please don’t ask me to, it’s really bad. I’m still not over the teasing from middle school.”

The unfortunate thing with communicating with Gaster was that he had practically unlimited hands to sign with. His fingers wrapped around the back of your hand, thumbs pressed against your palms, clamping down so you couldn’t stop a second set from continuing whatever he had intended to say.

<I was offering to teach you.> he managed, despite your squirming.

You stilled. “Oh...really?”

<If you’d like to learn.>

“You can dance?” It didn’t occur to you that might not be the kindest thing to ask.

<Yes. The basics at least. Are you going to delay this further, or should I rescind my offer?>

“Uh, oh, no I’ll--yeah, we can dance.” you stumbled over your words, and managed to drag yourself to your feet. “So how is this going to work?”

You felt that was a valid question, considering Gaster lacked limbs. Instead of answering he tugged you closer, adjusting how he held your right hand while the other released you and settled on your left hip. 

<This may not be the most comprehensive lesson, considering I no longer have feet...don’t give me that look,> he chided when you glanced up at him with wide, sad eyes, and you sniffed doing your best to banish it, <Pity my lack of metatarsals later, pay attention to your own legs now. So, when I move forward like this, step back,> the shadows of his body moved forward and you took a tumbling step backwards, the hand on your hip tightening and the other set of bones wrapped around your hand tugging you closer to keep you upright.

You laughed, the sound coming easily with the tingle of booze and magic running through you. “I told you I was bad!”

<Inexperienced.> you thought he corrected, it was hard for him to sign as close as the two of you were now, with the little room it afforded. <Try again.>

And you did, this time avoiding stumbling. He led you along through a series of steps, repeating it until you managed to follow along without tripping over your own feet.

<Look at me.> he signed with a single gesture, uncommonly brief as you kept trying to watch your own feet. You did as he asked. It did help when you stopped concentrating so hard and let him guide you and let your body move with the song.

It was also a nice view. Gaster was so striking, in the best sort of way, the scars from his past doing little to diminish that distinguished visage.

You probably had a stupid grin on your face right about now.

The song ended, and Gaster put some distance between you so he could properly sign again, and that would have made you unbearably sad but he had such a pleased expression on his skull. <You are perfectly capable of dancing, it just takes a little practice.> he looked you over, and you realized you were wobbling a bit. <Perhaps you should sit down. Do you need some water?>

“Nah,” you waved him off, flopping backwards onto the couch. “I’ll be fine. This is nice. What’s this stuff called?” you said, trying to drain the last drops clinging to the bottom of your glass. Gaster picked up his own, peering at the magical liquid.

<Last I spoke to Grillby, he had adopted the term ‘Fire Whiskey’. A tad unoriginal, but he is a fire elemental and it is infused with his magic.>

“I approve.” you said with a grin, one that Gaster matched. He held the glass of liquor, letting it swirl about, and perhaps born out of an ingrained habit, raised it to his lips and took a sip.

Your eyes went wide, and he looked at you questioningly until his mind caught up to what happened.

“Oh my god!” you said, jumping to your feet, standing (and teetering a bit) on your couch cushion. “Holy shit, did you just drink that? Did you taste it? Do it again!”

Gaster looked between you and the glass before taking another tentative drink. 

It did not phase through his body onto the couch, so that was a good sign.

<I cannot taste it.> he announced. 

“Aww...” you said, dropping down to your knees. If anything, you looked more disappointed than he did.

<Quite an improvement, my dear, possibly someday I will.> he said, setting the glass down on your coffee table. <Perhaps we don’t test with your present, yes?>

“Shit, how much did you owe Sans for that? Do you even have gold anymore?”

<Don’t concern yourself with that. It is a gift.> he signed emphatically. 

“You suuure you don’t want to test if void ghosts can get drunk?” you squinted. “Drinking alone is sad or some shit.” 

<Yes, quite sure. If anything we should end our little experiment here.>

“Mmm, not yet.” you said, crawling closer to him, over to his side of the couch so you could pick up his glass and drink from it. He watched on, concerned. “You’ll take care of me, right? You always take care of me.”

<Of course,> he signed, waiting until you set the cup down before sliding the glass away from you with a third floating hand, decidedly out of your reach. <But you may regret that decision come tomorrow.>

“Maybe. But they call it liquid courage for a reason, right? I kinda need that right now.” you said with a small, shy grin. He tilted his head, confused.

<I don’t follow.>

“Heh, you wouldn’t. You never start anything, I do. I don’t mind, you know. I just wish you didn’t have to look out for me all the time. Wish it didn’t have to be my SOUL. I don’t think it's fair to either of us.” 

He looked at you, anxious and apprehensive at the direction the conversation had taken. <I am afraid I do not understand. You haven’t done anything wrong.>

“It’s ok, can you just come here? Closer, I mean.” he obligingly drifted closer, but still too far away for you. “No, c’mere, I can’t reach you all the way up there.” he lowered his face until you were eye level, his eyelights so confused and worried and _nervous_. You huffed a laugh, grinning at that expression on his cracked visage. It still amazed you that you ever evoked any sort of fear in him. One hand lifted, drifting over the cool bone of his face, slowly skimming over the fracture on his cheek, down along his jawline and then over his lower “lip”, a relaxed smile playing on your own face.

“You said once how I never asked for this. It was so stupid, like _you_ asked to be tied to my SOUL. Like you would have chosen me. Who’s scared of skeleton monsters and doesn’t know anything about the void, who screams herself awake at night and can’t stay out of trouble to save her life.” you thumb trailed over his alabaster skull, eyes unfocused as you babbled, occasionally meeting his gaze. Your face was close to his now. Stars, he looked so...amazed, like you were something amazing. It mystified you and encouraged you in equal measure. 

<I would.> he signed, you catching his extra hands moving in your periphery. <If I could have, I would choose you.> He didn’t pull away from you, but you could see he wanted to, that hesitation and tension in his features and you loathed it. <Alex->

You leaned forward, eliminating that remaining space that separated the two of you, closing your eyes and pressing your lips to his. For a heartbeat, everything was motionless, and in that next pounding beat in your chest, when he was frozen still as a statue...

_Panic_ , that you misread everything, that he didn’t want this like you did, that you had kissed a monster who wanted nothing to do with you, none of this, nothing you offered--

A hand threaded through your hair, cradling the back of your head and _he pulled you closer and kissed you back._ There was a hunger that you hadn’t felt up until this point, something desperate and clawing playing against your lips that would burn you, consume you if you so much as let it grab hold. 

And oh how you would have offered yourself up to that conflagration in that moment.

Your SOUL soared, that strange thing in your chest that contained everything that made you _you_ nearly exploded in delight, your breath hitching as your lips clumsily brushed against unyielding bone. You didn’t have experience in this arena, you hadn’t kissed anyone or been kissed before now, but _holy hell_ you liked this, you wanted this more than anything--

He suddenly pulled back, leaving you gasping and blinking in confusion.

<Stop.> one sign, one very short and decisive movement of hollow palms crashing against one another that was so unlike him, and so cut you down, all the way to the marrow.

<Why?> you signed back, feeling a dull ache in your chest, insecurity blooming in the now empty pit of your insides.

<Not like this, not when you’ve been drinking. Please, _please_ know that I want this, I want this and too much more, more than you can understand...but not like this.> he nuzzled the crown of your head and sighed, hands squeezing your shoulders in the best approximation of a hug he could manage without arms. He was breathing hard, the rattle of his breath felt against your hair. 

Your fingernails dug into your palms and tears blurred your vision as your bit your teeth into your lower lip. It wasn’t rejection, logically you understood this, but you were riding a wave of emotions fueled by alcohol and as disappointed as you felt you also completely understood _why_ he was saying this.

But _fucking hell,_ it sucked.

“Ok...” you said, sounding small and sniveling and _you hated it._ You hated even more how you couldn’t help but add, “Are you sure?”

He shook his head, chuckling, the sound lacking any hint of mirth. His lips pressed to the side of your face against one cheek, then the other, then finally your forehead, the bones of his fingers delicately fanned out under your chin all the while, holding you still as he plied his affections against your skin. 

<My dear, if you had _any_ idea...> that almost dark chuckle sounded again as he signed, the tone making a shiver roll down your spine. Oh how you delighted in that, and mourned how leashed that feeling was without any means to express it.

Your hands reached up, fingers lacing with his as you slowly pulled his hands away from your face. 

“Tomorrow, ok? You need to promise me we’ll talk about this tomorrow. I’m not--this isn’t--” you couldn’t collect your words, couldn’t shape them into something convincing. You knew what his assumptions of you must have been, that you were drunk and desperate, but _stars_ you weren’t, you knew it in your SOUL that wasn’t it.

<Tomorrow.> he signed with a sincere nod, <I’m sorry, I should have watched you more closely, this went too far-> You squeezed his hands, cutting him off. 

“Tomorrow.” You confirmed, the word sounding like a promise. “I’m going to bed, and then-” you stood up, and your world whirled, the living room spinning about you. Skeletal hands held you upright, keeping you from tilting over. 

“ _Fuck_ , ok, uh...” Maybe Gaster did, admittedly, have a point; you were a lightweight. “Can you help me?”

<Always. Whatever you ask.> You felt the cool brush of his lips against your temple, and a low, barely heard murmuring of words spoken against your skin you couldn’t understand. What you did know was that his hands led you towards the bedroom, that they brushed through your hair as you laid atop your sheets, not bothering to crawl underneath them or change into sleepwear. Your room spun, eyes open and trying to hold on to something stationary, his eyelights serving as your anchor. Maybe he was right, maybe you were diving headlong into something your inebriated mind couldn’t understand.

Or maybe you were just expressing what your sober mind was too cowardly to show.

* * *

When you woke up the next morning you felt...not too bad, all considering the state you fell asleep in. There was a throbbing in your skull that promised a headache to come, and your tongue felt like sandpaper in your mouth.

Gaster was there, of course, brushing his hand through your hair as he often did when you awoke.

<Drink.> he ordered, multiple disembodied hands hauling you up to a sitting position with a surprising amount of strength and holding a glass of cold water to your lips. It was a true rarity, you couldn’t recall him ever demanding anything of you. You obeyed, gulping down the liquid like it was ambrosia. 

<How do you feel? Nauseous?> he questioned, and you saw he had one of your large mixing bowls at the ready in case you tossed your cookies. It was really considerate. And also wholly unnecessary. 

“‘m fine. Just need a few-” he dispensed a couple of pills of ibuprofen from a bottle into his palm, the little capsules diving through the empty hole and rolling across your bed sheets. He grumbled something under his breath as he collected the wayward capsules, and you couldn’t hold back a snicker. He glared chidingly at the sound. 

“Sorry.”

<No apologizing. Open.> he signed in that commanding way again, and you parted your lips, the two gathered pills popped into your mouth and he followed it up with more water. 

“All right, Doctor Gaster, can I go to the bathroom now?” you snipped after swallowing the pills.

<That depends on how you feel.>

“Embarrassed and babied. I’m only slightly hungover.” you said, rubbing your head. “I’m fine, seriously.”

<You have no tolerance.> he frowned, and you matched it, offended. <Through no fault of your own, that was a poor decision on my part, old habits and such.> he hurriedly amended, helping you to your feet. He walked you down the hall to your bathroom, and you shut the door to take care of business. Besides relieving your bladder, you brushed your teeth, flossed, and used mouthwash for twice the recommended time.

When you finally emerged, Gaster was waiting, looking you over appraisingly.

“Well?” you said, holding out your arms, “I’m sober and I’m fine, right?”

<...You do not look unwell, perhaps->

Whatever he was going to sign was lost as you reached up, grabbed his skull, and pulled him down to crash his lips against your own. It was graceless and unpracticed, and oh so _needy._

“Never, _ever_ , deny me this again.” you growled against his mouth.

His answer came not in the form of words as he kissed you back, and as your eyes closed you swore you saw stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Lose It by Oh Wonder](https://youtu.be/-Ij_OGLnFTM)
> 
> \---
> 
> Just to be clear, Gaster is the dom, but Alex wears the pants.
> 
> UGH, I have been waiting _so_ long to post this. I hope you guys like it! 💙
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	18. Constellations

_Like constellations imploding in the night_

_Everything is turning, everything is turning_

_And the shapes that you drew may change beneath a different light_

_And everything you thought you knew_

_Will fall apart, but you'll be all right_

  
  


* * *

  
  


After your birthday your relationship with your roommate had fundamentally and irrevocably changed. Without realizing it, you had thrown a door wide open and Gaster he had all but barreled through.

He kissed you _constantly_.

You couldn’t say that you minded.

It hadn’t escaped your attention that he touched you nearly incessantly before now, but this was a whole other level, almost borderline clingy. His hands were practically always on you, brushing over your bare arms or clinging to your hip, pressed against the small of your back or holding your face as he leaned down to kiss you. Sometimes it was gentle pecks against your lips, or to your forehead, or strewn against your hair; a small and simple gesture of affection, now freely given.

And other times...

It was like you had stumbled upon a hungry creature who could not get his fill of you, like he had been wandering the desert for a decade and you were an oasis. Something so entirely removed from the gentle monster you had come to know that it was almost worrisome how quickly that change had come about.

Except that you _loved_ this new side of him and found yourself all too eager to reciprocate.

He was apparently in such a mood when you wandered towards the kitchen one morning, freshly emerged from the shower and curls still damp, only to find Gaster blocking your way, his eye sockets lidded and his eyelights _burning._

“What?” you asked, SOUL fluttering as he intensely stared down at you. 

<Want you.> Two quick signs made with one hand, the other curling around the back of your neck, phalanges scraping against your scalp as they ventured upwards into your wet hair. _Stars,_ he looked so desirous, it was so rare his words were a very desperate and measured few. He trailed his lips down your temple, bone gliding over your skin. <Please?>

A wicked grin split your face.

“You don’t have to ask, you know.”

At once he leaned down, his lips claiming yours without another word, and you could barely get out a sound of surprise before your eyes fluttered shut and you lost yourself in the heated kiss.

He moved closer, cold shadowy body pressed against yours, a chill running down your spine as he backed you against the wall. Two more hands materialized, fingers lacing with yours and lifting your arms, pinning your hands above your head. _Fuck,_ you should have kissed him weeks ago if you would have known _this_ was what you were in for.

You felt something cold and...not slimy, but slick and perhaps wet, or oily, something indescribable slide across your lips. It took a second to recognize that feeling as Gaster’s shadows, and a second longer to figure out _it was his tongue_. Your brain couldn’t ponder the mystery of how a skeleton monster even had a tongue because you parted your lips in an answer to his silent question, the strange appendage delving into your mouth and brushing against your own in a gentle caress. It was _cold,_ like menthol and ice water, or breathing in a December night just before snow. Oh, it was so intoxicating, your toes curling and your breathing reduced to shuddering gasps.

This was the first time you were kissing him like this, and it shocked you that _he_ was the one to initiate it. Between the two of you, you were always the one to take things one step further and he eagerly followed. This was quite a surprise, but as you let out a muffled moan against his mouth and your back arched against the wall, it was clear it was far from unwelcome. 

“Alex?” a high-pitched voice came from outside. Flowey, probably in his usual spot on your balcony, just out of sight. “Where’s breakfast?”

Both of you froze at the sound, Gaster pulling back slightly to give himself room to sign with yet another set of hands. You could see his tongue, an inky blackness between his parted lips as he breathed heavily. It was...decidedly inhuman. Freaky looking. Longer and more pointed than a human tongue should be. There must have been something wrong with you because you _liked_ that, the strangeness of it adding a certain thrill.

<If you do not send him away I will throw him off the balcony.> he threatened. It was a toothless threat that nearly made you roll your eyes. Gaster didn’t have magic and you doubted the void ghost was capable of hurting the potted nightmare even if he wanted to. 

“Now’s not a good time Flowey, come back later.” you yelled back, your voice a little more breathless than you were anticipating.

Flowey must have picked up on it. “Where are you? What are you doing?” he demanded.

“French kissing my boyfriend, can you please come back later!?” you shouted, peeved.

There was a beat of incredulous silence, then;

“GROSS! THAT’S DISGUSTING!” then a more distant and retreating, “I’m telling Frisk!”

You did roll your eyes at that. 

Judging by his glower, Gaster was significantly less amused than you were, the interruption putting a damper on the mood. He did smirk after a second however.

<Boyfriend?>

You sighed, wiggling your hands out of his grip and letting your arms fall back down to your sides. “That’s what everyone thinks you are at this point...But I really don’t like labels.” That was very true, you hated applying any such thing to yourself if you could help it. You liked people. Not just boys or girls, not just humans or monsters. You liked what you liked, and right now that was the monster made of shadows before you, but trying to define that into something concrete made you uneasy.

<I am a scientist, my dear, we love to label everything.> he dipped down to kiss your cheek before backing up and allowing you room to push yourself off the wall at your back.

You huffed a laugh at that, but caught the question he hadn’t quite asked; _‘What does this make us?’_

“Do you like me? Romantically, I mean?”

He cocked his head to the side, eye sockets narrowing. <Perhaps I have misunderstood a human custom because I would think what I just did strongly indicated my feelings on that matter.> He almost looked miffed.

“Uh, yeah, most times that’s what that means, but, uh, sometimes friends can still just be platonic but explore some, uhm, physical stuff. Without romantic feelings, I mean...” you were blushing now, which was crazy because you had just been enthusiastically making out with him not two minutes ago.

That was completely the wrong thing to say because the look on Gaster’s fractured face was _heartbroken._ <I see.>

“Oh, no, that’s not--I don’t feel that way! I do like you, like that. I mean, I’m attracted to you, but I also have feelings for you, you know?...Sorry, I haven’t done this before with anyone, I wasn’t sure what you wanted...” you trailed off feeling like a complete moron babbling nonsense.

Thankfully Gaster stopped you from having to embarrass yourself further, a brief, sweet kiss pressed to your lips. <I want _you_. Whatever you wish to share with me, whatever you want us to be, just know that I will always want you.>

Ah fuck, you had to lean back against the wall because your knees were going weak.

“What if I’m not ready to be your girlfriend yet?” you said in a small voice.

<Then I will wait.>

Your voice grew impossibly quieter. “What if I don’t want that until you’ve told me your secret?”

He went still at that, his eye sockets widening. He looked so pained, but this wasn’t something you could forget or just let go. It would be _so_ easy to pretend he wasn’t hiding something from you.

But that just wasn’t who you were.

“I’m sorry.” you said, lifting up to your tip-toes so you could kiss his cheek. He was still, his eyelights avoiding your gaze, a pensive frown on his skull. You slipped away towards your kitchen, grabbing your phone and sliding on your shoes, your damp curls wrangled into a bun.

<You’re leaving?> he asked, looking dreadfully sullen.

“Yeah, since Flowey probably isn’t coming back, I was going to run to the store before my first appointment. It’s going to be hot by the time I get off work and I’d rather take advantage of the cooler weather.” you explained, “Gaster, I’m s--You’re not upset at me, are you?” you had barely stopped yourself from apologizing again.

<...No. Only at myself. You have every right to feel as you do.> he tucked a loose strand of your wet hair behind your ear, smiling down at you with that fond smile you so loved. A smile that said everything would be alright, eventually.

“...Okay,” you still felt uneasy, but you couldn’t see a way out from the situation. It almost felt like you were running again, but what more could be said? “I’ll be back soon.” you promised, and with that you walked out the door, an ominous feeling forming in your gut.

That feeling only grew as you descended the stairs, an anxiety that felt like an overreaction to what had just happened. Neither you nor Gaster ever really talked about how you felt about each other, your hands, or more recently your lips, did most of the talking for you. Of course you liked him, why else would you hold his hand or kiss him good night or trust him to watch over you while you slept? There wasn’t anyone else you trusted more than him.

Except for that one little thing, that one blight that always wormed through your mind. _How did he fall into the void?_

You shook the feeling off, trying to concentrate on what you were doing. You’d have to be quick to get your errand done, so you swiftly strode over to the bike rack and unlocked yours from the herd. If you were speedy you could probably make it down to the store in ten minutes, like most everything in Ebott, it was downhill.

You mounted your bike and peddled over to the main crossroads in Ebott Springs. A car was coming and so you stopped, letting it pass before the coast was clear and you stood up on the pedals, bearing down with all your weight on your left foot to accelerate back up to speed. 

Then everything happened at once.

You heard your name screamed, desperately, by a hoarse voice you didn’t recognize. You saw a white truck come peeling around the corner, speeding with reckless abandon right towards the intersection you were about to cross. You felt your back wheel seize in place, your forward momentum abruptly halted and your balance shift, sending you and the bike tumbling down, the frame digging into your leg, the weight bearing down on your knee.

You saw the truck fly through the space you would have been occupying had you not fallen.

You scrambled backwards onto the grass, your leg aching and your heart beating so fast you worried it might burst.

You could have died. It was your nightmares made real. If that split second had been just slightly different, you would be a bloodied, broken carcass on the side of the road.

You looked down at your bike, vines loosening their hold from the rear tire and retreating back to their source, a familiar flower who had appeared beside you looking strangely unnerved. Running up toward the both of you as fast as their legs could carry them was Frisk, and you realized it must have been them who called your name. They were crying, tears streaming down their cheeks.

Sans teleported next to you and Frisk skidded to a halt just before they could collide with the short skeleton monster. 

Sans’s eyelights were gone.

“kid, you promised you wouldn’t do that again.” His voice was colder than you could ever remember, and he wasn’t grinning anymore, his bared teeth making a frightening scowl.

“Lay off them trashbag, they only LOAD’d, it wasn’t a RESET.” Flowey’s tone was just as aggressive, eyes black and teeth sharp. “What were we supposed to do, let Alex die?”

“you can’t SAVE everyone, kid.” 

You didn’t understand, but those words chilled you to the bone.

“You really are a prick.” Flowey spat, and the skeleton ignored it.

“c’mon, let’s get out of here.” Sans ordered. When you didn’t respond, your eyes wide and your limbs trembling, he grabbed you by the upper arm and roughly yanked you to your feet.

That snapped you out of it and you wrenched your arm free of his grip. Frisk picked up your bike, wheeling it out of the street and you noticed the back tire was mangled. A vine curled up your arm, Flowey pulling himself free of the earth and climbing up your quivering limb, draping his foliage across your shoulders.

“Let’s go.” he urged, and you followed Sans in a daze. Your leg hurt whenever you put weight on it and you had to limp back to the apartment building. 

“I don’t understand.” you whispered, your words shaking as much as you were.

“We’ll explain...Kinda have to now.” Flowey grumbled next to your ear. Frisk put the bike back in the rack, tears still freely flowing. 

You looked up the many stairs between you and your apartment, but before you could contemplate how you would manage to climb them all, everything went black. Once more you experienced that all-encompassing feeling of being swallowed by an abyss so vast your mind was incapable of comprehending, only for you to reappear in the skeleton brother’s living room just before true terror set in.

It was a good thing you skipped breakfast, because you started dry heaving.

“Gross.” Flowey muttered, crawling off your shoulder.

“Sans, please don’t teleport me again.” you croaked, looking quite green.

“noted. how ‘bout you sit down, pal.” he said, sitting down at the kitchen table and kicking a chair out for you with his pink slippered foot. Flowey settled back into his pot and Frisk sat opposite Sans, a tense gathering if you ever saw one. You joined them at the table, stomach in anxious knots.

“kid, why are you crying?” Sans asked, and Frisk whimpered, starting to bawl at the question. You pulled a napkin from a stack next to Flowey’s pot, passing it over to the crying child. The little flower answered for them when they started loudly blowing their nose.

“They SAVE’d only a few minutes before Alex died. If it had been any later we wouldn’t have been able to reach her in time.”

“Is that why you had to LOAD twice?”

Frisk nodded, still sniffling. <We called her phone the first time, she didn’t pick up, so I had to LOAD again.>

You couldn’t begin to comprehend what they were talking about. You died? 

“how often do you SAVE?”

<Every morning when I wake up.> Their wet eyes turned pleading as they signed emphatically to Sans, <I won’t RESET, I promise, I won’t! But I couldn’t let her die.>

Sans sighed, running his hand over his face, bone scraping on bone. “ok, kid, alright. you didn’t break your promise. can we try and keep screwing with the timeline to a minimum?” his voice was exhausted, exasperated, something you’d never heard from the normally relaxed skeleton. In fact, his demeanor was so far removed from what you knew, it was perhaps the most alarming aspect of what you were experiencing. 

“They haven’t done it since we reached the Surface! It isn’t a great experience from their end either, asshole.” 

Sans glared hatefully at the little plant, and Flowey matched it and then some.

“alright. i’ll leave you two to explain all this to her.” he said, standing up.

<You’re leaving?> Frisk asked in disbelief. Flowey was muttering something that sounded like “Fucking figures.”

“i’m not having this discussion with little miss lie-detecting INTEGRITY SOUL over here.” he said, jabbing a finger in your direction, “she’s going to ask questions i don’t want to answer, so yeah, i’m leaving. good luck, kid.” Sans gave Frisk a two finger salute, then Flowey a more obscene one finger gesture before blinking out of existence.

“I really miss having hands.” Flowey grumbled. 

Silence followed.

“Can someone please explain what is going on!?” you demanded, distraught. 

Frisk and Flowey looked at each other for a moment.

<Where do we start?>

“The beginning is usually best.”

<Yours or mine?>

“Uh, good point. Yours? She knows half of my deal.”

Half??

<Ok. Well I guess we can start with me. I fell into the Underground and the first monster I met was Flowey. He tried to kill me.>

Well this was already off to a good start. You were more lost than ever. “What? Why??” you cried.

“‘Kill or be killed’, remember? I wanted Frisk’s SOUL. If a monster absorbs a human SOUL they become incredibly powerful. I wanted Frisk’s SOUL for myself.”

<Toriel saved me from him. She took me in, let me stay in her home in the Ruins. But I wanted to leave and escape the Underground. She tried to stop me from going.>

Frisk’s tears started up again.

<I killed her.>

You gasped, and Frisk started crying in earnest. Flowey rolled his eyes. “She’s still alive, obviously, don’t worry.”

<I didn’t know how much stronger humans were than monsters, I didn’t mean to kill her! After she turned to dust, all I could think was that I wanted to go back. I wanted it more than anything. And then everything went black and I was back in front of Mom’s home again. When I went inside, it was like nothing had happened. Mom was still alive and she said the same stuff she did before. I tried to leave again and she still tried to stop me. Eventually I figured out how to convince her to let me go, and she let me out of the Ruins. Before I left I ran into Flowey again, and he knew what I did. He knew that I killed her and then went back in time.>

“Frisk did what I call SAVE and LOAD. When they are DETERMINED enough, they can go back to a fixed point in time.”

Your brain screeched to a halt. And then zoomed into overdrive.

“That truck killed me.” you said flatly.

“Twice.” Flowey said, bobbing on his stem.

“And Frisk went back in time to save me from dying.”

Frisk nodded solemnly. 

“Fuck.” your fingers ran through your hair, your hands trembling uncontrollably. “You guys are serious?”

“Yup.” Flowey said, popping the ‘p’. 

You were about to hyperventilate again, taking in sharp lungfuls of air. “I died. Shit, I _died_. Oh my god. You guys saved me, holy fuck...” You glanced up at Flowey.

“You can SAVE too.” You realized now how he could kill monsters and yet still have them be alive.

Flowey shook his head. “I used to. The person with the most DETERMINATION in the Underground has the power to SAVE. Alphys made me and the Amalgamates using DETERMINATION. I had the most so I was the one in control of the timeline. Once Frisk fell, they took over.”

“So you used that power to kill people _for fun!?_ Just because you could bring them back!?” you said, voice rising, as well as your bile.

“Look, it-Yeah, I did, but can you just listen? Frisk, tell her what happened next.” Flowey urged.

<I left the Ruins and I met Sans and Papyrus. Sans was really funny and Papyrus tried to capture me.>

“What?”

“No, tell her about how you died.”

“What??”

<Yeah, that was the first time I died. Snowdrake killed me.>

“The first time!? What the fuck are you guys saying right now?? Why did a monster kill you? And Papyrus tried to capture you??”

<Yeah. When I die I go back to where I last SAVE’d.>

“Oookaay. But why did they kill you to begin with!?” 

There was a pause, and then Flowey groaned.

“Ah shit, we didn’t tell her about the other SOULs.”

<What? I thought you told her you broke the Barrier!>

“I did! I just told her I used all the SOULs.” Frisk glared at him. “What? It wasn’t a lie, I just left out the part about the human SOULs being there too.”

“Guys, please, I am so lost right now.” you pleaded as the two were on the verge of bickering.

Frisk sighed heavily, <Ok, so you know how seven mages made the Barrier?> they asked, and you nodded, <To break it, a monster needed to use seven human SOULs. Asgore had declared that any human that fell into the Underground be brought to him to have their SOULs taken. Monsters had been collecting SOULs from humans for years. I was the seventh human that fell.>

Your SOUL made a familiar discordant twinge, and you realized why Sans had left now. You realized just _how_ you were so good at discerning when someone wasn’t telling the truth. You were INTEGRITY, and that meant no one could lie to you.

Your brows furrowed, and Flowey realized the mis-step before you could even say anything.

“Frisk was the eighth human to fall. We aren’t going to discuss the first.” Flowey’s voice brokered no argument. He turned to Frisk, “...Trashbag might have had a point.” he muttered.

Frisk frowned at the insult, but eventually nodded.

<Anyways, the monsters had six human SOULs. They were trying to kill me to collect the seventh.>

“To break the Barrier.” you finished, starting to follow along, and Frisk nodded, “What about Papyrus? Was he really going to kill you?” You couldn’t imagine it, Papyrus was far too sweet, too considerate to do something so terrible as kill a child. You couldn’t imagine looking him in the eye (socket) again if he would do something like that.

<No, he just wanted to capture me and turn me in to the Royal Guard. He wanted to join and thought capturing a human would help. He stopped trying to capture me when we became friends, and went on a date instead.>

“...What??” you felt like a broken record at this point.

“Ignore them, they flirted with every monster in the Underground when they were down there. Anyways, we’re getting off track. Tell her what happened with Asgore.”

<Right, so the first time I made it to the Barrier, the King wanted to fight me to take my SOUL. He killed me a whole bunch of times,> something clenched in your insides to have this _child_ casually talk about _getting repeatedly murdered_ , <but eventually I beat him. And then Flowey showed up and took the six human SOULs after killing Asgore and tried to kill me too. Again.>

You looked back at Flowey incredulously, who was staring at Frisk with an expression that said ‘Did you have to add that!?’. 

<But I beat him and I tried to leave the Underground...and that’s the first time I RESET.>

You took off your glasses, burying your face into your hands. This couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be happening. But your SOUL hadn’t reacted to a lie, which meant it _had_ to be true. 

“Ok, what’s a RESET?” you groaned, the words muffled by your hands.

“It’s a clean slate. After a RESET you go back to the beginning, when you first gained the power to SAVE and LOAD, and you get to do it all over again. The best part is that there is no way out.” Flowey had a strange, distant glee to their voice, their grin wide and toothy and sharp and _insane_.

<I went back to when I fell. No matter how many times I tried to leave I kept getting sent back.>

“And I went back to the garden where I first woke up.”

“So time kept looping.” you said, feeling like this was familiar, like you’d seen this in a movie or something.

“Yup. Over and over, with no way out. You can’t kill yourself because you keep coming back. Can’t run away because there was nowhere to go. Frisk lived out the same scenarios, over and over again. Hundreds of times over.”

<And Flowey lived it thousands of times.>

Everything was so quiet you could hear your own breathing, loud and shaken in your ears as the meaning of those words settled in.

“You can’t understand what it was like for us.” Flowey said, that mad, hollow joy gone now, bitterness taking its place, “When nothing you do matters, when everything is the same and nothing changes and there is no way to just make it _stop._ People stop being people, they’re all just robots who say the same things on repeat, toys you can play with to try and make different noises come out of them. I did some terrible things to everyone, and to Frisk. Because all I knew was that nothing mattered. In the end it would _always_ RESET.”

Flowey was right; you couldn’t understand.

“How did you get out?”

<The last run was different from the others. Things didn’t go the same as they always did.>

“That time I absorbed all the SOULs. _All_ the SOULs in the Underground, not just the human ones. And I started to feel again when I had monster SOULs in me. I felt guilty and sad and stopped trying to kill Frisk and we hugged it out and I broke the Barrier. And then everyone got their happy ending and now we’re on the Surface.”

You blinked, stunned.

“That’s the short version...I was really cool on that last run though, right?” Flowey grinned eagerly at Frisk.

Frisk looked rather unamused. 

“Can you RESET now?” you quietly asked, trying and failing to keep your voice steady. 

Frisk hesitated before finally answering, <Yes.>

You were going to be sick again.

At any second, without warning, Frisk you wipe your life and everything that happened up until the point they fell.

They could erase you moving into your apartment. Starting your new business. Meeting Gaster and...

It would all be gone. 

_And you would never know._

“I have to go.” You announced, suddenly rising to your feet and limping towards the door.

“Alex,” Frisk said, their voice weak. Your head snapped towards them, eyes wide as you heard for the second time that day your name spoken by the otherwise mute child.

Then you turned and left before anything more could be said.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Constellations by The Oh Hellos](https://youtu.be/eapTDC5es_4)
> 
> \---
> 
> Just want to let y’all know there won’t be any smut in this fic and this is almost as saucy as it gets, for those of you who are not fans that sort of content. 
> 
> If you _are_ into that freaky stuff...let me know and I’ll post a side fic f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶l̶o̶w̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶s̶. 💙
> 
> Please leave a comment or hit up my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, or to check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	19. Critical Mistakes

_Let me rewind to the times where we never felt ill_

_We fill our minds with those dreams and we never miss a beat_

_Just pass the time staying up, feeling restless at night_

_Come wake me up before I die and I never get to live_

  
  


* * *

  
  


It shouldn’t have surprised you that Sans was waiting in front of your apartment, just as he was the day you first met him.

“heh, that’s a good one.” he muttered, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at your front door and chuckling.

“What?” you snapped, with more bite than you intended. You really didn’t have the patience for his jokes right now.

“404, apartment not found. right on top of the convergence point too. heh, did you pick this one on purpose?”

“No.” you answered sharply. “Can you just get to the point? I’d like to have my existential breakdown in peace.”

“oh, good, so they told you.” he said, leaning up off the wall. “you’re in for a treat.”

You scowled, brows furrowing, wishing he’d just go away.

And then something occurred to you.

“You knew when Frisk LOAD’d.” you said, staring at him, “How?”

“you don’t want to know, pal. i can’t lie to you, INTEGRITY.” for once his grin seemed...sad. Or just tired. You looked Sans over, and not for the first time you recognized the signs of extreme fatigue about the skeleton. There were dark circles under his eyes, he slouched like he carried a heavy weight upon his shoulders, and his eyelights were much dimmer and colder than Gaster’s were. And Gaster was of the _void_.

What the hell was up with Sans?

“so, here’s the part you hate; you can’t tell anyone what you’ve learned today. don’t mention this whole SOULs business to humans, don’t mention RESETs to _anyone_.” his grin more than ever resembled bared teeth, and you could feel his magic rippling just under the surface.

Not a direct threat, but just close enough it may as well have been.

“...I hate keeping secrets.” you said weakly.

“i know, INTEGRITY. i hate keeping promises. but you walked into this mess. i told you to stay away from my kid and you didn’t. you’re stuck with your choices now.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


You were a wreck when you stumbled into your apartment after Sans performed his usual disappearing act. 

You limped inside, Gaster on you in an instant, fretting over you just like he always did. A hand was under your arm, pulling up so you put less weight on your leg. You felt like a marionette getting tugged about on strings.

<What happened? Sit down, I’ll get you->

“Gaster.” you said, his name spoken in a short tone that you rarely used. “Let me go.”

He released you in an instant.

Mindful of your blackened mood, he kept his distance as you pulled out a plastic bag and filled it with all the ice that was stowed in your freezer and then limped over to the couch. Your leg was propped up in the arm of the couch, the bag set over your knee, and after carelessly discarding your glasses, an arm draped over your eyes.

You wished you could block all of it out. But now that you weren’t moving, now that there was no one talking to you (was it cruel that you could silence Gaster with the simple act of closing your eyes?) your mind was churning through all the new information you had learned, processing it and all the implications.

**_You died._ **

If it weren’t for Frisk and Flowey, you wouldn’t be breathing. Your leg wouldn’t hurt, your thoughts wouldn’t be racing, you would be _dead_. There would be **nothing**. Your SOUL shattered and all that you were ceasing to exist. It was a horror to imagine and you could barely grasp the concept.

Even more horrifying was the thought of a RESET. How many times had you lived the same days over without realizing it? How many times had you made the same choices and experienced the same consequences? Did your choices even matter at that point? What if Frisk never made it out of the Underground and you had been stuck for all of eternity, completely ignorant to what was truly happening? 

You hadn’t been lying to Sans, the existential dread felt like a weight crushing down on your chest, a black miasma of your mind that sickened all your thoughts and twisted your stomach in knots.

You were crying again.

_Fuck_ , why was Gaster always seeing you cry!?

_And did it even matter??_

He wiped away the tears that dripped down, his touch feather-light. He was trying to be unobtrusive yet supportive, and you finally lifted your arm, your fingers grasped at his and clinging on like he was your one anchor in the storm.

<What happened?> he signed, worriedly looking down at you. You were always worrying him, weren’t you? 

“I died.” you croaked, and Gaster looked puzzled.

“I got hit by a truck and died so Frisk set back time so they could save me.” _That_ caught his attention, his pale features twisting in horror. 

But not in surprise...

“You knew they could do that, didn’t you!?” you yelled at him, “You knew monsters had killed humans and took their SOULs!”

<Yes. In fact, I studied their SOULs in my lab.> he answered, his expression more muted, closing off as you raised your voice. 

“Did you kill a human?” you asked in hushed and harsh tones. Monsters had been hunting any humans that fell, and given the timeline of when Gaster existed outside the void, it was entirely possible.

<No,> he tilted his head, studying you inquisitively. <Would you send me away if I said I did?>

“Are you asking what I’d do if I found out you killed someone?” you asked, your tone dropping by degrees.

<Yes,> he bluntly replied, hovering over you. He crowded your personal space, his shadows twitching and his mismatched eyelights gleaming at you with scrutinizing intensity. <I am asking you if I killed a human and harvested their SOUL to free my family and every monster alive from the prison your ancestors locked them into, would you hate me for it?>

You stared up at him, eyes wide and wet and searching for something in his eyelights.

“No.” you whispered.

His expression softened, one of his hands reaching down to cradle your face, thumb stroking your tear-stained cheek. <I have never killed anyone. To take a life permanently changes one’s SOUL. Perhaps one day I may show you and prove that to you, but I swear here and now I have never killed another being. However, I cannot say that I am incapable of it.> He nuzzled the top of your head, two of his hands squeezing your shoulders. <Tell me, if David were to show up now and attempt to finish me off, what would you do?>

Just the thought made rage flicker up inside you. Your magic ignited in turn, the energies from your SOUL making the air buzz.

Just as quickly the fire snuffed out as you truly considered what you _would_ do.

“I don’t know.” you murmured, squeezing his hand. “I wouldn’t let him hurt you. But I don’t know if I could kill him.” you drew quiet as you contemplated an answer. Gaster’s nimble and spindly phalanges carefully undid the elastic barely holding your hair in a messy bun, and he patiently ran his fingers through your loose strands while you silently thought. As you considered such a scenario, the realization of what choice you would make crystalized into a clear and coherent thought, and it _sickened_ you. 

“If it came down to killing him or letting you die, I’d kill him.”

<Then perhaps you can understand that I would do whatever it took to free the ones I loved?>

“Yeah...I think so...I just--monsters _murdered_ humans for their SOULs. They tried to kill Frisk.” Snowdrake murdered Frisk, didn’t they? Or did it count if Frisk LOAD’d and escaped death? It was surreal, you had just fixed their router last week, the monster cracking jokes all the while. Not to mention the six humans, possibly seven, that had been slain. It was undeniable the crimes monsters had committed. 

...So too were the crimes of humanity. 

<...You cannot know what it was like down there, you’ve admitted as much. I hope you never know the kind of desperation we felt. It was centuries of imprisonment and there was HOPE vested in the King’s plan to break the Barrier.> he glanced down at you, phalanges woven through your dark hair stilling as he pondered something. <You understand your SOUL is made of INTEGRITY, yes?> he tapped the tip of his finger against your sternum, <And Frisk of DETERMINATION?> you nodded. 

<Monster SOULs are all made of the same elements, LOVE, COMPASSION, and HOPE. The latter is crucially important, without it, monsters ‘Fall Down’. It is a chronic condition that ultimately leads to death. The beings known as Amalgamates were once monsters who had Fallen Down, and Alphys used for her trials.>

“So if you didn’t have hope, monsters would die.”

<More than likely, yes. When a human fell and a SOUL collected, it encouraged us to keep going, to continue our struggle. The fallen were doomed to die regardless, they were just as trapped as we were. And so we took their SOULs, and studied them, discovering what made your kind so much stronger than us. All for the eventual end of devising our freedom.>

His thumb skimmed over the back of your hand, his other hand wiping away new tears that formed as you silently listened. This level of macabre and misery in a conversation was not something you were used to coping with.

<What I did, what caused my fall, was an attempt to circumvent that cost. Alphys likewise used the information I had left behind to devise her own method of destroying the Barrier. Ultimately we both failed, and at great expense. We did not want to kill. Such an impulse is...human. It is not in our nature. Yet it was necessary...Do you understand?>

You were still quiet, eyes drifting upward away from Gaster’s face to stare at the ceiling.

No, you really fucking didn’t.

Because you weren’t there. You couldn’t _imagine_ such a thing.

“Do you hate us?” you asked in a whisper.

<I did, once.>

“Do you hate me?”

< _Never._ > the sign was a sharp, cutting motion through the air. His hand tightened its grip around yours as he leaned down to kiss your forehead. 

“Ok.” you murmured. It wasn’t ok, and you weren’t sure how it ever would be. “I don’t hate monsters. I just hate...” you lifted your free hand, pressing your palm to your eyes. “Just how everything is and how everything happened. That humans trapped you guys and monsters killed humans, and Frisk could RESET _right now_ and everything could be gone. The Barrier would be back and you’d be gone, _and I wouldn’t even remember meeting you!_ ” you wailed, a fresh surge of tears coursing down your face.

He shushed you as you wept again. 

Why bother with anything if it could be gone in an instant? Why go through the trouble of working or learning a new recipe or trying to figure out your feelings for some void monster if it was all there because of a child’s whims? If it could all be erased with you never knowing?

“I get why you hate Flowey now.” you sniffed after the flow of tears slowed to a trickle. That little friend of yours was a killer...who lacked love and compassion because he was born without a monster’s SOUL, born for a grisly and unfulfilled purpose. So then how did he come to care for you? How could he be sorry for what he did, your INTEGRITY SOUL _knowing_ the truth of his apology? 

What would you have done if you couldn’t feel _anything_ and were stuck, locked in a temporal prison inside another subterranean prison? Would you have toyed with your cellmates if nothing you did had any permanent consequences? Your SOUL objected, but that was because you _had_ one.

“Can you at least tell when it happens?” your voice was watery and thin by now.

<Until you, it was difficult to discern anything. Time does not progress for me as it does for you, as such I am not fully aware when the flow is disrupted. After you left I felt-> his grip on your hand tightened, almost to the point of pain, his gaze was distant and eyelights haunted. He shook his head, his grip loosening, and he seemed unable to finish the thought, whatever it was too dreadful to put into words. <I felt it twice. I never wish to experience such a thing again. However, I assume that effect was tied to you and not the temporal change itself. The only being who is fully aware, besides Frisk and Flowey, would be Sans.>

“So I would lose you and just forget it all, and you _might_ remember.” you said bitterly.

<I believe myself quite incapable of forgetting you.> he smiled down at you, his wide lips soft at the edges, <Our situation is not as precarious as it might seem. I could have lost you today, but I did not. If anything, your continued existence in this timeline is more stable than it would be otherwise. Frisk wishes for you to live as you have been. How many can claim to have a being capable of warping time itself invested in your survival?> he signed, his hand grazing up and down your arm in slow, soothing motions.

“You are being really calm and reasonable about this.” you said, almost sounding accusatory.

<I’ve had longer to come to terms with it.> he kissed your lips this time, and a needy desire had you kissing him back, far more intensely than he had initiated, open-mouthed and greedy. You were _alive_ and Gaster was here and you just wanted to stop thinking for a moment and lose yourself for a bit. His hand wrapped around your arm, phalanges digging into your skin as his breath came in increasingly harsh rasps. 

<Believe me, my dear, I have half a mind to confine you to this house. If I had lost you...> he was once more incapable of finishing that thought, growling as his shadowy body pressed down on you and his mouth slanted against yours again, his kiss almost savage, _punishing_. Like he could devour you.

Maybe he wasn’t as composed as you thought.

Your tongue swept against his lips, running over the hard ridge of bone before they parted, that strange, cold, black mass of his sliding against you. He tasted of that bizarre chill of shadows, and you drank him in like you wanted to drown. This was what you needed right now, this was the distraction that you craved. So why were your eyes stinging again, and hot tears spilling down against Gaster’s skull?

He leaned back once he realized you were crying, and just the small separation of space between you and him was enough to make you fully break down again.

You died.

You were so scared.

_What was the point?_

“I’m sorry!” you bawled, the thin construct of your composure shattering like glass.

It was a long, long while before you were capable of speaking again, before you were capable of doing anything besides curling up into a small ball and sobbing, utterly broken and lost.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Your friends had told you once that human SOUL traits existed in monsters, but in much diminished quantities. And you believed that if there was a human trait Gaster possessed, it must have been Patience. How else could he have tolerated your near-constant dependence without a hint of frustration?

It made you wonder why he even liked you in the first place.

Your crying had stopped, and instead of relief that usually followed such an outburst of intense emotions being purged from your system, a numbness had settled in. The fear was gone, but apathy had taken its place.

<What are you doing?> Gaster asked as you suddenly pulled yourself up off the couch and started sliding one of your barstools over to the corner of your kitchen cupboards. He followed, eyelights cautiously watching you.

“Building up my tolerance.” you said moodily, climbing up to stand on top of the stool, your weight shifted to your good leg. 

<I regret ever mentioning that to you...Alex, no.>

“Alex, yes! Let me go!”

Six hands had been conjured, holding your shoulders and your hips still and pulling your arms back down to your sides as you tried to reach for the bottle of fire whisky on the top shelf. A seventh appeared, snatching the bottle and summarily vanishing, taking the liquor with it.

“Did you just put my birthday present in the void!?” 

<Yes.> he answered, and perhaps he was finally starting to get a bit frustrated with you. <It won’t help, please come down.>

You grumbled as you shimmied back down to the floor. His many hands were still holding you, keeping you upright.

<I understand this is knowledge that is not easy to accept, but you must.> he patiently signed, and you just felt helpless. Accept the heat death of the universe, sure, accept that your current existence, _your life as you knew it_ , was in the hands of a ten year old?? Gaster tried getting you to focus on more practical matters, gathering your phone, <Here, you must cancel your appointments for today, and call Papyrus over to heal your leg. Your knee is swollen.>

“Fuck, I’m late-” you tried to turn to go to your bedroom and get dressed for work, but Gaster’s hands immobilized you, their binding grip keeping you in place. “Let me go!” you snarled. 

<Is that what you want?> another hand held your chin, tilting your head up so that you looked him straight in the eyelights. <If you wish to work in this state of mind, limping across the complex, I won’t stop you. Is that what you truly want?>

“I’m not weak!” you shouted. Gaster flinched at your raised voice, and just that small recoiling movement made your eyes water again. How you could still cry was beyond you.

<I know.> he signed, cautiously. <Whatever gave you the impression you were?>

Your eyes slid away from him, gaze drifting down towards the floor and voice quiet. “You always see me like this and I hate it. You are always the one seeing me scared or crying or screaming. You see me at my absolute worst and _I hate it_.”

Gaster frowned, lowering himself so that he was practically kneeling, brushing your hair from your eyes, his broken skull taking up your vision again. You couldn’t remember ever having to look down to see him before now.

<Do you believe I see you like that?> he asked. He was so patient with you.

“I think I worry you too much. I think I need you but I should be able to take care of myself. I feel like a child who’s pretending to be a grown-up and screwing everything up along the way. I shouldn’t be such a burden, I shouldn’t be someone who always needs to be looked after.” your voice dropped down even softer, words crumbling at the edges, “I think you’re still here because for some reason it’s my SOUL you are tied to and I haven’t been any help freeing you from the void, so you really don’t have any choice but to put up with me.”

Gaster's mouth drew to a thin line, and for once, you couldn’t read his expression. His eyelights were wavering, but was it dismay reflected in them? Disappointment? They flicked back and forth between your eyes searchingly, and eventually you had to look away.

He wouldn’t accept that, gently tilting your chin towards him again, <May I tell you what I think when I see you?>

You really, _really_ didn’t, but you found yourself nodding anyways.

<I see a human who gives everyone a chance, even those who are so unlike her, and those who do not deserve them. I see a woman who tries her best to do right by others, even when it terrifies her. I see INTEGRITY, and all the hardships that entails to be true and good when she has not always been afforded that same kindness. I am not here for your SOUL, I am here for _you_.>

His many hands released you, letting you stand on your own again, letting you look him in the eyes of your own volition. 

And then his skeletal hands formed the second sentence you ever learned how to sign.

<I love you.>

You nearly winced, a whimper escaping your lips and your vision blurring with tears that threatened to spill over. This was _not_ the time you wanted to see those words signed to you, not when you were in such a sorry state. Not when you weren’t ready to say them back. 

<You don’t have to understand, but you should know that I love all of you. Being vulnerable is not the same as weakness. You are so much stronger than you know, I wish you could see it.> He leaned in closer, gently kissing you, the tenderness a sharp contrast to the hungry kiss from before, as if his lips could demonstrate the words your mind just couldn’t accept. <I will tell you this every day if I must. Until you understand and believe it. Until you grow sick of me.>

<Never.> you signed with a hollow laugh that may have sounded like a sob. “I’ll never get sick of you. Just your dumb TV shows.” He smiled at that, and you suddenly threw your arms around him, breath shuddering as you felt the cold dripping shadows press against your body. You felt his hands on your back, the best he could manage at holding you without arms.

“Thank you. I don’t tell you that enough, and I’m sorry for that. Thank you for always looking out for me and for caring about me. I’ll try and be better,” his hands clawed into your back as if to pull you away and address properly what you were saying, but you only held on more tightly, “No, just listen for a sec. I have a lot of...issues with how I handle things. I get scared and run or I get angry and lash out,” he shook his head, and you turned yours to kiss his cheek, before murmuring against the pale bones of his face, “You are not a bad person. You may have done bad things, but I know you, and I know that no matter what, you are worth saving.”

He stilled at that, and after a moment you released him, flashing him a rueful smile. “I will free you, I promise. I’m sorry I-”

A phalange pressed to your lips, silencing you.

His eyelights were bright warm lights in his dark sockets.

<No more apologizing.>

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Critical Mistakes by 888](https://youtu.be/qLGr93hT2x0)
> 
> \---
> 
> This is the end of Act II. 💙
> 
> The last arc might be delayed a bit, I’m not sure if I will be continuing the twice a week update schedule. Chapter 20 should still be posted on Sunday.
> 
> To be honest, I’m not doing so well mentally right now. While I am eager to finish this story, I’d rather not force my self-imposed time table at the expense of halfway decent writing. 
> 
> You can keep tabs on updates by checking out my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) where I’ll be communicating when upcoming chapters are released.
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	20. New River

_Well, it'll rain for forty days and nights_

_and nothing you do can slow the rising tides_

_But the river takes her shape from every tempest she abides_

_And like her, you'll be made new again_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You did end up having to cancel your appointments, _again._

You were a walking disaster of a human in the wake of the revelation that you had a time-traveling mage living below you with the power to undo your life, or save it if they so desired. _You_ had now become the morose ghost haunting the apartment, hopeless and lost and wailing like a child.

And then Gaster had to go and tell you he loved you, right when you were at your most miserable, most _pathetic_...

You had to be better. You had to be someone more worthy of that love. Certainly not someone who cried at the drop of a hat. That wasn’t ever _you_ , you were stronger than that, you didn’t need someone else to rely on. Hadn’t that been the whole point up until now? Moving out of your parents' house the day you turned eighteen, completing what should have been a four-year degree in less than three by overloading your course schedule every semester and spending summer breaks on campus cooped up in classrooms and the library, all at the complete sacrifice of any kind of social life, starting your own business instead of working for someone else, working seven days a week, cramming your days full with as many appointments as possible, wasn’t that the independence you had chased all along??

So how had it happened that you needed Gaster to guard your dreams against constant nightmares and kiss you senseless? How was it that you felt like you couldn’t function unless you sensed he was near? That phenomena that tethered your SOUL to him, the lifeline he used to wrench himself out of the void, thin and ethereal as spider silk, you clung to it with both hands. Always in the back of your mind you traced along it, letting it lead you back to him, to comfort when you were falling apart.

And it was often you were falling apart these days. Your nightmares were worse than ever, increasingly vivid with gruesome details. Perhaps some part of your mind was aware of your death (or deaths you supposed, you died twice over) because if David wasn’t choking the life out of you, that truck was pulverizing you instead. Interspersed between the night terrors was visions of the grey door, drawing you in like a chain wrapped around your SOUL, pulling you into the void, consciousness slamming down into your senses before you could truly fall into that endless black abyss. Stars, you were a mess, clinging to Gaster and his chilling, dripping shadows nearly every night, shivering from cold and terror, babbling apologies all the while. Some nights you dreaded going to bed, despite your exhaustion. 

After a particularly trying night, Gaster suggested therapy. Apparently he’d be researching your “symptoms” while borrowing your laptop. Your hands clenched, nails digging into your skin so hard you almost drew blood. What could you tell a shrink, that you died in an alternate timeline? So they could have you committed? They’d dig into your past, make you talk about your parents and what a disappointment you were to them, make you explain how, unlike a normal fucking human being, you couldn’t manage to make it one night without waking to the sounds of your own screams.

You politely but firmly told him that his suggestion was not an option.

It took a herculean effort to get your thoughts in a better semblance of order, but you managed, somehow (it was Gaster, why lie to yourself of your own weakness and shortcomings). You had little choice, work was going to consume many of your waking hours in the following days with how jam-packed your schedule now was, making up for all the lost time. Once Papyrus healed your leg (you told him you fell off your bike, taking his scolding to be more careful with downcast eyes, avoiding his suspicious gaze all the while) you were back to running around Ebbot Springs as the one-woman technical support team for all the past residents of the Underground.

Work was easier said than done. It was difficult to meet the eyes of the monsters who you had helped for _months_ , yet in the span of a single day, you now couldn’t help but wonder; Had they killed Frisk? Had they tried? Or had they dragged one of the other fallen to their deaths? What did Flowey do to them? You tried to be understanding of what they must have lived through, and remember how they had treated you, a human. How amazed you were at your first interactions, how they welcomed you into their community and started seeing you as something closer to them than your own kind. Maybe it was guilt? All you could do was work harder, to try and distract yourself from such thoughts.

Gaster pleaded with you to ease up, to give yourself a break, but you were resolute. INTEGRITY kept her commitments and didn’t jerk her clients around. She worked hard, and did what needed to get done, even if her mind was a battlefield of thoughts and feelings that warred behind a distant blue gaze.

And at the end of the day when she crawled into bed, exhausted yet dreading sleep, holding hands with a monster made of shadow and bone, she let him rain kisses over her skin and pin her down against the sheets while his mouth ravenously laid claim to her own and she could scarcely _breathe_. So she would lose herself in him and _forget_ , if only for a moment all the terrible things she’d uncovered. 

Because that’s who you were these days.

  
  


* * *

  
  


You had to face the music eventually, or more accurately, a towering, terrifying fish monster. While you were replying to emails and sorting through invoices, a text had come through on your phone that the parts Alphys had ordered had arrived. You arranged a time to visit Ebott Manors again. Reading between the lines it was clear Undyne wanted to talk to you about the incident with David and what really happened that night, and you were no more prepared for that conversation now than you had been when Sans barged into your apartment.

“They were shipping us, you know.” you commented idly as you tapped out a reply to Alphys, lounging on the couch while Gaster channel surfed. It was blazingly hot today, and your bare legs brushed against the large shadow monster. It was uncomfortable, your upper body too warm and the lower half too cold, but you really didn’t feel like putting in any effort to rectify the situation. 

<...Shipping?> Gaster asked, confused. 

“Uh, yeah, as in ‘relation-shipping’. Like when you want two characters in a TV show to hook up, that’s a ‘ship’. Only, this is real life and it’s really awkward now that I say this out loud.” you said, making a face of disconcertment.

<You said Alphys does not remember me and, Undyne, was it?> you nodded, <She was hardly a teenager when I last saw her, I doubt she would remember me even if I had not fallen into the void. Wild monster, that one.> he shivered, and now you were _really_ interested to learn what your friends were like when they were younger. <I am curious what you must have said to them if they predicted this without any prior knowledge of my existence.> he gestured between the two of you. You felt a stab of guilt at that, the not-yet defined relationship you shared. Gaster had already dropped the “L” word and you weren’t even ready to call him your boyfriend yet. You weren’t even sure if ‘boyfriend’ would even be an apt term, it sounded so...juvenile. Like it belonged in a high school cafeteria, not applied to a monster like him. ‘Partner’ sounded so detached and ‘significant other’ _too_ attached. Ugh, this was why you hated labels. 

Either way, you were about as ready to grant him some such title as he was to tell you his secret. 

“Nothing, I swear...well, almost nothing.” he raised a brow bone at you. “I mean there was the mention of hand-holding and the look you gave me all the time...”

<What look?>

“You know...” he quizzically tilted his head, “That... _intense_ look, like you’re seeing too much of me.” you squirmed under his scrutinizing gaze, “Kinda like that.” you waved a hand, gesturing at him. He swiftly caught your wrist, slender bones pressing against your pulse-point, his grin broadening and his eye sockets hooded. “Yes, _that_ one, quit it.” your cheeks were hot with a blush, and he tugged on your arm, drawing you in closer so he could kiss your rosy cheek. 

<You are so very cute when flustered.> That only made you flush all the more.

Mercifully, he let you go before going any further, which you were immensely thankful for. If you weren’t ready to call him your boyfriend, then you _certainly_ weren’t ready to go beyond making out. But at times like these, it was _far_ too tempting to ask for more. Too tempting to give voice to those indecent thoughts that were increasingly on your mind. You _knew_ he’d do whatever you asked. Temping, so, _so_ tempting. 

Gaster hummed thoughtfully before signing, <They are in a ‘ship’, yes?>

You snickered and then burst out laughing. 

<What?> he looked insulted. 

“Nothing, you’re just...nevermind, yes, they are in a ‘ship’.” you said, still snickering.

While you couldn’t say the dignified Doctor Gaster could ever manage to pout, his cracked face was looking pretty damn petulant. It made a slow smile pull at your lips.

<Am I amusing you?>

“Always.” you said, your smile turning soft. You shifted on the couch, tossing your phone aside and drawing close to him, craning your neck so you could press a kiss to his fractured cheek. Your lips migrated downwards, pecking against the corner of his wide mouth. “You can amuse me in other ways, you know.” your words were husky and low, in a tone you never imagined coming from your mouth. Terrible, corrupting thing this monster was, making you think such debauched thoughts.

<Temptress.> he signed sharply. Conjured hands wrapped tightly around your wrists, another set settled on your hips, the tips of his phalanges digging into your flesh. A single bony finger had slipped through the gap between the bottom hem of your shirt and your shorts, now grazing over your bare skin. He was peering down at you appraisingly, _intensely_ , like he was caught in indecision. <Your teasing is a dangerous game.>

“But so much fun.” you quipped back, grin turning lecherous, eyes at half mast. 

...And there it was. That tell-tale blush of dusky lilac creeping over his cheeks.

“You’re really cute when you’re flustered.” your words were quiet, spoken through a victorious, toothy smile.

<Infernal human,> he signed with a low, disgruntled growl, <...I love you.>

Your work lay forgotten as he pulled you close and you lost yourself a little longer, basking in his love.

* * *

You stood outside townhouse 2B, staring up as the stone facade with what felt like a lead weight in your stomach. Inside those walls was a terrifying (and attractive) fish monster who was used to turning her burning yellow gaze on criminals. And she was going to interrogate you ruthlessly with her (adorable) girlfriend on all the details of your mysterious disappearing roommate.

Whose fingers touched your skin and held your hands. Who you played little games with, teasing incessantly. Who you made out with _constantly_. 

You were blushing just thinking about it. How long could you withstand their barrage of invasive questions? Half of which you didn’t know the answer to? What _was_ your relationship with him? When were you going to take the next steps? What even were the next steps??

You were still standing on the sidewalk like a moron, and you forced your feet to move before you could be considered late, walking up to the front door and knocking. Alphys answered a minute later, dressed in a cute cherry blossom pink dress, buck teeth showing as she smiled.

“Hi Alex!” she cheerfully greeted you, and you realized until just that moment you had missed her. Sure, the two of you chatted on UnderNet pretty often, but it wasn’t quite the same. Given all the chaos that had happened of late, you really hadn’t made enough time to spend with your friend in-person. You’d have to amend that. 

“Hey, Alphys. I brought some snacks.” you said, lifting a platter.

“O-oh, thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” she said, taking the dish and leading your inside.

“It wasn’t any trouble. Really, it's just some spinach puffs, I’ve been pretty busy with work.” And unable to sleep through the night, more exhausted than you’d been in in a long, long time, but she didn’t need to know that.

The dish laden with cling-wrapped puffs was placed on the still overly cluttered kitchen table where, like a shark lurking in a shadowy reef, Undyne was prepared to strike.

“So,” she said with zero greeting or preamble, rising up from the table to her full, and formidable, height, leaning down towards you so that her gleaming yellow eye was all you could see, “You gonna tell me about that ‘roommate’ of yours?” she said with a growl that promised no mercy.

You panicked.

“I couldn’t think of some excuse to tell you, and to be honest I really don’t want to lie anyways, INTEGRITY SOUL and all that jazz, plus you are my friend, or at least I hope you are, and I don’t want to see you upset at me, but my roommate is my friend too, more than that really, ever since we kissed and all, and he doesn’t want me to say anything more about him since I already said too much last time and I don’t want to do anything he’s uncomfortable with, unless it makes him blush because that color is so pretty and _I’m going to shut up now!_ ” with that your jaw audibly clamped shut and your word vomit ceased.

Alphys and Undyne alike blinked in complete shock.

“Sorry.” you murmured. “Seriously, I am, I don’t like keeping secrets but I’ve already said too much.” you glanced over at Alphys with a doleful look as you revealed a secret you had learned; “Flowey told me you made him and the Amalgamates.”

She sucked in a harsh breath, scales paling. Her eyes were wide and fearful, and you could see her hands trembling.

“I know you were just trying to help free all the monsters, I know you regret it and I still want to be your friend...They also told me monsters killed humans and took their SOULs.”

“Fucking hell.” Undyne cursed, lifting a hand to her head. “Is there anything you don’t know now?”

“I’d say ‘you tell me’, but I’m kinda scared to learn what else happened down there at this point.” 

Like what Gaster did.

“You understand that no one can know about any of that, right punk?”

“Yup. Loud and clear. Sans made sure of that...again.”

The two monsters looked at each other, confused.

“Don’t worry about it,” you said, waving it off. You had no idea what relationship these monsters had with each other, and things were complicated enough without telling the Captain of the Royal Guard ‘Yeah, the monster in charge of keeping the Queen’s child safe threatened to kill me’.

“S-so you’re dating your roommate then?” Alphys asked.

_Shit, here we go._

“I’m not talking about it.” you said, crossing your arms.

“Well if you’re not dating and you’re more than friends, it must be a friends with benefits deal.” Undyne suggestively waggled her brows. Already you could feel color seeping into your cheeks.

“She said she likes making him blush, they’re probably dating. I bet they’re really sweet and kawaii with each other.” Alphys countered, as if you weren’t right there. Like they were debating if two anime characters were going to hook up later that season. These two!

“I dunno, a human and a monster? That’s some kinky shit. It’s got to be weird with the different SOULs.”

“Wait, what does that mean!?” you asked, and your outburst drew their attention back to you.

“You ever seen a monster SOUL?” Undyne asked, grin sharp.

“No?”

“Ah hah! They haven’t shared SOULs yet. Dating.” Alphys crowed victoriously, a tone you never expected that from her.

“She’s human, they don’t use their SOULs when having sex, he could totally be banging her without-”

“Undyne!” you squeaked, your face feeling like it was on fire.

Apparently that was the funniest shit ever.

“I DIDN’T KNOW HUMANS COULD TURN SO RED, BWAH HAH HAH!” Undyne was bent over, slapping her knee and howling with laughter. “You’re right, Alph! No way this prude is doing anything more than nose-nuzzling!”

“Well maybe a little bit more.” you grumbled, crossing your arms again. You weren’t sure if Undyne could even hear you over her roaring laughter.

“W-we can work on your phone n-now.” Alphys said when her girlfriend’s laughter carried on far too long with no signs of stopping and your expression became increasingly cross.

“Yes, please.” you answered, irked.

Alphys led you out of the kitchen, back up towards her office that is just as messy as ever. Only now there is a package sitting on her bench and she used her claws to puncture the packaging tape and tear open the box.

“This is the first time I’ve been able to install a dimensional box on a human phone. I’ve been looking at the schematics online and I think it should be possible. I just needed these capacitors for the interfacing chip.” she explained excitedly.

“What’s a dimensional box?” you asked, already confused. 

“I’ll show you! Can I see your phone?”

You pulled it out and offered it to the yellow monster who, just as deftly as before, got to work cracking it open and rearranging the insides. Watching her weave her magic was always fascinating, and you wished you could have a job like Alphys. Helping out monsters was great and all, but sometimes it was pretty damn repetitive. There were only so many wi-fi passwords you could reset and cracked screens you could replace before it got dull. Alphys not only got to work with magic, she got to work on some of the most advanced technology in the world. If only you were near as intelligent as her or Gaster, then maybe you could have been able to work alongside her.

“Ok.” Alphys said, sealing the phone back up and plugging it into her computer. “You have this rooted, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I need to make a new partition and install a monster OS to run the dimensional box software, i-if that’s alright?” 

“Hell yeah, now you’re speaking my language!” you said with a wide grin, leaning closer to the monitor.

As it usually went with new technology, it took the two of you a while to get things working. The hardware was fine, but getting the human and monster software to cooperate was a whole other beast that took an hour to figure out, most of it spent combing forums for this obscure use of dual booting. But you were pretty damn good at this sort of thing and soon enough you were looking at the blocky white text on a black field that said “Dimensional Box A”. 

“What do I do?” you asked after your screen remained static with no further instructions.

“Oh, here, just-” she gently took the phone from you, holding it up to the work bench where an empty Cup Noodles container and a manga book sat. She tapped the home button and the cup _vanished_. Another tap and the book was gone too.

You gaped at the disappearing trick, and Alphys was grinning as she handed you back your phone.

There, in that same blocky text read “Trash, Weeb Book”.

“Select one.” Alphys chirped.

You tapped ‘Trash’.

The empty cup materialized and clattered onto the floor.

“Ho-ly _shit._ ” you breathed. Wide eyed your gaze lifted from the cup on the floor to Alphys. “That’s impossible!...H-how??” 

“It’s very possible, but a little difficult to explain.” Alphys said, giggling at your expression, “Do you know what the Source Code is?” You shook your head, stupefied.

“Sans is way better at explaining this...Um, I think the humans call it the ‘Theory of Everything’.”

“Oh, yeah, I know what that is, kinda. I mean, I don’t understand the actual math of it.”

“Yeah, the human version is a bit more complex.” she began erasing a portion of a whiteboard mounted to the wall, the whole expanse of it filled with notes and equations and lists and little anime doodles in the margins. In the newly vacated space she wrote in a hurried scrawl a long formula. You couldn’t make sense of it, the symbols might as well have been wingdings for all you understood.

“Humans didn’t account for magic, so there are some parts missing from the Standard Model and others that can’t be simplified without the additional formulas, but the idea is the same; This is what monsters call the Source Code, an equation explains all the fundamental forces in the universe and how everything exists as it does. This was what Sans studied when he worked at the lab.”

“Sans was a scientist?” you asked, eyebrows raising.

“Y-yeah. I guess he never told you?” you shook your head, “Oh, w-well, h-he was. N-not sure why he quit.” Alphys cleared her throat, turning back to the white board and began writing again. “W-well, a-anyways, the way the numbers work out results in places outside of reality where we can temporarily store objects for future retrieval.”

Your breath stuck in your throat.

“The void.” you said in monotone.

“Yes! In fact there are separate layers of the void dimensions-”

“Sixteen of them.”

Alphys stopped, looking back at you. “H-how did you know that?”

“The dimensional box puts objects in the void, and can retrieve them.” you said, your voice trembling now and your heart hammering in your chest.

“Y-yes, it stores them in the layers closest to reality. A-are you ok?” You could feel your eyes going wide, _manic_. You were scaring her.

“What about that bottom layer, the sixteenth void, can you pull someone out from there?” 

Alphys paled, “...N-no one w-would s-survive down there.” 

“Alphys please, this is so important and I can’t explain why yet, just pretend someone is down there, can you get them out??” your tone was beyond desperate and pleading. 

“I-it’s a-almost -i-impossible. I-it _is_ impossible. Y-you’d h-have to know w-where they are, b-but t-there isn’t time _or_ space in that void. Th-there are t-too m-many unknown variables. I-it’s literally unknowable.”

You fell silent, heartbeat roaring loud in your ears and breathing too fast for just standing in place like a statue. Your mind was _racing_. You felt so close, like this was it, you knew it in your--

_Your SOUL._

“What if my SOUL is tied to that person?”

“L-like a Soul Mate? H-humans can’t-” Alphys gasped, her eyes flashing wide as a crucial connection was made. “Your roommate is stuck in the void!?” 

“Alphys, he uses my SOUL to get out of the void, it’s the one thing keeping him in reality, please, _please_ tell me you can free him!”

“I-I-I don’t know...m-maybe? I-I would n-need to r-run some simulations. I-it would t-take a l-lot of m-magic...” she looked back at the whiteboard, studying the Source Code equation while looking deep in thought.

“I think I can.” she finally announced.

You threw your arms around her in a hug, and she let out a squeak of surprise. “Oh my god you are amazing, thank you, _thank you!_ ” You sprang back, grabbing your phone, “I have to go, I’ll call you later, you and him will have to talk about this, _oh my god,_ I can’t believe this. Stars, thank you Alphys!”

“...Y-you’re welcome?” she stuttered, looking dazed. 

You ran down the stairs, shoving your shoes on your feet so quickly you nearly tipped over. Undyne saw you stumble from the living room, standing up from the bench of the piano she’d been playing. “Hey, nerd, what’s the big hurry?”

“No time, gotta go, ask Alphys, bye!” you said in a rush as you threw open the door and bolted outside, a frustrated “Hey!” from Undyne reaching your ears.

You were thankful you never learned to drive and had to use your feet to get you just about anywhere you wanted to go because you did not stop running until you reached your apartment, sweat dripping and seeping into your shirt, your face flushed and your breath coming fast in ragged pants as you burst through your front door.

<What’s wrong?> Gaster got up from the couch, looking panicked. You were sure he must have been thinking _‘What is it this time!?’_

You were too out of breath to speak, instead signing with wide, excited motions, <Alphys can get you out of the void!>

He blinked, uncomprehendingly.

<...What?>

“Look!” You pulled out your phone, opening up the dimensional box and selecting the ‘Weeb Book’. The manga covered in magical girl imagery materialized into existence just as you had watched Gaster do countless times.

Gaster’s eye sockets widened, his eyelights shrinking to pinpricks. The small lights flicked back and forth as he worked through the implications of what he had just seen.

“We’ll use my SOUL and Alphys’s technology to pull you out.” you said breathlessly, the widest grin on your face.

<You...> Gaster stared at you in amazement, like you had just gifted him the stars themselves. He laughed, the joyous sound setting your SOUL alight and he drifted towards you, hands clasping your face.

“I’m all sweaty and gross, don’t--Mmph!” he completely ignored you, kissing you in a way that made your already tired legs feel like jelly and stole the last of your breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [New River by The Oh Hellos](https://youtu.be/VWd9f60XDmk)
> 
> \---
> 
> Guess who’s finally getting out of the void? 💙
> 
> I’m keeping the Sunday and Wednesday update schedule for now, any changes and I'll let y'all know.
> 
> You can keep tabs on updates or check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter by visiting my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/).
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	21. Superposition

_I don't believe in fate_

_No psychic vision_

_But when things fall into place, superposition_

_In any universe you are my dark star_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You couldn’t ever remember ever being this excited.

It seemed that there was always a grin on your face, a genuine one, unlike your crazy neighbor downstairs. A burden had been lifted, your heart lighter than it had been in months. Sure, none of the details on _how_ to get Gaster out of the void had been worked out yet, but there was a _plan_. 

The vaguest idea of a plan, but it still counted and that made you happy, damn it.

In contrast, Gaster’s excitement had considerably waned. If anything, there was a nervous air to him. He seemed to be distracted often (well, more often than usual) and was always deep in thought, often studying your upgraded phone and taking extensive notes on your laptop. He used your computer more often than you did these days, and you considered just giving it to him.

Alphys was supposed to come over tonight so that the two monsters could meet, or rather, get reacquainted. This was likely the most considerable source of Gaster’s worry, as this evening’s meeting would mark the first time a monster who had forgotten about him would witness him after his fall. The two of you had debated warning Sans of what you guys would be up to, but in the end you decided against it.

<You hate keeping secrets.> Gaster signed, looking surprised but not too dismayed with your decision. 

“I do, but I also don’t like pissing your brother off, he’s pretty damn scary. And this will _definitely_ piss him off.” 

<Keeping secrets out of fear doesn’t sound like INTEGRITY.> he commented with a wry grin.

“INTEGRITY is doing the right thing no matter what, and if that means sneaking behind your brother’s back to free you and everyone else stuck in the void, so be it.” 

He looked shocked at that. <You intend to free the others as well?>

“Yeah, of course. It will probably be more difficult unless your friends managed to snag a human of their own, but I’m sure we can figure it out once we use you as a test run. And by ‘we’ I mean you and Alphys, I’m just here for moral support and to let you borrow my SOUL.”

He hummed at that, sounding quite pleased as he wandered behind you, his chilling, shifting shadows pressed to your back. You heard a dark, amused chuckle in your ear, and his lips pressed against your neck. <You’re my human then?> A shiver ran down your spine that had little to do with his cold body as he nipped at your skin. 

“Yes,” you answered, your tone not as steady as you had hoped. He laughed again at your trembling voice, the sound pitched low as he traced his tongue over your neck. Stars, his voice was the sweetest forbidden fruit that would send your straight to hell. Unthinkingly, you had tilted your head to the side, exposing more of yourself to him, an invitation he all too eagerly indulged. “And you’re my goopy void monster. Hopefully ex-void monster soon. Ah!-Don’t do that.” you whined as he bit down on your flesh, the sweet sting of pain blooming at the junction of your shoulder and your neck. You worried it might leave a mark. 

Something told you that may have been his intention.

The next words he signed with his phalanges touching your chest in place of his, bones of his fingers grazing over your shirt:

<You like it.>

Your knees wobbled and you fought a whimper from leaving your throat. _Fuck yes_ you did, just as you liked this terrible and dangerous escalating game the two of you were playing at, diving headlong into dark waters with hardly a thought as to what lurked under the surface.

“Not the point.” you grunted, pulling away from him, your breath coming in heavy pants. “She’s gonna be here soon, and you can’t get me all...hot and bothered.” you said as you turned to face him, eyes narrowing in reprimand. He looked _entirely_ too pleased with himself. 

<Very well.> he signed, still smirking smugly, and then leaned down to place a chaste kiss to your forehead. As he pulled back his expression was decidedly less playful and if anything, somber. <However, you said you did not wish to be mine until I had told you the truth. Perhaps, given all that is happening, today would be->

“Not now,” you interrupted, grabbing his hands, and he once more appeared shocked, “After. Once you’re here with me. _Completely_ here. We’ll talk then. For now, I just want to focus on getting you out of the void.”

<You’re sure?>

“...It’s not fair that you’re stuck with me.” you said after a few moments. It wasn’t fair that he was chained to your SOUL.

<Alex, we discussed this.> he signed, looking exasperated.

“It’s still there, though! You can feel it too, right?” you said tapping on your chest. That thread, thinner and finer than silk, invisible and always leading you back to Gaster. He nodded, his face impassive, “We can’t just ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist. So maybe if that link isn’t as vital to you anymore and your secret is out in the open,” you shrugged, “Maybe we can just take a look at everything objectively and go from there. And go on an _actual_ date, like to the movies or the beach or something.” Your attempt at humor fell flat, as Gaster was looking at you appraisingly with a small frown. 

His fingers slipped between yours, the tips of his phalanges grazing over the back of your hand, <If that is what you wish...But know that I will always want you. Perhaps one day you will believe that.>

As if to punctuate his words, Alphys knocked timidly on your apartment door. You had to snort a laugh as Gaster’s hand tightened around yours and he resembled too closely a gigantic frightened black cat, shadows like raised hackles. “Easy, you’re squishing my fingers.”

<Sorry.>

“It’s ok, are you ready?”

<Not really.>

“Close enough. It will be ok.” you soothed, thumb brushing over his bones. “Go wait and I’ll let her in.” You gave his hand one last squeeze before he sighed and vanished from sight. Mostly vanished, you could perceive that strange non-shadow in the corner of your vision. Hopefully Alphys wouldn’t notice.

You summoned your magic, blue light enveloping the door handle and swinging the door open to reveal a surprised Alphys.

“H-hi! You’re getting p-pretty good with your magic.” Alphys said, glancing at your glowing hand and offering a grin that didn’t look too forced. 

“Thanks, I’ve been training a lot. What’s that?” you asked, pointing to a bag in her claws. It was some kind of plastic package covered in Japanese text. 

“O-oh, it’s for you. You’re always bringing over food, I-I thought I’d return the favor. I-It’s my favorite candy.”

“Aw, you didn’t have to. I appreciate it though.” Really you did, even if you weren’t the biggest fan of sweets. You’d probably pawn most of them off on Frisk and Flowey when Papyrus wasn’t looking...Whenever you could bring yourself to see them again. You hadn’t spoken since that last heavy discussion, and a small part of you felt like it would be best if you never saw either of them ever again. Another part just missed your friends.

You shook off those gloomy thoughts. “So, uh, you should probably sit down.” You said, leading the yellow monster over to your couch. Sitting wasn’t an option for you, your restless legs pacing the length of your living room, some of Gaster’s nervousness apparently rubbing off. “So, um. Wow, I didn’t think this part through all the way.” you muttered, running our fingers through your hair, “Uh, I guess I should start out with saying you know my roommate, but you can’t remember them.” you said, scratching the back of your head.

“...Oh! W-were we in the same class? I-I can’t remember every monster I went to university with, but t-there was this one guy in grad school-”

“No, no, nothing like that. Uh, more like your memories of them were erased.”

“I don’t get it.” Alphys said after a moment. 

“Yeah, that’s the problem, you probably won’t until after. It might be best to rip off the bandaid on this one. Just, try not to freak out, ok?” you warned.

“O-o-ok?” Alphys answered with a heavy stutter, looking alarmed.

“Alright.” you said, feeling that was as good of a go-ahead as you were going to get, and nodded towards the smudge of emptiness in the corner of your living room.

Gaster reformed in reality, his shadows morphing into existence and his skull a very carefully constructed neutral countenance that once again looked like an expressionless mask. His mis-matched eyelights betrayed him, wavering in their sockets; he was _terrified_. 

You looked back towards Alphys, her face still nervous, but ultimately confused. She didn’t recognize him, not at first. And then...

Her eyes went wide, pupils dilating and her jaw going slack.

Then she clutched her head and moaned in pain.

“Alphys!?” you cried, darting to her side. “Are you ok??” Fuck, now Sans _and_ Undyne were going to kill you.

“Ugh, my head...” she groaned as she doubled over, eyes screwed shut. She froze suddenly, then snapped back up.

“D-Doctor Gaster!?”

The ghost could only reply with a very weak smile and a timid, <Hello again, Alphys.>

“What--what happened to you!?” she cried, jumping to her feet, looking over the tall monster. “Stars, you were in the lab, and then...you...” her brows knit together as she seemingly tried to remember.

<There was...an incident with my last experiment. It rendered me like this as I fell into the void. The others on my team fell as well.>

“The others! They disappeared too! Professor, uh...Doctor um...W-why can’t I remember their names?” she said, pressing her claws to her head.

<A side-effect of being shattered across time and space. Things that are here do not exist, yet always have, and to maintain that paradox beings living in reality tend to forget those who now reside in the void.> he smiled a bit more widely, <You look well. Congratulations on your title, I can scarcely consider any of my other interns who were as worthy of inheriting it as you.>

“T-thanks,” Alphys stuttered, blushing, “You look...” she stopped talking, and you saw Gaster grimace. You raised an eyebrow, looking over at him, wondering what everyone else saw that you didn’t. He looked just as handsome and kissable as ever. “H-how are you not dust? How are you even _here_?” 

<That would be the lovely Alex.> he said, gesturing to you, and now it was your turn to blush. <A convergence point exists here, and her SOUL is tethering me to this plane. I am unsure why, but I have been increasingly able to slip out of the void.>

“I’m hoping you can use my SOUL as a waypoint to pull him all the way out.” you explained, “Not sure how it all works, but I figured between two super-genius you guys can do it.”

“T-three would be better.” Alphys meekly replied.

<Sans will not help.>

“H-he said no? B-but he’s your brother!” 

“We didn’t ask. Sans is pretty pissed at him and wants to keep him a secret. He was mad at me for just calling Gaster ‘my roommate’ to you and Undyne, and I can’t imagine what he’d say if he knew the three of us were talking.”

“I s-still think you should ask h-him. Th-this isn’t going to be easy, and the void is his area of expertise. We-- _I_ could use his help.”

<You will aid us, then?> Gaster asked.

“Of course!” Alphys said emphatically. “You’re my teacher and my friend.” she said, with a genuine smile that showed off her buck teeth.

<Thank you.> Gaster signed, looking incredibly grateful. He looked towards you, hope clear as day on his fractured face, and you swore your SOUL was glowing with joy.

* * *

It took the rest of the evening for Gaster and Alphys to begin working out a plan. Your laptop was again commandeered and every scrap paper you could scrounge up filled with equations as the two geeks had at it. You turned your attention to feeding the monster who was still capable of eating (okonomiyaki seemed a fitting meal as any), as well as yourself. Undyne was texted after the two Royal Scientists showed no signs of slowing and you did your best to evade the fish monster’s questions on what exactly her missing girlfriend was up to.

“O-okay.” Alphys sighed, tapping her claws together. “T-there’s still a lot to work out, but I th-think it _is_ possible-”

“Great!” you said, gleefully.

<There are requirements, however. Your SOUL will be needed, certainly.>

“As long as I get it back at the end of the day.” you said with a shrug. Gaster didn’t appear enthused at your glib attitude towards the core of your being.

“Y-yes, it’s just to provide the needed coordinates. Th-the more difficult part is getting enough DT.” Alphys said, her claws rubbing against her scales. “Your SOUL doesn’t have enough.”

“DT?” you asked.

<DETERMINATION. DT was the substance extracted from human SOULs to create Flowey and used in an attempt to strengthen monster SOULs. It is what allows a human SOUL to persist after death. Every human has quantities of DT, but not enough to safely extract for this to function as intended. In fact, there is only one mage who can safely provide such a donation.>

“Frisk.” you realized, which meant more sneaking behind Sans’s back. There was no way in hell he’d allow his charge to get mixed up in this scheme. “You sure I can’t do it?”

<No.>

Your eyes narrowed, was he just saying that because he wasn’t willing to take that risk? “Gaster-”

“H-he’s right. Frisk has a lot of DETERMINATION, more than most humans.”

<Far, far more. Orders of magnitude more.> Gaster looked at you meaningfully, and you understood.

Frisk had enough power to turn back time. You couldn’t get that from just anyone. Certainly not you.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Ok, so we’ll need to talk to Frisk and get their help.”

“W-we also need to build the Extractor here.”

<Specifically in your hallway, where the convergence point is.>

“I-it will probably take up most of your living room too. A-and we can use magic to power it, b-but we’ll need electrical power too, and th-there’s a good chance it will blow the circuit to this building.”

“Ok, I can work around that. I’ll clear out the living room and reach out to Frisk, you two worry about the machine. Is there anything else you guys need?”

The two scientists shared a look, Gaster frowning.

“W-well, there’s a lot of parts we w-will need. I c-could get royal f-funding but it w-would take t-time-” you dug your wallet clip out of your pocket, handing the yellow monster your credit card.

“Let me know if I need to increase the credit limit. If you blow through that I have another card for business expenses I can pull from too. Whatever you need, alright?” you said earnestly. 

Alphys's scaly brows lifted in surprise and Gaster’s frown deepened, his hands lifting to object. You shot him a look in warning, speaking before he could manage to sign. “It’s just money. It doesn’t matter, whatever the cost, it will be worth it.”

* * *

You had got to work right away, rearranging your home. You didn’t have much in terms of furniture, what little you had either shoved and stacked as unobtrusively into a corner as possible, or relocated into your bedroom. The end result was the living room feeling strangely empty, and your bedroom so cramped you could barely open the door. Good thing you could squeeze through tiny spaces and Gaster could just phase through anything at will.

“That’s a lot easier with magic.” you commented, flopping onto the bed. It was late, and you couldn’t hold back a yawn you’d been fighting all evening. 

<Did you move in here on your own?> he asked, pulling your blanket over you in a not-so-subtle hint that you should consider going to sleep.

“Yeah. I had some help from some neighbors getting the couch up here, but the rest was all little ol’ me. It was a literal pain going up all those stairs.” You glanced over at him curiously, “Do skeletons get sore from working too hard?”

<Not in the way humans do. All of our movement is fueled by magic instead of muscles, and there can be associated discomfort from overuse.>

“Why do you guys breathe?” you asked sleepily.

<That is a more complex answer than you have time for.> he signed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips. <Go to sleep.>

“Can’t, too excited.” you murmured against his lips with a grin, “Do you think it’ll work?”

He ran his phalanges through your hair, and you felt like he’d practically trained you at this point; He always did that to get you to relax and fall asleep, especially when you had your nightmares, and it was exceedingly effective. Your eyelids grew heavy and you fought to keep them open enough to read his signs.

<The math seems to indicate it will. However, the same could be said the last time when I fell _into_ the void. Regardless, I did not have you back then, so I would consider it a cautiously optimistic scenario.> He glanced down, checking to see that you were still awake, noting your barely conscious state.

<I love you.>

The last thing you could remember before succumbing to sleep was fighting to keep those same words from leaving your lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Superposition by Young the Giant](https://youtu.be/02N2nOpH2xc)
> 
> \---
> 
> I had to break up this chapter and the next, so have a shorter interlude.💙
> 
> You can keep tabs on updates or check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter by visiting my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/).
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	22. Where Is Your Rider

_Was it you 'mid the fire and the ember?_

_Were you there to bedevil and beguile?_

_See, your face wasn't quite as I remember_

_But I know that wicked shape to your smile_

  
  


* * *

  
  


Your interactions with Frisk and Flowey had been stilted at best, non-existent at worst, since they dropped that bombshell on you.

Well, since they saved your life. That was an equally accurate way of looking at things, and more generous. The alternative was that they were the harbingers of destruction, ripping time asunder or murdering for shits and giggles in Flowey’s case. That, and you needed their help. Maybe you had too charitable a mindset towards them simply because Frisk held the key to unlocking Gaster from his prison. Or maybe it was because you had come to view them among your closest friends, and now that you _had_ friends you hated to lose them. Was that selfish?

In your mind the true originator of all the misdeeds seemed to be the Underground itself. You’d come to see it as this corrupting force that had twisted your friends into sinister versions of themselves. It was like there were two of each of them; The Flowey that tortured others and the Flowey that braided your hair, the Alphys that made the Amalgamates in an effort to reap SOULs and the Alphys who upgraded your phone, the Frisk who destroyed timelines and the Frisk who chased you with water balloons.

The Gaster who blithely admitted he would kill a human and the Gaster who loved you.

You knew the term for all this; “Cognitive Dissonance”. Of course your friends who escaped the Underground were the same as the ones living on the Surface, past and present, transgressions and all...Or were they? Were you the same? It certainly didn’t feel like you were of late, the person who met her first monster months ago and the mage conspiring to free a void creature today seemed very far removed from one another. You believed a person could change for the better if they wanted to. You believed in second chances. 

After a bit of reflecting in all that you had learned of the strange artificial monster and time-breaking human, you had decided to treat them through the lens you had observed them through in all your interactions so far; they cared. They cared about you, and they cared about each other. They’d lived through something terrible and unimaginable, and in the end they freed all of monsterkind. They defended you against an attacker, and saved you from certain death. 

With that in mind, you decided to move forward.

You requested that Frisk and Flowey once more visit your apartment. If Flowey were still stopping by your balcony you would have asked him directly, but he made himself scarce ever since you’d found out what he’d done (and he’d caught you snogging a certain skeleton). Instead of addressing the prickly plant, you texted Frisk, and perhaps bribed them with an offer of candy.

> Did u make it? 🌻

That must have been Flowey with Frisk’s phone. Well, so much for that plan.

> No, it’s Japanese tho

> If u didnt make it I dont want it 

You blinked down at the message, a small grin alighting your face. Aw, the little bastard _did_ like your cooking, and admitted it in writing.

> Fine, I’ll make some cookies too 😒 
> 
> Greedy jerk

> k, ill be there
> 
> so will 😑
> 
> ^^^ thats Frisk btw

And so that was how you found yourself with Frisk, Flowey and Gaster all gathered awkwardly in your living room. Now that your all your furniture including the couch was removed, you and Frisk were seated in patio chairs, Flowey’s pot was situated on your lap so Frisk could freely sign (and so Flowey wouldn’t awkwardly be placed on the floor), and Gaster hovered close to you looking _very_ uncomfortable about this whole ordeal. It didn’t help that Flowey was glowering up at him while slowly sinking his rows of (completely unnecessarily) sharp teeth into the lemon bars you had baked. 

“Right, well. Uh, first off, I wanted to say thank you, Frisk and Flowey for saving me...again.” you frowned, wondering if the universe just had it out for you of late, now that you thought about it, “I should have said that instead of storming out, so...Thanks.”

“Can’t have cookies if you’re roadkill.” Flowey airily replied with a full mouth. Gaster’s eyelights went dark and you worried he might grab the little plant by his pot and yeet him off the balcony, your grip around the ceramic tightening slightly.

<You’re welcome.> Frisk quickly signed, ever the diplomat, <I’m sorry for scaring you like that. It’s kinda scary for me too.>

“I’m sure. It’s not like you asked for it to happen. You actually handled everything pretty well for someone your age. I probably couldn’t cope with that experience half as well as you did.”

<You could.> Gaster quickly disagreed, and Frisk nodded their assent. 

“Suuure, you’d just be screaming through your first dozen RESETs or so.” Flowey said sardonically.

You could almost _feel_ Gaster’s rage, an icy chill of roiling shadows lurking behind eye sockets as dark and empty as the void. 

<You have no _idea_ what she is capable of.> Gaster signed, the bones of his hands clicking against each other with the force of those words.

For his part, Flowey looked up at the void ghost, his gaze critical but no longer harboring such open animosity. “You do know _I_ was the one who saved her, right?” Gaster did look surprised at that, both of them looking back towards you, Flowey accusingly. “You didn’t tell him?”

“Sorry, I was kinda having a mental breakdown, it slipped my mind.” you groused at the little flower, and he at least looked a slight bit admonished. “Flowey was the one who physically stopped me from hitting the truck.” you said, looking back up at Gaster. 

<...Then I suppose I should thank you as well.> he reluctantly signed, stunning you. 

“Great, thanks, are we all done patting each other’s backs now? What do you want?” Flowey snapped, bluntly getting to the point. Perceptive little asshole.

“Well, it’s not you, it’s Frisk. We think there is a way to get Gaster out of the void, and we need their help.”

<I’ll do it.> Frisk signed immediately.

“They didn’t even tell you what they want from you yet!” Flowey objected shrilly.

<Doesn’t matter, I’ll help.> Their expression couldn’t be anything but pure determination.

<Perhaps you should hear us out first.> Gaster signed, solemnly, <To overcome the forces that prevent me from fully materializing in this plane of existence, we will need a vast amount of DETERMINATION. Alex has told me that you perform a SAVE every morning, yes?> Frisk nodded in confirmation, looking no less resolute, <You will not be able to SAVE or LOAD for a time after powering this process, and your previous SAVE state will be wiped.>

“How long until they can SAVE again?” Flowey asked.

<By my calculations, three days.>

“Won’t that hurt them, using so much DT?” Flowey was being surprisingly protective over Frisk, or rather, being surprisingly open about it. 

<They may experience slight fatigue, but no more than what would be expected from a RESET.>

The little plant’s stem shook, “This still sounds too risky. Why do you even need to get out of the void? How are you even there if you’re here?” Flowey accused.

Faster than you could react, and barely allowing time for the little plant to raise a vine to protect himself, Gaster swiped a clawed hand at Flowey.

It phased right through him.

Flowey shivered from the brief interaction with the void creature, glaring at the ghost when he realized he was entirely unharmed by the demonstration. Gaster met his glare with a grave look.

<I can assure you, I am not fully here. I do not eat. I do not sleep. I cannot even manage to keep my presence in this dimension stable for a prolonged period without her.> It was another reminder of just how chained Gaster was to your SOUL. <What you see is a mere shadow cast on this plane, while the rest of me lingers in the void.>

<I will do it.> Frisk repeated, and then turned to Flowey, <It’s just three days. We only had to LOAD once so far, it will be fine. I want to help Doctor Gaster. Sans and Papyrus need their brother back.>

“...Fine.” Flowey grumbled, “You better make sure they’re safe.” he directed to Gaster with bared teeth and a baleful glare.

<I can assure you, they will be.> Gaster’s eyelights shifted over to Frisk, warm and grateful, much as they were when Alphys agreed to help, <Thank you, Frisk.>

The child grinned broadly, then the expression turned devilish.

<Flowey said you two were kissing.> If Frisk has spoken those words instead of signing them, you were sure it would have been in a sing-song voice.

“Making out, actually.” you corrected, primly. 

Flowey made a gagging noise.

Gaster looked mortified, skull turning purple.

<I knew it! I told you he would be your boyfriend!> Frisk signed, looking victorious. 

“He’s not--look, it’s grown-up stuff, don’t worry about that.” you hastily replied, a blush of your own staining your cheeks while you pointedly did not meet Gaster’s gaze. “Listen, you guys can’t tell Sans about this.”

“Oh, you mean we get to keep the trashbag out of the loop? That won’t be a problem.” Flowey gleefully proclaimed, rubbing his leaves together. Your gaze shifted to Frisk who gave yet another nod.

<I won’t tell him.>

“Thank you, both of you. Keep an eye on your phone and I’ll let you know when we are ready.”

* * *

After Frisk and Flowey said their good-byes and departed, Gaster explained The Plan.

You didn’t understand the complex mathematics behind all of it, but the overall picture was clear enough. Frisk’s DT would be extracted, and focused into a sort of magical scalpel to slice a small tear in reality. Then a significantly more powerful version of Alphys’s dimensional box technology would pull Gaster out of the void. It had to be done at the convergence point, where the layers between reality and the void were the thinnest and the momentary disruption of the veil between dimensions would have the most minimal impact.

But the void was both infinitely large and at the same time, had no functioning concept of space, thus was impossible to navigate. As Alphys had said, it would be impossible to find Gaster, except for the fact that he was tethered to your SOUL.

That meant _you_ had to find him in the void before anything could proceed.

Gaster pointed out that he could sense you just as you could him, and so theoretically the same process that allowed him to find his way to reality could be worked in reverse to locate him in the void. He also pointed out that it was _his_ SOUL yours was tethered to. You knew that thread always led back to him, but what you didn’t realize about monsters was that they _were_ their SOUL. Their bodies were just magical constructs that formed as a sort of by-product of their SOUL’s magic. Gaster had explained this long ago, but until you understood what your own SOUL was, it had been pretty meaningless. Now however...

“I’m tied to your SOUL?” you said, feeling...well, that was something pretty heavy, right? To have the cores of your being linked together across time and space?

<Yes. I have never seen such a thing. Quite useful, certainly, given my current situation.> He commented like it was a rather neat oddity.

“It’s not like....Alphys said...” you stuttered, feeling your face heat up. Gaster patiently waited for you to finish your thoughts, tilting his head slightly. You took a deep breath and tried again. “Alphys said humans and monsters can’t be soul mates.” you finally forced out, “So I’m guessing that’s a thing?”

He hummed thoughtfully, <Yes, humans also have that term, but it is an expression, yes?>

“I guess? What does it mean in monster terms?”

<For us it is a useful phenomena that occurs from time to time in recognizing a suitable partner. Monster SOULs are capable of finding highly compatible counterparts to their own. It does not happen often, and not every monster experiences it. Nor is it a required part of a relationship, Alphys and Undyne are not Soul Mates, for instance, but certainly that has not prevented them from caring about each other. Meanwhile the King and Queen are Soul Mates, and yet...> Gaster trailed off with a grimace. Since Toriel reclaimed her title as Queen of all monsters, Asgore had all but abdicated the throne, serving mostly as a figurehead. It was a poorly kept secret that the two were separated.

“So we’re not...” you prompted in a small voice.

<Soul Mates? No. Human and monster SOULs are...incompatible, in a sense. The difference in structure is too significantly different. All monsters share the same SOUL traits whereas humans are wildly varied, and as a result the structure of our SOULs is wholly disparate. That is most certainly not what this link between us is. Soul Mates do not share this...homing capability, I suppose you could say. They are drawn to one another, but not in such a physical, visceral sense.>

“Oh...” was about all you could respond with, your voice tinged with a bit of disappointment. On the one hand, you didn’t like the idea of being destined to be with one person without any say in it, but on the other...

...It would be kinda nice to _know_ , without any doubt, the two of you were supposed to be together. That a monster and a human from such different worlds (and different dimensions) could still belong to one another.

<I hope you realize this changes nothing.> he signed, drawing you from your thoughts, a skeletal hand pressed so gently against your cheek, thumb skimming over your skin, <I love you. Whatever may come of this is link is inconsequential.>

“Yeah, I know. Soul Mates are just a kinda romantic idea for humans, you know?”

<Are you saying you must be wooed?> he signed with a teasing grin.

“A little late for that, I’m in too deep now.” your own smirk spread across your lips, your heart lighter in your chest. “I do still want a date after all this is over.”

<Whatever you ask.> he signed, no coy grin now, just a genuine warmth that set your SOUL fluttering. <Now then, we must perfect this exercise if the extraction is to be successful. I want you to follow that link, use your magic...>

The rest of your afternoon’s hours where whiled away, spent tracking that invisible thread through the wastelands of the void, following it until you traced it back to the being bound to your SOUL.

* * *

Now that the last required pieces necessary to aid in Gaster’s escape was secured, work on the Extractor 3.0 began that night. 

Parts for the machine were transported from Alphys’s lab to your apartment after the sun had set and there were fewer prying eyes. Monsters were, as you had discovered first-hand, very good keepers of secrets. Gossip spread like wildfire, but when it came to matters of grave importance, they sure knew how to keep a sensitive knowledge concealed. Every single resident of the Underground was aware of the human death toll that bought their freedom, and not one of them had spoken a word of it to any Surface-dweller, including yourself. So when the Royal Scientist began wheeling mechanical parts to the base of your building under an ever-darkening sky, and a human mage began lifting those parts up the stairs in a haze of Blue Magic with the Royal Guard Captain lugging crates on her shoulders, nothing was exchanged besides meaningful looks by the occupants of Ebott Springs. 

Undyne had to be looped in, there was no way that Alphys could avoid telling her live-in girlfriend why she was abandoning her work at the CORE to spend all of her time at your apartment. As expected, the fish monster barely remembered Gaster, even after he re-introduced himself as the former Royal Scientist, declaring him a “Mega-nerd” and with no further fanfare, set about assisting Alphys with the heavy lifting. Unlike Undyne, that lifting tested the limits of your magic, and you were trembling by the time the last part was deposited in your living room.

“Good job, dweeb.” Undyne said, clapping your back so hard you fell over. “Oops, sorry.” 

Gaster helped you back to your feet, glaring in reprimand at her.

<If you would please refrain from such aggressive displays->

“What’s he saying?” Undyne whispered to Alphys, or what would have been a whisper is she didn’t hiss the words so loudly it would have been heard in the other room.

“H-he w-wants you t-to be more careful w-with Alex.” Alphys replied, flashing you and Gaster a sheepish and apologetic grin. The ghost indignantly nodded before looking you over and you waved off his fussing with: “I’m fine! She just benches like 500 pounds...”

“502, got a new PR yesterday.” she proclaimed, proudly puffing out her chest. When there was no reaction to that announcement besides a dreamy sigh from Alphys, her yellow eye narrowed with a grumbled, “Nerds...”

“S-so you two _are_ t-together then, right?” Alphys asked with an all too eager grin, tapping her claws together, and you felt blood rushing to your face.

“Ah, about that-” you froze suddenly as if hearing a far-off sound, feeling the buzz of magic in the air, familiar and unsettling, putting your teeth on-edge.

Sans teleported into the middle of your living room.

Time seemed to slow, your every nerve lit up, your body on high alert. You watched as Sans’s eyelights took in the scene, watched the cogs turning in his mind as he figured out what was happening in your home.

Sans’s eyelights went dark.

One hand made of bones raised up, haloed in blue flames, and one of the larger parts of the machine enveloped in an identical halo.

He intended to destroy it. You knew that in your marrow, in your SOUL.

“No!” you cried, you magic flaring in automatic response to his intent and surrounding Sans’s hand. For a moment you overpowered him, lowering the skeletal hand, making his magic slip off Alphys’s machine.

But only for a second.

Your magic was shrugged off like you were no more than an insect in the wake of Sans’s raw power. At once your SOUL was overcome with his magic, unwillingly drawn closer to the short skeleton and his black, empty sockets.

Under the blue hoodie you saw his shoulders rise and fall, fury ripping through his magic like fiery sparks skimming over your skin.

“i told you...i said he deserves to stay there...and you go and start this...” 

<Release her!>

“S-Sans! L-let h-her g-go!”

“Don’t you dare Sans!” 

Sans ignored your friends’ demands, his other hand lifting up, Alphys and Undyne pulled sharply against the ground as gravity increased on their bodies. Gaster was unaffected, but you knew well he couldn’t touch anyone grounded in reality besides yourself, unable to do anything but watch as his brother wove his powerful magic.

You could feel it all so keenly. Of all the monsters, Sans’s magic most closely resembled your own, and you could feel how it functioned and moved, the flow of energy through the air and how effortlessly and precisely he wielded it.

Gaster was right, he was a level above anyone and anything you had ever seen.

“He deserves to be free.” you gritted out, eyes narrowed, your SOUL glowing fiercely and defiantly. Your magic raged against his, but it was like howling against a storm. 

“you don’t even know what he did!” Sans _yelled_. You had never, not once, heard him raise his voice like that. For the first time you saw Sans’s unmasked, seething anger. It should have been terrifying. He was the most powerful being you knew, your SOUL in his grasp, your magic a useless flutter against the currents that flowed about his will like a torrent. You were not Bravery. 

You didn’t need to be.

“I know who he is! I know he doesn’t deserve the void!”

“you don’t know him at all.” Sans snarled, his deep voice frigid.

Your SOUL _burned,_ fire in your chest rising to an inferno, the flames flaring hotter than they had ever felt before. He was _wrong._ You knew this, the Truth of who Gaster was, who you were, and what lay between you burning as bright and as clear as your SOUL.

You were INTEGRITY.

And you _knew..._

“I know I love him!”

Your declaration caught Sans off-guard. You could feel it in his magic, even if his expression was unchanging. It was a little ripple, an eddy in the currents, and you grasped the opportunity. Like a crack in a dam you forced your magic onto that one point, against that one momentary weakness, and overwhelmed it with everything you could bring to bear.

Sans’s magic was thrown off your SOUL, and for a second you were in control of your body again.

A second was all you needed.

You threw yourself bodily at Sans. Fortunately for you, skeletons were lighter than most monsters, and Sans only had a few inches on you in terms of height. You tackled him to the ground, grappling onto his worn hoodie.

“Let them go!” you screamed, teeth bared, eyes wide and above all, _human_ , wild and determined as your race could muster. Sans appeared genuinely shocked. He had never seen you like this. You were always frightened, running scared. Who was this feral little thing with fistfulls of his hoodie in a white-knuckled grip who had caught him completely off-guard?

You couldn’t say who she was in that moment, only that you knew everything you had strived for these last few months, everything you held dear was threatened because of _him._ You _would_ get Gaster and his followers out of the void, you _would_ keep your promise to him. Your fear was _nothing_ in the face of that conviction.

Sans’s magic relinquished over Alphys and Undyne, unseen but felt, and instead it refocused on you. The shape of the magic changed, no longer the amorphous Blue Magic, flowing like water or flames. This was harder, sharper, taking aim--

You felt several skeletal hands pulling you back, and at the same time Undyne had grabbed the hood of Sans’s hoodie, dragging him away from you.

Simultaneously, in the space where your SOUL had just vacated, two of glowing blue bones erupted from the floor and intersected, a cross that would have pierced straight through your chest.

“Cool it!” Undyne ordered in a commanding tone that could only belong to the Captain of the Royal Guard.

You felt familiar skeletal fingers running through your hair, slender hands binding your limbs, lips made of bone pressed against the back of your neck, desperately trying to calm you. Your breath was hard and heavy, chest rising and falling at too quick a pace, red leaving your vision in degrees, your limbs quaking. If Gaster hadn’t pulled you back right when he had, Sans’s Blue Attack would have run you through, impaling and keeping you involuntarily pinned in place. The adrenaline was still burning through your veins, mind catching up to what your mouth had spouted.

This was the exact opposite of how you planned to announce your feelings.

“are you seriously doing this shit _again_ ‘dings?” Sans roared at his brother. There was a desperate edge to the skeleton’s words.

<This isn’t what you think, this will not be like before->

“bullshit,” Sans said, vehemently, “lying again, you’re gonna risk everything for your fuckin’ ego.”

Gaster signed rapidly, a mirrored desperation in his movements, <I am merely trying to escape the void. Sans, I swear to you, this isn’t a risk, I am not doing _that_ ever again->

“like i would fucking trust you, after that shit you pulled!?” Sans’s tone was incendiary, “an anomaly is coming, alphys has seen the report, she knows, whatever you are planning is going to have some dire consequences.”

Alphys blinked for a moment, confused, “Th-the r-readings y-you had m-me take? Th-that’s n-not-- th-that report can’t c-correlate to th-this, th-the s-simulations i-indicate-”

“did your simulations indicate what would happen to the amalgamates?” Sans shot back once it was clear Alphys wasn’t on his side, and Undyne growled, her grip on his hoodie tightening. In response Sans teleported away, just out of arm’s reach of Undyne, and right before Gaster and yourself, his eyelights bright as he glared up at his brother.

“i warned you the last time, and look what happened. consider this your last warning. you have no _idea_ what you are playing with, and y o u ’ r e g o i n g t o r e g r e t t h i s.” his eyelights drifted down to you, the white lights cold and piercing, “i can’t deceive you INTEGRITY, you know that. i’m tellin’ you now, _don’t trust him_.”

Sans vanished.

“...What the FUCK just happened?” Undyne all but yelled into the resounding quiet.

You had no idea.

But not once had anyone lied.

* * *

The next conversation was a fucking minefield. You still had no idea what caused Gaster to fall, or what Sans had been referring to. “An anomaly.” What did that mean? A RESET? You couldn’t tell Undyne and Alphys about those either (and who the hell would _want_ to know? You, maybe, but given all you had experienced, you could now understand Sans and Gaster’s wishes to keep that poisonous knowledge a secret). Since you couldn’t explain _why_ Sans was so pissed at his brother, why he called him a liar, why he thought he deserved the void, Undyne was immediately suspicious about this whole operation. The report Sans referred to, the one Alphys had come to him with the day you first met her, had no helpful clues.

“J-just some m-minor t-temporal fluctuations,” Alphys explained, “N-nothing t-to d-do with the v-void!”

You and Gaster met each other’s gaze. A RESET? Something else?

<I would like to examine that report, but Doctor Alphys is correct, my removal from the void and Sans’s accusations have no bearing on one another.>

Undyne remained unconvinced once you translated Gaster’s signs, pacing your empty living room. “So we’re supposed to help him out of the void, and you don’t even know what got him stuck there in the first place? And somehow I’m supposed to ignore the Queen’s chosen guard over you, a human?”

“I trust him.” you said simply. Sans’s parting warning meant nothing to you. If you had to pick his word or Gaster’s, the choice could not be more blindingly obvious.

“Are you some fucking idiot!? I know love can make people do stupid shit, but come on!” Undyne had treaded uncomfortably close, crowding your space and leaning closer to you, teeth bared. You met her fierce glare unflinchingly, chin raised in defiance. In your periphery you could see an expression of nervous concern from from Alphys, and indignant rage from Gaster, but the two scientists wisely kept their distance.

“So did Alphys tell you about turning monsters into walking nightmares before or after you started dating her?” you shot back loudly (loud for you anyways), and you heard a strangled whimper squeak from the yellow monster.

“That’s different.” Undyne said, her voice dangerously low. “I didn’t know what she did until after, but she at least _told_ me-”

“So she was knowingly keeping a secret from you, and you still forgave her.” you spat, “He would tell me right now if I asked. I don’t need to. I know who he is. I know he’s a good person, just like I know Alphys is. No one deserves to be down there and I don’t think Sans should be the one you’re relying on to judge someone’s character!”

It was Alphys’s and Undyne’s turn to share a meaningful look. “You’re not helping your case, dweeb.”

You felt a growl of frustration forming in the back of your throat. “Look, Alphys is the most impartial party here. She knows Gaster, she knows Sans, and she knows the science and the risks involved. We should trust her over anyone else.”

All eyes turned to the Royal Scientist in question who was _trembling_. 

“...Th-the d-data s-says th-the extraction is s-s-safe.” she finally stuttered out.

“But does he _deserve_ it?” Undyne asked pressingly.

Alphys’s gaze darted towards Gaster who was rather calm. Like he would accept whatever judgement came from his former intern. 

“I don’t think anyone deserves the void.” came her quiet reply.

* * *

Alphys’s testimony put to rest pretty much any further discussion. The monster couple left, Alphys promising to return tomorrow to begin construction of the machine despite Sans’s ominous warning, and Undyne promising to return to make sure Sans didn’t show up (and potentially kick his coccyx if he did for using his magic on her). As the door shut behind them you felt Gaster’s eyelights staring into you, and it made sweat prickle on the back of your neck.

“I didn’t want--that was really bad timing, I’m sorry...” you stammered, then winced when you realized you had apologized again. Apologized for saying-

<You love me.> His brow bones were not _quite_ elevated enough for the signs to be construed as a question, but there was quite a bit of disbelief in his eyelights. As if he never expected you to say those words and mean them.

Like you could ever say such a thing and not mean it. You were still INTEGRITY. Did he know how meaningful those words were to you? How precious a thing love was to someone like you?

No, you supposed he didn’t, because you’d kept it hidden. You didn’t tell him how jealous you were to have something like what Alphys and Undyne shared, you didn’t tell him about that conditional sort of love that you were raised in, dripping with guilt and supplication. 

Even if you were still hesitant to call him yours, your feelings could no longer be denied, and you were not one to keep things hidden.

“Yes.” you answered decisively, then murmured, “This isn’t how I planned on telling you, especially not in front of everyone-”

<I don’t care about that. I only--You are--That-->

_Holy crap_. You don’t think you’ve ever witnessed Gaster at such a loss for words.

“I love you.” you said again, facing him and meeting his eyelights. Like a proper declaration, like how you wanted to say so in the first place. “I don’t care what Sans said about you, I don’t care what anyone thinks, human, monster or otherwise. I love you. I still want you here with me. I’ll always want you here with me.”

Gaster was utterly dumbstruck, and if he struggled to string some words together before, he all but abandoned the attempt now.

But the two of you had a way of communicating without them, beyond handshapes and sounds, a language of bone against skin, and lips against bone, of tongues and shadows tangled together and shared breaths, quiet sounds in the dark, in your own little world. 

Such was your shared love, and you reveled in it. 

* * *

Early the next day, before you even managed to brew your morning tea, you greeted a very harried looking Papyrus at your door, who burst out with a panicked, “HE’S GONE!”

You blinked in sleepy incomprehension. “Gone? Who?”

“SANS! HE LEFT YESTERDAY NIGHT IN A HUFF. I CAN’T REACH HIS PHONE, HE NEVER TOLD ME WHERE HE WAS OFF TO AND I HAVEN’T SEEN HIM SINCE. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING FRISK TODAY!”

Well that couldn’t be good.

Papyrus’s tone started slowly shifting from something panicked to almost accusatory. 

“UNDYNE AND ALPHYS ALSO CANCELED OUR ANIME NIGHT YESTERDAY, AND ALPHYS SAID SHE WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT TO OUR TRAINING SESSIONS THIS WEEK, MEANWHILE YOU POSTPONED OUR COOKING LESSONS AND MAGIC PRACTICE. THAT ALL SEEMS QUITE SUSPICIOUS, DON’T YOU THINK??” Papyrus asked, peering down at you with a scrutinizing gaze.

Papyrus always was more perceptive than he let on. He was too pure for this world, but that didn’t mean he was naive.

“Yeah, it does.” you said with a sigh.

“AND MY FAVORITE FRIEND-NEIGHBOR-HUMAN MIGHT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.”

“Yeah.”

“BUT YOU WON’T TELL ME.” he said, despondent. Your SOUL ached at that sound.

“...I’m sorry.” You wanted to, you really did. Papyrus should know about Gaster. But you promised to keep a secret, and you couldn’t break it now. And if everything went to plan, if you got Gaster out of the void, then you wouldn’t have to keep it much longer. “I’m hoping I can tell you everything soon. It would be good news, I promise.”

“HMM,” his eye sockets narrowed, but your earnest expression eventually caused him to relent with a sigh, “CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL HIM TO CALL ME IF YOU SEE HIM?”

“Uh, sure.” You _really_ hoped you didn’t see Sans anytime soon. “Do you need me to watch Frisk? They can tag along while I work.” you offered, hoping to alleviate at least one of your friend’s concerns.

“SANS WOULDN’T APPROVE.” you winced at that, truer words had never been spoken, “BUT SINCE HE HAS DITCHED HIS DUTIES IN THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE MANNER, HE HAS NO GROUNDS TO COMPLAIN!” For as frustrated a facade Papyrus was putting up, he was wringing his hands in a way that read more anxious than anything.

“...Hey Papyrus, can you like...” you raised your hand up high, and then lowered it.

The tall skeleton, perplexed, obliged you, crouching down and you wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He was all thick, hard bones under his clothes, unyielding and kinda uncomfortable, but this was more important than your comfort. 

“I’m sure everything will work out ok.” 

Papyrus wasted no time returning your hug, large bones of his arms wrapped around you.

Stars, you hoped that wasn’t a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Where Is Your Rider by The Oh Hellos](https://youtu.be/Noz360Clhgg)
> 
> \---
> 
> This chapter was by far the most difficult to write. I think nearly every part has been re-written at least three times. I’m kinda sick of looking at it at this point? 
> 
> Well, it’s done for now. Next, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.💙
> 
> You can keep tabs on updates or check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter by visiting my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/).
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	23. Thousand Eyes

_Unto this storm_

_And wait_

_I can't control_

_Withering wonders_

_Flowers that lose their shape_

_I lie awake_

_And watch it all_

_It feels like thousand eyes_

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Why does it look like a skull?” you asked, staring at the machine. Unease crawled up your spine, a cold and slithering sensation that reminded you too much of the feeling of Gaster’s shadows pressing against you in the worst sort of way. It reminded you of how you had felt all those months ago when you met your first skeleton wearing a blue hoodie. In short, _ominous_. 

Gaster stood beside you, his baring much different than usual. His shadow-body was tall and straight instead of hunched over, eyelights bright and gleaming in his dark sockets. His hands were clasped behind his back with a causal ease that made you think he used to naturally fall into such a stance back when he had arms. Those hands floated to his front, the long, elegant bones of his fingers signing to you. <You were quite impatient the last time I explained the mechanics of accessing the void, are you asking for a similarly drawn out explanation?>

“No, maybe just the cliff notes this time, without the monster history lesson on scientific discoveries attached. It has to do with magical resonances, right?”

<...So you were paying attention.> He signed with a wry smile.

“It’s still fascinating, even if you get a bit long-winded with your tangents. It’s a good thing you weren’t a professor, half your class would be asleep by the end of your rambling.” you smirked playfully up at him.

<And yet I manage to keep one student’s attention long enough to impart how differences in structure can affect the resonances of particular magical frequencies.>

You shrugged, “Can’t help it, Professor Gaster is hot.” Your smirk sharpened into something exultant, teeth showing as you saw a muted lavender blush alight his pale skull. It had been a while since you’d seen that favorite shade of yours.

It had been a while since you had seen much of him at all. There was no more time spent lounging on the couch watching MTT reruns. Gaster didn’t sleep, which meant construction of the machine occurred all hours of the day. When you did talk to him, usually asking questions about what specific component he was working on, he never ceased his work. Alphys was also practically living with you these days, toiling late into the night and crashing on your bed to sleep while you went to work during the day. Undyne made an appearance on occasion, but otherwise left her girlfriend to work on the “nerd stuff” with Gaster. The two scientists had made a staggering amount of progress, due to a deadline that had arisen; The Queen would be back from overseas soon, and Frisk would be living with her again. And so, just over a week after the incident with Sans, everything was ready.

Gaster would be free _tonight_.

You looked around your living room, illuminated by dim, morning sunlight obscured by overcast skies that threatened rain, surveying what the two scientists working in constant tandem had wrought. Blueprints were taped to your walls, toolboxes lay open, their innards spewed all over the floor, tangles of cables and tubing and wiring extended every which way, all running to the giant skull-shaped machine. It reminded you of roots growing from a plant. Or maybe nerve fibers were a more appropriate comparison. It dominated the living room space, and from it, thick tubes and conduit snaked towards the hallway. 

Along the center of the wall various mechanical apparatuses had been drilled into the drywall, forming the outline of a sort of portal. Gaster called them ‘foci’, instruments that would, as the name implied, focus and direct magical energy. Before the portal was a platform lined with sensors and probes, a rat’s nest of wires trailing from it into a terminal computer station that was compact and cramped, barely allowing you to squeeze by into your bedroom or bathroom. Flanking the portal were tall frames on wheels that reminded you of server racks, filled with hundreds of clear cylinders containing glowing yellow magic. They were batteries, the magic contained within them having been siphoned from the CORE and transported here.

Your living situation was less than ideal with all the extra people, tools, and magical-machinery around, and you sure as hell would not be getting your security deposit back. You hadn’t asked how much Alphys had to spend to get all this set up so quickly, nor did you care. This would all be worth it.

“Are you nervous?” you asked, mirth gone and your voice low.

He hummed in contemplative thought. <Not quite. Eager or excited perhaps. I have been waiting a long time for this.> he peered down at you questioningly. <Are you?>

“Yeah.” you murmured, glancing back toward the skull.

<Why?>

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s Sans getting to me, but I have a bad feeling. I don’t want you to get hurt, or Frisk or anyone.”

<Alphys and I have gone over every scenario repeatedly, run every simulation and found a more than reasonably adequate margin of error. This is not unfamiliar territory, we are far more prepared for this than any of our other questionable endeavors. I assure you, all will be well...Perhaps it is what comes after that is the cause of your concern?> he gently asked.

“You mean with us?”

He nodded, <I do not want to make you feel pressured. The others seem all too gleeful to be doing so, I can see how uncomfortable that makes you.>

“Yeah. It’s just, I know how I feel for you, and just putting a label on it and throwing it out into the world, for everyone to dissect...” You still remembered what David called you; _‘Monster fucker’_ hurled like a venomous slur _._ The community you lived in was highly insular, and would probably be pretty accepting of your relationship, but what about everyone outside of it? “Does it bother you at all that I don’t call you my boyfriend?”

<I wish for it, certainly.> One long, slender finger curled under your chin, gently tilting your face upward while he leaned down, kissing your lips. It was a languid, long kiss that felt entirely perfect on a drowsy, grey, early morning like this. The sort you could lean into, breathe in and savor. He smiled broadly at you as he slowly pulled away, <I have your love, and that will always be more than enough. If I still have it after that long overdue discussion of ours, then I will consider myself the luckiest monster alive.>

You softly smiled up at him, joy fluttering inside your SOUL. “I don’t think my feelings will be changing anytime soon.” You couldn’t know that for sure without having had that conversation, a great many things would be uncertain after tonight, but you felt your love for him was rooted deep in your SOUL, not something so easily shaken. 

He hummed, one hand reaching up to press against your face, his thumb sweeping along the lower rim of your glasses, over your cheek just under your left eye while he keenly studied you.

<You did not sleep last night.> he noted, frowning. Crap, the dark circles under your eyes must be pretty bad today. <I did not hear you wake.> He didn’t hear your screaming is what he meant.

“...I’ve been trying to keep quiet.” you admitted, having a difficult time meeting his piercing eyelights. “I guess it’s working.”

<You should have called for me->

“I’m not going to interrupt something as important as this over some bad dreams.” you insisted, cutting him off, “You’ll have all the time in the world to fuss over me after you get out, and that’s the most pressing thing right now.”

He looked quite ready to disagree with you. <Is it that human again? Or the RESETs?>

“No. Well, yes, those dreams keep happening too but...I keep seeing the grey door.” Every night this week in fact. Since the first night Gaster made it into reality you had regularly seen that grey doorway in your sleep, but not with this frequency. Not so intensely either. One night you even “woke up” when Alphys asked you what you were doing in the middle of the hallway at some ungodly early hour, your hand pressed to the wall near where she had been mounting cabling. That was awkward, you hadn’t sleepwalked since you were a kid. You brushed off her concerns, explaining that you’d just been tried and out of it, completely omitting the siren song that had called to you to that spot.

<Perhaps they will abate after tonight.> Your SOUL twinged, and you realized he didn’t fully believe that to be true. He must have thought that the problem lay not with your current situation, but something instead was wrong with _you_. That wasn’t exactly new, you knew he still wanted you to try the whole therapy thing. His fingers curled around the back of your neck, pulling you closer so he could kiss your forehead. <I hope you realize you have just granted me permission to, as you say, ‘fuss over you’ and I will be abusing that from now on. This agreement is binding and cannot be altered.>

“You already do that on every day that ends in ‘y’.” you groused, “What are you gonna do, kiss me some more?”

<Among other things.> His smile turned devious and oh that made your legs tremble. You shouldn’t have teased him earlier, you forgot how dangerous this favorite game of yours was.

* * *

The Extractor could not be fired up until 1 AM, due to power constraints. Alphys (through likely magical and perhaps illegal means) discovered that the power draw on your apartment building was lowest at that time and it would be ideal for starting the procedure. The hours that crawled by until then were spent going over final checks and running various tests, ensuring beyond a doubt everything was working and in order. Everyone seemed in high spirits, except for you, a pit of anxiety growing in your stomach. You attempted to cover it up with faux smiles that Gaster saw through immediately, and none of his gentle touches or kisses could soothe you. 

<Do you not trust me?> he asked as the sun began to sink below the horizon and you nibbled on some crackers. This was the only meal you had attempted to eat all day, and Gaster had insisted on it. Annoying, wonderful, fretting ghost he was, always looking after you. Stars, what did you do to deserve that?

“I do.” you answered, your words heavy. Gaster hadn’t said as much, but Sans’s parting words to you had rattled him. You had repeatedly assured him his brother’s warning didn’t matter. “It’s just nerves, that’s all.”

<A bad feeling.> he reiterated, and you nodded firmly, <Do you wish to postpone the procedure?>

“What!? No! You’ve waited so long for this!” you cried, shocked he would ask you this.

<What would another day, another week, or another year mean in the grand scheme of things? I have waited this long, certainly I am capable of waiting longer.>

“You shouldn’t have to wait at all.” you said fiercely.

<But if it would put you at ease->

“Don’t you dare suggest that.” you cut him off. “I trust you. If you say everything will be fine, then I believe it.” You spoke with a finality that made Gaster press his lips together, and after a moment he nodded. You sought out his hand, fingers lacing together in that now-familiar pattern. “I love you.” you said, your voice decidedly softer but no less earnest.

* * *

At midnight you texted Frisk and your fellow mage slunk out of their apartment, lifted up onto your balcony by a combination of your magic and Flowey’s vines wrapped around their torso. The flower followed his best friend, looking apprehensive, and it struck you just how unnatural that expression was on his features. It made the anxious pit in your gut grow, and you were sure your face too closely resembled his.

The three of you headed back inside where Gaster and Alphys are starting initiation sequences. The Extractor was the most complicated piece of machinery you had ever seen, a marvel of technology and magic. But loading screens seemed to be an omnipresent feature of the former, and so your friends had made sure to get everything ready long before the process could begin.

<”You ready?”> you asked Frisk as the three of you watched the yellow monster and the void ghost make minute adjustments to the equipment, then refer back to the read-out of the screen. 

<Yes.>

Their DETERMINATION stirred your SOUL.

<Are you?>

“God, I hope so.” you said, voice just above a whisper.

Time does a funny thing after that, moving glacially slow while at the same time rocketing forward at a terrifying pace. You kept checking your phone.

12:17 AM.

...

12:38 AM.

...

12:57 AM.

...

The clock reads 1:03 when Alphys declares, “It’s ready.”

Frisk is first into position, standing in place before the gigantic skull. You’re next, situated on the platform before the portal. Flowey is settled next to an uncomfortable Alphys who is forced to operate the terminal station while her creation watched on (and is told in no uncertain terms by both scientists and yourself: “Don’t. Touch. _Anything_.”)

Gaster hovers before you, the cool bones of his hand cupping your cheek. <I will see you soon.> he signs, a patient smile tugging at his lips, and you swear your SOUL is shuddering inside you. It almost hurts to breathe. He doesn’t say those three little words you’ve come to expect with every parting because to him, this isn’t a good-bye. Instead he leans down to kiss your cheek, gives you one last reassuring look, and then fades from reality, back to the void where hopefully the Extractor will pull all of him back to you.

You didn’t say goodbye. You didn’t say you loved him. You didn’t kiss him or hold his hand. The moment for all of that had passed in the blink of an eye, and now it was too late, and what if, _what if..._

“O-ok, A-Alex, when y-you’re ready.” Alphys tears you away from you spiraling thoughts. You wished she wouldn’t stutter now, you wished she was speaking with that confident tone she uses when she has conviction behind her words and not a shred of doubt. If she’s nervous then you’re _panicking_ inside.

You nod, and inhale deeply, and as you exhale--

Your SOUL exits your chest, bright sapphire illuminating your hallway. Immediately your magic radiates outward, flowing on invisible currents, the sensors and probes Alphys had installed in the platform lighting up and pinging with this incoming information.

“O-okay, looks good. Go a-ahead a-and initiate phase one l-lock sequence.”

You had to close your eyes for this part. You and Gaster had practiced several times before this machine to ensure you could find his SOUL, but now your heart was racing and your hands shaking. _Just breathe._ You took another long inhale, shoving all your anxieties aside, focusing all of your thoughts on your SOUL and that thin thread that was tied to it.

It went beyond the grey door you could never see but lingered always in your dreamscape, beyond the bounds of reality, twisting and turning through the layers beyond. It was never a straight line, the path there never quite the same, a winding trail, looping and knotted that would at times confound you, growing all the more disorienting the further away you ventured, down, down, down into those layers of the void. But you would always find your way in the end, that silver thread cutting through the dark, trailing along it with your magic along until at last, it resonated with the SOUL lingering on the other side.

_There._

“Found him.” you said, coming back into yourself.

“Locked.” Alphys replied, her claws rapidly inputting commands into the console. “Phase t-two, DT extraction.” 

The gigantic skull began to hum. You felt a shift in the magical resonance that started to buzz about the machinery, coupled with a high-pitched whine you couldn’t determine was coming from within or without your head steadily gaining in volume. Frisk was so brave, standing in front of that terrifying apparatus, their vivid red SOUL flaring in existence, a bright counterpoint to your own. 

Another shift in the magic, like a gear clicking into place, the frequency of the whine suddenly dropped three octaves, a vibration thrumming through the air and then scarlet light flooded your vision. When it faded, quick as a flash, red light courses through the thick cabling of the machine and charged towards the portal mounted to the wall. You could only spare a moment’s glance at Frisk, whose SOUL is safely back in their body as their small frame wavered slightly in place, like they went one too many rides on a merry-go-round. They gave a quick thumbs up.

Another flash had you looking straight ahead again as the machinery bolted to your wall started to hum, the buzzing of Frisk’s harvested magic cracking and spitting, like steel against stone, sparks dancing in angry gouts from the foci.

“Phase th-three, initiating dimensional incision.”

Your SOUL jolted in your chest as Alphys flipped a switch and the barely contained DT _punched_ through reality with a powerful concussive force. It nearly knocked you off your feet, the sound and the magic alike a loud, deep ‘BOOM!’ reverberating in your chest. Drywall cracked, dust shaking to the floor as the magical foci barely clung to the wall while a violent vortex of energy swirled in front of you. It reminded you of a spinning top, wobbling as if about to tip over but something stabilized, smoothed out, the magic resolving into a perfectly tuned chord and forming an image on your wall.

There, beyond the portal, is the blackest black you could perceive. It seemed as if all the light was being sucked into the gateway before you. It was sucking in air too, and heat, you could feel a cold chill brushing against your legs as the dimensions mingled together.

And there, hovering in that perfect black was Gaster.

He was frozen, eye sockets empty and dead.

“Alphys!?” you yelled over your shoulder with alarm, eyes locked still on the pale face in the dark.

“Th-there’s n-no time in th-the void, w-we can’t perceive h-him p-properly from here. W-what y-you s-see isn’t r-really, um, real.” she explained, catching your frightened tone, “S-starting phase four, extraction.” 

The last step. 

The cages full of magical batteries glow a warm yellow before one by one the small tubes of light go dim, like stars burning out. You know at this point Alphys is drawing power from the electrical circuit of the building as well. The amount of energy required to yank Gaster out is substantial, but the additional condensed magic should be more than enough.

As expected, the lights go out when the circuit is overwhelmed and the breaker blows.

Everything is cast into darkness, save for the yellow of the batteries, the sickly green of the terminal illuminating Alphys’s and Flowey’s faces, and the vivid blue of your SOUL, still shining and still the invisible tether locked on to Gaster. 

He isn’t moving.

Shouldn’t he be getting closer by now?

“Uh, Alphys?...”

The batteries are draining rapidly.

“Th-that’s not...ummm...” the clacking of claws on keys echoes in the hall.

More yellow dies away. Less than half remain glowing.

Gaster is no closer.

“O-oh...Oh no...”

The cage of batteries on the left goes dark.

And at that moment things start going terribly wrong.

One of the foci bolted to the wall sparked, an angry spitting hiss emitting from it before it made a small popping noise with a puff of acetic smoke and detached from the wall, hanging only by bits of cable and wiring. The portal, before a gently swirling stable magic gateway is again the wobbling top, waves of magic violently lashing outward as it threatened to collapse in on itself. The air itself shuddered and swirled, like a storm had whipped up in your hallway. Alarms beeped and whined in shrill tones from just about every piece of Alphys’s equipment.

Inside the deteriorating portal, the image began to move, and you could only describe it as a nightmare.

It was like looking through warped glass, Gaster’s features twisting and churning to impossible shapes. His black eye sockets multiplied, becoming four, eight, sixteen, like dividing cells that took over his face. Then they popped like black bubbles leaving smooth white bone. His mouth formed countless teeth that form like pointed, cancerous growths, then split into a gash, opening widening, then blinking, a single white ring of an eyelight forming inside the orifice then collapsing in on itself like a sinkhole. His features reformed, almost normal again before dripping, bone and inky black running together like melting wax.

It was an unending kaleidoscope of horrors. Worse than any nightmare your mind had ever conceived. Your stomach churned and your heart pounded but you could not look away, couldn’t scream even as one caught in your throat. 

You thought you might have heard him screaming over the rush of air and magic.

Tears ran down your face as your stared with wide eyes in mute, helpless terror.

There was a recognizable warping of magic, soft and quiet compared to the rampage going on around you, but that magic you had come to find unsettlingly familiar was detectable even with the tempest. Sans appeared next to you, taking in everything in a second and muttering an understated, “fuck.”

He lifted his hand, blue magic flaring as he reattached the broken foci to the wall, fueling and stabilizing the portal with his own magic.

“pull him out!” he all but screamed at you, eye sockets wide. He looked nearly as rattled by the visions as you felt.

His baritone voice spurred you out of your horror-struck stupor. You reached out towards the portal, your own magic coalescing around your hand, the accompanying warmth in your chest almost comforting against all the chaos.

You reached out to the writhing mass that was Gaster, following the thread of your SOUL and _pulling_.

It wasn’t nearly as effective as you hoped. It was as if your magic was weaker than it ought to be, getting eaten away, consumed. _Magic doesn’t work in the void._ Well reality and the void were currently a turbulent mess, and you weren’t going to let go. Your off hand started to glow as well, your efforts redoubling and your SOUL flaring like a supernova. 

Slowly, so slowly, Gaster inched forward.

Another part of the portal flew apart, the current warping distressingly. You were fighting a river, pulling Gaster from a rope against the flow while waves battered you and threatened your grip. You weren’t giving up, even as the strain of your magic felt like a fire searing inside your chest, burning you up. It was more than you had ever used before, honed to this one singular goal.

He was almost within arm’s reach.

“alex!” Sans warned, another piece of the machine sparking and cracking apart. God, you were losing him, you had to get him out, _you had to--_

\--Reach inside the portal to grab him.

You heard Sans and Alphys scream your name simultaneously.

Then you heard nothing at all.

* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The void was cold.

Not like Gaster’s shadows with their uncomfortable chill.

This was the sort of cold that felt like needles pressed into your skin. So cold that it almost burned, your nerves alighting with painful prickling sensations before succumbing to numbness.

Your lungs stung and burned, starved for air that didn’t exist.

It almost was like being underwater. Your upper body was submerged into unreality while your lower half was still standing on the platform in your apartment.

You couldn’t see. There was nothing for your eyes to understand, but your magic senses were still intact. You relied solely on them as you blindly reached out, following that thread that twisted and turned, silvery skein trailing into the darkness.

Your fingers brushed against bone.

Hollow hands reached out, clasping yours tightly.

You clung to them, your SOUL emitting blue against the black as your magic flared, and you _pulled._

Something yanked back.

A soundless cry left you and for a second you worried you would tumble down, down, down...

Your magic anchored you against the dark. Grounding you as you braced yourself, fingers gripping, muscles straining, pulling, _pulling..._

You were slowly suffocating. Darkness, thick and cloying filled your lungs, and nothing you did would break Gaster free.

Your eyes, or your magic, or maybe your SOUL saw something in the dark. Soft and bright, moonlight piercing dark clouds. White and beautiful, shaped in an upside down heart, run through with veins of tainted black, like pitch-colored roots in soft soil, tendrils of darkness.

Gaster’s SOUL.

That was what you needed to save.

That would bring him back to you.

You reached, with your fingers, your magic, your SOUL, it didn’t matter, they were all one, everything you were sought out that white light.

You grasped his SOUL...

You _pulled!_

The black tendrils strained against your efforts, wrapping around you, tugging you back.

Darkness crept into your senses.

It was in your eyes, your mouth, your nose, it was slithering over your skin, invading your veins, your mind, it was reaching for your very SOUL.

You were drowning.

You weren’t going to make it...

  
  
  
  


...No.

You refused.

You made a promise.

You were stronger than this.

_He is mine!_

A brilliant blue light erupted from your SOUL, radiating outwards, blinding you to anything but your magic.

One last heaving effort--

  
  
  


Gaster’s SOUL broke free of the darkness.

  
  
  
  
  
  


And collided into yours.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


...Who are you?...

...Is that you?...

Yes.

I know you. 

I know what you are.

So very different from me... 

...and yet...

  
  
  


You are MINE.

I am YOURS.

This, always.

Push and pull.

Broken pieces that fit.

Two beings made into one.

One made WHOLE.

  
  


We are...

...

Curiosity.

Patience.

Fear.

Obsession.

Compassion.

Perseverance.

Integrity.

  
  


**LOVE.**

  
  


...

Do we deserve this?

Do we accept this?

Are we enough?

Are we worthy?

Of forgiveness?

Of caring?

Of grace?

  
  
  


Of love?

...

  
  


...

  
  


...

  
  


...Yes.

  
  


This tie between our SOULS...

This thing we will become...

This BOND we will forge...

This cannot be undone...

Do we understand?

  
  


Are we sure?

...

...

...Yes.

...

Yes.

We are certain. 

We want this.

...

..

.

  
  
  
  


It is done.

...

I am YOURS.

You are MINE.

This. 

Us. 

Always.

...

...

...

I will find you.

Across time and space.

Beyond the dimensions of this existence.

I will find you, always.

And we will be together again.

  
  


...and until then...

  
  


...

  
  


..

  
  


.

  
  


I love you.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Thousand Eyes by Of Monsters and Men](https://youtu.be/RDi7Q0ml6gc)


	24. The Lament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD, YET MOAR FANART! The amazing [TrinTerrance](https://trinterrance.tumblr.com/) drew [Gaster](https://trinterrance.tumblr.com/post/622575570507710464/fallingstarstuff-here-is-fanart-that-ive-made)! I LOVE IT, THANK YOU! 💙

_Brother, forgive me_

_We both know I'm the one to blame_

_When I saw my demons_

_I knew them well and welcomed them_

  
  


* * *

  
  


Consciousness came back in pieces, shattered fragments that your mind could scarcely make sense of. Hearing was first, but it was a dull roar and a sharp ringing in your ears, both sounding off simultaneously in a disorienting pattern that nearly had you heaving. Smell was next, the acrid scent of burnt electronics wafting through the smoky air. Then sight, blurry, no matter how hard you tried to focus or how many times you blinked. Where were your glasses? 

...You wore glasses, didn’t you?

Yes, of course, since you were seven, why would you think...?

Your body lay prone against the wall of your hallway, as if you’d been thrown back into it and slid down into a heap on the floor. You sat up, pain flaring at the back of your head and shooting down your spine. It felt like you had been put through a woodchipper and reassembled, random aches and sharp stabs of pain randomly firing from your nerves. You grit your teeth, baring them as you hissed from the discomfort. 

Worst of all was in your chest. It felt like someone had dumped a handful of burning coals where your heart should be. It hurt, it hurt, _it hurt._

What happened?

You did your best to retrace your steps. You had tried to free Gaster, something went terribly wrong, Sans showed up...

Then...

That strange place, that strange dream. It seemed just outside your comprehension, just a vague impression of a feeling that you couldn’t make sense of, yet it seemed so vitally important...

Something pale and blue entered your vision. Casual stance, leaning back like the burdens of this world could slip off his shoulders. Teeth bared in a grin, like it was all some cosmic joke.

Your SOUL _burned._ Not a flame, bright and warming, no, this was ash, black and charred, cracked and splintered with embers glowing in those scarred crevices. Sans took hold of it, pulling you closer through the smoke, lifting you so that as you drifted closer your feet dragged against the floor.

You didn’t resist him, not this time. What fight was there left in you when your SOUL was a burnt husk?

“you really did it pal. you really fucked this whole thing up. i didn’t see it going this way, heh, but i can’t say i didn’t warn you.”

Sans was staring you down, his perma-grin frozen in place like a mask, one socket dark, the other a pupil-shaped, pulsing ring of blue and yellow that was almost hypnotizing. 

“...Gaster?” your rasped, your lungs feeling like they were full of lead instead of air, every gasp as sharp as a needle. 

“gone.” One simple word without any inflection, without any expression behind it. 

You didn’t understand. You weren’t capable of it.

Your lips tried to form a word, a question, but it was difficult to coordinate enough of your faculties into making that singular sound. It didn’t matter, Sans knew what you meant.

“gone. forever. you just destroyed the convergence point. even if there was anything left of him, which i doubt considering what i just saw, there is no way out now. you just shut the door. ripped apart what was left of him and threw away the key. my brother is dead, and you were his executioner.”

“S-Sans-” a weak voice came from somewhere behind him. The skeleton didn’t react, his one eyelight never leaving yours. Alphys may as well have not existed for all Sans paid her any mind.

“you _are_ a dirty brother killer. i thought you were different from the others, but you are just another selfish human aren’t you? how many times did i warn you? you ignored everything i ever said and disregarded each warning, time and time again, just like he did. now look at what happened. do you think you’re above consequences? ‘cause i think it’s about time i make good on my threat.” his phalanges curled in on each other and your SOUL, brittle and of smoldering ash, threatened to crack. “give me one reason why i shouldn’t do it.” his deep voice was a cruel snarl, “answer me, INTEGRITY.”

“...Your...brother...” the words forced out in a shuddering hiss.

Sans stared at you. Impassive, unreadable, a monument to carefully constructed emotionlessness. A perfect immobile expressionless skull like the reaper himself.

And then he dropped you, his grasp on your SOUL extinguishing and you plummeted to the floor as gravity took hold. The collision of your body against the ground knocked the wind from your lungs and you gasped for breath.

You were drowning in smoke and drywall dust and pain, your chest filled with embers. You feebly curled up, limbs tucked in close as you fought to breathe against all this agony in your chest, _why did it hurt?_

“you wanted to know what he did. heh, maybe you two really were what the other deserved. so you could kill him for trying to play god...or maybe you didn’t want to know? he never told you, did he?” something he saw in your expression told him all he needed to know. How unfair it was that, even when your face was twisted in pain, Sans could read you so much better than you ever could him. He started laughing, a humorless chuckle that made your blood run cold, “heh, INTEGRITY, what a joke. you _didn’t_ want to know, did you? it scared you finding out just what kind of monster you fell for, huh? so INTEGRITY ran from the truth. don’t worry pal, i’ll tell ya his sins.” he crouched down, elbows casually resting on his knees as he loomed over you, both sockets dark now. His words were chilling and spoken lowly, for your ears and yours alone.

“the power of DETERMINATION, that ability to turn back time? it wasn’t always there. SAVEs and RESETs were created ten years ago when my brother tore apart and rewrote all the timelines. he did that. he made you and me and everyone we know the prisoner of a demented failed experiment and some kid. because he thought he knew better than anyone, because he thought he was the most brilliant mind in the whole fuckin’ underground. and look where it got him. ground into dust by the one girl who was supposed to love him.”

You couldn’t see, tears flooding your vision and your world blurry, worse than just having lost your glasses. A sound left your lips, a broken, keening noise, ground out like glass underfoot, shattering into sharp shards.

Was it true?

Your SOUL ached, the ability to discern a Truth from a Lie lost to the burning pain that incinerated all of your latent magical senses. 

Sans had left your degraded sight, instead yellow filling your vision now. 

“A-Alex? A-are you o-okay?”

You tried to speak again, and more broken noises escaped you. Unable to properly verbalize, you shook your head, tears starting to overflow.

“W-w-we c-can f-fix th-this. P-please d-don’t c-c-cry.” you hadn’t ever heard her stutter as badly as she did now, and even with your eyesight so compromised you could tell she was trembling. “C-can y-you l-locate D-Doctor G-Gaster?” 

You shook your head again. “Hurts...” you groaned, rolling over onto your back. It felt like you couldn’t get enough air into your lungs. “SOUL hurts.”

“D-does it f-feel l-like a b-burning s-sensation?”

You nodded, hand pressed to your sternum, like you expected to feel a scorching heat under your palm.

“O-oh, y-you o-overused y-your m-magic. I-it sh-should g-go b-back t-to n-normal i-in a d-day or s-s-so.”

“Frisk?” you ground out, “Flow-” a cough racked your frame. 

“We’re here.” Flowey’s voice came, their vines wrapped around Frisk’s shoulders. The human looked physically fine, their posture perhaps sagging slightly, but otherwise unharmed. In their eyes tears were building, and it looked like they were on the verge of spilling over.

“...What happened?” the words grated out of you.

“I-I-I d-don’t know.” Alphys nearly wailed, wringing her hands, “I-I-I h-have t-to r-run s-some d-diagnostics...A-Alex I-I’m s-so s-s-sorry...”

You closed your eyes, wishing this had all been just a bad dream.

The searing pain emanating from your SOUL told you it was not.

* * *

The terminal managed to spit out some reports, all while grinding noises came from the computer like a death rattle. Between those hard numbers and what the others had witnessed, you got a vague idea of how everything had gone so terribly wrong, the string of events relayed by Alphys while Flowey and Frisk anxiously listened.

The first failure had been the foci channeling magic into keeping the portal open. Insufficient power attempting to draw Gaster out of the void had caused the magic to recoil and damage the device. From there it was a cascading effect and subsequently the tear in reality started to collapse, the layers between here and the deepest void started melding into a vicious admixture. Gaster had been caught in those dangerous, warping currents, and you had witnessed the resulting horror first-hand. 

None of the simulations or calculations either Royal Scientist had performed anticipated such a discrepancy in energy requirements. Alphys and Gaster had independently come to the same value, but both had been very, very wrong. By an order of magnitude, _at the very least_. Alphys was staring at the readout in disbelief, but the cold reality of numbers didn’t lie. 

The next part you could recall, Sans appearing to stabilize the portal, and you attempting to pull Gaster out with your magic alone, but what came after was still blurry.

“Y-y-you r-reached i-inside t-the t-tear.” Alphys stuttered, looking rather pale. “Y-you sh-should b-be, um...” she didn’t complete that sentence, “M-maybe b-because y-you w-were o-only i-in th-there f-for a s-second o-or t-two...”

From what little you could recall, your experience on the other side lasted far longer than that.

Apparently, after those couple of near-fatal seconds had passed, you expended a vast amount of magic, frying every last sensor Alphys had installed to monitor your SOUL. The tear fully collapsed in the wake of your magic, the veil between dimensions reasserting itself like scar tissue over a wound. The convergence point was, in fact, destroyed. Your apartment was now the same as any other from a trans-dimensional perspective, no gray door left to speak of. 

In more practical terms, your home was now a site of destruction, your hallway wall nearly stripped down to the studs. The magical apparatuses that still stubbornly clung on were smoldering. The platform you had stood on was shattered in sections and warped in others. Frayed wire, ash, and chunks of drywall littered the hallway. It was every bit the picture of a magical calamity. The only thing left more or less untouched was the DT extractor, the ominous machine nearly pristine in your living room.

The burning in your chest was from your SOUL channeling literally off the charts levels of magic at once, inflicting an injury Alphys diagnosed as Soul Burn. It was a painful condition that would heal in time with no lasting effects, but using magic would only prolong the agony. You needed to extinguish all of your magic until it recovered.

The last of the findings was delivered to you in hushed tones, the yellow monster only getting the words out after three attempts.

She confirmed what Sans had told you.

Gaster was gone.

...

  
  


_Gaster was gone._

No readings of the void ghost from the terminal, no thread felt from your SOUL, no signs of him anywhere. While Alphys theorized it was possible he was back in the void...

Her face told you all you needed to know.

He was gone.

You were alone.

“Please leave.” you said, your voice empty, unable to meet your friend’s eyes. A pregnant silence followed.

Flowey was the first to try and say something, “You should get Papyrus, he can heal-” you cut him off, voice sharp as broken glass.

“Leave. _Please._ ”

Heavy looks were exchanged, but something in your stricken expression made them shuffle out the door.

You stood alone in your apartment and waited for the tears to come, to make tracks in the dust that coated your face.

  
  


They didn’t.

  
  


* * *

You started cleaning.

It never occurred to you the extent in which magic had integrated into your world. Now that you could not utilize that life-altering ability, it felt like you had lost a limb or three as you attempted to collect bits of rubble by hand. Your head throbbed and your joints hurt and your chest _burned_ but you didn’t care. You had dragged yourself to the bathroom to wash off and patch yourself up, downing painkillers so you could keep your limbs moving without hissing through clenched teeth. They did nothing for the agony in your SOUL. It was dark outside and your lights wouldn’t turn on so you had to use the flashlight on your phone and you could barely see through your spare set of old glasses but _you didn’t care._

You were in a daze. It may have been hours or minutes that passed by, unable to say how long you worked. Everything was caked in dust, and you moved so very slowly, hours of toil still left ahead of you. _Good._ The sun rose and still you cleaned, the morning light streaming in through the sliding glass door of your balcony. The changing angle of the sunbeams were your hourglass as you shuffled about like a zombie, soulless, too tired to sleep, too pained to eat. Your SOUL and your heart alike were sick and the thought of food revolted you.

More hours passed.

The power came back on.

The sun set.

You hadn’t slept in over 36 hours.

You kept cleaning.

The moon rose.

Still, you cleaned.

You could sweep up the dirt. You could mop your floors, or wipe down your counter. This you could correct, this was within your power, this you could control.

But you couldn’t...

Your body froze as that first treacherous thought leached into your mind. Like stepping on the surface of a frozen lake, and hearing that first crack.

Before it _shattered_.

_You couldn’t bring back Gaster._

At last, there were the tears.

You fell to pieces, crumpling to the floor.

Sans was right, you were a dirty brother killer. He had warned you, told you this was a terrible idea. He told Gaster that he’d regret it, and sure enough, something terrible, _unforgivable_ had happened. You knew it was going to happen too, didn’t you? All those nightmares you’ve had since the day you first met Gaster, they were warning you of this. Wasn’t Gaster himself the one preventing you from throwing wide that grey door in your dreams? Didn’t he fight you, his many hands wrapped around your limbs, your throat, all in an effort to stop you? And that bad feeling you had, that ominous inkling that something would go wrong, you didn’t heed it? 

Gaster even asked you if you wanted to stop. 

You chose to do it anyway.

_Why?_

...Because you trusted him.

_Exactly_ what Sans warned you not to do.

Sans, who studied the void. Sans, who knew what caused Gaster’s fall, he’d cautioned you from the very beginning and you ignored him.

Why couldn’t you have just spoken up, why couldn’t you just take it back?

You wished you were Frisk, you wished you could just go back--

The sobs that tore through your body suddenly ceased. You could ask Frisk to LOAD, just go back to yesterday--

They couldn’t.

Their SAVE state had been wiped out. 

Hopelessness crashed back down like a physical weight, like gravity magic pulling you to the floor. Your chest heaved with uncontrollable sobs as you lay on the ground like a broken doll.

Your SOUL ached and burned.

You were crying so hard you could barely breathe.

How are you supposed to keep going after this? You knew you were too reliant on Gaster, it was what you loathed and loved about being with him. He was always there for you, always wiping away your tears, soothing you through your many, _many_ episodes of screaming or crying or inability to just _function_ after learning all that you knew. So how were you supposed to survive if he wasn’t there to help you pick up the shattered remnants?

A truly dark idea crossed your mind, one that made your smoldering SOUL quake.

You pushed it away, banishing the thought.

Eventually, after an unknowable amount of time passed, the tears ran dry and your heaving chest stilled.

You remained a broken, unmoving heap on the floor, time marked only by your shuddering breaths.

Maybe you should just stay there.

...

You forced yourself to your feet, picking up your mop to try and get back to that mindless daze you had occupied for hours, back to that refuge of thoughtlessness. 

A measured knock sounded at your door.

You jumped, mop slipping from your grip and clanging loudly to the ground. For a moment you wondered if you had just imagined the sound, you knew going this long without sleep could cause you to hear things that weren’t real.

The knock came again.

“Who is it?” you yelled, you voice awful and grating, like the words filtered through shattered glass lodged in your throat. It sure felt like that, anyways. When was the last time you drank anything?

A pause, then two more knocks.

Panic made your heart flutter an uncomfortable rhythm in your chest, the throbbing in your head a sharp pain against the insides of your skull, keeping time with the increased tempo. You tried running through every scenario you could think of; It wasn’t one of your friends, they would have surely answered you. Maybe it was Frisk? But wouldn’t Flowey be with them? Was it David? Did you lock your door after your friends left? You weren’t supposed to use magic right now, you would be nearly defenseless if he tried to attack. 

You scrambled over to your knife block, pulling out your chef’s knife, the sharpest one you owned. You held it in your trembling right hand with a white-knuckled grip, tip aimed towards the door while you raised your left hand and took a steadying breath. 

Ghostly flames of Blue Magic swirled around your fingertips as you forcefully channeled your magic, an identical halo of blue forming around the door handle. Your SOUL sent an incendiary shock of agony through your chest as your magic manifested and you pulled the door open, a pained scream tearing its way out your raw throat.

What was revealed as the door swung open could not be real.

On the other side, with a hand made of bones poised to knock again was a very tall, very startled looking skeleton.

Eyelights, one a white ring, the other a small, sharp point of light, locked on to you.

Your knife slipped from your fingers, clattering to the floor.

You forgot how to breathe.

You did not forget how to walk, your feet moving of their own volition, carrying you forward. Your eyes were wide, taking in the figure in glances, like he might disappear at any second. Your vision was still slightly blurry from your outdated glasses, but you could make out enough. He was tall and broad-shouldered, wearing a lab coat, the white material rumpled, dirtied, and sporting a few holes, as well as long, dark slacks and shoes caked in mud. In his off hand, not the one still raised and curled into a fist, was a handful of weeds. 

It was the body of a stranger.

But you knew that face. One drooping eye socket, two cracks running up and down his skull, a wide mouth, parted slightly in shock.

Your hand lifted to that face, and you felt familiar cool, hard bone under your fingertips, the pad of your thumb tracing over the fracture of his cheek, the shape of that fissure long committed to memory.

“Gaster?” your voice was weak, watery, just the barest whisper of sound.

The next thing you knew you were gathered up in an embrace, _arms_ wrapped around your small frame.

You flung your own around his neck, weeping into the lab coat.

  
  


Doctor W.D. Gaster, Royal Scientist and eldest of the skeleton brothers, had returned to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [The Lament of Eustace Scrubb by The Oh Hellos](https://youtu.be/QHlTMxBzguI)
> 
> \---
> 
> To all of my readers, I love you. Thanks for sticking around. Thank you especially to those of you who leave comments, here or on Tumblr, and most of all to those who have created such lovely artwork. I really wouldn’t have made it this far if not for you, and I thought you should all know how much I appreciate it.💙💙💙
> 
> The chapter count is now (finally) set. We are closing in on the end.
> 
> You can check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter by visiting my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/). (Did you miss the one for last chapter? It was a doozy).
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	25. Cosmic Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD, STILL MOAR FANART! The incredible [Cipher](https://cipher-the-sidhe.tumblr.com/) drew [the end scene from last chapter](https://cipher-the-sidhe.tumblr.com/post/623145904931799040/the-most-recent-chapter-of-fallingstarstuff-s)! It is of the most heartbreakingly beautiful things I’ve ever seen 😭 THANK YOU💙
> 
> And because your dumbass author screwed up the link last time, the still amazing [TrinTerrance](https://trinterrance.tumblr.com/) drew [Gaster](https://trinterrance.tumblr.com/post/622575570507710464/fallingstarstuff-here-is-fanart-that-ive-made)! THANK YOU! 💙

  
  


_I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map_

_And knew that somehow I could find my way back_

_Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too_

_So I stayed in the darkness with you_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You had so many questions.

In that moment, none of them mattered.

Gaster shuffled inside your apartment while you clung to him with your legs dangling, his arms wrapped securely around you while nudging the door shut behind him with a foot.

_Gaster had feet._

The hand that wasn’t holding the bundle of weeds rubbed soothing circles on your back, but you could _not_ stop crying. Your joy at seeing him was a very fragile and perilous thing, made of spun glass and inches from turning to dust. Part of you was convinced this wasn’t real. 

_Stars, let this be real._

You could feel hard bones pressed against your body under the lab coat. No longer was he an amorphous dripping mass of shadows. Skeletal arms, ribs, the knobs of his spine, all of it so strange and unfamiliar. He even _smelled_ different, or rather you registered a scent where there was nothing before. He smelled of ozone, old books and magic. 

Your sobs waned, hiccups taking their place and you felt Gaster bend down, his spine bowing, to set you on the floor. Your fingers tightened their grip on his lab coat, not wanting to let go. His head turned, reassuring kisses dusting your neck, and after a few moments your arms slowly unwound, falling back to your sides.

Gaster straightened up, smiling down at you in an abashed way that didn’t reach his eye sockets. 

<I apologize for taking so long to return, the journey here was far longer than I expected.>

You shook your head, still trying to take him in with wide eyes, “I don’t understand.” you whispered. “It worked?”

<Yes, perhaps not precisely as intentioned, but as you can see...> He gestured almost grandly to himself, the success of the extraction process self-evident, <I am sure there is much explaining to be done, I cannot imagine what the experience must have been like from this side.> he glanced around your apartment, noting the machine that was ripped apart in your hallway and the huge chunks of wall missing as well as the scorched and warped platform. The scene of destruction curved his mouth into a confounded frown.

Despite the litany of questions you meant to ask, somehow the first one out of your mouth was: “Why do you have a bunch of weeds?” you rasped, pointing at the greenery. There were dandelions, queen anne’s lace, and buttercups, all slightly wilted clutched in his hand.

Gaster flushed, and you noted that the color blooming on his skull was not the muted lilac you were used to, but a several shades closer to violet. <I had read that humans offer bouquets of flowers as tokens of affection. Unfortunately the options available along the road were quite limited.>

He held out the bunch of foliage, and you couldn’t help the broken laugh that escaped you, nor the slow, tired smile as you accepted the hastily constructed “bouquet”. “Thank you. You are too sweet. I don’t have a vase or-” you blinked, your exhausted mind sluggish to process his words. “What road?”

<The road down from Mount Ebott. I will speak with Doctor Alphys but clearly the procedure did not go entirely as planned and the convergence point collapsed. When I was ejected from the void I was flung out of the most proximal convergence point to this one.> he paused, waiting for you to find the answer, like his favorite pupil who always knew just what to say next.

You didn’t.

You were so tired.

Your head throbbed.

Your SOUL hurt.

<...I exited the grey door in the Underground.> he provided the answer when you did not respond, eye sockets narrowing. His phalanges gripped your chin, tilting your head up so he could examine you closely and critically for the first time since he arrived. You were sure he was alarmed by what he saw. You could hardly stand to look at your own reflection, skin paler than ever, bloodshot eyes, and bruises under them. Chapped lips, wild-maned, _broken._

“I look like shit.” you supplied, knowing he would never say that, even if he concurred.

<You look like you haven’t slept.> he signed, concern growing.

“‘Cause I haven’t.”

<Alex, it’s been _two days_.> His skull contorted with dismay.

“ _I thought you were dead!_ ” you cried, voice splintering as fresh tears spilled down your cheeks. Gasters eye sockets widened, taken aback. “Everyone thinks you’re gone. I couldn’t feel you and there weren’t any readings and Sans said _I killed you!_ ”

He dropped down to one knee, lowering himself so he could hug you again as you broke down into tears, pulling you against his ribcage and softly stroking his phalanges through your tangled hair. Your weeping almost instantly slowed, soothed by his presence alone. He wasn’t dead, he was here, he was out of the void, _he was here with you._

<I don’t understand, I can still sense you now, clearer than ever. It was how I navigated my way here. The link between our SOULs should still be there...May I see your SOUL?> he signed as he reluctantly pulled back.

You nodded, wiping your eyes with your palm and bracing yourself. The embers in your chest flared like they’d been exposed to fresh oxygen as you drew your SOUL out, hissing in pain through clenched teeth.

Gaster gasped, his bones rattling.

It was worse than you could have imagined.

The normally vivid blue was dull, no longer the bright glowing radiance that made your surroundings seem dim in comparison. Instead splotches of ashen grey mottled the surface, obscuring the usual luminosity giving your SOUL the appearance of being diseased. Of course it felt like it burned, but you hadn’t expected it to _look_ like it too.

< _What did you do!?_ > To say Gaster was horrified would be an understatement.

You shrugged, “Pulled you out of the void, apparently.”

There was an incredulous pause, then, <...What!?>

“The machine broke,” you gestured at the mangled device, “So I guess I got you out myself. Things got really foggy there at the end. I think I hit my head.”

He shook his skull, utterly dismayed at your flippant response. Swiftly, he took the flowers from your hands, dumping them on the counter and without warning, scooped you up, one long arm under your back, the other tucked under your knees as he stood back up and held you in an effortless princess carry.

<Have you any idea how much I’ve wanted to do this?> he signed with summoned hands, looking rather irate as he walked towards your bedroom, stepping over broken machinery.

“Carry me off to bed?” you said with an attempt at a cheesy grin, the expression marred by your exhaustion.

<Hold you, like this,> he corrected, <and I wish it were under any other circumstances. I have not seen a SOUL Burn so severe in all my years, how are you still standing!?>

“Alphys didn’t seem too worried.”

<Had she misplaced her glasses!?> he signed, outraged.

“Nah, I did actually, couldn’t find them anywhere... I didn’t give her a chance to look at my SOUL. Kicked them all out. Started cleaning. Didn’t stop.” you muttered. 

<If you were a monster you would likely be dust. Your nonchalance at this is deeply troubling, can you not feel the pain?>

“It does hurt. Feels like fire in my chest.”

<And you haven’t slept. I take it you haven’t eaten either. Have you had anything to drink??>

“Sorry.” you murmured, leaning your head against his bony shoulder. 

<No apologizing.> he tutted, shaking his head, <Humans are truly remarkable creatures.>

He laid you down on the bed, propping pillows under your back so you remained upright. Part of you wanted to object to being coddled but another part would have let him do whatever the hell he wanted. Let him dote on you, let him fuss. Whatever made him happy, whatever let him stay.

Which was why you tried to get out of bed to chase after him as he attempted to depart your bedroom, and he rounded on you with an uncommon amount of anger.

<Stay.> he signed sharply, pressing you back down against the bed, one large hand splayed over your chest. <I am only going to be a minute.> His expression softened, <Rest, please. It is my fault you are in this state->

“This isn’t your fault!” you yelled.

<We both know that is far from the truth.>

“Please don’t leave me, I don’t know if this is real, I can’t feel you.” your voice was trembling now.

He leaned down, kissing your forehead. <It is very real, I assure you. I will be right back. Please, _stay here_.>

“...Kiss me first.” you ordered, eyes hard.

He arched a brow bone at you. <I just did.>

“No, properly.” You were never like this. Needy and burdensome, sure, but it was rare you demanded something of him. But you _needed_ to feel him, to know this wasn’t just a particularly vivid dream. And if you couldn’t sense him with your SOUL, well, this method would suffice.

Gaster was never one to deny you, and so his long fingers slowly curled along your jaw, tiling your face towards him and his skull lowered to meet your lips with his. This was the same, familiar in all the ways his restored form was not, soft lips against hard bone. And when your lips parted in an open invitation he did not waste a second, his tongue delving into your mouth, heatedly gliding over your own.

This was _very_ different.

There was no icy cold. No strange shifting shadows, but a solid warmth, his tongue slick and buzzing with the unmistakable frisson of magic. Like fire whiskey, like a tingle of electricity, lighting your nerves, even your charred SOUL lurched in your chest from shock. 

You squealed a surprised sound at the unexpected sensation, and before you could manage to pull away, his hand swiftly snaked around to the back of your neck, fingers woven through your hair as he cradled your head and kept you firmly in place. Insistently, yet not without tenderness, he kept kissing you, allowing you to feel and understand that he had changed. Even this act, this thing you had loved and found comfort in, would not be the same as it once was. But it _was_ him. Undeniably, it was Gaster, he was _here._ A tension in your frame relaxed and you finally reciprocated, a tangle of tongues and lips and breath as you felt him sigh in relief.

Slowly he drew back, looking into your eyes, searching for a sign of alarm or discomfort. He wouldn’t find even a hint. 

<Please, let me take care of you.> he signed, fingers carding through your hair.

You relented with a nod, and true to his word Gaster was gone and back in short order, fussing over you once again. He had water that he made you drink, and some nearly expired granola bars he’d raided from the very back of your snack stash, probably the only pre-packaged food he could manage to find that was remotely healthy.

“I’m not hungry.” you murmured.

<You need food if your SOUL is to heal.> holding the opened package out to you sternly.

Reluctantly you ate, the food flavorless and tasting no better than ash.

<I would like to attempt to administer healing magic to your SOUL, if you will allow it.> he signed, sitting next to you on the bed. 

“Your magic is back?” you asked. It should have been obvious, if he was no longer in the void, it would stand to reason his magic would have returned to him.

<I have not yet attempted to utilize any, this will be a field experiment.> he signed with a wry grin, <May I?>

You nodded, and with a wince, drew out your damaged SOUL again. He examined it closely, phalanges hovering over the surface but never making contact with the core of your being.

The ring-shaped pupil in his left eye socket lit up a brilliant ultraviolet shade.

Then, for the first time, you felt Gaster’s magic.

It was completely novel. You were familiar with Sans and Papyrus and how their magic wove about them, but Gaster’s was very far removed from theirs. Very far removed from your own. If Papyrus was a steady stream, you a flame, and Sans a veritable firestorm, Gaster was...highly structured. Rhythmic and orderly. Layers of magic that conformed to perfect, precise arrangements.

It was like music.

Warmth and green light spilled forth from his fingers and you gasped, shuddering as his magic poured directly into your SOUL. Stars that felt so _good._ Like your SOUL was submerged in warm water, seeping in and soothing all of the damage your outburst of magic had inadvertently wrought. There was a sort of pressure there too, like a firm hug, or being swaddled in warmth. It was hard to translate what your SOUL felt into physical sensations, that magical core just too far removed from the physical matter of nerves and flesh. Those sensations were overwhelming after only a few moments, and you felt Gaster’s hand hold yours after you screwed your eyes shut and tried to remember how to pull air into your lungs properly.

It could have been a few minutes or a few hours by the time his magic abated, your SOUL slipping back into your chest and your breaths a shaky series of pants.

<How do you feel?>

“Mmmelty...” you slurred, “Like goop...” 

He smirked, then stifled a yawn behind a hollow hand, and you watched him, fascinated.

“You’re tired.” you said, awed and wide-eyed.

<It would appear so, yes. I believe I am long overdue for a nap.> he grinned.

You matched it, perhaps a little more conniving. “You’re sleeping here with me.”

<I would think not.> he quickly retorted, his grin slipping quickly into a frown, <You need your rest. I’ll sleep on the couch.>

“Like hell you will.” you responded hotly. You doubted he would even fit without his feet hanging off the end, “You’re staying with me. My house, my rules, and tonight I need my boyfriend here with me.”

He stared with raised brow bones at your declaration, as if waiting for you to correct yourself.

You did not.

<I haven’t any other clothes.> he weakly objected.

“So?”

<I would rather not sleep in this coat.>

“So take it off.” you said, like it was obvious.

<I am not wearing a shirt underneath.>

“Oh.” Was he shy?

<I don’t want make you uncomfortable.>

...Stupid, _stupid_ skeleton.

“Gaster I swear to god, if you don’t get in this bed in the next five seconds I _will_ use my magic on you, I don’t care what state my SOUL is in.” 

He sighed, hastily unbuttoning his lab coat, unbuckling his belt and kicking off his slacks, both carelessly tossed to the floor to reveal boxers with a little bone print pattern. It also revealed his bones, and you couldn’t help your eyes roaming over his new (or perhaps old) form. He looked just as one would imagine, an animated skeleton with a broken skull, but it was so very strange to see the monster you’d fallen in love with appear this way.

“Cute.” you commented pointing at his boxers, and he rolled his eyelights. 

<I had to pilfer through my old office in the lab, it would seem everyone forgot it existed when they forgot me. My options for clothing were considerably limited.>

He crawled into bed with you, mattress dipping down with his additional weight, and you situated yourself against him. You didn’t have much choice, he was huge, taking up much of the space.

<Are you sure this is ok? I can wait until you fall asleep and go to the couch.>

“Does this bother you?” you asked, glancing up at his wary eyelights. 

<What do you mean?>

“Am I offending your modesty?”

<Not particularly...I thought you were afraid of skeletons.>

“Not this one.” you answered simply, fingers lazily trailing over the bones of his arm in a tired sort of fascination. “Never you.” He wore the fondest of smiles then, carefully running his fingers through your messy hair, and you felt your eyelids grow heavy.

“Wanna make it even?” you murmured, words slightly slurred as you fought to stay awake.

You heard him make a sleepy ‘Hmm?’ sound, and felt it through his ribs, a low and deep hum that made a strange heat curl in your belly. 

You reached for the hem of your shirt, grabbing a fistfull of the fabric and tugging it up your body--

Quicker than you could track, his bones clamped around your wrist, pulling your hand right back down, your shirt along with it. Gaster’s skull was a blazing amethyst, and his eyelights were dim little pinpricks. 

<No. That will not be necessary.> You could hear his breath shuddering slightly, and you thought you might have heard a quiet rattle of bones.

“No fun.” you mumbled, rolling onto your side and tucking yourself securely against him. He was, well, bony. Hard and solid against you, perhaps not the most comfortable bedmate. You hardly cared, he was _here_ , you were not alone.

<Will you please sleep now?> he asked, perhaps a little bemused and exasperated at your antics.

“‘s long as you’re here, yeah.” you drowsed, words thick. “Thought I lost you.” Your eyes slipped closed and you could no longer read his signs, but you could feel unfamiliar arms made of bones wrap around you, and very familiar lips pressed against your temple. 

“...Love you.”

You were asleep within seconds.

  
  


You did not dream.

* * *

When you awoke you were overcome with the sensation that everything was very...off.

The sunlight for starters; it was streaming into your bedroom at an angle you rarely saw.

Your SOUL was the next thing you noticed. It felt...Strange. Slightly muffled. Like how nothing tasted right after a really bad burn to the tongue, or when you couldn’t hear properly over ringing in your ears.

The last, and most arresting peculiarity was that you were in your bed _alone_.

Panic made you jolt to your feet, an icy pit in your stomach and fear crawling up your spine.

Gaster, you needed to find Gaster, _now._

You yanked open your bedroom door, finding on the other side a tall, mostly unclothed skeleton rushing towards you.

“Oh thank god.” you said as you slumped against your door frame. “Don’t scare me like that!”

<I could say much the same.> he signed with a sigh, a tension in his broad shoulders loosening, <I could feel that, I thought you were having another nightmare.>

“Feel what?” you asked, brows furrowing.

<Your fear. Are you still unable to sense me?>

“Oh, uh...” you closed your eyes, trying to find that thread that connected you to him.

It wasn’t a thread any longer.

You could only liken it to a cord. Instead of a single thin strand there were countless silvery filaments, woven together like a rope, binding the two of you together. It was difficult to get much of a clearer picture of how that strange magic flowed and tied the two of you, muted as your magical sense was at the moment, but it had significantly changed.

Was it because Gaster was out of the void now?

Or was that strange dream you had something real?

You felt a hand on your shoulder and you jumped, eyes flying open as you gasped in shock. You could _feel_ the magic in his bones. His whole body was alive with it, dancing just under the surface. 

<Easy.> he signed, his other hand brushing your cheek. 

“Sorry...The connection is different now. Is that what you meant last night? You could feel me more clearly?” 

He nodded, <I always could, but it is...stronger. Certainly I could not sense your emotional state before. A phenomena that merits further research, but at present I am more worried about you. How to you feel?>

“Better,” you said, unable to help the beaming grin that spread across your face. Gaster was here! Really, truly here! Your SOUL sang, his re-established presence bright within your magical senses. “A little tired maybe, but nothing a pot of tea won’t fix.”

<You may want to reconsider, given the hour. It’s four PM.>

“What!? You should have woken me up!” you cried.

He crossed his arms, glaring down at you. <I could do no such thing. You haven’t rested properly in days, perhaps weeks.> his expression softened, <Alex, you set me free. You burned your SOUL in the act of releasing me from the void. There is nothing I can do to repay you for what you have done->

“You don’t-” a phalange from a conjured hand was pressed to your lips, quieting you.

<You have given so much to those around you. Please, I am begging you, _please_ , just rest. Only for a day or so until your SOUL is healed.> His eyelights shined imploringly.

You don’t think he had ever begged you for anything. Needled and pleaded perhaps, but not like this.

“Ok.” you said quietly, unable to muster any other response.

<Thank you.> He kissed your forehead, feeling him breathe a relieved sigh. <Now, why don’t I make you some tea.>

* * *

Gaster was a wonder.

You’d think by now you would be used to skeletons, but your boyfriend (that was the correct term now, right?) was something else. He was wandering about your kitchen as if he hadn’t been living here for the last few months (had he not paid _any_ attention to you while you cooked?) looking lost as he did his best to make you tea (and insisted you sit down, dragging the couch back into its proper place). Every step resulted in a light clicking noise of bare bone on tile. He was still in his boxers, the stained and dirtied lab coat and pants he’d worn now tumbling about your dryer after a wash. He’d have to borrow clothes from Papyrus, you’d reckoned, as soon as he was ready to make his re-existence known.

Speaking of the youngest skeleton brother, you noted Gaster wasn’t quite as tall as him, but you imagined he was fairly close. Yet for as long and willowy as his frame was, he moved with such... _elegance._ There was no other word for it. You had always admired how his hands moved into graceful shapes when he signed, but apparently that same grace extended to every other bone in his body just as readily. Every step was a smooth stride, his arms moved in careful and precise motions, even his posture was one of refinement.

You felt like an awkward, shuffling, land-bound penguin compared to him.

<Does it bother you?> he asked suddenly, presenting you a mug in a hovering, disembodied hand, steaming with the heady aroma of chamomile and lavender.

“...What?” you blinked, torn from your thoughts, lifting your head from the palm you’d been resting it on. Could he read your mind as well as your emotions now too? You quickly took the mug, letting the warmth of the ceramic seep into your fingers.

<My body.> he answered, tilting his head slightly. Like a bird of prey, the movement sharp and calculated. <I can cover up, I’m sure my clothing is dry enough to wear.> he signed, turning to go retrieve his clothes. You reached out an arm, grasping his hand and stopping him.

“No, of course not. I mean, it’s different...” your eyes roamed over him, taking him in yet again.

It was more fascinating than frightening, the bones that constructed his body. Like they were carved from beautiful alabaster. You wanted to ask him the name of every last one, wanted to watch them move in graceful motions, wanted to explore and run your fingers over every novel knob and ridge of him, memorizing them by touch alone as you had his hands and face.

Gaster was, undoubtedly, attractive.

...Fuck, he was hot, who were you kidding.

“Nope, it’s fine.” you said, your voice strained and perhaps pitched a little higher than usual, your face feeling warm and you glanced away. He pressed one long finger under your chin coaxing your gaze back to him while leaning down to peer at you closely.

Too close, like he was seeing too much of you.

A slow, knowing smile spread across his wide lips before he leaned forward, quickly kissing you. God, he’d done that a hundred times before, how was it your breath still caught in your throat? <I am pleased you like me like this. It feels good to be back,> he let out a rueful chuckle, looking down at his hollow palms, <For the most part, that is.> His expression slowly fell as he glanced back towards you, like a building collapsing that would surely leave nothing but rubble and dust.

<Would you like to talk now?>

There was only one thing he could possibly mean.

His fall.

“...Yeah, I would.” you answered solemnly.

How long you’d waited for this, and yet for all your curiosity, you were dreading this part.

Sans was right, part of you didn’t want to know, you didn’t even want to _think_ about it. Because if it was truly as bad as his brother had made it out to be, if Sans had been saying the truth, then maybe for once you wouldn’t want him to stay. Your SOUL stung at the thought. You just got him back, he was here, you loved him, he was yours and...

What would you do if his sins were unforgivable?

His face was almost neutral, giving you a small nod before sitting down heavily on the couch beside you. This too was so different than it had ever been. Not because he was corporeal this time, but the distance between you. You were curled up on yourself, legs tucked against your chest, tea cradled in your hands, while he looked unusually fidgety, seated almost as far away from you as he could possibly be. You could see his hand extending towards yours, an unconscious habit to always lace your fingers together, but he pulled back before you could feel even the slightest brush of bone against your skin. Instead he steepled his long fingers, his lips pressed together, worry playing at the corners of his eye sockets.

He had the look of a man about to be condemned. 

“Sans told me you caused the RESETs.” you said quietly, breaking the long and heavy silence.

He closed his eye sockets, almost as if in pain, and nodded.

You felt a sudden rush of anger, and he flinched. “So when Frisk and Flowey told me about RESETs, that’s how you knew. Not because Frisk told you but because you gave them that power.”

<Yes,> he signed, nodding again, <And when you feared another RESET and despaired at losing everything, that was because of me. I saw the terror in your eyes and I could not admit to you that it was my fault.>

“Why would you do that? You could have trapped everyone in a time loop forever!”

<I could have done far, far worse. I could have ended time entirely.> he calmly signed, <Sans provided me with quite a few horrific possibilities when he found out what I was planning.>

“Why!? I don’t understand.” you cried, raising your voice. 

<I could tell you all of my reasons, but I assure you nothing I say will excuse what I have done. I need you to understand something very important;> his gaze slid over to you, his face another mask and his eyelights grave, <Despite what you think, I am not a good person. I am selfish. I am a liar. I cannot lie to you, but if I could I certainly would have, as evidenced by the first time I attempted to upon our introduction. Instead I kept secrets. I allowed you to defend me when I certainly did not deserve it. I let you give me so much that I did not deserve.>

You felt...Anguish. Shame. _Guilt._ Not your own, a strange echo of those foreign emotions cascading through your SOUL. Despite his neutral expression, Gaster was _dripping_ in guilt, like black tar leaking from his SOUL.

Your gaze hardened. “Tell me why.”

<I did not intend to put that power into the hands of a human. Just the opposite, in fact. I never believed we would be able to defend ourselves once we encountered humankind again. From all that I had learned, I knew history would repeat itself. I still predict the possibility is highly likely monsters will be imprisoned or killed--> he shook his head, <Forgive me, I am digressing.>

He took a deep breath, seemingly gathering his thoughts, <I spent the entirety of my time as the Royal Scientist developing a weapon that would give monsters an edge against humans. I felt we had the ability to fashion an escape, but lacked that most precious commodity of time. So I sought to control it. It took years of effort and study and planning, and a decent amount of luck and DETERMINATION. And some assistance from my brother.>

He paused again, his jaw clenching and unclenching, the slightest of tremors running through his phalanges. <There is no monster that has ever existed in recorded history like Sans. He is definitively the most magically gifted monster in the Underground, and the only one capable of instantaneously traveling through space-time. I conceived of the idea from observing his magic. I lied to Sans and tricked him into aiding me. I told him I was merely investigating timelines and deceived him into studying just how he is able to teleport. Once I had the necessary data, I modified it for my uses. Instead of traveling to a different place at the same time, my new magic sent you to a different time but the same place. The reason Sans can remember RESETs is because they are simply an altered form of his magic.>

A coldness in you grew as you listened, understanding dawning as to why Sans so believed Gaster deserved to stay in the void; He betrayed his brother. What was worse, he doomed him just as he did Flowey and Frisk to relive the same days over and over, but Sans could only watch on, with no control over what was happening to him.

What it must have been, to not only know as you did what a RESET was, but with that additional awareness of knowing every time your life was overwritten by a twisted form of your own magic, to have that forbidden knowledge preserved, and knowing all the while it was your brother who condemned you to such a fate. 

You shook your head, thoughts a black and tangled mess, “I don’t understand, how is that possible, was it a machine or something?”

<There was. Is. The CORE. I lied to the King too, I built it for the purpose of gathering enough energy to change the laws of magic.>

Your brow furrowed and you shook your head in disbelief. He couldn’t mean...

<I altered the Source Code. I rewrote it to allow SAVEs and RESETs.>

You stared at him, wide-eyed, jaw slack. 

“You changed the fundamental laws of the universe.”

<Yes.>

He wasn’t lying.

_He wasn’t fucking lying._

“You literally played god.” you breathed, “Sans was telling the truth. How? _Why??_ ”

<Besides those aforementioned reasons? Curiosity. To see if I could. I’ve always known I was remarkably intelligent and I wanted to demonstrate it by altering reality. To have time itself bend to my will. I wanted to feel powerful. To be in control. I have always sought such things.>

He signed it all with an unsettling calmness that made your stomach churn. Your blood was ice in your veins and your breathing was rapid and shallow. It was like there truly was a stranger sitting next to you.

You stood up, anxiety driving you to your feet, and forcing distance between you and him, pacing your living room. Beside you the DT extractor loomed, an ominous overlooking construct as you padded the length of the room. Your breath was picking up again, an ache twinging in your SOUL that was certainly not from the Soul Burn. 

You rubbed your sternum, glancing over at Gaster who looked on impassively. He always expected this, didn’t he? He was so calm because he’d already calculated the outcome of this conversation long ago.

God, what was this _ache_ \-- Oh.

You stopped.

“You’re lying.”

That caught him completely off-guard, browbones lifting slightly. <I’m not.> he signed carefully.

“I think you are, at least that wasn’t the full truth. Why did you alter the Source Code?”

<...To help monsters.>

“No.” you shook your head, “It was something else.”

He was still for a long moment, his eyelights searching your eyes as if he might find some answer in them. He finally signed with a sigh;

<...I made a promise to Sans after our parents Fell Down. I promised him we would see the Surface, that I would set us free.> he shrugged helplessly, <It may have not gone as I intended, I underestimated how powerful a human’s DETERMINATION can be. I did not gain control over the timeline, and instead my followers and I fell. But here we are, in the end, despite my transgressions and miscalculations, I managed to keep my promise.>

You stared at him, examining him at length. Almost to the point of discomfort, but he didn’t seem to mind in the least, mismatched eyelights looking back at you, open and honest. Like he was inviting you to see him for who he was, who he really was, the truth of what made him. 

“You wanted to save them. You would do anything to save the ones you love.”

It was a Truth, spoken as only an INTEGRITY SOUL could.

It was not the Truth he was expecting, and not the one he wanted to hear.

<That doesn’t justify what I did. Nothing will ever justify what I did, do you understand?> The calm veneer was cracking, agitation creeping into his features.

“I do.” you answered quietly. 

<Do you truly? My intentions have _never_ been pure, not even with you.> his eye sockets narrowed by degrees.

“You wanted to tell me before you got out of the void. You didn’t want to be here without me knowing.” you countered.

<And yet I didn’t insist on it, I was selfish! You are INTEGRITY, you deserved to know, you have always deserved the truth->

“I knew the truth!” you said sharply, and Gaster froze, browbones raised. You continued, voice quieter, “I’ve known you, I’ve always...” you trailed off, something else Sans said coming to mind.

You laughed mirthlessly, shaking your head. Gaster looked on, worried at your sudden change in demeanor. 

“Sans was always right. He said we were what the other deserved.” you murmured. 

<He was wrong.> Gaster signed, forcefully. 

“Was he? We are always seeing the worst in ourselves and the best in the other.” How many times had you thought to yourself that you had needed to earn Gaster’s love? That your weakness was not enough to merit the kindness he had shown you? You understood his calm confession now, why he painted himself in the blackest of strokes as he mercilessly detailed his failings. Why he angered now when you pointed out his virtues. Because you felt that same shame in having someone suggest you might be worthy. 

He went still at that, pondering as you were.

<It’s not the same.> he signed finally, <Do not make a false equivalence. The only person you hurt is yourself, and my destructive tendencies certainly do not match that pattern. I hurt my brother. I hurt you.>

“You’re right.” you nodded, “You did something terrible. You hurt people. You were reckless.”

You walked over to him and he leaned away from you as you approached, that same wary, almost frightened look on his face. You could feel his apprehension in his SOUL. And maybe now you understood just what that look was; Fear that you would give him something he felt he didn’t deserve.

You advanced anyways, standing before him as he sat on the couch, the bones of his legs on either side of you, your faces almost level. Despite his growing disquiet his mismatched eyelights met your steady gaze.

“But I know you regret it. I can feel it.”

Your hands rested on his shoulders, fingertips unthinkingly brushing over his bones. In turn his phalanges gripped your hips, the tips of his bones digging into you. You couldn’t tell if he intended to push you away or pull you in, and by the uncertain look in his eyelights, he wasn’t sure either. 

“You know me. You know I believe in second chances. And I know you. I think the monster who fell into the void and the one who came out aren’t quite the same. I think you’re a person who’s done bad things, but I don’t think you are a bad person. I know you can be forgiven. I know you can earn that forgiveness.”

His arms wrapped around you, tugging you close as he buried his face against your neck, releasing a shuddering sigh against your skin. 

“So what are you going to do now?” you asked after a moment, fingers wandering over his smooth bones. He pulled back, blinking blankly at your question, eyelights unfocused and confused. “You told me what you’ve done, now tell me what you will do.”

He glanced up, gaze inevitably drawn to the giant skull-shaped machine behind you that dominated the space in your living room. 

<Free the others. Make amends, or at least my best attempts at them. I have no doubt Sans will never forgive me. I think there is little I could do to earn his forgiveness, he certainly had no want to hear my apologies before. But I shall try.>

You wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing his broken skull. It was strange, what you felt in your SOUL right then; you could feel his remorseful and dark emotions but at the same time, your own anger and sadness. Gaster had done something terrible, something you couldn’t forget, and perhaps right now, could not forgive. But you felt something else, as sure and as steadying against the confusing rush of emotions that were both yours and not your own, battering your heart about like waves from a storm-raged sea. A rock you could cling to, despite everything. 

“I still love you.” you murmured against his bones. 

He held you tighter with one arm, nuzzling his face into your hair, the other forming a fist and circling it slowly over his ribcage, over and over and over...

<I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...>

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


You must have fallen asleep at some point, because when you blinked back into awareness the sun had nearly set and you were curled up on the couch, a pillow under your head and a blanket tucked around you. You sat up, bleary-eyed and glancing around, finding Gaster back in his lab coat and pants. He was elbow deep in the back of the DT extractor, disassembling the device when he’d frozen stock still, eye sockets wide and eyelights small, sharp points of light. Panic flooded his SOUL.

You realized why when loud voices caught your ear. Or rather, one loud voice, and one quieter, deeper. 

You could recognize those voices anywhere.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LEFT HER LIKE THAT SANS!”

“i’m sure she’s fine, bro, the weed was probably exaggerating. wouldn’t she call you if it were a big deal? c’mon, let’s go back home.” 

Sans was lying so badly to his brother you didn’t need your magic to tell. You imagined if Papyrus had any idea of what transpired between you and Sans, he would have been breaking down your door much earlier.

“YOU KNOW SHE CAN BE STUBBORN WHEN SHE NEEDS HELP! AND FLOWEY WOULDN’T MENTION IT UNLESS IT WAS A ‘BIG DEAL’. IT NEVER HURTS TO CHECK UP ON A GOOD FRIEND-NEIGHBOR-HUMAN!”

Gaster and you locked eyes and eyelights.

You could _feel_ his apprehension, the emotion lapping through your SOUL in waves.

You heard a loud knocking that could borderline be called pounding on your front door. 

<Alex.> he signed, almost pleadingly. He wasn’t ready to face his brothers yet.

“ALEX? IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! FLOWEY SAID YOU WERE HURT! YOU HAVE NOT ANSWERED YOUR PHONE AND I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU ARE OK!”

Welp, time to face the music. “One second, Pap!” you yelled as you threw off the blanket and got up off the couch.

<Sorry.> you signed, before your Blue Magic gathered around your hand and the door handle and (thankfully without a jolting, agonizing shock of pain this time) you swung it open.

As expected, two skeletons stood on the other side of the doorway wearing the most mismatched grins you could possibly imagine; Papyrus, exuberant but tempered with a touch of concern, and Sans, looking like this was the _last_ place he wanted to be, grin strained and almost painful looking, his eyelights barely visible inside his skull.

“AH, THERE YOU ARE! DO YOU-” Papyrus paused, looking past you, his eye sockets locked on Gaster. Behind him you could see Sans doing much the same, his eye sockets wider than you’d ever seen from him. His grin was gone, and you saw instead pure disbelief.

“...WINGDINGS?” Papyrus spoke the name at a volume that could almost be called soft.

Gaster said something in his strange language you couldn’t understand, and before you could even think to ask, or ponder why your head wasn’t filled with stabbing pain, Papyrus swept past you in long, fast strides and gathered his brother up in the biggest hug, squeezing him so tight you could hear his bones pop.

“BROTHER! YOU’RE BACK! I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER YOU LEAVING BUT I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE!!” God if that wasn’t true, you had never heard such unreserved _joy_ expressed so plainly you could practically feel it singing in your SOUL.

Papyrus did eventually relent, loosening his hold on his older brother. Gaster set his hands on his shoulders, holding him at arm’s length and looking his youngest brother over for the first time in _years_ , his eyelights flitting over Papyrus like he was trying to note every possible detail. How much must have changed in all that time. You were right, Pap was just a bit taller, that must have been weird (then again, Sans had to deal with that all the time). Gaster had the most bittersweet expression on his face, or maybe you just felt it in your SOUL. A longing for all those years lost, and elation at getting to be reunited again. That latter feeling won out, and Gaster pulled Papyrus close for another embrace.

Sans had wandered into your apartment, so casually you totally missed it in your periphery as he walked past you, close enough for Papyrus’s lanky arm to shoot out and pull Sans off his feet into a less than willing group hug, his expression slightly reminiscent of a grumpy cat. “I HAVE TWO BROTHERS AGAIN! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!” The joyous words were shouted with happy tears, drops of strange orange magic gathering in the corners of Papyrus’s crinkled eye sockets.

In that moment you knew everything had been worth this.

Sans’s eyelights slid over to you, his skull as unreadable as ever. You could only offer him a small grin and a slight shrug of one shoulder. He could hate you all he wanted, but you were responsible for this singular moment of Papyrus’s happiness, you were the one who pulled Gaster from the void, and if he still begrudged you for all you did...fuck him. You’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.

  
  
  


A heartbeat did pass.

And you felt something funny in your SOUL.

Sans’s eye sockets widened ever so slightly in what might have been alarm, his gaze dropping to your chest.

“‘dings! grab her!”

Your vision suddenly cut out.

Your limbs went limp.

Skeletal hands clutched you before your collapsing body could hit the ground.

The last thing you knew was a word being shouted in a language you couldn’t understand, before the darkness pulled you under and snuffed out all of your awareness. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine](https://youtu.be/Bv7kaJ1WWMs)
> 
> \---
> 
> Alternate song for today’s chapter, [Perfect Machine by Starset](https://youtu.be/keMBtyjYUPQ), as recommended by Dissemination (which really is perfect, please listen to it!) 💙
> 
> Alright, so obviously this chapter is late, and I’m sorry about that. I also fully intended this chapter to be dropped at the same time as Sans’s POV chapter in There Beneath, which sadly isn’t happening and is currently incomplete. The total word count for both is, as of right now, sitting at 16k which is just too freaking much, so I’ve elected to just post this now instead of drowning my dear readers under an avalanche of silly words.
> 
> Since my posting schedule is in a terrible state of flux, please check out my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) where I will keep you posted on updates, and you can check out the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter.
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️
> 
>  **EDIT 7/17/20:** The first part of Sans's POV is up: [There Beneath - Chapter 2 - This Is The Time.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293251/chapters/61429030)
> 
> Part 2 will be coming soon.


	26. I Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, dear reader. I have a big favor to ask of you; I wrote a huge mess of words, three chapters worth, on my side fic [There Beneath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293251/chapters/61429030#workskin) detailing all of Sans’s shenanigans. There is some relevant background in there that directly effects this story’s plot. I’d love you forever if you read it **before** diving into this chapter. Or just read it at all.
> 
> (I’ll love you forever anyways💙)

_And I'll use you as a makeshift gauge_

_Of how much to give and how much to take_

_I'll use you as a warning sign_

_That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You heard voices. 

Distant and garbled, like your head was underwater.

Everything felt so heavy, as if you were under the effects of Papyrus’s magic, your body weighted and filled with lead, a strange sensation of tingles and numbness dancing along your nerves. You wanted to open your eyelids but nothing seemed to respond, like your system wasn’t quite ready to heed to your consciousness. An out of body experience, only you were trapped inside an unresponsive shell. But you could feel, however distantly. You were being cradled in bony arms.

You heard Gaster. 

He sounded so worried. Over you, of course, you were always worrying him.

Those were his arms holding you.

A heavy hand shook your shoulder.

“ALEX, YOU NEED TO WAKE UP. WE NEED TO SEE YOUR SOUL, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.” Papyrus’s loud voice broke through the muffling feeling, oddly serious to your ears.

You tried your hardest to open your eyes, managing perhaps only the lightest fluttering of your eyelids.

You felt cool, smooth bones stroking your cheek. That felt nice, Gaster was so kind, you loved him, _loved him, loved, LOVE, **LOVE** , **L̶̗̄O̷̯̐V̶̠̽Ḛ̷̎**..._

“ALEX!”

_I’m trying, oh sweet Papyrus, I’m trying, I swear._

Your magic felt...slippery. Like it was barely out of your grasp. Just like your body wouldn’t respond. Locked out, evading your commands, just beyond your fingertips.

You felt a fist made of bones gently press against your chest, the fist moving in a circle. The sign for ‘sorry’. 

_Sorry for what?_

You felt that same large hand splayed out, long fingers spanning your chest, hollow palm resting just over your sternum.

You felt an apologetic kiss pressed against your temple.

And then--

_Your SOUL was ripped out of your body._

You screamed, the involuntary noise tearing out your throat, limbs jerking of their own accord, like you’d been jolted with an electric shock. It felt like an icicle had been driven through your chest. Not painful exactly but _wrong._ You always associated what your SOUL was capable of feeling as warmth, of sunlight and fire, glowing and heated and full of energy and life. This was its exact opposite, like frostbite and dead nerves. You should _never_ feel that, you shouldn’t have this gaping numb hole where your SOUL belonged. This was nothing like when you drew it out yourself, this was...a _violation_. 

Papyrus’s appalled cry confirmed it, and well as Sans’s lowly muttered, “fuckin’ hell, ‘dings.”

Gaster barked an order. 

There was silence and then he repeated it, yelling now.

You wished you understood. God, you felt so cold and hollow, just put it back, _make it stop!_

“shit.” Sans swore in that understated tone that told you something bad had happened. “well that explains things. what did she do exactly when she was in the void?” he asked lowly.

Gaster paused a moment, then asked what sounded like a question in alarm.

“she didn’t tell you? yeah, she was. just reached in like she was trying to grab you, it was crazy.” Sans sighed heavily, “good news is she’s got 17 HP left, but you aren’t gonna like the bad news, ‘dings.”

The voices started fading again, and mercifully the darkness closed back in. 

* * *

When you woke, truly awoke, with all the feeling back in your limbs, with your SOUL back in your chest where it belonged, with your muscles once again fully cooperating with given commands, you glanced over at the figure sitting on the edge of your bed.

Gaster looked _stricken._ He was lit from the side, moonlight streaming in from an open window, white bones and black fractures shining in stark relief. You could see his broad shoulders unmoving, like he forgot to breathe, his eyelights distant and dim, barely illuminated in his abyssal sockets.

You couldn’t ever remember him looking so...broken.

But you were now very familiar with that feeling that coiled in his SOUL. _Sorrow._

“Hey.” you murmured, voice just above a whisper, but as quiet as you were he still startled at the sound, eyelights snapping towards you. You offered him a small grin, “I thought I was supposed to be the jumpy one.”

The corner of his lips twitched, like he wanted to match your grin but just...couldn’t.

<How do you feel?> he asked, reaching out to hold your hand.

“Tired.” you answered. It felt like you had been sleeping for a while, yet you weren’t feeling very well rested. You couldn’t remember any dreams either.

Gaster nodded, looking pensive, the corners of his wide lips curving downward.

“What happened?” He did not respond at first, his hand squeezing yours.

<I believe you went into a state of shock.> he signed slowly, carefully, and then after hesitating; <Can you recall what occurred when you pulled me out of the void?> he asked.

“Uh, maybe? It’s hard to remember. There was the collapsing portal, and you were-” you swallowed hard, feeling bile rise in your throat at the vile memory of what happened to Gaster, “Terrible things were happening to you...and then Sans showed up, he told me to pull you out. I remember trying, but my magic wasn’t working right, and everything was falling apart, so I leaned into the portal and...”

You ran your fingers through your hair, brow furrowing as you tried to remember. “I think I was in the void. And I saw your SOUL. It was upside-down, and white.” he nodded, confirming your assumptions, “I tried to pull it with my magic, but there were these black tendril things running through it and they wouldn’t budge, they kept clinging to you. I remember I kept pulling and there was something pulling on me too, but I wouldn’t let go...did I do something wrong?” you asked, seeing his face grow more alarmed by the second.

<No.>

“Don’t. Lie.”

He winced at your sharp tone.

<Please, continue, if you would. I’ll explain in a moment.> he urged despite your reprimand.

You frowned, but reluctantly continued, “...Your SOUL broke loose and it touched mine and then...something happened.” this was the most difficult to remember, and the most impossible to explain. “Something with your SOUL and mine.”

<You could feel that? Our SOULs connecting?>

“Yeah, I guess...Gaster, what’s wrong? What did I do?”

Again that stricken expression crossed his skull.

<What you saw was your mind’s interpretation of perceived events. Beings in reality, especially humans that are so grounded in their physical forms, cannot properly perceive the void. What you observed was a sort of simulacrum to what occurred. Accurate enough it seems, I can only imagine the things that you saw considering all that I experienced.> an involuntary shudder ran down his spine, bones quietly rattling, <Sans has...enlightened me on aspects of the void I was unaware of. We-- _I_ made a mistake in excluding him. I should have heeded Alphys’s advice, I should have learned from my arrogance, he was always right, I didn’t understand, _stars,_ I am a fool...> the bones of his hands scraped along his skull as he buried his face in them, and you almost winced at the sound.

You reached up, lacing your fingers with his and pulling his hand away so you could look at him properly. He barely managed to meet your gaze with his eyelights.

“Gaster, what happened?”

He let out a despondent, shuddering sigh.

<You should observe your SOUL.> He finally signed, and you flinched at the memory of it being ripped from you and that unholy cold. <I am sorry I had to do that, but I needed to know. With your Soul Burn I missed it in my initial examination--Just look...> His fingers pressed to the forehead of his cracked skull, the image of defeat.

You wanted to ask, _‘Know what? What did you miss?’_ but you could readily bypass that by just doing as he said, and so you drew out your SOUL with hardly a thought. All of your surroundings were awash in blue light as the core of your being hovered in your moonlit bedroom.

It looked...fine. Bright sapphire, verdant, all the grey gone by now...

Except...

You cradled your SOUL in your free hand, and full-body shivered at the unexpected feeling, having never touched it before. _Fuck_ , it was sensitive, raw sensation firing through your nerves. It knocked the air from your lungs and you almost forgot what you were doing, but after a moment’s respite to take a deep breath you elevated it until it was eye level. You almost had to squint from the bright light but, _there_ , at the bottom part of it, like a sun spot...

That darkest black you could perceive.

The all-consuming darkness of the void.

Your eyes widened in terror and your gaze snapped to Gaster.

He looked devastatingly miserable, anguish like acid pumping through his SOUL.

<The void has magic. A strange backwards sort from what we know, but it exists. It interferes with our own. And all magic, even void magic, is directed by intent. I would not call that place conscious or having will, but it has some semblance of desires. It did not want me to leave. When you freed me, it permitted you to do so because it claimed you in exchange.>

“Oh.” was about all you could say, blinking and staring off. 

<I will fix this, I swear it.> he said, features growing hard, <However there is a...complication...> his hands were faltering and shaking, but you patiently waited for him to continue, <My continued existence after modifying the Source Code was a near thing. I obviously have been irreparably damaged in my fall but I only survived because I am a monster and my body is made of magic. But you...>

You were made of physical stuff. Flesh and blood and bone. Your SOUL was magic but the rest...

<If you fall, your body will die.>

...Distantly you thought the universe _did_ have it out for you.

Or maybe the void did. Is that why you had dreamed of it? Was the siren song destined to sing into your ear until you heeded its call?

“How long do I have?”

<Preliminary calculations put it at a few weeks, perhaps less.>

The quiet that followed was a heavy thing, thick and clogging your lungs.

You glanced down at your free hand, looking at it, _really_ looking at it for what felt like the first time. You had once thought this physical thing you now understood housed your SOUL to encompass all that you were. Once you died, that was it. No gods, no afterlife, no reincarnation. This was your one life, bound in this fragile matter that was your body. And now it was slowly slipping away, grains in an hourglass tumbling into perfect, pure darkness. 

It was...sad, and frightening, you supposed. Objectively, anyways. But it was also...distant. Impersonal. A nebulous concept your mind couldn’t quite parse. It wasn’t like the truck, where your life was a hair’s breadth away from the abyss of death, a raw and real physical thing that your senses could perceive. You felt fine. A little tired, but fine. How could you be dying? 

“So what’s the plan?”

Gaster raised his head, elevating a brow bone.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’ll start crying later, we both know that’s coming. It just hasn’t sunk in yet.” you chided.

<It’s not that. You’re not-> he shook his head incredulously, <You should be furious with me. You should hate me. I never should have put you in that position.>

“There was no way we could have known what would happen.”

< _Yes there was,_ Sans was well aware and I didn’t heed him.> he fiercely retorted.

“Yeah, and I was the one who decided to go behind his back.” you argued, tone rising in turn.

<You should have let me go! You shouldn’t have trusted me!> he was making a low sound, almost like a growl as he signed.

“It was my choice!” you shouted, glaring at him. Your chest was rising and falling in flaring anger, his eyelights burning and a dozen different emotions snared inside his SOUL, tangled up in each other so thoroughly you couldn’t hope to tease them apart, reverberating against your own mess of heated emotions. 

You had a very strange urge to kiss him right then.

Instead you sighed, running your fingers through your hair again in an effort to calm yourself. “What happens next?” That wasn’t the question you wanted to ask him, what you wanted to know were your odds. But you didn’t think you were ready to hear that answer, and he probably wasn’t ready to give it.

<We must speak with the Queen.> he answered after a moment’s pause, looking very much like he did not want to follow this change in conversation, <Unfortunately, all of the parties involved were less discrete than I had hoped, and word of our exploits have reached her. She has demanded an audience. This may be a boon as the meager resources we used for my extraction-> he gestured back towards your trashed apartment, <-will not be sufficient this time. I intend to request her permission and aid in correcting this. I also intend to take you to the Underground.>

“What?” you said, blinking, “Why?”

<There are several reasons, firstly that the only other known convergence point is there. My--Alphys’s lab is also available to us, certainly a more suitable center of operations than here. Time is short.> he tried again an attempt at a wry grin, with little success, resulting instead in an almost pained grimace, <I am afraid you will have to inform your clients you will be unexpectedly unavailable.>

“Yeah.” you replied, not wanting to argue that point. You were...dying. Huh. Strange. That would be a weird email to send out, wouldn’t it?

Gaster’s shoulders sagged ever so slightly in relief that you weren’t fighting him on this. One long arm reached out, large hand with bony fingers brushing through your hair. 

<Would you like to rest?>

“I think _you_ should.” you replied quietly. You weren’t sure the magical process that caused dark circles to appear under the eye sockets of a tired skeleton, but they only highlighted his disconsolate expression.

He let out a morose chuckle, <Yes, I suppose I am unused to that. Requiring sleep will be a significant detriment.>

“You can drink now though, so there’s always tea.”

He grimaced slightly at that, <Would it offend you if I had a strong preference for coffee?>

You gasped dramatically, hand flying to your chest. “You wound me. See if I ever invite you to another tea party.” You tried, and failed, to keep up your faux offence and a grin from your face.

<Given how the last one went, I would not be remiss to be declined an invitation.> His grin matched yours, and the easy sort of levity that the two of you shared, the sort that had been missing for a while, lingered about the room. If only for a moment, before his grin faded and the circumstances of your current situation returned to the fore of his mind. <We should sleep, the Queen will be expecting us in the morning.>

“You’ll stay here, right?” you asked. He stared at you, surprised by the question. Why was he still expecting after everything that you would send him away?

He reached over, tugging you closer so that your back was pressed against his chest, his chin resting atop your head, and his arms wrapped around you, like a cage of bones.

<My dear, I am not leaving your side until I ensure you are safe.>

* * *

Gaster started what was a very somber and familiar routine. 

He began a new spreadsheet on your computer. Only this one bore your name. Your vitals.

He checked your SOUL, your pulse, your senses, your magic, your fatigue. It was a macabre trendline that would dip ever downwards, like his in reverse, counting down the days until too much of your essence was pulled into a dimension you could not survive and you perished.

You still hadn’t cried yet. 

The looks Gaster gave you, his phalanges gently pressed to the pulsepoint of your wrist as he counted the thrumming of your heart, were almost enough to break you. He lifted your hand to his face, kissing your inner wrist while your fingers trailed over the pale bone of his skull. 

Nothing was said, nothing had to be. The ache is his SOUL spoke volumes more than words possibly could. It was like he was mourning you while you still lived and breathed. You weren’t gone yet, you were just...

Tired. So tired, like no matter how much you slept, exhaustion still wrapped itself around your limbs, weights that made your movements sluggish and your mind slow. Your nightmares had ceased but your sleep still felt restless.

You couldn’t afford that right now, you were about to meet the Queen of all monsters. Frisk’s mom. Monsterkind had accepted you, in a strange sort of way. You had certainly involved yourself in their community, befriending the Queen’s child, antagonizing the monster she’d appointed as their bodyguard, rubbing shoulders with the Royal Scientist, past and present, and the Captain of the Royal Guard. Gaster had even once pointed out how you’d made friends in lofty positions but it still stunned you that somehow you were _meeting royalty, damn._

You dressed into the most formal clothes you had (short of your dress, it wasn’t that sort of occasion). A nice blouse and dark dress pants adorned, Gaster borrowing a black button-down shirt from Papyrus made the pair of you look, well, quite nice. Sophisticated almost. You couldn’t help a pleased smile from forming as you examined your reflection in the bathroom mirror.

<What?> he signed after fastening the buttons on his cuffs with his nimble fingers.

“Nothing, we just clean up well.” you said, taking the time to actually put product in your hair so the curls wouldn’t frizz to unmanageable levels. The summer heat and humidity did _not_ do you any favors in that regard. “When do we need to be there?”

<Fifteen minutes.> he signed and you froze. 

“It takes at least twenty minutes to walk to Ebott Manors.” you said, voice lined with panic. You couldn’t be late for the Queen!

<...Transportation has been arranged.> he signed, very levelly.

“Is Papyrus giving us a ride?” you asked hopefully.

<No.>

Well fuck.

Twelve minutes later there was a knock on your door and you once again found two skeletons on the other side. Papyrus was dressed much like Gaster but in lighter, louder shades and a bright red scarf, but Sans was wearing the same worn hoodie and gym shorts as always. 

“You’re wearing that?” you blurted after glancing appraisingly over Sans’s appearance. 

“it’s just visiting tori” Sans nonchalantly replied with a shrug, “and i put on my good shoes.” he offered, like it was above and beyond the minimally required effort. You glanced down, and instead of pink slippers he had ratty sneakers on his feet. 

“DO NOT TRY TO REASON WITH HIM, IT IS FOLLY.” Papyrus said in exasperation, and you had a feeling he was speaking from experience. 

Forget reasoning, you wanted to try and toss his bony ass off your balcony is what you would have liked to do. It really wasn’t fair that the most powerful monster was also the biggest asshole. You never told Gaster what Sans had said to you the night you thought you lost him, certain that it would cause a fight between brothers. Something to address when you weren’t on a deadline.

...Was that a pun? Fucking Sans, his mere presence was corrupting. 

Gaster picked up on your ire, glancing at you curiously, but Sans spoke up before he could question it.

“we all good to go?” he asked the assembled skeletons and lone human, to all affirmative replies. “got your barf bag, pal?”

“Fresh out. The Queen has some bushes, right?”

“heh, yeah.” Sans replied, his eyelights watching you as you held Gaster’s hand. “m’kay, buckle up then.” He gripped his brothers each by the arm, and everything blacked out.

This wasn’t like the last two times you teleported. You still experienced the sensation of freefall, but this time your SOUL shuddered almost painfully in your chest and it felt like you were being jerked around, riding some janky carnival ride that was one bolt shy of catastrophic failure. It was also taking too long, far too long. Enough time had elapsed that panic had set in, your chest tight and your pulse roaring in your ears against pure and perfect silence. You were _falling_ , weren’t you? Into the void, into non-existence, perfect erasure. This was it, you were dead, you were-

Suddenly reality reestablished itself, the four of you unceremoniously spat out of the void and onto a front lawn. You and Gaster tumbled to the ground, and you caught yourself on your elbow, skinning it. Sans was on his hands and knees, and Papyrus, cool guy that he was, agilely tucked himself into an effortless somersault and then sprang back up to his feet, scarf dramatically fluttering.

“WOWIE, THAT WAS A TRIP!”

“heh, good one pap.” Sans seemed more than a little rattled, his grin tight and a small drop of faintly blue sweat beading on his skull. 

“the two of you are banned from the sans express.” the shorter skeleton wheezed, slowly getting back to his feet. Gaster had managed to right himself as well and proceeded to help you back up while you tried to keep your breakfast down. “i can’t take any more shortcuts with you, pal. it’s practically dangling a steak in front of a starving dog, and i can’t pry you out of those jaws without rippin’ you in two.”

“Okay.” you faintly replied, limbs trembling.

“and you,” he pointed an accusing phalanx at his older brother, “were _steering._ congrats bro, you can teleport now.”

Gaster said something in an incredulous tone that could not have translated into anything except ‘What?’

“it felt different than the usual ride-along, didn’t it? like you could direct the movements through the void if you wanted to?” Gaster reluctantly nodded, “well, there you go, guess you came back with a little souvenir.” Sans’s fake grin was as frozen as ever, but his tone was nearly mocking. 

Gaster didn’t look happy at the news, if anything he looked nearly as shaken as you felt. For a second you thought you detected disgust, but that hint of an emotion vanished as soon as it came, and Gaster redirected his attention into healing your scraped skin before you could bleed too much.

You had a Queen to meet, after all.

* * *

You weren’t sure what to expect when you entered the home of monster royalty. Something like a castle maybe? A throne room? Something extravagant.

Not a regular old townhome.

It was _homey_ though, the air smelling faintly of cinnamon, the decorations tasteful and the furniture cozy looking. Something about the place made you want to curl up with a cup of hot cocoa and waste an afternoon leisurely reading books by the enchanted fireplace, even though it was the height of summer. 

Frisk had been the one to answer the door when the four of you arrived, greeting each one of you with a hug. Sans ruffled their hair and you carefully smoothed it back down when it was your turn, the child grinning at you when he saw Gaster’s arm draped behind your back, hand clinging to your hip.

“Yeah, yeah, he’s my boyfriend. Happy?”

<Yes,> they replied, hugging Gaster next (who still awkwardly patted their head like he had _no_ idea how to handle this kid). <But I’m really happy you’re back.>

<I am as well.> he signed, smiling, though his eyelights were strained. He would have rather still be in the void than subjecting you to your slow decay, <Thank you, for all that you have done. However I may need your assistance again soon.>

<Sure,> they agreed, again, without hesitation, <What for?>

<I am certain that will be made clear soon enough.>

Your group was the last to arrive, the lot of you meandering into the dining area. A long oak table stretched the length of the room, several chairs already occupied. Alphys and Undyne sat next to each other, the former looking incredibly nervous, even by Alphys’s usual standards, and at the head of the table was the Queen herself.

Toriel was the epitome of matronly. She had to be one of the largest monsters you had seen yet, coated in soft white fur, with large paws and a long fanged snout. You’d seen her in photographs and on TV but those images did not do her justice, she simply radiated an aura of warm kindness and quiet authority. It gave you the impression that you would do whatever she asked, not out of fear, but out of fear of disappointing her. You also got the impression that she gave the absolute _best_ hugs.

Her eyes shifted over to your group, taking in each of them in turn before settling on you. They were a deep red, like warm polished cherry wood.

“Welcome, all of you. Please, sit. There is much to discuss.” her voice was just as kindly and rich as you could imagine. Gaster pulled out a chair for you next to Frisk before taking a seat himself, while Papyrus and Sans sat on the other side of the table. You had a feeling that as much distance as possible should be created between the two eldest skeleton brothers.

“I believe introductions are in order. I am certain you know my name and title, but I would ask that you call me Toriel. We are all friends here, yes?” there was a general murmuring of half-hearted agreement. Toriel did not appear enamored with the unenthusiastic response. “We certainly are not enemies or rivals.” 

As Flowey would say, ‘debatable’.

Where was he anyways?

<I am Doctor W.D. Gaster, formal Royal Scientist who served under King Asgore.> Gaster signed, his “tone” formal and stiff. Conducting himself before royalty wasn’t new to him, unlike you. In your periphery you could see Sans rolling his eyelights.

“I’m Alexandria Silva. You can call me Alex, though.” you managed without your voice wavering too terribly. 

“Pleasure to meet you both. Pardon my forwardness, but I have been told you are Doctor Gaster’s mate?”

_Ah fuck._ You felt your face heat and fought the urge to hide under the table. Gaster stilled next to you, and you could imagine the purple of his magic creeping along his bones. Down the table you heard Undyne poorly conceal a loud snicker.

“Oh, forgive me, I believe such terms are rather outdated. Frisk tells me you are a couple.”

“Th-that’s correct.” you said, your words nearly a squeak. 

“There is no need to be embarrassed, my child. Young love is a most wonderful thing.” she smiled so genuinely, the corners of her eyes wrinkling with happiness that it wasn’t difficult to believe her.

“Sadly, our discussion may not be so joyful. I have learned that in my absence, one of my appointed guards has threatened a human, the current Royal Scientist has abandoned her assigned duties to free a monster trapped in the darkness beyond, the Royal Guard Captain has failed to report said absenteeism, and a new mage has awoken and fought with the aforementioned guard, commandeering my child without express permission from myself or their guardians.” There wasn’t any anger or accusation to her tone, just a mild sternness. It still made a guilty feeling settle in your chest, and judging by the expressions around the room (except for Sans) everyone else was getting a good dose of that too, “I believe there is yet more that I have not been informed of. In the interest of everyone, I feel it is best we clear the air now and be honest with one another, yes?”

“Oh thank god.” you murmured, slumping in your chair. The words must have been louder than you anticipated because the Queen peered at you curiously.

<She has an INTEGRITY SOUL, your majesty, and a strong distaste for secrets.> Gaster explained for you. <You are correct in assuming that there have been a good number of them kept.>

“Please, call me Toriel.” she said with a warm smile, “Honesty is a noble trait to bear. I would ask that we all exercise it today. Now, I would like to have this all explained from the beginning. Who would like to go first?”

“i can, tori.” Sans cut in almost immediately. “and since we’re all bein’ honest, i think everyone here should know alex can sense lies. so with that bein’ the case, we will all know that every word comin’ out of my mouth is the truth.” Sans’s eyelights drifted over to Gaster, and you knew exactly what he meant; He was going to air all of Gaster’s misdeeds for everyone to see.

Your eyes widened and darted to Frisk, who looked confused. 

Sans was going to tell _everyone_ about RESETs. 

Alarm jolted through your SOUL, and you felt Gaster tense next to you. It was impossible to tell if it was originally your emotion or his, maybe both sounding off at the same time, but the two of you reacted simultaneously.

“Wait, Sans-”

<Is that wise, brother?>

“What happened to not wanting to keep secrets?” Undyne accused, leaning forward in her chair. Alphys was looking between you and Gaster with a look of concentration that seemed to be the hallmark of all scientists, seeing as Sans almost perfectly mirrored it.

“You don’t want us to go spouting on about the Amalgamates, right?” you said, anger flaring in your chest. It wasn’t fully yours, it wasn’t directed at Undyne. That was Gaster, who was glaring daggers at his brother.

Shit, you really needed to get a hold on whatever was going on with your SOULs. 

You sighed, your hands that had clenched slowly relaxing. “Look, this is way, way bigger than that. And I think it should be something we discuss. But it isn’t my secret.” you looked back at the Queen’s child, gaze softening. <It’s yours, Frisk.>

Frisk froze in their chair, looking absolutely _panicked_.

<Do you want Sans to tell them what you can do?>

<I don’t want to scare them like I scared you.> they signed anxiously.

<Will you keep your promise?>

<Yes.> Frisk seemed to pour as much earnest sincerity into that gesture as humanly possible.

You smiled encouragingly, <Then I think it will all be ok. Don’t you think your mom would want to know?> Frisk seemed indecisive. <She let you out of the Ruins, right? She let you go through the Underground. I think she knows just how strong you are, and knowing everything you went through won’t change that.>

<...Okay.> they finally agreed. 

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “Alright then.” 

“i need everyone here to swear on your SOULs what i tell you never leaves this room.” Sans said, the laid-back demeanor completely gone, his grin hard and his eyelights gravely dancing in his sockets as he looked at everyone gathered at the table. Seeing him this serious was still a chilling sight.

They each swore in turn, and every time a promise was made Sans’s eyelights turned to you to ensure they were being true. When you gave a final nod, he sat back in his chair.

Sans told everyone _everything._

His brother altering the Source Code.

Flowey’s and Frisk’s ability to SAVE and RESET.

Freeing Gaster from the void.

And your imminent fall back into it.

You were used to silences in the wake of revelations by now, you’d heard them too many times over in these last few months. But all those people in that room, coming to understand all that had happened, it felt more stifling than you could ever recall. Papyrus looked overwhelmingly piteous, Undyne unusually calm, Alphys like she was about to have a breakdown much like your own and Toriel...

She was so closed off you swore it was a different monster in her place than there had been all morning.

When she spoke it was with a calm that only centuries of experience could forge. “It would be best if we took a moment to process what has been learned. Perhaps tea would be beneficial for reflecting and calming. Alex, if you would join me in the kitchen?” she asked, standing from her chair.

You blinked owlishly, not expecting that. “Oh, uh, sure.” You weren’t about to tell a queen no. You found yourself on your feet in a moment, trailing your fingers over Gaster’s arm to reassure him. He was concerned, and you couldn’t tell if he worried about leaving you unsupervised or you leaving him to the others, alone. Probably the latter.

You trailed after the Queen, feeling more than ever like a kid in her towering presence. She hummed to herself as she pulled a kettle from the cupboards. “My child, would you mind terribly if I asked you to prepare the water? I shall gather the tea and cups. Many hands make quick work.” she said with a kindly smile as she handed you the empty kettle.

“Yeah it does.” you unthinkingly replied, and you wanted to smack yourself. Toriel just tittered, covering her muzzle behind a large furry paw. 

“Frisk has told me of your mate and his abilities. I am sure it comes in _handy._ ”

Your eyes boggled. Did the Queen of all monsters just _pun_ at you? You gave a little giggle that might have been a touch panicked at the lack of decorum, and you busied yourself with filling the vessel with water. Surprisingly, Toriel had fire magic that she used to heat it.

“They have also told me of your kindness. Especially towards your neighbors. I can assure you that your treatment of monsters is quite uncommon, to say nothing of choosing one as a romantic partner.”

You decided to leave that last part uncommented on, “I just treated monsters like, well, people. Because you are. It’s just basic decency.” You hadn’t gone out of your way to be kind to your clients, it was something closer to respect. Being fair. Every one of your customers was treated just the same, human and monster alike. It wasn’t something that should have been admirable, it was, just as you said, basic decency. The minimum of what should be expected.

She smiled almost knowingly. “I will speak on behalf of all monsters when I say it is appreciated nonetheless.” her smile grew sad, and that expression looked like it was all too commonly worn on her face, “I am also thankful to have a monster returned from the darkness, and sorry that it may come at your own expense. Please know that I will do whatever I can to aid you. It would be a great detriment to the world to have such a shining example lost.”

You peered up at her, cheeks stained with a blush and confusion in your gaze. 

“You and your mate are symbols of hope. You are evidence that monsters and humans can coexist. If there is love shared between our kinds, there is no barrier towards lasting peace. Such symbols should be protected.”

“Thanks.” you said, your throat feeling tight as you squeezed the word out. “Sorry for causing all this trouble.”

“Troubles will always come, my child. They are as inevitable as time itself.” her expression tightened, recalling the conversation that just occurred, “Ah, maybe that was not an appropriate turn of phrase.” The sad smile creeped back across her muzzle, and you felt yourself bracing for what she would say next.

“It is true then, that Frisk can send us back to the Underground, with no recollection of what has occured.”

You nodded.

“And Doctor Gaster is the cause of such a predicament, having wanted to gain such power for himself.”

“He’s sorry.” you said, feeling like that was nowhere near enough of an appeal. How could you possibly articulate that you could feel the depths of his remorse for yourself?

That strange link the two of you shared, the tie between your SOULs, you knew it was something rare. Unheardof even, if Gaster didn’t know what it was. You couldn’t explain it if asked, and for as much as you hated secrets, this thing between the two of you felt very personal. The only ones entitled to knowing it was still there, and stronger than ever, was you and him. 

“Are you going to punish him?” 

Queen Toriel sighed, looking every bit the ancient ruler, burdened by all the responsibility she bore, “Yes, but not at the present moment. Resolving your plight is my immediate concern, and Doctor Gaster will be required for that endeavor. A formal hearing and sentencing will take place after everything is settled.”

You nodded, feeling that was fair. You weren’t sure what you would do if the Queen decided to lock Gaster up, imprisoning him after he had just received his body and his freedom back. You would defend him, of course, testify on his behalf, but that would need to be a concern for later.

“I believe I can manage the rest. Could you please send Frisk in?” Toriel lightly requested, dismissing you.

“Sure.” you turned to leave, then paused. “Frisk is a really good kid.” you said quietly, “Of all the children to possibly be put in charge of the timelines, I’d pick them.”

Toriel smiled down at you with an expression you had never seen before; a mother’s pride.

* * *

The scene back at the table was tense to say the least, and Frisk looked all too eager to escape. 

“We should’ve left him in the void!” Undyne raged, her voice barely restrained. 

“i’m pretty sure i told you that.” Sans said, his feet propped up on the table and his hands locked together behind his head. Only his tense grin hinted that he was disgruntled.

“I FOR ONE AM THANKFUL THEY DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU SANS, YOU SHOULD BE GLAD WE HAVE OUR BROTHER BACK!” Pap said, hands on his hips.

“H-he c-can help us w-with the CORE,” Alphys argued, “Th-that would help with the humans.”

“Who cares about the humans! What good have they done for us anyways?”

“exactly.”

<Humans freed monsters.>

“What’s he saying?”

“THAT HUMANS FREED US.”

“We took their SOULs, humans didn’t do shit. They got us stuck down there to begin with!”

“THEY GAVE US NEW HOMES.”

“yeah, ‘cause it looks good on paper. you notice how we’re all rounded up and still practically under the mountain? you can even see it from here.”

“Forget the humans, he could have killed everyone!”

<But I did not, if you had killed Frisk we->

“What is he saying??”

“He’s saying you wouldn’t be here, Undyne, if he didn’t make that choice.” you cut in, all the assembled monsters turning to you. “If Frisk couldn’t SAVE when they met you, you would have killed them and given Asgore their SOUL to break the barrier. And if that happened, monsters and humans would likely be at war. You wouldn’t be sitting here with your girlfriend, you’d be on the frontlines and you’d probably be dead.”

Undyne’s yellow eye stared unblinkingly at you, and then she rose to her feet. Gaster did the same in turn, his eyelights going dark, a towering and menacing figure at your side. Your SOUL stirred in your chest as you felt her intent, her magic almost crackling around her.

“You want to run that by me again, punk?”

“Captain Undyne!” Toriel said, her voice a normal speaking volume, but her tone alone made everyone flinch. “What is the meaning of this?”

“She’s goading me, ma’am.” The fish monster sharply answered. Gaster began signing, his bones angrily clacking against each other. 

“‘She is INTEGRITY, she is only speaking the truth.’” You translated, “‘If the facts of our current situation upset you so severely that you must take it out on the messenger, perhaps you are ill-suited for Capti-’ Hey, no, that’s not fair, she just learned about RESETs.” you said, addressing Gaster, “Cut her a little slack.” You turned to Undyne, who looked like she was debating just how pissed she was supposed to be at you, “And you know I’m right. What Gaster did was pretty fucked up, but everything that’s happened so far, everyone being here on the Surface right now, is a direct result of his actions.” you couldn’t help but aim that last part at Sans, who’s brow bones lowered fractionally into what might have been a glare.

“Wh-what about y-you? Y-you’re d-d-d...” Alphys seemed unable to force the word out.

“Dying? Yeah, that’s my fault.” Gaster raised his hands to object and you anticipated it, almost without looking pushed his arm back down, “It really sucks, and I’m sorry for the fallout it’s caused-” Gaster squeezed your arm in reprimand at you _apologizing for dying_ (ok, fair, maybe that was a bit unnecessary), “-but I’d rather talk about what we can do to fix it. If you guys want to fix it.”

“WE WILL CERTAINLY DO OUR BEST TO HELP YOU!” Papyrus announced, and Frisk nodded in agreement.

“O-of course!” Alphys squeaked, and then nudged Undyne. The tall monster sighed, rolling her one eye.

“Ugh, fine, sure. I’m not a fan of your boyfriend, but you’re ok, nerd.”

All eyes gradually drifted to Sans, who had grown very quiet.

“My friend, will you not aid her?” Toriel spoke softly.

Sans sighed, his eye sockets closing. “do ya want me to, tori? ‘cause we both know if you ask, i’m not gonna say no.”

“I have always trusted your Judgement. I will leave it up to you to decide.”

You stared at Sans who’s eyes opened, white eyelights boring into you. 

How many times had he threatened you? How many times did he think you’d be better off dead? He probably considered this whole situation a godsend, here was the universe taking you off the board and punishing his brother all at the same stroke. All he had to do was let it happen, what were the chances that Gaster and Alphys figured out how to save you in time without his help? 

He sighed again, his grin slipping further into what you could actually call a frown, and he ran the fingers of his bones across his skull. 

“alright. i’ll help ya, pal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [I Found by Amber Run](https://youtu.be/szJQ0d7WOZ8)
> 
> \---
> 
> Years and years ago, I took a first aid class and they explained how you could perform an emergency tracheotomy with a pen. I was fairly certain someone would die in my care before I could bring myself to stab somebody in the throat with a writing utensil.
> 
> You better bet your ass Dr. Gaster would have zero hesitation doing that gory shit. To save your life, of course. For monsters, forcibly removing a SOUL from someone is _highly_ taboo, and he really couldn’t have cared less.
> 
> Also:  
> Alex, in the customer service industry: I am sorry for any inconvenience dying may have caused.
> 
> Gaster: What the F-{Windows error noises}
> 
> Sorry for the late chapter again (I 100% blame Sans and his rambling). Please check out my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) where I will keep you posted on updates, and you can take a look at the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter (including the Sans chapters!)💙
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	27. Crystals

_Lost in skies of powdered gold_

_Caught in clouds of silver ropes_

_Showered by the empty hopes_

_As I tumble down, falling fast to the ground_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You had never been to Mount Ebott before.

It had always loomed over your city, a constant feature of the background, but the ominous feeling you and many other humans perceived when looking upon it had long kept you at bay.

That ended today, with all your essentials packed into a duffle bag slung over your shoulder as you cast one last glance about your apartment. Would this be the last time you ever saw it?

You felt a weight lifting off your shoulder as Gaster took your bag and put it on his, the strap adjusted so it would not slide off his bones.

“Thanks.” you said, smiling, and he inclined his head before leading you out the door, one large hand pressed to the small of your back. You’d had another “episode” where you lost connection with your body and your magic, and it was only Gaster’s quickly summoned hands that prevented you from hitting the ground as your body once again fell like a sack of potatoes. He made sure you were very much within reach at all times after that.

You could feel his helpless terror, and that hurt more than anything happening to you to see him in such distress. This whole sojourn you were about to embark on was to correct this mess you’d gotten yourself into, he’d fix your SOUL and then you’d be back, and he would be here with you, and everything would be _fine._ With a flick of magic curled around your fingers you locked the deadbolt on the other side of the door, and for some reason the resounding click of the bolt sliding into place held an air of finality. 

Papyrus was waiting for you at the front of the apartment building, his shiny red convertible roaring and ready to go, waving for your attention as you descended the stairs with a broad smile (as if there was some other skeleton driving a car you might mistake him for). Your bags were tossed in the trunk and you called, “Shotgun!” sliding into the front seat next to Papyrus. Gaster looked utterly confused, and wordlessly arranged his long limbs over the back seats.

“I’ve never been in a convertible before.” you commented with a grin.

“IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO OWN ONE. TO DRIVE DOWN THE HIGHWAY WITH THE WIND IN MY HAIR.” you giggled and he turned to you with an exuberant smile, “NOW MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE!”

Papyrus pulled out of the parking spot only after verifying all of his passengers were securely buckled up, smoothly pulling away and departing Ebott Springs. You watched with fascination as he deftly shifted through the gears of the manual transmission, having never seen something like it besides movies. Also pulling your gaze was the landscape rolling by. It was beautiful, the meadows and the forests streaming wide and wildly by as you climbed the mountainside, the road switchbacking up towards the entrance of the Underground.

You spared a glance at the foreboding mountain peak, an amusing thought occurring to you and a mad giggle escaping your lips.

Gaster caught the sound, or the whisper of your amusement, and tapped your shoulder to draw your attention.

<What is it?>

“Nothing, it’s just...the mountain is cursed, yeah?”

“IT IS?” Papyrus asked, raising a brow bone but keeping his eyes firmly on the road.

“Yeah, all humans know that. Anyone who climbs the mountain disappears. It’s like the Aokigahara, the Suicide Forest in Japan. If you’re going to climb the mountain, you’re climbing it because you’re...” you swallowed past a knot in your throat, “You’re going to die. Just kinda funny, with everything...” you trailed off, realizing what was amusing in your head was really macabre when spoken aloud, “Sorry, that’s pretty damn dark.” You didn’t need to meet Gaster’s eyelights to know he was wearing a very troubled expression.

“MAYBE YOU ARE HERE TO BREAK THE CURSE.” Papyrus offered.

“Huh?”

“FRISK CAME UP HERE, AND THEY HELPED BREAK THE BARRIER.” Papyrus continued, and your heart clenched at the thought of little Frisk climbing this mountain alone. You didn’t want to consider what could drive a kid to do that, or any of the other fallen, “MAYBE YOU ARE HERE TO BREAK THE CURSE, A DYING HUMAN WHO CLIMBS THE MOUNTAIN AND COMES BACK DOWN ALIVE AND WELL!”

“Yeah, maybe. Thanks Pap.” you said with a soft smile.

* * *

It was a little under an hour to reach the guard station towards the end of the road, but even that short amount of time with beautifully distracting scenery, the roaring wind, and the afternoon sun bright in your eyes, you somehow managed to fall asleep. Gaster gently nudged you awake and you stirred, tiredly taking stock of your new surroundings. The station consisted of little more than a booth and a small hut, behind it several office trailers. Inside the booth was a large dog monster in the same armor as Undyne, and a human wearing a military uniform who began approaching the car. Tension echoed through your SOUL, melding with Gaster’s anxieties. Toriel had permitted Papyrus to transport you and Gaster up to the entrance so your presence wasn’t entirely unexpected, but seeing an armed human had you both ill-at-ease. Gaster certainly did not trust your kind, and you hadn’t been having the best experiences with your fellow man of late.

Papyrus was as cheerful as ever, and it was for the best he was doing the talking, chatting about the lovely weather while providing all the necessary documentation to the human soldier. You could scarcely imagine how anyone couldn’t become immediately enamored with the cinnamon roll of a skeleton. The human’s gaze was trained on you next, hardly giving you a passing glance before he examined Gaster who had perfected an air of flawless indifference. After a few moments studying the documents within the confines of the booth, he came back, returning the paperwork to Papyrus and waving your party through.

“I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that he didn’t even give me a second look.” you said, turning in your seat towards Gaster.

<Why would he? You are about as innocent-looking as humans come.> he signed with a smirk.

“Yeah, but that’s because he doesn’t know I could disarm him and fire his gun on him with my magic if I wanted to.”

“WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO SUCH A THING?” Papyrus yelled, aghast.

“I wouldn’t! But that’s kinda my point. They don’t know humans have magic like that, and there are some really bad humans out there. How long until they find out? How many other mages have to be out there, ya know?”

<I have a theory that mages only come about when exposed to monster magic. Both yourself and Frisk were unable to unleash your abilities until you met us, and it would explain how humans forgot how to tap into their latent magic once monsters were forced Underground.>

“So what, we keep humans and monsters segregated?” you asked. That didn’t seem feasible. 

<Or perhaps only allow trusted humans into our ranks.>

Your brows knit together as you pondered that. It might have been a short-term solution, but if monsters wanted to be a part of society on the Surface, citizenship and all, they’d have to interact with the more populous humans. 

“Maybe...I think Toriel should know about that theory of yours.” 

Before long, the paved road gave way to gravel, and within moments the entrance to the Underground came into view, the portal a grand archway that led into the darkness of the mountain.

* * *

Entering the once-home of the monsters felt a lot like entering a crypt. Every footstep echoed, the sounds bouncing about unimpeded, mingling with whispers of souls long since gone trailing along your senses. Magic was omnipresent, felt the second you stepped foot inside despite no monsters being here, save for the one beside you. Only traces of activity remained; footprints of boots in soft soil, discarded wrappers from soldiers or scientists who had come here to learn about the CORE. The Underground was still firmly the dominion of monsters, even if none lived here anymore, and any humans who were allowed in were but guests, strictly regulated ones at that. Toriel had ordered every last human to leave the Underground until you were rescued or you fell. Preferably the former, considering how bad the optics would be for monsters if you died.

Gaster led you through the castle in which Asgore once lived, your fingers entwined with his as your head swiveled about to observe as much as possible. _This_ had been what you had imagined when you envisioned the seat of monster royalty; A palace consisting of towering structures built of pale stone, though perhaps not a garden in the throne room. Eventually through winding corridors and walkways eerily abandoned you found yourself in a grand hallway supported by huge columns.

The hall was bathed in soft light from stained-glass windows bearing the monsters’ sigil, crystalline structures outside illuminating the polished stone floor. You understood now how Gaster could see so well in the dark when your human eyes could not; Everything in the Underground, even at its brightest, could only be called dim in comparison to the sunlight of the Surface. The room’s color scheme was entirely warm tones, oranges and yellows and gold, but you felt an odd chill looking upon it.

“What is this place?” you asked in hushed tones. It seemed sanctified, like something of great importance would happen only here. 

<The Hall of Judgement, where SOULs are Judged.>

Before you could ask, a buzz in the air made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, and your magic flared to life, an automatic reaction to the coalescing disruption in reality that was unsettlingly familiar. 

“heya pa-- _grck_!”

Your magic grappled Sans the second he appeared behind you, and you whirled around to face him, blue flames coiling about your outstretched hand. 

“Huh, guess you _can_ force-choke a skeleton, good to know.”

Sans wore a look of surprise for but a moment before his left eyelight flashed a blue and yellow ring and he easily shoved off your magical hold.

“not bad, pal.” he said with a wheezing chuckle, unphased. 

“Will you quit trying to scare me now?” you asked, fiercely. 

He shrugged in lieu of a proper response, “only when it stops bein’ amusing. gotta admit it’s funnier when you scream.” 

Gaster’s anger flickered through your SOUL like a tongue of flame, and he wore an incensed look to match. Heedless of anyone’s ire, Sans’s easygoing false grin was back in place and he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking you up and down appraisingly. “wonder what it might have been like if it were you down here.” he mused aloud, “i doubt INTEGRITY would have been covered in dust walking into this place.”

“I probably wouldn’t have made it this far.”

“probably.” he echoed in agreement.

“Why are you here?” you asked, and Sans side-eyed you.

“so you _don’t_ want my help getting out of the void?”

“I do, I meant why are you _here._ ”

<We were not aware you were escorting us to the lab.> Gaster elaborated, no more enamored with his brother’s presence than you were.

“heh, can’t blame you for not wantin’ a third wheel. i just wanted to have a little chat, i’ve got some bad news for you two. c’mon, let's check out your new digs.” With that, Sans and his pink slippers shuffled off down the hall, you and Gaster frowned at each other in mutual confusion before silently following after him.

<Something happened between you and him while I was gone.> Gaster noted after a moment. 

Clever skeleton. _Lots of somethings._

<Yes.> you signed behind Sans’s back.

He looked at you expectantly.

<You won’t like it. I’ll tell you after.> _When I’m not dying._

He wasn’t happy with your answer, but he was also not in a very good position to complain.

Leaving Asgore’s home the three of you walked down the cobbled streets of the deserted capital lined with looming buildings. The barren monster metropolis was unsettling, and you found yourself clinging closer to Gaster’s side, eyes wandering over empty and dark windows of countless homes. You could feel the residual magic of hundreds of monsters all crammed into such close quarters, like spirits that lingered, each speaking a different tongue, a pervasive white noise in the background. As you passed a street, both skeletons turned to look at a row of houses, one in particular drawing their gaze, and you felt a sort of longing that was difficult to place. Nostalgia, you realized after a moment. Eventually your party made it to an elevator, the scent of ozone increasing the further down you went. 

As you exited the elevator you entered a paneled hallway, wiring and lights and circuits lining the walkway. The air was charged with structured magic, an oscillating current that electrified everything and felt strangely reminiscent of Gaster’s signature. Said monster kept moving, gently tugging you along as you stared in distracted amazement. 

“This is the CORE?” You walked along a catwalk, pausing to peer down at the vast machine whose innards you were walking through. Steam shrouded much of the area below your feet, but you could see more circuits and glowing lights. It was _huge._

<Yes.> Gaster signed with one hand, his other wrapped tightly around yours as you neared the edge. He was impatient to move on, guiding you back down the walkway.

“You made _all_ of this?” you asked in marvelment. 

“he had some help.” Sans said with just a touch of bitterness, and you fell into subdued silence while the three of you boarded yet another elevator. This time sulfur and heat suffused the air as you descended, and as the doors rolled open you got your first view of Hotland. 

The magic was thicker here, and less...organized. It wasn’t monster magic, it was older and wilder, primeval and pooling just like the lava that ran at the base of the massive caldera. You felt like you could breathe it in, like you could wallow in it and let it infuse your SOUL. It was obvious to you magic was much stronger in the Underground, but here it's currents flowed freer than anywhere else you'd journeyed so far.

You’d like it better if it wasn’t so damn _hot._

“Whoever named this place did a good job.” you said, already feeling sweat prickle your brow and bead along the back of your neck.

“heh, i think that’s the first time anyone’s ever complimented asgore’s naming ability. i still feel bad for that one kid.”

<It isn’t far from here, the lab will be much cooler.> Gaster signed, squeezing your hand reassuringly. Hopefully yours didn’t feel too clammy against his bones.

“How come you guys aren’t sweating?” you accused as your trek continued.

“we’re skeletons.” Sans said in a deadpan, like you were an idiot.

“Yeah, and I’ve seen you sweat before. And produce tears and breathe, which still makes no freaking sense, you don’t have lungs...”

“i thought you would have unloaded all your theories on her by now.” Sans grinned up at his brother.

<I have been rather indisposed.> Gaster signed, his lip curing slightly into a delicate sneer.

“fair. well i’ll spoil it for you; ‘dings thinks we came from humans.”

<Share a common ancestor.> Gaster corrected with an irritated frown.

“you ever notice how there are lots of monsters that look like animals, but no dog skeleton monsters, or bunny skeleton monsters?” You nodded, fascinated, “‘dings thinks it’s ‘cause whatever magic made the first skeleton monster, it came from humans. and these bones seem to remember what it was like. so we cry and sweat and breathe, not ‘cause we have to, it just comes natural.”

<It may also serve as a form of non-verbal communication. Emoting with no flesh can be nuanced, and hearing a sigh or seeing tears may have served an important social function in our early history.>

“Are there other skeletons around then?”

“not anymore, pal. haven’t been too many of us after the war. since our folks kicked the bucket, it’s just been us three. maybe two and a half, since wingdingus here went on his void vacation.”

<You were always so clever with numbers, Sans, surely it must be closer to 2.95 since my return.> Gaster gestured with a hollow hand.

The brothers’ banter was interrupted as you approached a large white building, helpfully labeled, “LAB”. 

Both skeletons seemed to hesitate outside the front doors, their footsteps slowing. You were the impatient one now, eager to get out of the heat and as you strode closer the doors slid open to admit your party. A rush of cool air spilled over your skin as you walked inside, much to your relief, the scent it carried rather sterile. The open area just beyond the entrance consisted of two levels, a hallway splitting off to your right, and beside it yet another elevator. The color scheme was some hideous 70’s era green paint and blue tiled flooring, and what equipment you could see was a cobbled-together mishmash of monster and old human technology. Sans walked forward towards the lone elevator, waving a card key in front of a keypad to open the doors.

“last one.” Sans said as you piled in. Gaster was looking particularly stone-faced, tension rolling around his SOUL as the doors slid shut and the elevator lowered yet deeper into the Underground.

As you stepped out into the foyer, the light of lower level much weaker than the one above, you were overcome with _dread_. Your legs locked up and you froze with fear, your breath seized in your lungs. Bad magic happened here, bad things, slithering in the shadows, tainted and twisted, writhing and _wrong, this is all wrong!_

Gaster quickly turned to you, a hand gently pressed to your cheek as you started trembling, <It’s fine, please breathe, don’t panic.>

“what the fuck is up with the two of you?” Sans asked, eyelights sharp and shrewd points, “you weren’t even lookin’ at her.”

<I don’t know.> Gaster signed towards Sans acerbically, and proceeded to ignore him, his attention back on you. <It is just latent magic, echoes of what happened. Magic clings here in the Underground, and the residual of what happened here is still very fresh. It cannot harm you, eventually you will learn to tune it out.>

“We’re staying _here_?” you said quietly, trying to still your quaking. You felt unclean, like you needed a shower to scrub this awful feeling from your skin.

<Yes. Sans cannot teleport you and this is where we must conduct our work. I promise you will be safe. Please, trust me?> he offered you an outstretched hand.

“Okay.” you whispered, your fingers interlocking into a familiar pattern with his. You felt his relief that even after everything, you would still trust in him. He guided you forward, sparing a glance at Sans who was intensely watching. 

“how long has that been goin’ on?”

Gaster looked down at you questioningly, feeling much as you did; Sans had no right to know, but what use was there in hiding it now? He must have suspected something was amiss after the heated discussion at Toriel’s house. You gave Gaster a small nod.

<Since I returned.>

“so you can tell what she’s feeling?”

<And vice versa.>

Sans’s browbones raised, “that’s...kinda lewd.” he chuckled.

“What?” you sputtered in confusion. 

“nothin, pal, don’t worry about it.” Sans replied a little too casually with a wave of his hand, walking down the hallway.

How could you not? You glanced up at Gaster who was flushing faintly.

<Later.> he subtly signed, and you frowned, allowing him to lead you further into the lower level of the lab.

This place was creepy as fuck. Not just the twisted magical traces that made your skin crawl, or the barely existent lighting that cast deep shadows into every corner, but the layout and the sterile tile and drywall looked like this place was the filming location of a horror movie. 

<We did not consider ambiance when it was built.> Gaster signed, catching the emotions of your thoughts as you glanced around, <Our focus was elsewhere. Try to see it as something utilitarian.>

You wiggled your hand free of his, <I see it as a terrible place to spend my last weeks alive.> you signed with sharp cutting motions.

<...I’m sorry.> he replied woefully, radiating remorse.

You didn’t intend to guilt-trip him, and with a sigh you reached out to hold his hand once more, “Me too. I’m just...” Tired. Frustrated. Upset. Angry. It wasn’t fair! None of it was, you shouldn’t be here, this shouldn’t be happening to you!

<I know.> he calmly signed, and you knew that much was true. Sharing your SOULs was beyond weird. To feel something inside you that was not your own, to have that deep sanctity of your private feelings always laid bare for the other to see with impunity was deeply troubling at times.

But then there were times like these, when your felt too much to put into words, when your chest ached from everything so pent up inside you, when you wanted to lash out, or run away, or hide, and you could do exactly none of those things, there was a measure of peace in knowing that someone knew _precisely_ what you were going through.

And you knew that he loved you, that love etched into the core of your being, written in silver threads that tied you together.

* * *

You and Gaster picked an old store room in the back of the lab as a makeshift bedroom. There was a large cot in the corner that was suspiciously Gaster-sized, and he shrugged, hastily signing <For late nights.> as he resumed moving old equipment out. You levitated two beds from the main area (and tried not to think of the Fallen Down monsters who once rested upon them) into the newly vacated corner of the room under Gaster’s careful supervision. He didn’t like you expending more magic than you had to, but he very well couldn’t stop you either. You settled the beds so they were pressed together, side by side so there was plenty of room for the two of you to stretch out between them. There was no objection to the arrangement from him, unspoken or otherwise. Like hell you were sleeping alone down here.

Sans teleported into the hallway just outside your room, hanging in the doorway. You realized he could have been _inside_ the room if he were so inclined, but either you had scared him off from that attempt or...it might have been very unlikely, but he might have made an effort to not be rude for once. “if you kiddos are done setting up your slumber party, i got something to show you.” he said, pointing with a thumb back to the main area.

A large machine was now stationed there, the sight of it making apprehension jolt through Gaster’s SOUL.

<What is that doing here? I thought it was destroyed?>

“i’ve been keeping it safe and locked away. couldn’t let it fall into some other megalomaniac’s hands.” Sans flipped a switch and the machine began emitting a very strange sort of magic you had never felt before, one that gave Sans a visceral reaction; His eyelights wavered in his sockets and a visible shiver ran through his bones. “fuckin’ hate this thing...” he muttered lowly. Gaster’s anxiety was now tainted with guilt as well, and it made you realize just what you were looking at.

“This is what you used to re-write the Source Code.” you said, staring at the device that was your boyfriend and his brother’s undoing.

“yup.” Sans said tonelessly, inputting several lines of commands into a console, “hey ‘dings, about how long does she have until she falls?” 

<...Nineteen and half days, plus or minus two days.>

Fuck, that was morbid.

“uh huh. you wanna look at this?” Sans stepped back and pointed to the screen, and you stepped closer, squinting through your old glasses while Gaster leaned in from behind you, examining the readout.

There was a red line tracing along the screen that suddenly cut out to black.

<...That’s impossible.> Gaster stepped closer, his long phalanges rapidly typing out commands, the character all wingdings and unreadable to you.

“Uh, what’s going on?” you asked Sans while Gaster furiously typed.

The shorter skeleton’s grin was rigid as he turned to you.

“the timeline’s going to end.” he said, placidly.

Panic twisted your stomach into knots. “You mean a RESET?”

“nope. no LOADs, no RESETs. just-” he lifted a hand from his pocket, snapping his fingers. “poof, gone.”

“H-how??” Sans’s calm was not assuaging your rising terror. Gaster continued typing, as if somehow he would find something in the lines of cryptic characters to refute Sans’s words.

“i dunno.”

“...What the fuck. You don’t know!? And why didn’t you bring any of this up earlier?”

“i didn’t want to get everyone all worried.” he replied with a shrug, “armageddon tends to do that to people.”

“But you told them about RESETs!” you screeched.

“yeah, i took a bit of a calculated risk there. your boyfriend knows all about those, doesn’t he?” Sans said with a wink. Who knew a wink could be so malicious. “the way i figure it, the timeline ends, and nothing i do matters. or it continues, and the air is already cleared so i don’t lose my mind trying to keep secrets you seem so set on spilling. there was no way to explain how ‘dings got here unless everyone knew how he fell to begin with, at least not without lying. i didn’t think you’d like that much, INTEGRITY.”

You glared at the skeleton, unbidden your magic licking up your fingers. As usual, he was unmoved by your display. God, you hated Sans.

“i didn’t want to keep this secret from you either. i saw this coming months ago, the day we first met, actually. for a while there i thought it was you doing it, ‘dings. that’s what i was tryin’ to tell you guys that one night. well, turns out i was wrong then, but i think i found who actually is to blame here.” 

Gaster stopped typing, his eye sockets wide as his eyelights shifted to look down at you, small as pinpoints. Cold crept into your SOUL.

“heh, hello little anomaly.” Sans intoned as his eyelights gazed at you, grin tight and dark, “you thinking of taking everyone down with you?”

* * *

You hated being INTEGRITY sometimes. It must have been easier to be Patience or Kindness. To accept a pretty lie if the truth were too bitter. But that wasn’t you. It was antithetical to all that you were. The problem was, when you dug down into the roots, when you unearthed the Truth, it could be an ugly, gnarled, nasty thing. A dark misguided past. A terrible mistake. 

The end of the world. 

...At your hands.

  
  


_How the fuck was that even possible!?_

There were no answers to be coaxed out of Sans. He truly didn’t know, he’d just laid out all the facts out on the table, leaving Gaster to pace about while muttering to himself and you to shake in terror.

The facts were your fall and the end of the timeline coincided.

“full disclosure, this is the second time i’ve seen this.” Sans mentioned after you collapsed onto a nearby rolling chair, your knees tucked to your chest as you curled up on yourself, “frisk took care of the last anomaly and RESET after it killed everyone, myself included.” Sans rubbed his ribcage through his hoodie, “let me tell you, dying really sucks, pal.”

“Thanks for that.” you spat.

“no problem. look, maybe this thing is wrong again, maybe it isn’t, but whatever we do has to be done pretty fuckin’ carefully. no offense pal, but if it’s between letting you fall or risking the timeline, the choice is pretty clear.”

<Or allowing her to Fall may be the cause.> Gaster quickly argued.

“yeah, or using frisk’s DETERMINATION to free her causes it, or when we pull her out we rip open a hole into a new dimension with reality-eating void bunnies or some shit. point is, this is playing with fire and we can’t just plow on ahead without considering consequences.” That last bit was clearly aimed at Gaster. The taller skeleton’s eye sockets narrowed, but he did not respond, only resuming his pacing.

Maybe it was the morbid direction your thoughts had gone lately, but there was a third option that presented itself. 

“What if I...you know...expired _before_ I fell.”

Gaster stopped dead in his tracks and growled out low, forceful word that you didn’t need to understand wingdings to comprehend.

**_No._ **

<Absolutely not.> he reiterated resolutely in sign, <That is not up for discussion. That is _not_ an option.> Gaster was glaring at you at the mere suggestion, his eyelights shifting to Sans, expression deepening into a scowl as he noticed his brother looking distractedly contemplative.

“yeah, he’s right.” Sans eventually said, lifting his head up, “same deal with a RESET. who knows what the kid would do differently, and if we’d even manage to get lucky enough to break the barrier twice.”

“You’d rather chance the end of everything instead of living Underground again?” your tone incredulous. You didn’t want a RESET, but surely it was better than destroying everything?

“what we did down here wasn’t livin’.” he replied, giving you a sad smile, “yeah, i’d rather take a chance at oblivion if it means i get a new tomorrow.” 

* * *

Gaster urged you into bed after the conversation turned fruitless, noting the late hour (how he knew the time when there was no sun flummoxed you). You changed into your pajamas and while he tried to remain unobtrusive as you went about your nightly routine in this strange, new, and _creepy_ environment, he still wouldn’t allow you out of his sight. 

“You’re not gonna join me?” you said as you crawled into one of the beds, trying to keep your tone light and teasing but, _stars_ , your mood was so low it sounded wooden instead. He shut the door to the room with a conjured hand and sat near you on the edge of the bed, shaking his head. 

<No. There is too much to do first.> He reached out to briefly run his phalanges through your hair, <Will you be ok?>

The question was asked gently, but felt so patronizing at the implication; _You are weak._ Your temper ignited in an instant and you tried your best to extinguish it, _knowing_ you were being irrational, but you could clearly read from his discouraged expression you did not quell it quickly enough to avoid his detection. Your eyes fell down to your lap where your fidgeting hands rested. “I’ll be fine. I haven’t had any nightmares since this started.” you glanced up at him abashedly, “I’m worrying you again.”

He nodded, not bothering to deny it, <I am not going to lose you. I _will_ correct this.> he insisted, <Therefore I never want to hear you talk about-> disquiet flitted over his face and through his SOUL, <You’ve been speaking as if you consider yourself expendable.>

“Well, Sans is right,” as usual, the prick, “If it’s between me or the timeline, the choice is obvious. I’m just trying to see it as something utilitarian.” you calmly repeated his words from earlier. Hurt ruptured through your SOUL and you winced at that staggering amount of pain you could perceive, frustration hot on its heels. Followed by disbelief and fear and sorrow. _Fuck,_ how could he feel so much at once? 

He groaned lowly, pressing his hands to his head. Shit, why did you say that? Did you have to throw his own words back at him like that? “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” the lie stuck in your throat, of course you meant it, but he merely shook his head again. 

<Please stop apologizing,> he finally signed after lifting his head from his hands, <It is simply that I am finding my own words are terribly bitter pills to swallow.> You cringed guilty, but he hastily began signing an explanation, <You misunderstand, I expressed a very similar sentiment to Sans before I fell; That my potential death was worth risking.>

His long arms reached for you, pulling you onto his lap and you leaned into the solid mass of his bones as he held you. Summoned hands trailed down your arms, brushed against your legs, like he’d just been waiting to touch your bare skin until he had you alone again. Like he might not get the chance to do so later. He looked down at you, his eyelights holding a very different sort of exhaustion than what your body felt. <Please learn from my mistake.>

“But your fall did ultimately free the monsters.” you argued.

<And it brought an unimaginable amount of pain to those closest to me because I refused to consider another path. I was reckless.> He kissed the crown of your head and you could sense his desperation. 

<Stay with me.>

How many times had you asked that of him? Of course he would use your words against you. 

<Promise me you will stay.>

“I will.” you whispered. Your hand reached for his, your thumb brushing over his hard bones, tracing familiar patterns along his phalanges as you rested your head against his shoulder. That link that tethered you to him settled like a resolved chord into something quiet and comforting, the tension that had been strung through it easing in this calm moment. 

It came to an end when you yawned and he slowly released you, prompting you to lay down and rest. “Please don’t stay up too late. Working yourself to dea--too hard won’t help anything.” He gave you a chiding smirk at your slip-up, but agreed readily enough.

His fingers once again carded through your hair, working their magic to easing you towards the shores of sleep. Working in opposition the background noises of the lab were unsettling, humming of the ventilation systems, buzzing of electro-magical conduits, and the ever-present white noise of twisted magic. It would have been nice to cover it up with some music--

“I forgot my speaker.” you murmured the sudden realization. It was probably lost in the chaos of the last few days. 

A series of sounds came from Gaster. No, not sounds, a _song._ He was humming. He might have not been able to sing in words you could understand, but he was fully capable of wordless notes at least, and rather good at keeping in-tune. It sounded like an old, old song, likely a monster one, but you recognized the message the simple melody painted.

A slow strain sung to oneself on a lonely, long road, or to friends at the end of a grueling night, or to children fearing what darkness might bring. Something hopeful to soothe the SOUL, to promise better times ahead, in spite of the hardships of today. 

The deep and quiet notes weaving through the dark were the last things you could remember as you fell into a restless, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Crystals by Of Monsters And Men](https://youtu.be/XUClIslXKZo)
> 
> \---
> 
> It’s been a while since I’ve been Underground, I hope you liked reminiscing with me.
> 
> I also missed you guys, it feels like it's been a hot minute.💙
> 
> Please check out my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) where I now have a posting schedule, and you can take a look at the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter.
> 
> As always, stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	28. The Beauty Surrounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning in the end notes. It does contain spoilers.

_I'm following the wind and_

_Singing all my hymns in the dark_

_And when I shake your shadow from the trees_

_There's a color in your eyes that_

_Nobody knows but me_

_All my love_

_Is circling the drain now_

_All my love_

_Won't bring you back to me_

_Oh my God_

_I'm wasting away_

_Pulled flowers at my feet_

_Lost in the wind_

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Eighteen days.

...

Eighteen days until you died. 

And the timeline possibly ended.

Technically it was about 443 hours with a 5% margin of error. Numbers were so indifferent to your plight when laid out in a colorful little spreadsheet.

What the hell had your life come to? It seemed like your first encounter with a monster (BP, in the breezeway when you first moved into Ebott Springs) was but a scant few days ago. Now here you were, _months_ later, dragging your exhausted and mussed form through a creepy-ass, wanly lit hallway deep in the Underground, following a pull on your SOUL to a monster who was working in a desperate bid to save you from falling into the void.

You could feel it more keenly now, this slow acting poison that was splitting you in two. You existed mostly in reality, but vital parts of you were being slowly dragged into the void, your essence ripped apart like tissue paper. Your SOUL didn’t _hurt_ exactly, but there was a feeling reminiscent of when Gaster tore out your SOUL, or Soul Burn; something very wrong, _diseased_ inside you. When drawn out for a quick examination you could see the blight of black spreading through luminous blue.

You couldn’t look for too long. Something about seeing the core of your being consumed and tainted was unsettling on a level you had never experienced before. And considering everything you’d lived through, that was saying something.

You entered the main area of the lab and cast your gaze about the room, noting the presence of Frisk and Flowey, the sight of your friends giving you some much needed elation. Gaster had already looked up from his conversation with Alphys to meet your eyes, sensing your presence before anyone else. He hastened over to you in long, purposeful and graceful strides, his hand resting upon your shoulder while he summoned a spare to sign with. 

<You should have called for me, it’s dangerous having you up and about. How do you feel?>

You responded to frequently repeated question with a flat look.

<Tired.> he supplied. You had to bite back a more biting retort, instead nodding. Oh how much more simmered under the surface and you had to fight to keep reigned in. Reading your disquiet, Gaster pulled over a chair for you, along with your laptop.

<Here, sit, we may run through the usual exam while we wait for Sans.>

“Where is he?” you asked, realizing the middle skeleton brother was decidedly missing.

“H-he s-said he’d be h-here soon.” Alphys said, walking over with the two kids. Flowey was frowning disapprovingly as he silently looked you over. Was it really that bad? Already?

<Leave it to my brother to be late. As if this wasn’t of the utmost importance.> It was impressive how bitter he could make those signs with angry flicking motions, sensed even without the benefit of feeling Gaster’s soured mood. 

Alphys let out a strange sigh with a maudlin smile (Flowey responded by gagging in exaggeration, which everyone pointedly ignored), and you raised an eyebrow at Gaster.

He caught your gaze meaningfully, and some sort of understanding passed between you.

_She doesn’t know._

Alphys misinterpreted Gaster’s sentiment as a purely romantic one, not understanding the fate of the timeline was also strung in the balance. You very briefly shifted your gaze to Frisk and Flowey and a silent question formed.

_Do they?_

You got an unspoken response.

_No._

Your dour look deepened into a frown, ire stirring in your SOUL and solidifying onto a wordless concept, a more idea than concretely defined thought, but a form of contempt Gaster could understand.

_I hate secrets._

A placating sort of remorse was sent back.

_I know._

You thought back to what Sans said, about unnecessarily worrying others, and you huffed a frustrated sigh through your nose, but said nothing. He’d been right about so much before, you’d follow his lead this time, albeit loathingly. 

Gaster typed into your laptop while you chatted with Frisk and Flowey about the goings-on of their lives on the Surface in your absence until a buzz in the air caught your attention. “Finally.” you murmured as Sans’s magic coalesced into being, the rest of him a second later.

The tardy skeleton was wearing a lab coat that was almost comically too long on his short frame, the bottom hem dragging along the ground. 

“g‘morning kiddos. ready to get started?” he drawled.

<We have been ready for the last thirty minutes, where have you been?>

Sans handed Gaster a mug that, based on the smell of the curling wisps of steam, could only contain coffee. “you’re welcome.”

Gaster accepted it with a growled, begrudging word you didn’t understand.

“so, to start off, i’ve run it by tori and we’ve decided i’m goin’ to be in charge of this operation.” Sans announced, taking a loud, slurping sip from his own mug (bearing a stylized femur and the words “bone appetit!”)

There was a beat of silence and then another word was ground out by Gaster. This one you did know:

[What!?]

“B-but I’m R-Royal Scientist...” Alphys very weakly argued.

“alright, show of hands, who here hasn’t caused irreparable harm to the timeline and/or other monsters.” Sans pointedly raised his hand, staring the two other scientists down who were in stunned motionlessness. “oh, would you look at that. guess that makes me the boss.”

Gaster was suddenly on his feet, towering over Sans, a boney finger stabbed into the short skeleton’s sternum, <Is this a game to you? Alex is _dying_ and you want to use this as some power grab->

Sans’s hand lifted, illuminated with blue light, and your eyes went wide as you felt him reach for your boyfriend’s SOUL.

You were faster.

Your own magic blazed in being, and you performed the equivalent of slapping Sans’s hand away, his magic battered aside before it could take hold. The invisible currents of your power coiled around you, flames hissing and spitting like snakes poised to strike if he tried _anything._ Your eyes were wide, teeth bared, one hand outstretched, fingers curled and burning with Blue Magic, the other clenched into a white-knuckled fist. The intent of your magic, _malicious_ and biting churned palpably around you like a chainsaw.

Everyone seemed rather stunned at the display, Alphys trembling. 

_Good,_ you thought. The message couldn’t be more clear; _No one_ touches Gaster without going through you. He’d already been hurt saving you once, and you had decided long ago such a thing would never come to pass again so long as you could help it.

“heh, forgot about your mage guard dog.” he shrugged, unmoved by your brandished magic, looking back at Gaster, “sit down, bro. i’m not here to rub your face in anything. we both know i’m the most familiar with the mechanics of the void, and let’s face it, i’m the least desperate and the least likely to do something risky. if you want my help, this is how you’re gonna get it.”

You felt Gaster’s rage.

And for as high strung as you were in the moment, his fury eclipsed anything you could muster yourself. In him you sensed something that ran far deeper and far _colder_ than what you could manifest. 

And deep down under that icy wrath you sensed there was a seed of truth in Sans’s implication.

Gaster would willingly risk ripping apart the timeline to save you, the horrifying realization dawning in cold and crystal clarity. 

Your magic dissipated in a shower of blue sparks, a tension that had bunched up in your shoulders loosening, your arm lowering as you stood down, an unspoken consent of the bid for command at play here.

Sans’s perma-grin widened fractionally as Gaster’s eyelights shifted over towards you, disbelief pouring through his SOUL.

Stars, how in the world could he think you were worth risking _existence?_

“we good?” Sans asked, elevating his brow bones, “we have quite a few problems and not a lot of time to be wasting here.”

You nodded resolutely, a meaningful gaze aimed at Gaster, and you felt his outrage relent slightly as he sat down heavily and rumbled some sort of affirmative reply.

“alright, about time.”

You still wanted to punch the fucker. 

“so first off, we can’t just do a switch-a-roo with your SOULs again. no offense bro, but your SOUL is nowhere near as shiny a prize as a human’s, _especially_ INTEGRITY here.” you looked up at Sans questioningly, “you’ve got a rare amount of magic, alex, as you just demonstrated. a mage’s SOUL is something special.”

He curled his phalanges, Blue Magic sparking as he dragged over a whiteboard and began scribbling barely legible numbers and strings of complex equations.

“next is the power requirement to pull you out. you haven’t fallen yet, so that might work in our favor, but as you might have noticed, some magic batteries won’t cut it. we need the full power of the CORE, and considering it’s been hobbling along for the last decade, there are some major repairs we need to finish and fast.”

Sans turned to the other human in the room, “lastly is the amount of DT we will need. frisk, what you donated last time was fine for a small-scale extraction, but with alex’s SOUL, we’re going to need more. and i’m not too comfortable taking all that out you, kid.” he said, and Frisk pouted in objection. “so, unless we can find some more human volunteers...” Sans closed his eye sockets and shrugged.

“What about me?” Flowey asked, sounding slightly indignant. Sans peeked open a socket, looking questioningly down at the little flower. “Let me guess, the ketchup-stained sleeping bag forgot I am practically made of DT.”

“You’d do that?” you asked, looking unbelievingly at Flowey.

“it won’t be like it is for frisk, kid” Sans said warningly, “sure, you got lots of DT, but you’ll be a wilted mess by the end of it.”

Flowey bobbed on his stem, “Eh, I’ve been through worse.” he said with a pointed glare at Sans, “You can extract whatever you need from me to save her.”

“What? No, you can’t do that!” you vehemently objected. 

“I can do whatever I want!” Flowey countered shrilly.

“...You shouldn’t hurt yourself to save me.” you feebly argued, and Frisk tugged on the sleeve of your shirt.

<It would hurt a lot more if you fell. It’s okay to get some help.> they signed with an encouraging smile.

Gaster's hand rubbed up and down your back as turbulent emotions roiled about your SOUL and tears threatened to spring forth.

“Thank you.” you whispered at the little flower. Your friend, who had now thrice stepped up to save you. 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t give me the waterworks, lady.” he said with a dismissive wave of a leaf. 

“alright then.” Sans said, “let’s get to work.”

* * *

Sixteen days.

Most of the work to save you was dependent on repairing the CORE. As it turned out, changing the laws of the universe did quite a number to the complex bit of machinery, and the immense amount of power it was outputting to fuel the Underground was but a fraction of what it was truly capable of.

Gaster was speaking very quietly into a cell phone Alphys had provided, checking the readout on a terminal and typing in a command, waiting for Sans on the other side to report results from his place somewhere inside the giant machine.

“still nothing.” you could hear through the speaker, and Gaster sighed discouragingly. He spoke another unintelligible phrase before hanging up.

“Can you teach me?” you asked, and he raised a brow bone, “Can you teach me wingdings?”

<No.> he signed in a clipped fashion. 

“Why not? It doesn’t hurt anymore, I’ve heard you talk to Sans and Pap a bunch of times by now. I want to understand too.” you said, giving him your best wide pleading eyes.

He stared at you, his mouth in a firm line for all of three seconds before his stern expression relented with another sigh.

<...Fine.> You grinned, he really would do whatever you asked of him, <But if you experience any sort of pain you are to tell me immediately, understood?>

“Yeah, I promise.” you said with a resolute nod, and he deemed that acceptable. After a moment’s hesitation, he spoke with that lovely voice of his. It was deep and smooth, cut through by the sharp sounds that were essentially nonsensical, but you could pick up a pattern. Not one you could repeat, you didn’t think a human was capable of it, but something you could at least understand.

“✌︎☹︎☜︎✠︎”

“Can you say it again? Slower?”

He did. You committed the sounds to memory.

“What’s that mean?”

He smiled warmly, <You, my dear. Your name.>

[ALEX.]

You smiled, your SOUL warm in your chest. He must have felt as you did, your affection mirrored through your link.

You loved the sound of your name on his lips.

* * *

Thirteen days.

Gaster was so gentle with you.

It was infuriating.

Ever since he’d escaped the void he was overly cautious. He didn’t grab at your wrists, he didn’t pin you against the bed you shared, he didn’t bite at your neck, hell, he didn’t do anything more but gentle caresses of his phalanges over your skin or his magical tongue sweeping over yours. It was sweet but...

Restrained. 

Not the teasing, affectionate games the two of you used to play at.

You tried initiating once or twice something a little more indecent and indulgent in those increasingly rare moments when he joined you in bed and you were still conscious for it.

He rebuked you every time.

<Just go to sleep, my dear.> he’d encouraged you with infuriating gentle kisses and he stilled your hands with his, soothing away whatever hurt his rejection caused with affection.

You’d put up more of a fight and not be so easily placated if you weren’t so damn exhausted. 

Sleep was elusive, and your weariness went down to your bones.

* * *

Twelve days.

Watching through a series of video cameras and displayed on a gigantic screen the image of the skeleton brothers rebuilding the CORE was mesmerizing. Beyond the fact that the two worked with frightening efficiency when combining their magic (and for once weren’t at each other’s metaphorical throats) you had the distinct sense Gaster was fully in his element. 

You could take quiet comfort from the fact that between the two of you, it was better if you were the one who fell. Humans were a dime a dozen, but monsters were something special. And Gaster was special even among their number. He was brilliant, he had knowledge few understood and an intelligence even fewer could rival. He could do great things for this world. You...fixed computers. Nothing all that important. 

It didn’t ease all your sorrow, especially knowing that this could have all been prevented, but when you thought back to those fuzzy moments in the void where you endangered your SOUL to save his, if back then you knew all that was to pass, you would have made that same choice all over again without hesitation. 

* * *

Ten days.

You were bored.

Sure, you had books, and Alphys had set up a hotspot so you had internet (though it was slow as _fuck_ , the majority of the bandwidth dedicated to the computers in the lab) but seeing the same walls was getting claustrophobic. You weren’t used to all this inactivity, to _relaxing._ It made you feel like a caged animal. You’d spent all morning (was it morning? Hard to tell with no sun) attempting to levitate water using your magic which was an _insane_ challenge. You could manage a few seconds before the liquid streamed out of your grasp, and now your shirt was all wet and you were growing frustrated. A sideways glance over at Gaster showed that he was fully absorbed in his task, squinting at a terminal’s screen and typing out something with a single-minded focus. 

_Perfect._ You very quietly rose, sneaking down the hallway on silent bare feet. He could have sensed you were moving if he bothered to check, but he’d have to consciously follow that link. You let your feet lead you, wandering with no destination in mind, a tightness in your chest unwinding at the chance of having an unsupervised moment to yourself. You meandered past a large room with rows of beds and down a long hall you hadn’t been through before. Mirrors lined one side, the dirtied glass stretching from floor to ceiling. On the other were long dead and wilted flowers in various degrees of rot. Some of the dried petals still bore shades of gold.

...This was Flowey’s birthplace.

You felt something cold in your chest.

Oh, wait, that wasn’t a chill, that was--

\--Your senses cut out.

* * *

You blinked wearily when you came to, a pale and blurry white skull filling your vision.

Not the one you were used to.

“back in the land of the living, pal?” Sans was seated in a rolling chair, looking over your prone form. You were lying on a bed, one of the ones you’d passed in the room previous. It didn’t take you long to piece together what happened. 

“I blacked out again.” you groaned, sitting up.

“yup. here,” he pulled out your old glasses from the pocket of his lab coat, handing them to you. “good thing i was keeping an eye socket out for you, or you might've cracked open that coconut otherwise.” You gingerly took your glasses from his skeletal fingers, sliding them back onto your face.

Sans was regarding you with his usual grin, expression inscrutable. Was he expecting a ‘thank you’? A reprimand for moving your unconscious body? Neither, as it turned out.

“you didn’t tell him what i did to you.” he said finally.

“No.” you answered, “But I will, if we get through this.”

Your gaze turned hard and your voice caustic.

“It really fucking hurt, Sans.” 

He sighed heavily, letting out a low chuckle, the sound so mirthless you might call it a sob if it came from anyone else but the grinning skeleton. 

“i’m really good at hurtin’ people, pal.” 

“You really hate me that much?”

“hate you? heh, no, i don’t think i’ve ever hated you.” he shook his head, “and i know that’s pretty fucked up, all considering what i almost did. you don’t want to know what i’ve done to things i hate.”

Sans always terrified you. From the moment you’d met him. But something about the insouciant way he spoke about nearly killing you, and what he must have done to others...You did your best to mute that fear before you could broadcast it to Gaster. 

“Why are you helping me?” you asked plaintively, “Wouldn’t it be easier for you if I were gone?”

Sans shrugged in infuriating nonchalance, like the matters of life and death, of the timeline existing and ceasing meant little to him, “i dunno, pal. i can’t say, and that’s kinda the problem.” He shifted in his chair, tilting his skull back, eye sockets shutting.

“considering the timing of everything, i’m leaning more towards the whole ‘you falling makes the timeline go boom’ theory, but trying to find the definitive answer is like dividing by zero; it just ain't happening. so i gotta take that whole part off the table. both sides of the equation cancel out, right?” he said lightly, waving his hand with a shrug.

“so what’s left? well, i got a human who’s an obstinate little shit who won’t listen to a thing i say, she keeps getting into trouble and won’t take no for an answer. real funny and jumpy little thing.” he cracked open a socket, eyelight alighting you, “and she falls for my bro. she does the impossible and brings him back and i got my family again.”

Both eyes opened now, the lights within them shining and his deep voice growing heavy, “my family is all i got, ya know. even if ‘dings is the biggest fucking bastard ever, he’s still my brother. it’s what keeps me from losing all HOPE. even with all the RESETs and anomalies and the end of timelines, no matter what shit i have to deal with, i’ll keep taking it and ask for seconds if i get to keep my family.”

His ardent tone was gone and back to nonchalant once more, so quick it could give you whiplash.

“i figure i’ve been a bit of a bastard myself, so i should throw you a bone, heh. i think you earned that much at least.”

You blinked at Sans. That was...nearly nice. In a _very_ backhanded sort of way.

“...Seriously?”

“well, that, and you’re tied to ‘dings SOUL. I don’t think he’d make it without you.” Sans added, like an afterthought.

Your heart stilled in your chest for a second and your mouth went dry. “What?” you rasped, voice lined with alarm.

“heh, you got a strong SOUL, right? and it's all connected with my bro’s somehow. you feeling everything he does? that’s not normal. alph even said you could find each other through the void. not even a soul mate can do that. so how long do you think it’d take him to fall down without his girl holding him up? even if the timeline doesn’t end, i don’t think he’d make it if your SOUL shatters.”

You feel cold. Colder.

“...No, no, no, Sans, you can’t...Please tell me you won’t let him lose HOPE, I can’t be that for him. He has to live, that was the whole _point._ ” you babbled in an emphatic whisper.

“you’re preaching to the choir, pal. that’s why i need you to pull through. i need you to hang on as long as you can, alright? no sneaking off.”

“Okay.” you said, morosely. Out of nowhere you started laughing, the sound suddenly bubbling up from inside you as tears started streaming down your face. Sans looked entirely alarmed at your abrupt and contradictory outpouring of emotions, and you chucked to yourself as you wiped the tears with your palm.

“you’re scarin’ me, pal.”

The thought of you scaring Sans made you laugh harder.

“Sorry, it’s just,” you giggled again, “Funny is all.” you sniffed, trying to blink away the tears. “Gaster said a while ago if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t be like him. I’d tell everyone who lost their loved ones to the void. I wouldn’t let them forget who it was that had gone missing. And-” another melancholy giggle escaped you, stars your moods had been all over the place lately, “And now it’s me. Everyone is going to forget me.”

“i’m pretty sure i can’t with my magic. i don’t think ‘dings will either.” he offered.

You looked up at him, becoming aware there was an opportunity there. He picked it up too.

“...you want me to tell them about you if you fall.”

“Yes. But _just_ you. I wouldn’t want to put Gaster through that.” you said with a nod, “Is that selfish of me? To want to be remembered?”

Sans’s eyelights went a little distant, as if recalling something. 

“...no, pal. i’m sure it’ll hurt ‘em remembering they lost something, but i think not knowing is worse. i’ll be your bearer of bad news, if that’s what you want.” he patted your knee, the gesture stilted and awkward, “but maybe we fix all this and we don’t have to worry about that mess, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” you said quietly. Sans rose from his chair, slowly stretching.

“why don’t you take a nap, pal? i sure would if i were you. hell, i’d take one if i were me, but unfortunately i have work to do.” he gave you a wink and turned to leave, hands shoved in his coat pockets.

“Sans?” you called out, your quiet voice even quieter than usual.

He stopped, glancing over his shoulder at you.

“Do you think you can save me?”

He had been letting you see his emotions, you realized, willingly affording you insight. Because in that moment his grin was intolerably blank once more.

“...heh. you must hate it sometimes.”

“What?”

“bein’ INTEGRITY.”

“...Sometimes, yeah.”

A tense silence passed.

“...it doesn’t look good, pal. i’m not sayin’ it's impossible just...the numbers don’t look so great right now.”

“But Gaster...he said...” your voice cracked.

“‘dings isn’t lying to you, he can’t, of course. when he says he’ll save you it's because he believes it. he’s always been pretty good at deluding himself.” 

Sans turned to you, his grin a special sort of melancholy he only let you see recently.

“i know i said it before in a twisted sort of way but...you two deserve each other. you’re good for him. he needs someone like you to call him out on his bullshit. and i’ve never seen him treat anyone the way he treats you. just the way he looks at ya...” Sans scratched the back of his skull with his phalanges, “it’s kinda embarrassing seeing your big brother get all mushy. ‘s cute, like puking rainbows.”

He looked up at you, serious again, “even after everything, i don’t want to see his SOUL ripped apart. keep him safe, INTEGRITY.” he seemed to remember himself, “alex.” he corrected.

As if Sans of all people needed to remind you of that.

“I will.”

* * *

Nine days.

That asshole _snitched._

You had fallen asleep and Gaster had come and collected you at some point you could not recall, moving you to your shared double bed. When you awoke he gave you quite the scolding about your impetuous behavior, Sans having apparently told his brother exactly how he found you.

You crossed your arms and avoided his eyelights as best you could. It was difficult with him signing and you trying to not ignore him, some moody and churlish feelings of discontent coiling in your SOUL. 

<You are so perturbed by your surroundings yet you wander about the lab like this is some careless excursion, _unsupervised_ , knowing full well you could lose consciousness at any moment, and for what? Idle curiosity??> he signed angrily, pacing about the room.

“Did you know that humans will voluntarily electrocute themselves when they get bored?” you offered up the little bit of trivia once he was done ranting.

In retrospect, suggesting to a monster who’d been stuck in the void for ten years that you endangered yourself due to boredom was a _bad_ idea. 

He advanced on you where you stood, eyelights bright and lacking any sort of warmth while something burned like a crackling and ember-spitting fire in his SOUL.

<You promised, Alex.>

_You promised you would stay._

“And I’ll keep that promise.” you said firmly, “I wasn’t thinking, okay?”

<It is certainly not “okay”! You cannot keep your word if you take careless risks! You were _reckless._ >

Something stupid and dangerous and _reckless_ made the next words spill out of your mouth.

“Then punish me.” you said fiercely.

He staggered on the spot, looking down at you incredulously. You felt a blush heating your face.

[What?] the word was spoken so lowly you barely caught it.

“I can feel how frustrated you are. Show me. Punish me for it. Make me feel _something_. Gaster, stars, _please--”_

You could hardly get the words out and he was on you in the blink of an eye.

He pinned you roughly against the wall, his tall, hard body pressing your back against the unyielding surface. His knee was forced between your legs, separating them, sliding up to the apex of your thighs, the bones of his leg lifting you bodily up the wall so you were closer to his height without him having to bend down at such a severe angle.

His lips laid claim to your mouth, slanting against yours with a ferocity that you had so rarely glimpsed. His tongue was an invading body, magic buzzing through your mouth with the fury of rolling, rumbling thunder that shook you down to your core. Oh he was so _upset._ Angry and frustrated, yes, yet so _miserable._ So _scared._

_Is this what you want!?_

All of it poured out of him, through him, interwoven through the core of your being and his with the painful pricking of silver needle and thread, binding and tying, fierce and desperate, hungry and wanting. Need, pure _need_ for each other, to feel, to take, indulgent and urgent. Hands pulled at your hips, tugging you flush against him, phalanges raked over your sides, twitching in restraint. As aggressive as he was being, he was keeping himself very well in check, so fearful of damaging your fragile form.

_I am not weak!_

His hesitance fueled your ardor, making you fierce when he was leery. You kissed him back with a fervor he hadn’t witnessed yet, your hands running over the ladder of his ribs through his shirt, earning a shuddering sigh against your lips. 

_More._

Who that desire originated from was unknown.

His phalanges crept under your shirt and you hooked your legs around his hips, your arms wrapped around his neck in some furious need to be _closer, more._

_Yours._

_Mine._

_This._

_Us._

_Always._

Fingers made of bones trailed over the flat of your stomach, crept closer northward, the tips of his phalanges scratching against your skin leaving red, angry trails, a shuddering, needy moan escaping you. Your hand shifted, thumb brushing against the ridges of his vertebrae, a shiver running down his spine and simultaneously through his SOUL. Your fingers bent further into claws and your nails scraped over his bones, and _oh,_ you didn’t know he could make such deep, lascivious sounds.

[Alex...] he murmured in a breathless, pained whisper.

He suddenly pulled away.

You felt colder than ever.

_No!_

Your limbs tightened their grip, but physically at least, he could effortlessly prevail over whatever weak resistance your human muscles could muster. His bones moved with the benediction of magic, and he could easily overpower you in this arena at least. 

<Not like this...> he signed, and your breath hitched at those familiar words.

“Don’t, _please-”_ you choked, begging, yet he twisted the knife, your pain surely felt as keenly as if it were his own.

<Not now. Once you’re here with me. _Completely_ here.>

Your words used against you. _Again_.

You closed your eyes, the shuttering of your lids forcing a few stray tears to leak out. How tender his touch was now to wipe them gently away.

He would deny you this. 

Now, when your life might end.

When _everything_ might end.

<I don’t believe that. You will live. Please, Alex,> your despondent gaze was blurred and wandering and he pressed a hand to your face, urging you to focus upon him, <I can’t. Don’t ask this of me, not yet. If you came to regret it, the circumstances...>

Your arms wound around him and you fully broke down, fingers grasping at his shirt as your tears spilled over.

He loosed a great heaving sigh as his arms fully wrapped around to support your body and he lifted you, carrying you into bed. You wept and he murmured soothing words you could not understand, phalanges running through the mahogany strands of your hair.

* * *

Eight days.

You stayed in your room.

You _moped._

Fuck it, you were dying, you could be a pissy little bitch for a day. 

You also couldn’t sleep anymore, which wasn’t helping your mood.

So instead of being cranky and snappish to everyone who was trying to help save your life you decided the best option was to mope. 

Alone.

A knock sounded at your closed door.

Or not.

With a sigh you sat up and drew upon your magic, and as if to only add to your irritation your magic slipped, blue light skittering uselessly against the door handle.

“UGH! Come in!” you barked.

A beat passed and the door opened, revealing Frisk and Flowey on the other side, the former looking timid and the latter looking as cranky as you felt.

“...Sorry.” you murmured, shoulders drooping.

<It’s ok.> Frisk signed after handing you Flowey’s pot. <Do you want to come outside and play?>

“I can’t leave the bed unless I have supervision.” you grumbled, “And no offense to you guys, but I don’t think you could carry me if I pass out.”

“We can fix that.” Flowey said animatedly, “Frisk, in that closet at the end of the hall-” Frisk’s face lit up and they scooped up Flowey, darting off and returning a minute later with...

...a wheelchair. 

A big one too, meant for monsters and not a tiny human. 

“Get in, if you’re going to be stuck in this shithole, you should at least get to see all the scenery it has to offer.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, and encouraged you crawled into the chair, letting Frisk push you around the lab.

* * *

It took about twenty minutes for the two kids to come up with the hair-brained idea to see if you could push the chair with your magic, and when you came to the discovery that you could in fact turn the wheels if you concentrated _really_ hard (fuck, your magic was so unwieldy today) you found Frisk squished up next to you in the seat, Flowey in their lap, and the three of you giggling like idiots as you rolled down that hall at a pace slightly faster than a walking speed.

Until you (slowly) crashed into Papyrus as he rounded a corner.

“WHAT IS ALL THIS BOONDOGGLING!?”

That only elicited another round of giggling.

“YOU’RE ALL GROUNDED!” Papyrus said as he grabbed the wheelchair by the handles and rolled you back to your room.

“͕͒W̬͑à̭i̝̍t͙͒,̲͆ ̭̊t͎̍h͕́ã͈t̥̔’͖̾s̥ͣ ͙͗n̩ͪo̫͑t̻͂ ͖ͣa̖̐ḻ̍l̲̔o̤ͯw̰̌e̙ͨd̳̓,̞́ ̮ͧI̦ͬ’̥͗m͚ͣ ͓̂o̤ͭl͈͌d̙̽e̮̚r̦͑ ̠̆t͎͒h̪͐ạ̚ǹ͓ ̝̑y̥ͤo̱̿u̻̇!͇̋”̭ͪ

Papyrus froze.

He spoke a response.

...And you couldn’t hear his words, only a static hiss.

<We can’t understand you, Alex.> Frisk signed.

Just like that your mood plummeted, your short-lived joy reduced to ash.

* * *

Six days.

You stopped eating two days ago. Your body simply would not accept food. 

You could tell you had lost weight. Your clothes felt a bit looser around your frame, and your silhouette had gone from scrawny to gaunt. It wasn’t the sort of thing that could’ve happened overnight, or even in a week, this was the work of many missed meals, many sleepless nights. When had it all started? If you traced your downward trajectory, there were many points you could pin as the beginning. Learning about RESETs and nearly dying. Your incident with David. Your first encounter with Sans. 

It was funny, meeting Gaster was simultaneously the best and worst thing that had ever happened to you.

You had stopped drinking fluids now too.

* * *

Five days.

Alphys installed an IV drip in the crook of your arm, medical tape holding the little tube stuck through your skin in place, a line running from it to a bag hooked onto a stand near your bed. 

It took her four attempts and she apologized with each failure. 

<I only tried this once before with the human nurse who trained me.> she clumsily signed when you couldn’t understand her speech. 

<It’s fine, Gaster can heal me.> you replied one handedly, ignoring the punctures on your other arm. 

Gaster wasn’t happy when he saw the minor damage caused by Alphys’s inexperience hours later.

When he attempted to heal you, the magic barely had an effect. The effort he expended to mend your flesh made purple sweat bead on his skull, and you begged him to stop.

He looked exhausted and disconsolate, staring at those persistent marks upon your skin.

* * *

Four days.

It was late at night when Gaster failed to come to bed.

You were increasingly useless and frail, but the very least you could do was pester your boyfriend into getting some semblance of sleep.

You couldn’t anymore, and watching him rest was a balm in its absence. You got it now why he used to watch you sleep all the time; Seeing him at peace, the haunted look in his eyelights gone and replaced with something closer to tranquility eased an ache in your SOUL. 

You hooked the IV stand to the too-large wheelchair and forced yourself into it, pushing yourself down the hall with only your arms. It was beyond tiring but your magic has left you by now too. You traced the connection of your SOULs, riding the elevator up to the main floor of the lab and wheeling outside into the cavernous open area.

The glow of lava was dim to your failing senses.

You couldn’t even feel the heat anymore.

<Why are you up?> Gaster signed, walking over to you. He’d been standing atop a ridge not far away from the lab, overlooking the pools of magma below. He had an extra hand trailing after him, and it took you a moment to recognize a cigarette pinched between his phalanges.

<I should be asking you that.> you signed. Thankfully he pushed your wheelchair over to where he’d been standing instead of forcing you back into the lab.

<I just needed some air. And this.> He took a long slow drag of the cigarette, purple smoke curling around his broken skull in delicate vortices illuminated by a wan orange-red glow. Maybe you were getting close to falling because the picture was almost quixotic. 

<I didn’t know you smoked.> you signed.

<There is many a terrible habit I have hidden from you. Did I not tell you your perception of me was highly idealized?> he flicked ash from the end of the cigarette, <I would have imbibed by now if it wouldn’t be a detriment in saving you. Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants and aid in the short term.>

<Should I even ask how that works without organs?>

<Magic.> he replied succinctly, smoke curling through his lips as he gave you a wide, blithe grin. You rolled your eyes.

<The one time I ask for a lecture and you won’t give me one. Seriously though, nicotine receptors are a chemical reaction. Do you even have a brain inside your skull?>

<How cruel, my love.> he inhaled a deep drag, <Certainly not, I have a mind but lack that grey matter that inhabits yours. We both know I’m rather foolish, but I didn’t think you considered me _brainless._ > his grin turned teasing. 

<Oh don’t go fishing for compliments, what we both know how much more intelligent you are than me.>

His expression turned from teasing to serious on a fucking dime.

<Don’t discredit yourself. You can be frighteningly clever when you put your mind to it.> he signed.

<...Not clever enough to avoid dying.>

The link between you became sore and discordant, and you began signing over each other in increasingly frustrated gestures. 

<You are not to blame for this->

<It isn’t your fault->

<I should have never let you->

<“It was my choice!”>

Your presumably static-laced words stopped the old argument dead.

<I don’t regret it.> you continued, <If I had to choose again, I would always choose to save you.>

<I wish you wouldn’t.>

<I know.>

You slouched back in your chair with a sigh, exhaustion weighing you down like chains tied to your limbs. His hand ran up and down your upper arm consolingly, and you were thankful you couldn’t smell the smoke that curled in swirling patterns around you.

<You do have regrets.> he signed, phalanges delicately touching your shirt, just above your decaying SOUL.

<...Kind of, yeah.>

<Tell me?> he asked in a gentle entreaty. 

<I just...> you felt the hot sting of tears gathering in your eyes. You clenched your jaw, baring your teeth as you fought to keep them at bay. You’d cried too much, you had to be strong now, strong for Gaster. You didn’t want him to see your misery as well as feel it, that was too cruel.

It didn’t matter, they slid down your face anyways.

<I thought we’d have more time. I wanted to do all that stupid couples stuff like go on a trip somewhere new together or kiss on New Year’s Eve or, hell, just go on a date.> An unwanted sob broke out of your chest, and you felt Gaster’s arms wrapping around you. 

<I really wanted to try your cooking. Everyone in my family, myself included, is terrible at it.> he signed after a time.

You laughed, or cried, or something that was a god-awful amalgamation of both.

<I taught Papyrus, he can cook for you, after I-->

His hold on you tightened and you couldn’t finish that sentence.

* * *

Three days.

The IV drip phased through your arm, leaking onto the floor.

You couldn’t get out of bed anymore.

It was too arduous a task, your limbs too weak.

Your senses, magical and physical alike were deadened. You couldn’t feel the bed under you. You could barely make out your surroundings anymore.

Only Gaster was always within your perception. Only he could touch you. The tie to his SOUL still kept you tethered when you were adrift and he visited you as frequently as he could. It was a terrible thing he had to suffer, watching you like this, working constantly to save you, any moment he spared to grant you comfort was a moment not dedicated to preserving your life. 

But he still granted you those moments.

They were your last, you realized.

He held you, cradled in his arms, your head resting on the bones of his shoulder, trying to catch the sounds of his breath but you were too far gone to detect them.

<You are so loved, Alex. You must know how loved you are. Not just myself, but Papyrus and Frisk and Flowey and Alphys and Undyne. My brother may not like you but I feel even Sans has at least a measure of begrudging respect.> he signed with what you assumed was a despondent laugh. It sounded only of static.

<I love you. More than anything else in this world.>

It did comfort you, to know that. Of course you didn’t want to die, but if you had to go...well, it was a little easier knowing that you were loved. What more could you ask for in this life?

Gaster held you close, burying his face against your neck, arms wrapped around you like he would never let you go, like he’d fight the reaper himself to keep you in your rightful place. You were so grateful that you could still feel him, that the numbness that pervaded everything was immune to his touch.

You loved him too.

And you knew he could feel your love. Because while you couldn’t see it, there was something dripping down along your skin. You probably wouldn’t have felt it either had it not been infused with magic, a part of himself. 

Your hand weakly brushed along the back of his skull as tears rolled down your neck, shimmering with traces of purple magic. 

_I love you._

* * *

Two days.

Your limbs curled inward, protecting the core of your being that was struggling against the tendrils of black that threatened it. You couldn’t tell where you were, the yawning abyss of darkness, your room, maybe you were not even conscious at all.

When you do exist in a waking reality, it was torture.

Your body was failing you. This vessel housing your SOUL was dying, decaying by inches towards succumbing. Your heart was beating a stutteringly fast rhythm, fighting just as you were to keep alive. Your blood was too thick in your veins from dehydration, the vital muscle inside your chest pumping all the harder for it. You should be overheating as a side-effect, but instead the cold of the void makes you shiver, until you are too weak for even that. 

It isn’t your inability to eat or drink or sleep that’s going to kill you though. The human body can go thirty days without food, three days without water, three minutes without air.

There is no air in the void.

Breathing was a struggle.

Your breath was a ragged gasp, inhaling fleeting bursts of oxygen as you slip in and out of reality. Alphys tried putting some sort of mask on your face and it phased through you within thirty seconds. 

You were beyond medical intervention.

Your nerves were long dead, pain a distant and fuzzy concept, but it was deeply damaging to your psyche to be in this state, knowing surely your organs were slowly shutting down. Survival was the base of your human instinct, and you were fighting, _fighting_ with every breath you drew in. You needed to live. You _must_ live. Straining and clawing to life because that was all you know, that drive etched into your DNA to _endure_.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

* * *

One day.

Gaster was here, with you. _Oh stars, he’s here._ Your SOUL, crawling with black, succumbing slowly to the void, still fluttered defiantly in your chest at feeling his hand holding yours. 

He was in pain nearly unimaginable.

_I’m sorry._

_Stop. Apologizing._

_I can’t help it. It’s what I am._

Your lips curled into a weak grin. Tears trickled down your face no matter how hard you tried to stymie their flow. You didn’t want him hurt any more than he already was.

Cool bones brushed over your cheek to wipe them away, touch lighter than a feather.

_I love you._

Your SOUL was fighting, you had to make sure he knew, that he _understood_.

_I know, my dear, I know._

_Good._

_Only a little longer yet, please hold on._

You do.

The void and the timeline, so much rests upon you.

You were not a monster, you were a human. And like all of your kind that indelible trait that made your SOUL stronger than theirs ever could be made you hold on.

DETERMINATION.

But that was only a fraction of what you were. Your SOUL may have been succumbing but a shard of blue yet remained. 

INTEGRITY.

You would keep your promises.

Even in the face of Death.

Gaster needed you to live.

Your heart broke at the idea of failing him. 

You would keep your promise.

You would stay.

You would stay.

_You would stay._

  
  


So you did.

A little while longer.

  
  


_Just breathe._

  
  


* * *

Zͭ͏̥e̻ͩ͡r͖ͨ͜o̧̠̅ ̧̯̐d̶͔ͨä͎́͜y̤ͨ͟s̻̈͜.̘ͥ͞

  
  


_It’s ready._

Gaster carried you...somewhere...he’s doing...something...

_Saving you._

You were barely conscious. 

But you could feel the moment the fabric separating dimensions was ripped open and the veil between the void and reality blurred into something non-existent.

For a moment, you almost thought you weren’t being ripped in two.

For a moment, you thought you might live another day.

But it comes a moment too late.

You fall.

You can feel it when your heart gives out, when your lungs give their last death rattle of a gasp. 

When everything fades away.

  
  


You can feel your SOUL about to shatter.

  
  
  
  


_But it refused._

  
  
  
  


You can feel time cease.

  
  
  
  
  


...

  
  
  
  
  
  


..

  
  
  
  
  
  


.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Greetings, INTEGRITY. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning ( **SPOILER** ): Detailed descriptions of Alex dying, RIP my smol bean.
> 
> \---
> 
> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [The Beauty Surrounds by Houses](https://youtu.be/hTdopxNeuaU)
> 
> \---
> 
> (This week’s song is one of my favorites of all time, I wish I could properly distill that beautiful melancholy and tattoo it on me. And to you readers (you know who you are) who’ve been putting Starset earworms in my head, [MANIFEST](https://youtu.be/dcHdeVbRxPk) is a really good alternate song.)
> 
> [Gee, I wonder who that is there at the end?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293251/chapters/62741293)
> 
> Please check out my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) where I now have a posting schedule, and you can take a look at the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter.
> 
> Remember always, _you_ are so loved. 💙
> 
> Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	29. A̢̨̭̺̻̐ͬ͋͞T̸̺͍̹͌͋̍͟͡T́̅̚͏̕҉̥̭͉A̸̧̜͎͉ͭ̃͊͝C̶̛̘͖̙̑͂ͬ͜K̎͗͑͏̷̱̤̠͠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it, [the final POV chapter for Chara in There Beneath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293251/chapters/62741293) (I recommend reading it first).

_Surrender to nothing, I'll give up what I_

_Started â̴̞nd sto̴̪̯̚p this, from e̵͈͘nd to̴̪̯̚ beg̸̩̈́ì̴̥n̴͕̽ni̸̤̭̓̄ng_

_Ä̠͇̜́ͅ ̦̣̣̦ͥnͯͯͯͩ͂ê̺͕̅͒w̜̭̃̉̚ ̟̝ͪ͆͌d̰͖͚͙͋ḁ̫̤͓̓y̪̰̤͕̑ ̘͚̠͙̔i̹͇͍͓̊s̭̬̝ͣ̃ ̠̻̜̒ͬc͕̻̘ͬ͋a̲ͮ͛ͫ̂l̒̔ͣͫͨl͖̤̏ͪ̽i̞͋ͭ̒̃n͙̠̖͗̀g̼͎͈͆ͦ_

_a̴̡͗͐n̷̫̪͛d̴̼̐̚ ̴͉̔I̴͇̓ ̶̺̟̊a̵̯̾m̸̨͔̿ ̸̳̑͘f̵͇̊̀ͅî̸̘n̸̛̖͂ͅä̸̘̓l̶̥̈͌ļ̵̣̏y̴̨͉̽̂_

**_f̷̛̯̣̃̓̓͐̃̿̈́r̸͇̖͎̘̳̲͚̜̞̯̤̉̔͌̉̌͆̆̒͜e̵̢͓̤͚̝̱͍̩̝̩̣̭̣̬̪̿̓͛͊͋̾̿̚e̵̡̝̥̟͚͍͓͕̯̻̓̊̈́́̇̕̚̚_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  


**F̷̮͚͔̬͈̞̬͒̇͐͛͋̎̓̅̋̍̎̍̂̿͆̊̎̿̓͐̌̏̄̕͜͠͝Ȉ̶̧͚̪͕̰̪͔͕̱̲̠͕̼͈̟̭̣̖̘͇̙̳͓͉͈̞̭͈͙͓͔̐̉̅̀͐̉̓̈́̅͊͊̌̈͑̑̄̂̓͑͂̏̍͒̈́̽͋͘͘̚͜͠G̷̢̨̛̖̺̭̼̪̲̮̝̰̮̼̜̅̎́̏͐̂̑̉̏̎̍̓̅̍̌̌̃͐͋̿̅̈̃͆̔̓̎̕͘͜͠͝Ȟ̶̢̢̢̢̛̤̮̮͙̗͈͙̻̫͙͚̤̭͕͕̳̘̤̯̳͓̝̻̉̓͂͐̓͗͊̄̐̀̆̌̾͂̔͊̄̾̾͂̆̏̒̀̈͒̍̋̒͋͂͂̚̕͝͝ͅṬ̶̡̛͕̣̭̖̯̞̟̭̟͍̖̦̠̭̦̾̑̌̐͑̓͐̅̂̓̇̑́͌͐̏̈́͠͠͝ͅ**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

Who are you?

I have many names. 

The First Fallen. 

Child of HOPE. 

The Demon. 

The Anomaly. 

CHARA.

May I call you that? Chara?

If you wish, it is of no consequence. 

You can call me Alex.

...That is a good name.

  
  


Where are we? The void?

No, further, we are beyond even that. I am fond of calling it THE END.

So I died.

Yes, and no. You are like me, threaded to another.

What do you mean?

Your mate, you have a Soul Bond. Can you not feel it? Tethering you to him, even beyond the veil?

Oh, that. Yes. A Soul Bond? 

Yes. An unbreakable and irrevocable Bond between a human SOUL and a monster SOUL. _You_ wove it, do you not remember?

I did?...But it’s always been there. Since the beginning.

That is because it was born in the void. Time does not function there. Causality does not exist. You wove the Bond in the void, and so it always was. 

That...doesn’t...

Try not to think too hard on it. What was impressive was that you managed it without dying. I could not say the same.

You have a...mate?

Ha! You are amusing. No. He was my brother. My best friend. My family. 

Did he pass?

He did, and then he returned. Brought back from the dead, as I was, diminished to a feeble form, a shadow of what we once were. I am pleased you are fond of him, despite all he has done. He would never admit it out loud, but I assure you he is grateful for your friendship.

...Flowey?

That is the name you know. Would you like the others? 

The Prince, son of Queen Toriel and King Asgore, heir apparent of the Underground. 

Asriel.

I called him Crybaby.

That’s not nice.

I never was.

  
  


...You died?

Ah, yes. You see, monsters can become powerful beings when they absorb a human SOUL. But to do that, the SOUL must be broken free from its physical housing.  So I destroyed mine, and gave my SOUL to Asriel. Thus, we were Bound forever.

You killed yourself. 

Why?

To free the monsters.

To destroy humanity. 

I would have succeeded, had Asriel not refused me.

Surprised? I said I was not nice.

But you are a human.

I was, yes. 

I no longer wish to be.

...

Do you know what _you_ are? 

Do you know what it means to be INTEGRITY?

To be true. To be good, even when it is difficult. To do right by others.

Yes, on its surface, I suppose you can view it that way. But that is not the full extent of what you are. To claim that is INTEGRITY is to say DETERMINATION is merely a strong will. It is so much _more_.

INTEGRITY is the Upholding. Immutable, unchanging, to preserve that which Is, to speak Truth. It is the binding force in this world. To tie and secure and ground. It is the pull, like gravity. No wonder you managed to forge a Soul Bond without killing yourself. You are a mountain, unbowing.

That does not sound like me.

This is your SOUL. 

But I have been untrue. I run, I don’t stand and fight-

Is that so? I believe when your SOUL has shined brightest, it was when you were most your true self. Defending your mate. Standing up to those you perceived as stronger, speaking the Truth even in the face of death. Was that not you?

...Maybe.

Do you know what I am? 

DETERMINATION.

Yes, I am.

I am the river that carves the mountain. I am the tip of the blade, I am change made form, I am the push, the driving force of transformations, I am the being that shapes the world to my will. And if I so desired...

I would **ERASE** _everything._

Of all traits humankind is capable, our DETERMINATION is what makes us powerful. It is what elevates us above monsters and nature herself, to make this world what we desire.

We are opposites, you see? The Upholding and the Unmaking. Push and Pull. The mountain and the river.

By virtue of your mate’s decisions, DETERMINATION was given the power to unmake time. To change that which did not suit our desires of this world. Fitting, yes?

But such gifts have a price. There is nothing to be gained without consequence here. You learned that first hand, giving your SOUL to the darkness in exchange for his. When he made his choice to alter the laws of this world, your mate was reduced to a Shade. And DETERMINATION...

We were subjected to **RESET**. To have everything we carved wiped away, like sands under high tide. The cruelest joke. 

No matter, you are here now. 

We will correct this, and set the course proper once more.

What is it you want?

Your INTEGRITY of course. The Upholding and the Unmaking will become something else.

We will _remake_ this world as we deem fit.

And what does that mean?

Our bodies. We can restore them. We can escape this place and be made real.

We can close the loop for good.

We can end the curse of **RESET** s.

...

What is the price?

Ah, a quick learner. Good.

This is not simple magic.

Come, we cannot conduct ourselves in this manner. Efficient though it may be, it is too limiting.

Okay.

...

  
  


..

  
  


.

  
  
  
  


You opened your eyes.

Surrounding you, as far as the eye could see, stretching in every direction was water. It was an infinitely large lake, or maybe a river, the current gently flowing around your ankles. Above the endless stream of sapphire was space. Black and interminable, cut through with the cold white lights of countless stars that twinkled distantly. Always and forever it stretched, blue and black, far beyond your sight, racing towards the horizon. 

You looked down at yourself. You had clothes, not ones you could definitively say you owned, but they felt familiar. Comfortable. A soft blue knit sweater as your top, and black shorts that were loose and comfy. Your feet were bare under the water. You touched your face, glasses still perched on your nose.

Strange.

You cast your gaze about, and the only thing that broke up the monotonous landscape was a figure. They were of similar height and build to you, clothed in a green long-sleeve shirt with a yellow stripe and brown pants, standing in the distance. 

You walked towards them, following the current.

They perched at what appeared to be the edge of a waterfall. The waters swirled around them before gravity tugged it down, down, down, into the black, into the abyss. 

Into the void.

You tore your gaze away from the cascading water to look at the figure.

They stared back with crimson eyes, bright and red as freshly spilt blood.

They had shoulder length auburn hair and light skin with flushed cheeks. 

Their smile tugged their lips wide, the most unsettling smile you had ever seen worn by another human being.

“Hello, Chara.”

“Greetings, Alex.”

“Did you do this?” you asked, looking around at the endless waters.

“No. This is you. My mindscape has grown pedestrian. Every golden flower in the field is the same.”

You hummed thoughtfully sitting down at the edge of the waterfall, your bare legs dangling over the abyss.

Chara joined you.

“So how do we do this then?”

“You give me your SOUL.”

“Yeah, no. That sounds pretty sketchy.”

“Though I am DETERMINATION, I am incapable of overpowering you.”

Their SOUL flared to life hovering before their sternum.

Red, like their eyes. That brilliant scarlet that you had only seen before in Frisk’s SOUL.

Only theirs was _shattered._

A fractured shard, right at the center was missing.

“He used _your_ SOUL to change the Source Code.” you breathed, staring wide-eyed at Chara.

“I cannot come back from this. Your mate doomed me to this place. I cannot say I regret he made that choice, considering all that came to pass, but as things stand, I am unable to take control of this timeline.” Their bright red eyes slid over to you, their cold smile now baring just a hint of teeth, “And so it is _your_ SOUL that will work the magic, and I shall carve it. Do you find this an adequate agreement?”

“What comes after?” you asked, cautious.

“You will be made as you were, for the most part.”

“‘For the most part’? That sounds encouraging.” you replied sardonically. 

“I will address that in a moment. As for myself and Asriel, I will remake us into proper monsters, or an approximation of such. My SOUL cannot serve a human body any longer, and so I will diminish into something more stable, albeit more vulnerable. This will consume my human SOUL in the process.”

You leaned back on your arms as the water rushed around you, staring up at the distant icy stars.

“What about Gaster?”

“What about him?”

“Will he still be free? Or will this just pull him back into the void like some eternal teeter-totter?”

Chara laughed, their voice cold and chilling. “Amazing, that even here you would bargain for his benefit, after all it cost you. He is void-touched, and that cannot change without dire consequences. However, I feel the state he is in currently,” Chara canted their head upwards, “I should amend that to, ‘the state you last knew him’, shall remain unchanged. He will retain his memories, his broken skeletal form, his magic. But a shard of his SOUL has been irrevocably altered.”

“So, all in all, a good deal.”

“I would frame it as such.” They tilted their head. “And yet you do not ask what it is you stand to lose.”

“We’ll get there, yeah?” Chara nodded with that obscene grin, “Let’s figure out you. You get a monster SOUL and a monster body. What about Flowey?”

“He too shall receive a SOUL, nearest a monster SOUL as I can manage. We shall share, as we always have and always will, of course. Such things must also remain immutable.”

“And that’s still sounding like good news. Alright, what’s the price?”

Chara’s grin was black. Literally, like a gash of emptiness instead of a mouth.

“The process to make a monster body requires physical and magical seeds alike, for not even the elementals are without physical form. I need shards of you. Of your SOUL and your body. I would sacrifice my current form but alas,” their inky gash of a mouth widened darkly and disturbingly as they grinned, appearing entirely _inhuman,_ “It has been corrupted and rendered nonviable for this endeavor. Instead I will use the seeds from you and Asriel’s lingering monster magic, his DETERMINATION and his dust to form the new bodies to crystalize around.” they inclined their head, “Of course, you will not be left wanting, there will always be an exchange.”

“...That’s the bad news then.”

“Indeed.”

“Alright.” you agreed with a shrug.

“...Curious. Does this price not concern you?”

“Well, the benefits are outweighing the costs in my book. Can I still use my magic?”

“Yes.”

“And I’ll still be me, right?”

“That depends. Who are you?”

You stared at them, not sure how to answer that question.

“Your SOUL will be altered. And so you shall be as well.”

“Will I still have my memories after? Will everyone remember me?” 

“Yes.”

“Then fine, I’ll take the deal....Just one more thing.”

You turned to Chara, and they cocked their head to one side curiously, the angle looking all wrong.

“I want to get the others in the void out too.”

Their dark grin curled into a sneer.

“How very noble. I see why Frisk likes you.”

“They’re a good cookie.” you said with a soft and fond grin, “So what’s that going to cost?”

“Energy. Pulling you out of the void required use of the CORE, and you wish to draw out four others as well?”

“It shouldn’t take as much for them. They’re closer to reality, they aren’t as deep as I am. Was. Will be. Whatever.” you shook your head. 

“Hm, I suppose that much is true. I believe it is possible. There may be some unfortunate consequences to drawing that much power, but I believe the company we keep can successfully mitigate that...Do we have an agreement then?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Splendid. Do you wish to begin?”

“Not much use in waiting, is there?”

“No, I have been waiting for eons. I would rather finish this.”

“Alright. So you need my blood or something?”

“No.” they barked a crazed laugh, one of their hands suddenly lifting, cupping your cheek. Their fingers were ice and their eyes suddenly turned dark as pitch, gaping, dripping tar-black stains down their cheeks, dribbling down their chin from that gash of a mouth. “Those pretty blue eyes, windows to the SOUL...”

Your eyes flew wide and their grip on your face tightened. Their magic sparked, forming a very familiar red knife in their hand.

“I require one.”

Chara giggled at your stunned expression, the sound draining the blood from your face as your gaze shifted to the knife point. Their magic was identical to Frisk’s.

“Do not look so surprised. **I** taught them this magic.” They adjusted the grip of the knife, holding it aloft before your face. “Are you prepared?”

“Not really...” you said, swallowing heavily.

But what choice did you have?

You were INTEGRITY, and you would do whatever it took for the ones you loved.

You would give anything to SAVE them.

You pulled your glasses off with a shaking hand.

“Do it.”

...

..

.

Your screams echoed across the ceaseless mindscape, and the waters that tumbled over into the void ran red.

* * *

It is done.

...

Are you there?

...Yes.

Do not sound so sullen, you were eager for this deal.

You were the eager one. Maybe ‘delighted’ is a better term.

Hm, fair enough. Still, I feel you will make it out of here having the least among the losses. 

Now, your SOUL, scion of INTEGRITY.

This is it then?

Yes.

You will uphold your end of the deal?

I cannot lie here, and who would lie to _you_ but a fool?

Good point. Alright.

...

  
  


..

  
  


.

  
  
  
  
  


**We begin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [ATTACK by 30 Seconds To Mars](https://youtu.be/Zlc7bb6ea2k)
> 
> \---
> 
> Finally, I’ve been waiting to post this since, well, the beginning really. We were always meant to end up here, from the moment Alex made that fateful trip to apartment 304.
> 
> It’s my birthday today! And since the virus and wildfires have ruined all my plans, I̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶d̶r̶i̶n̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶w̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ I am thinking of commissioning art as a present to myself. If any of you have room for commissions right now, or have some friends who are artists, let me know!
> 
> Please check out my [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/) where I now have a posting schedule, and you can take a look at the visuals I’ve added to go along with each chapter (or send me an ask or prompt!).
> 
> 💙 Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	30. This Will End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD, more glorious fanart! The incredible [TrinTerrance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinTerrance/pseuds/TrinTerrance) drew Asriel! But it's slightly spoilery, so I put it in the Author’s Notes below. It is mandatory you look and give them praise. THANK YOU! 💙💙💙

  
  


_No, I am not afraid to die_

_It's every breath that comes before_

_Heartache I've heard is part of life_

_And I have broken more and more_

_But I can hope how this will end_

_With every line, a comedy_

_That we can learn to love without demand_

_But with unreserved honesty_

  
  


* * *

  
  


In the depths of Mount Ebott, in the lowest levels of the Underground, inside a darkly lit lab, a poorly sketched drawing of Doctor W.D. Gaster, a bottle of Grillby’s Fire Whisky, and a pair of women’s glasses materialized out of the void. 

Then four monsters, a young girl and three scientists, came into being. They were not as they once were, like bleached corals having lost their luminous colors, their features varying degrees of warped and malformed, but they once again existed fully in reality for the first time in over ten years.

Two more beings formed in existence. One appeared a bipedal, long-eared, white-furred goat child, but instead of furry arms and paws, their arms were made of thick vines and their claws were red thorns. Yellow petals interspersed with the fur on their head mimicked a golden crest, or maybe a lion’s name. He blinked, staring down at his new form. He’d take to it readily, having already transformed more times in his strange life than most ever would.

The other plant-based creature was slightly smaller, with long limbs and a slender build. They resembled a human in shape but their body was green, covered in plates of overlapping leaves, a crown of yellow flowers growing out of their “hair”, slender leaves that draped down to just above their shoulders. When they opened their eyes they were most peculiar, the sclera black, the iris of the left eye a deep blue and the right a vibrant red. 

The last being to materialize was a human. She was small, short and coltish, with a shock of long dark curls and pale skin dusted with freckles like constellations. She fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs, disoriented and lost, breathing in lungfuls of air for what like the first time in an eternity.

  
  


She was you.

  
  


You were alive again.

  
  


[ALEX!]

  
  


And that was the monster who you had bound your SOUL to. 

You felt it again, that rush of emotions that were not your own flooding your SOUL like a tidal wave, that grounding presence assuring you, _you were not alone_ , you were loved, and you would always, _always_ be together.

Arms made of bones supported your back and gently lifted you to a sitting position, Gaster kneeling beside you on the tiled lab floor. More hands ran over your limbs, verifying you were here and whole. What you sensed flowing from him through the Soul Bond was nearly overwhelming; Fear, relief, _elation_.

[Alex-- _Stars_ \--How?--] you couldn’t make out much else. You opened one eye, blinking and trying to focus on the monster in front of you. Beyond Gaster’s worried face you could make out the fuzzy yellow shape that must have been Alphys.

“I’m ok.” you said between gasping breaths, your voice decently steady for having come back to life. His large hands cradled your face, his thumb sweeping over your cheek and when he pulled it away you saw his bones stained with crimson. A tiny trickle of blood ran down in a thin rivulet from your left eye.

Chara had been a little overzealous.

You weren’t the only one who thought so.

“Chara, you _bitch!_ ” Flowey-- _Asriel_ screamed, tackling the plant monster to the ground. Asriel was no longer a tiny flower, bigger than Chara, and bigger than you now too, roughly pinning the newly born monster against the floor, “You took my magic!” he spat ferociously, fangs bared. Even his voice had changed, no longer high pitched.

“I gave it back-”

“You tried to kill me!”

“‘Try’ being the operative word, dear brother. If you will recall, due to lack of intent, I _failed_ to kill you.” they airily replied.

“YOU TRICKED ME!” he roared, and Chara stilled, discomposed in the wake of their sibling’s fury.

“...I did. I am sorry.”

Asriel stared down at Chara, eyes wide and enraged and...welling with tears. They spilled down his white-furred cheeks, onto the plant monster below and he wrapped his vine arms around them, hugging them against his chest as he wept.

“I missed you too.” Chara said quietly, rubbing his back. 

“oh _fuck_ no.” Sans said, staring at the two. “you’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me.”

<What?> Frisk signed, looking tired and apprehensive beside the furious skeleton. They must have just gone through the DT extractor again, magic all but spent.

“that’s the fuckin’ anomaly!” Sans said, gesturing roughly in Chara’s direction with both hands. “they fuckin’ killed everyone-”

<I let them, I gave them my SOUL.>

“that wasn’t on you kid, that was them-”

“Hey, uh, can we have this debate later?” you said, raising your voice. You never were loud, but you seemed to have managed to get everyone’s attention, “We really need to get out of here, this whole place is-”

Your words were cut off when the floor shook hard enough to bring everyone who wasn’t already on the ground down to their knees. 

“That would be the CORE collapsing. Sorry Gaster, I kinda broke it.”

[What!? How-] you pressed a finger to his lips.

“No time, seriously, we need to leave the Underground, _now!_ ” You felt around for your glasses, quickly putting them back on once your fingers grasped them, then scrambled to get your feet underneath you. Gaster stood and with an arm curled carefully around your middle, pulled you up with him. “Sans, can you teleport us out?”

“are you freaking kidding me, pal? this many people at once, and with-” another tremor shook the short skeleton off-balance, and Papyrus caught him before he could tip over. Wait, Papyrus was here too? “-shit. thanks, bro. with everything movin’ it can get pretty tricky to stick the landing.”

<We’ll take the elevator, the upper levels may be more stable.> Gaster ordered, and your motley group worked their way back to their feet and ran down the lab’s hall. Plaster and dust shook loose, raining down from the ceiling as the ground continued to violently shift.

The four ex-void monsters, Alphys, Frisk, Asriel, Chara, Sans, Papyrus, Gaster and yourself all piled into the elevator, the space exceedingly cramped with a dozen bodies. You wanted to yell at Sans for having Papyrus here, he should have been home where it was safe, but you knew well why the youngest skeleton brother was Underground today; Sans wanted to be with his family if the timeline ended. 

You found yourself unable to begrudge him for wanting to spend his potential final moments with loved ones.

Sans hit the button to make the elevator rise to the main floor of the lab, the lift beginning to climb when another tremor struck, the lights flickering ominously before blacking out, the elevator screeching loudly with terrible grating sounds and slowing to an abrupt halt. 

“INTEGRITY, if I die down here, I will be rather upset.” Chara said coolly in the dark, only Sans and Gaster’s eyelights visible. 

“you didn’t seem upset with everyone dyin’ on your last run.” Sans said in a clipped tone and narrowed eye sockets, “hey pal, you mind helping givin’ us a lift?” his white lights shifted over towards you.

“Yeah.” you replied, your magic flaring like a flame igniting inside your chest and around your fingers, illuminating the small space with blue light.

And oh, how _good_ that felt! Your SOUL was purged of darkness, warm and alive, magic thrumming and flowing unimpeded through your nerves, burning bright once more. It was like breathing freely after being sick, only a hundredfold more potent. You almost let out a joyous, giddy laugh.

You would have, if there wasn’t a chance you might not make it out of the Underground alive, as Chara had pointed out.

You tapped into that sixth sense that allowed you to feel your surroundings, your magic creeping along the elevator, the wheels, the cables, the shaft, like running your fingers over an object in the darkness to understand its shape. Sans was doing the same, and after only a couple seconds spent in examination, you and Sans raised your hands haloed in Blue Magic as one. It was almost unsettling how your magic harmonized, blue light enveloping the elevator in an effortless alliance, and lifting it upward.

It wasn’t easy, the elevator was heavy, especially loaded with twelve people. You were panting with exertion before long and Sans had beads of blue sweat forming on his skull. Worry flitted through the Bond and you did your best to shut that connection out, you needed to _focus._

When the elevator finally reached the main floor and the twin lights extinguished you just about collapsed, Gaster’s arm encircling your waist and pulling you against him, holding you upright as your legs all but buckled under you.

“WOWIE, YOU TWO DID A GREAT JOB!” Papyrus praised as Sans heaved great rattling breaths, appearing to be in only slightly better shape than you were, considering he was standing on his own two feet unaided. “I’LL GET THE DOOR.” Papyrus wedged his boney fingers between the two elevator doors and with a grating groan of metal, they were forcefully shoved wide open. There were imprints of Pap’s phalanges in the metal when he stepped back and allowed everyone inside to climb out.

“Damn, your brother is strong.” you whispered to Gaster, and he quietly nodded with wide sockets. Who knew the cinnamon roll had that it in him? Gaster supported you as you stumbled out, your group of monsters and humans fleeing the building. The tremors continued, some of your number stumbling and hurriedly being dragged back to their feet, until finally everyone escaped the lab, the oppressive heat and the orange glow of the cavernous Hotland greeting you.

That, and a scene of such destruction you’d only viewed in disaster movies.

You had known what you were going to see, but witnessing it with your own eye was something else entirely; The CORE was collapsing. It had been damaged the first time it was fully utilized, but what you and Chara had done, hijacking that wellspring of power, drawing every last drop of energy and redirecting it to pull out all the void occupants had caused the entire superstructure to deteriorate on a catastrophic level. Massive sections of machinery were falling into the magma below, large waves of lava surging and splashing upward. 

The cave system was collapsing right along with it. The wild ambient magic you had first detected when you ventured here was now entirely absent, having been harvested and spent. It was a strange feeling, like walking into a soundproofed room, the absence of magical white noise disquietingly obvious. With the veins of magic having run dry and a vacuum left in its place, that crucial substrate in the Underground now missing, the place was literally falling apart.

“well shit.” Sans mildly said, blinking at the destruction, “guess we’re headed to waterfall.” 

Considering the way you had arrived here was crumbling to pieces...yeah, that was the only option.

Everyone started running again, Papyrus bringing up the rear and encouraging everyone to keep up the pace (“SEE ALPHYS, YOUR TRAINING IS PAYING OFF, NYEH HEH HEH!”) not that much encouragement was needed. Fissures were rapidly running through the ground as the earth shook and buckled, and rocks fell like lethal hail from above, Sans or yourself batting them away with bursts of magic before they could smash into someone’s unsuspecting head. The little girl monster tripped over one of the deflected projectiles, Gaster scooping her up mid-stride before she could crash against the ground.

Ahead you saw a bridge, and beyond it a hut covered in snow (your brain could not and would not process how that was possible). Just as the first of the void monsters at the head of your pack reached the bridge, a loud, ear-splitting crack echoed through the cavern and a massive shelf of rock came hurtling towards your group.

You felt Gaster’s magic buzz through the air, Sans’s shifting to resemble his brother’s, the rhythmic, orderly energy coalescing into solid shapes. A score of gigantic white skulls hovered above you, resembling predators with gaping maws lined with sharp teeth. Energy, ferocious and volatile gathered inside their splitting jaws before roaring beams of white-hot light fired simultaneously up towards the falling boulders, the sheer force of it making your teeth rattle and your SOUL shiver, the concussive blast felt inside your chest like a heavy bass beat.

The rock disintegrated into gravel.

Most of it anyways.

One large chunk was sliced off by the energy beams, tumbling sideways and smashing into the bridge, planks of wood splintering apart, the structure collapsing into the lava below.

“shit.” Sans muttered in that same understated tone, watching as the dangling remnants of the bridge almost instantly caught fire.

“What the everliving fuck was that!?” you exclaimed once you had your wits about you. What the hell, were all of the skeletons stupid powerful monsters!?

<Later.> Gaster curtly signed, setting the dazed girl down beside Sans, <You must teleport us to the Surface, it is not feasible to continue on foot.>

“fuck, ok.” Sans agreed, now that your party had been more or less backed into a corner. 

“Take the kids first if everyone can’t all go at once.” you ordered, and Sans was already grabbing Frisk’s arm in their skeletal grasp. His other hand clasped over the small girl’s shoulder (she didn’t appear to have arms).

“kid, hold on.” Sans directed Asriel, who wrapped their red claws around Sans’s forearm, and Chara moved to follow.

“ **don’t you fucking touch me.** ” Sans snarled, eyelights extinguished, his abyssal sockets glaring at the plant monster. 

“ _All_ the kids, Sans. Take them too.” you fiercely demanded.

“i’m not taking the fuckin’ anomaly-”

A large stalactite came crashing down and your magic surged. You lifted a glowing hand and thrust it to your side so forcefully your joints protested in pain, a blue haze of mirroring magic redirecting the sharp rock’s trajectory three feet to the left, missing Alphys by inches, the yellow monster shrieking as shards of splintering rock rained down on her scales.

“ _Sans I swear to fucking god, take Chara, NOW!_ ” you bellowed, Gaster flinching at either your raised voice or your impatient rage, or maybe both.

Sans’s glare was redirected at you, his eye sockets still dark and venomous. “Protect them, INTEGRITY.” he intoned, the words sounding more like a threat than anything, and he vanished, the four children disappearing with him.

“Alphys, you three, you’re up next.” you barked at the remaining void monsters and trembling scientist, working you way up from most vulnerable to least. 

Boulders and debris continued to tumble down on your group, your remaining number huddling closer together as the cave-in worsened by the second. Gaster and Papyrus summoned huge bones that erupted from the ground forming a protective cage over your clustered group. A large rock would occasionally shatter one of the magical constructs, your magic shoving away the wayward chucks of earth before they could harm anyone.

Sweat was dripping down your skin, saturating your shirt. Between the heat, the excess use of your magic, and your very newly reconstructed body, you were already pushing yourself too far too fast. Adrenaline and sheer force of will kept you focused on ensuring everyone remained unharmed, despite your mounting weariness. 

Sans reappeared, almost faceplanting as he exited the void. He was somehow sweating worse than you were. Quickly he steadied himself, making contact with the next group of monsters and slipping back through the void, only yourself, Gaster and Papyrus left.

The air was thick with dust and choking heat, the cave above your head crumbling down incessantly. It was so loud your ears rang and you were struggling just to stay upright. Anxiety was creeping into your perception from Gaster, and you overrode it, steadfast amidst his fear. 

_This is not the end._

The earth at your feet ripped open, the quaking knocking you back flat on your ass as a fissure split open the ground before you, like a glowing orange-red wound, the burning, bleeding magma of the earth revealed and oozing forth.

Sans picked that moment to teleport back.

“SANS!” Papyrus yelled over the din, one lanky arm reaching out and grabbing hold of the short skeleton’s fur-lined hood, yanking him backwards before he could fall into the newly formed pit of lava. Sans’s magic flared and he blipped away again, perhaps just on instinct alone, dragging Papyrus with him.

Relief flooded your system, emotions mirrored between yourself and Gaster. Now you only had to worry over each other.

And that was quite a worry, the ground was shaking so violently that both of you couldn’t manage to stand anymore. Gaster summoned curved bones that resembled ribs erupting from the ground around you in a radial pattern, obstructing your view with a nearly solid dome of white. You could feel his panting heavy breaths as the world around you crashed down, awful noises of shattering earth and cracking bone sounding in your ears over the ringing.

_I can’t hold it._

_I can. Let go._

_I just need a moment._

The bones splintered and collapsed under an avalanche of stone, and your magic rose to meet it.

Both of your hands were cloaked in ghostly blue flames, raised high with fingers splayed, blue sparks wildly manifesting, the air itself saturated and overcharged with your surging magic. Like a shockwave it spread outwards from your SOUL. Your jaw clenched, teeth grit together as you forced the collapsing rockfall back, holding it in check from crushing the two of you. Your magic was so concentrated and condensed it was almost opaque, virtually a solid wall of blue, like a glowing bubble protecting the two of you.

It was moments from shattering.

_Only a little longer yet, please, hold on._

The pain inside your head was overwhelming, red-hot iron firing through your skull in searing agony. The edges of your vision began to turn dark, and you closed your eye, the visual artifacts a distraction. 

Behind closed eyelids, all you could see was red.

Your SOUL was shuddering in your chest. You were probably on the edge of overloading your magic again, the heat now a painful inferno within you, charring away at the edges of your SOUL, your nerves screaming at you to stop.

**You refused.**

No, this wouldn’t be your end. You did _not_ go through all that pain of dying, you did not sacrifice a shard of your SOUL, you did not endure all of those hardships to have it end here.

Your magic held.

Arms wrapped around you, pulling you back against Gaster’s rib cage, and you felt his magic gathering, surging like flood waters, rising around you, pulling you under.

_Just breathe._

Then everything blacked out.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Bright light seared into your eye, forcing you to shut it.

If this was the afterlife, it was awful prickly. Must be hell, you never prayed for salvation, did you? Still, you didn’t think there’d be birdsong in hell. Or that it would be so painfully bright.

At least Gaster was here with you.

Gingerly, you cracked your right eye open.

Oh, that was the sun, those were pine needles, and this was the Surface.

You were up a tree, disoriented and tangled about its branches and hanging upside-down, sticky sap smeared on your skin.

“holy shit, you did it bro.” Sans said from somewhere below you, sounding winded but impressed, before adding a sardonic; “is everything still attached this time?”

You felt Gaster’s irritation, then genuine worry as you heard him untangling his limbs and did a silent and quick count to verify, yes, two legs, two arms, twenty phalanges each present. 

“‘This time?’” you echoed with a groan. And ‘holy shit’ was right, you weren’t dead. Gaster had managed to teleport both of you to safety. Mostly. Stuck high up in a tree was much preferred to being crushed by an avalanche of rock. You groped about for a sturdy branch to grab hold of, carefully righting yourself and regaining your footing before pulling free fragrant pine shoots tangled in your hair.

<Please don’t ask.>

Oh, you sure as hell would later. Gaster scaled down the tree, his lab coat stained and torn, jumping down to the ground once he was close enough. You followed, two of his summoned hands hovering close by, ready to catch you if you fell. When you could descend no further, dangling from a low hanging tree limb, you let go, your boyfriend catching you and carefully setting you down. He held you at arm’s length, eyelights examining you for injuries.

“I’m fine.” you said quietly, trying to head off his inevitable fussing. That was a futile effort, he gripped your chin with one of his summoned hands, the more pristine sleeve of his lab coat wiped over your cheek, mopping the blood up. It had probably looked like you were crying crimson tears. 

<Is that so?> he signed, and _damn_ for someone signing he had an uncommon talent for biting sarcasm. But it was a facade, under it was cold, cloying fear. It made the bones of his arm shake as he carefully dabbed away the last of the blood near your closed eye, the grip of his phalanges on your face just a bit too tight.

He had technically lost you, gotten you back, and then nearly lost you again in exceedingly rapid succession. Those last moments in the Underground were so horrifyingly close to lethal, and Gaster was just barely holding it together under the surface.

“Gaster,” you said, your voice stronger now, “It’s ok.” you reassured him, grasping his hands in yours and gently tugging them away from your face, your thumbs running along the familiar bones. “I’m ok.”

You weren’t dead at least. You sure as hell were dead on your feet, and you found yourself leaning against Gaster’s tall frame to stay upright, a dull throb aching in your head, keeping time with your slowing heartbeat now that the adrenaline was wearing off. He slipped his hands free from yours, arms wrapping around you and holding you close as he sighed. 

You were free. Both of you, here, alive, _together_. The shared sentiment thrummed through the Bond, a jubilant revelation that had you clinging to his dirtied coat, your breaths shuddering. Love, that core to the silver threads that tied your SOULs, shined bright and warm between you like the sun itself.

The relief and exhaustion that flooded your system hit like a drug, and if it weren’t for Gaster holding you, gravity would have certainly overpowered you just then. You felt like you could sleep for the next century if given the chance.

Of course, you weren’t granted that quite yet.

“sorry to interrupt your moment, but are you gonna explain what the hell just happened down there?” Sans asked, still breathless and indifferent to your fatigue. Maybe because he was in the same boat; He looked completely wiped out, and Papyrus was hovering very near to him, like he was just waiting for an errant breeze to knock Sans over. The rest of your group approached as well, and a quick headcount confirmed ten living, albeit dirty and soot-covered monsters and one human.

You could have cried in relief that there hadn't been any casualties.

Sans was still expectantly looking at you, and it was a herculean effort to try and manage a coherent conversation. You sighed, trying to form your words into something succinct. 

“Long story short, we altered the Source Code again and effectively overwrote the timeline.”

“We have ended RESETs.” Chara announced, looking rather pleased with themselves. 

Sans’s eye sockets widened and he looked between Chara and yourself disbelievingly before his eyelights settled on you, “it’s really over?” he asked, voice nearly a tentative whisper. He wasn’t asking you to answer as Alex, but as INTEGRITY. And he wasn’t just asking for himself, everyone’s eyes were now upon you.

“Yes.” you answered with a heavy finality. 

Chara turned to Frisk, who looked rather pensive in the face of such news.

“Of course, I preserved your ability to SAVE and LOAD, so long as your SOUL remains intact. You are the scion of DETERMINATION, Frisk, and I would not deny you your birthright.”

There was an air of confusion at that last part that the plant monster quickly picked up on.

“Truly, none of you have noticed?” Chara blinked, “Frisk was born on the day you fell, Wingdings Gaster. You wrote the Source Code to have time commanded by DETERMINATION, and so it obliged, deeming Frisk worthy and granted them a pure DETERMINATION SOUL. You will find no other human alive with their power.”

“Wait, then how did I gain control of the timeline?” Asriel objected.

“You were not meant to exist as you were. Simply put, you were an abomination.”

Asriel balked.

“Oh, but I have corrected it, dear brother.” Chara sweetly amended.

“‘Corrected it’!? You call this-” he held up his vine-like arms in Chara’s face, “-corrected??”

“Apologies, Azzy, I cannot say I have ever created a monster before,” they snidely replied, slender fingers carefully gripping and lowering Asriel's thorned hands, “Considering the scaffolding I was allotted, I would deem your new form more than adequate. I ensured you had horns.” they said, pointing at Asriel's head, to which the goat monster touched exploringly. 

<I think you look really cool.> Frisk signed.

“i think you look like a couple of mass murderers.” Sans growled, “i don’t get why you brought them back, INTEGRITY, i should have left this little freak in the rubble.”

<No!> Frisk signed sharply, <Stop blaming them for everything, I gave them my SOUL! I let them kill everyone, I knew what they were going to do and I let it happen anyways.> Frisk rapidly signed, and Sans looked down at the human child like he was seeing them for the first time, and he did not like what he was looking at.

“That is not entirely factual. Frisk was well aware of my plans to increase my LV through mass killings, but not of my plot to ERASE the timeline.” A slow, unsettling grin spread over Chara’s face, their fangs displayed, “I am additionally guilty of striking you down, Comic Sans. I believe I alone may lay claim to such a feat.” Sans remained silent, openly glaring at the plant monster, who in turn tilted their head to one side. “I see you are still upset. May I remind you that you killed me numerous times before then? A hundred and twenty seven times, if memory serves.”

“you were gonna destroy the timeline!” Sans burst out.

Chara nodded, “Yes, however, I changed my mind, initiated the final RESET and restored control to Frisk. I offer my sincerest apologies and remind you further that, with Alex’s aid, we have ended RESETs. You are most welcome.” they purred.

Sans flipped them off, his eyelights dim pips, “you can take that apology and shove it.”

Chara impassively blinked, unaffected by the rude gesture and crude words, “Truly, I do have remorse. I am speaking the Truth, am I not, INTEGRITY?” they said, turning their disturbing grin and strange eyes towards you.

“They are.” you answered, still feeling quite perturbed in the plant monster’s presence. Something was so _off_ about their smile, and it had nothing to do with their newly acquired sharp teeth.

“And to offer further evidence of my sincerity...” they continued, raising a hand to their chest and withdrawing their SOUL.

It was a monster’s SOUL, a small upside-down white heart, but lodged in the center of the pale glow...

...A sliver of the deepest, most vivid shade of blue you’d ever seen.

Gaster looked between the monster’s SOUL and you, Chara’s blue eye and your closed one, now crusted with dried blood, realization and horror dawning on his features as he came to understand what you had given up.

Asriel let out a loud, long, frustrated groan.

“...Why couldn’t you be Kindness, Alex?” he groused, “Now they’re an _honest_ bitch.”

* * *

The sun was sinking towards the western horizon as your group slowly walked to the lone road that carved a path up the mountainside before the entrance of the Underground.

It did not take long for the cavalry to arrive. A unit of the Royal Guard charged up in military vehicles, monsters streaming out of them, certainly drawn by the ongoing tremors that made the trees of the mountainside tremble and shake as the cave-in continued far below the earth. 

_Stars_ , you did not want to think what state the Underground was in right now.

Undyne was among them, her long legs propelling her forward ahead of the pack at a startling speed. The Captain of the Royal Guard all but tackled the Royal Scientist, scooping her up into a crushing hug, twirling her in a circle, her booming laughter sounding all the while before it was silenced with a kiss.

At the same time, one very large black van pulled up to the end of the gravel road, and Asriel took notice. 

“Oh shit!” he swore in a panic, and you could see Chara’s eyes widen simultaneously in a mirrored fear, looking around for signs of distress, like they were hearing a sound you could not perceive. It was strange, seeing the Soul Bond demonstrated before you. Was this what it looked like for you and Gaster?

You had to admit, from the outside it was _weird._

“Mom!” Asriel pointed with a strained whisper, and Chara followed, squinting their eyes. Sure enough, you could see a very large goat monster extricating themselves from the van.

“Ah, well. This should prove interesting.” Chara remarked calmly.

“This is _terrible_!” Asriel cried, tugging on his long ears, “Shit, what do we tell her? We should hide! Fuck, I can’t even burrow underground anymore! Oh no, I think she spotted us. Chara, quick, think of a fake name!”

“I will do no such thing, Azzy.” they replied, crossing their arms, “Mother will learn the truth of who I am, who you were, and what has transpired.”

“Fuck! Stupid INTEGRITY SOUL!”

“Hey!” you snapped, offended, “Language!”

“We can’t tell mom what happened, you idiot!” he snarled at Chara, completely ignoring you.

“Whyever not? It will not remain hidden for long, concealing the truth now is a fool’s errand, it is best to deal with it promptly.”

“ _She will hate me!”_ he yelled, eyes misting over again.

“...So be it, our choices can no longer be undone. If she grows to loathe us, it is not of our control.” Chara said, their eyes hard and mouth set in a firm line, then belatedly added, “...As a consolation, you will always have me at your side, dear brother.”

“Fuck off, Chara.” He growled, but as the queen drew closer he looked utterly terrified, pupils pinpricks and ears pinned backwards. He grabbed a hold of Chara’s hand, and opposite them, Frisk took hold of Asirel’s other hand, red claws grasping tightly to the human. The three clung to each other, like lifelines in a storm.

Which was just as well, Toriel was only a few paces away, and stopped dead in her tracks, red eyes flying wide.

“Asriel...” she breathed, tears glistening in her warm eyes. Her gaze shifted slightly, directed at the second plant monster next to him, “Chara?”

“Hello, mother.” they said, and for all their bravado a moment ago, they sounded oddly shy now.

“Mom, I’m sorry,” Asriel bawled, words spilling from him as rapidly as his tears rained down his cheeks, wet tracks left on his white fur, “I didn’t want any of it to happen, with the buttercups or the humans or being that stupid flower and all the RESETs and all the terrible things I did, _mom I’m so sorry, I’m-_ ”

Toriel rushed forward and kneeled onto the dirt, gathering up all three of her children in a massive hug, her son burying his face into her fur. Frisk had one arm slung around him, another clinging to their mother, a beaming, joyful smile on their face, and Chara...

...Looked utterly at peace. Their strange eyes closed, their eerie grin was gone, and for once they appeared but a child in their mother’s arms. It wasn’t something you would have imagined possible for the creature you had met beyond the void, with a black gash of a smile and a shattered SOUL. This being was not the same.

They had changed.

You rubbed your palm over your sternum. 

A hand made of bones trailed down your back, drawing your attention from the reunited family. You looked up at Gaster, his eyelights locked onto your maimed left eye, a mournful ache running through the Bond. 

<You gave up a part of your SOUL.> Gaster signed, incredulously.

“Yup.” you said, giving him a half-hearted smile in return, “Do you want to know why?”

<I have my assumptions, but seeing as you wish for me to humor you; Yes, I would.> he gave you the barest hint of a wry smirk, his SOUL too disquieted to muster anything more.

“I could say I was doing that thing that you hate, when I’m selfless and help others at my own expense. When I give second chances to people who have done terrible things.” You glanced around at the freed monsters who had once assisted Gaster in violating the laws of the universe and now huddled together, marveling at their surroundings, feeling the sunshine upon them for the first time. Then at Sans who was looking at the setting sun as if he was seeing it for the first time too, leaning against Papyrus for support. At Asriel now hugging Frisk, who still wore a beaming smile and Chara who spoke quietly with Toriel as she gently stroked their hair of leaves. At Alphys and Undyne who were talking animatedly to each other, Alphys pointing in your direction, Undyne giving you a wave and a razor-toothed grin at seeing you alive, the corners of which fell when you weakly smiled back, your one-eyed gaze meeting hers. 

You sighed, facing again the monster you had tied your SOUL to. “But that wouldn’t be the entire truth, not the core of it.” Gaster regarded you as if none of what occurred beyond the two of you mattered in the least.

“It was so I could come back to you. So I could keep my promise.” you softly said. 

He shook his head, gazing down at you with stunned awe. You knew well what he wished to say, you could feel his sorrowful emotions, his disapproval, and a touch of admiration. He hated what price you had paid for his sins and the sins of others. But he did not give voice to those thoughts, instead lifting a hand to your face.

<May I?> he asked, Green Magic faintly glowing from his phalanges. You shrank away from his bones.

“You can’t fix it.” you said firmly. Nothing could change what you had agreed to.

<Does it hurt?>

“...Stings a little.” you admitted.

<Then let me help you. Allow me this, at least.> he gently implored, one long arm curling around your waist so you couldn’t back away any more.

“...Alright.” you said in a relenting whisper. With the gentlest of touches he nudged your head to tilt upward with a finger under your chin, carefully removed your glasses and then very, _very_ delicately peeled your eyelid open to see what damage Chara had wrought. 

[Oh, Alex...] he quietly lamented.

You could see on his face and feel in his SOUL the _pity._

You almost wished it were revulsion instead.

“It was worth it.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ASRIEL!](https://trinterrance.tumblr.com/post/627089826586460160/fallingstarstuff-here-is-asriel-i-wasnt-sure) Look upon his goat-boi, nightmare weed glory! Thank you, TrinTerrance!💙💜💙
> 
> \---
> 
> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [This Will End by The Oh Hellos](https://youtu.be/lojgpJwl1Pw)
> 
> \---
> 
> In previous chapter’s author’s notes, I’ve detailed all the character’s [ages](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293251/chapters/58557841) and [heights](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23580004/chapters/59220283). Let’s round out the roster, shall we? Not counting the years since death and reincarnating: 
> 
> Chara Dreemurr - 13 years old, 4’ 11”, 150 cm  
> Asriel Dreemurr - 12 years old, 5’, 153 cm
> 
> Only an epilogue remains, posting one week from today, same bat-time, same bat-channel.
> 
> Hit me up on [Tumblr](http://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/). There’s a sneak peek of the rest of the Dreemurr kids there.
> 
> 💙 Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


	31. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, dear reader. Here we are at the end with the longest chapter of all. Get yourself a drink and get comfy, ahead is an obnoxious barrel-full of fluff.

  
  


_Peel the scars from off my back_

_I don't need them anymore_

_You can throw them out or keep them in your mason jars_

_I’ve come home_

  
  


* * *

  
  


You awoke to the sensation of smooth bone brushing over your neck and partially bared shoulder, gentle kisses pressed slowly to your skin.

You buried your head further into your pillow in response.

Your hair was combed aside, exposing more skin, little bites teasing you, trailing back along where the kisses had been.

You groaned, turning your head away from those nipping bones.

[Alex.] his voice gently prodded, very quietly as if he barely wanted you to hear. It made his voice sound so deliciously husky.

You shook your head.

[Alex,] he said again, amusement dancing in his SOUL, his phalanges running down your nightshirt along your spine. You had to fight to repress the shiver his touch elicited. [We will be late.]

Did _‘I don’t care!’_ sound too childish? Probably. You didn’t move or respond.

[Last warning.] he murmured in your ear, breath ghosting over you.

Ok, now you were curious. He found that amusing too.

Strong arms made of bones suddenly wrapped around you, hauling you up off the bed. You couldn’t mute your giggles as Gaster held you, tucked in his arms and staring down at you, eye sockets narrowed in what was supposed to be a stern reprimanding glare, but his lips curling into a grin totally ruined it.

<If you’ve had your fun,> he leaned down to kiss your cheek, <You must start getting ready.>

Your head flopped back dramatically. “Ugh, you’re the worst.”

<Indeed.> he set you down on the ground, nudging you towards the bathroom, despite your grumbling.

The last few weeks since your departure from this life and subsequent resurrection had been...busy wasn’t the right word. _Overwhelming_ , yeah, that was more accurate. Life caught up to you and then some, every second you were pulled in so many directions you could scarcely _think_ , which had been a boon. You didn’t want to ruminate on the horrors you had experienced in the Underground. In fact, you did your best to pretend none of it happened at all.

It hadn’t mattered, they found a way to resurface very short order. It took all of three days from the time you regained the ability to sleep for your night terrors to return.

If your screams and your thrashing hadn’t woken up Gaster that night, the panic jolting across the Soul Bond certainly would have. Fortunately, Gaster was made out of bone now, a material far sturdier than void goop. Unfortunately, your shin was still bruised days later from where you kicked him. 

He had gathered you up in his arms, running skeletal fingers from a disembodied hand through your hair, soothing words whispered in the dark where the warm glow of his eyelights shined brightly. Your panicked gasping and trembling took only a couple minutes to subside but unlike your usual bout of nightmares, you felt an accompanying burning sting of tears.

“I thought it would stop.” you whimpered, “I’m not in the void anymore, I came back, the RESETs are gone, you’re here, why am I-” your words choked off.

_Why am I still broken?_

Gaster summoned two more hands to sign with, < _You are not broken_.> he gave you a severe look, eyelights gleaming intensely in the low light, <You never were. Wounded, perhaps. You have experienced terrible ordeals, traumas that few could ever comprehend. This response is far from unwarranted.> He kissed your forehead softly, <You are very strong, Alex, this is not weakness. _You are not weak._ The wounds of your mind will heal, give them time. For someone who is so forgiving, you are so unkind to yourself...>

You wanted to reject his words outright, you _knew_ something had long been broken, damaged with your head.

...But what if he was right? What if it was a wound that could be mended?

Maybe you could be patient, as he was. To understand that perhaps in time you might be better. 

Your arms wrapped around his broad ribs, mollified by the solid mass of his bones. He shifted his hold on you, his forehead pressed to yours, feeling his breath fanning over your skin. This was real. He was here, in your bed, with you, _he loved you._ You could believe in him, trust him, even in times like these when you couldn’t quite trust yourself.

* * *

It was several nights after that when you discovered Gaster had his own demons he was facing.

You had awoken in the earliest hours of the morning to find your bed missing one gigantic skeleton, and a quick query of his SOUL placed him in the living room. When you crept down the hall you saw him sitting on the couch, bathed in the light of your TV with David Attenborough’s voice turned low, drinking Fire Whiskey straight from the bottle. His eyelights were unfocused and fuzzy within their sockets, taking too long to drift your direction where you stood looking over him from the shadows of your hallway.

<Did I wake you?> he signed after he finally noticed you staring.

You shrugged. “What are you doing?”

<I would think it is obvious.> he lifted the bottle. <I cannot recall if I told you of this nasty habit among my many.>

“I think you mentioned it once. On my birthday.”

[Ahh, yes,] he sighed, slurring as he spoke aloud, <When I shared my favorite vice.> he let out a low self-deprecating chuckle.

You walked over to him, folding yourself against his side, his arm unthinkingly wrapped around you, his large hand resting on your thigh. Gaster reeked of booze, your nose wrinkling and an unwanted memory thrust to the fore of your mind.

He winced, sensing your disgust, eyelights shifting over to you. <What is it?>

“You won’t like it.” you warned.

<There a great many things I am lamenting over, certainly one more can’t hurt.>

“It can.”

<Tell me.>

You looked up at him forlornly, “You smell like David did that night.” you said, voice faint. It took him a second to place the name of the human who had once invaded your apartment, but you could tell the moment his recollection caught up to him.

He inhaled sharply, painfully, and for the first time you’d ever heard, murmured one low, harsh swear: 

[Fuck.]

“Gaster, why are you doing this?” you gently asked, fingers wrapping around the nearly empty bottle and slowly pulling it from him. He allowed it, his grip loosening as you tugged it away. You surrounded the bottle in a haze of your magic and sent it soaring out of reach into the kitchen with a leisurely wave of your hand.

He closed his eye sockets, leaning against you, as if he needed you for support.

You could be that, you could do that for him, just as he was to you for so long.

<I heard crying when I first fell. A little girl, weeping. Begging for help. She was so scared, she didn’t understand what had happened to her. I thought it was my own mind, torturing me for my misdeeds. Perhaps I had convinced myself of it. It was certainly plausible when the crying abruptly ceased without cause.>

He heaved a great shuddering, miserable sigh. 

<She simply stopped because crying was pointless. Nobody came to save her. I dragged a child into the void. I trapped her there for years. She suffered in the darkness because of _me_.>

His anguish was a crippling thing, so wretched it could steal your breath. So intense it nearly hurt on a physical level. You saw his free hand reaching out for a bottle that wasn’t available, an unthinking bid to drown out and numb those feelings. 

He became all the more despondent when his coping mechanism was no longer within reach.

<She wasn’t supposed to be in lab, I don’t know how she managed to get into that room.> His SOUL and his magic suddenly and angrily flared, his rhythmic magic something sharp and staccato, all scraping, sparking metal, grinding gears, fury spilling over, [Pointless excuses.] he spat in loathing disgust at himself, <It doesn’t matter _how,_ it never mattered, I never should have taken Chara’s SOUL, I never should have attempted to alter the Source Code.>

“But you did.” you said plainly, “And she was down there for ten years. And now no one can ever change it or RESET again. What’s done is done. The past is immutable, as it should be.” your hand reached up towards his face, stroking along his skull and gently turning him to face you.

“What you need to do now is move forward. I forgave you, but my forgiveness doesn’t matter much in this case.”

He was silent, eyelights drifting downwards, unable to meet your eyes.

“You are worthy of forgiveness. You can be a better monster. You can’t change what happened but you can work towards making a future for Lilly to grow up in where she’ll always have sunlight and she’ll be safe.” your gaze grew a little harder, your SOUL little more mournful, “The Surface isn’t a paradise, and my people haven’t learned how to accept your kind. But I know you can change this world for the better. You are capable of so much good, Gaster.” 

You leaned up and craned your neck to kiss his fractured cheek, and he turned his head to kiss your lips instead, hungry and desperate, tasting of whiskey and regret. 

“I think we should get help.” you quietly spoke against his bones.

[...Help?] he sluggishly murmured.

“Therapy.” you elaborated. He pulled back slightly, browbones raised, blinking at you. 

<You said you didn’t want that.>

“Yeah, and I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night, that I was wounded. When you’re hurt or sick, you go to the doctor, right?” you shrugged a shoulder, “Well, I think we’re sick.” you tapped your temple, _in here._

He looked quite pensive for a time before his arm looped around your middle gently tightened, phalanges squeezing your thigh. [Alright.] he said with an acquiescing sigh, and then a small wry grin, [Whatever you ask of me.]

* * *

The next day you went to the one monster you felt you could ask for help.

Toriel owed you, after all.

Not due to your part in bringing back Chara and Asriel (god, you couldn’t imagine her feeling like she owed you for her _children_ ), it was everything else you were doing for her. Since the CORE collapsed things were pandemonium. The Queen had to find a valid response for why the marvel of monster technology was now destroyed under piles of rubble and no longer fit for study by human scientists, all while keeping hidden the fact that two humans caused it by resurrecting themselves. Your name was in the records as having been the last human visiting the Underground, and Gaster didn’t exist in the Monster Registry, along with Chara and Asriel, all of which raised a whole hell of a lot of eyebrows. The CORE was one bargaining chip Toriel had been heavily leaning upon in her negotiations for monster rights with humans, and now it was gone.

In an effort to better navigate those increasingly contentious meetings, Toriel had been requesting (dragging) you and Gaster into endless encounters with human delegates. As it turned out, having a human lie detector was a very useful tool in negotiations, and to keep your ability quiet, Gaster was the one informing the Queen of deceptions, playing the role of advisor while you fed information to him through the Soul Bond (and holy fuck that was awkward, Toriel seemingly only tolerated the skeleton monster due to his connection with you, her bearing unfailingly polite but ice cold toward him). 

It was a clever little setup Toriel had devised, and also exceeding taxing. Regardless of how important it was, politics somehow never failed to be _boring_ , and you actually had to pay some semblance of attention to whoever was talking to read their intent. A lie wasn’t a lie unless the speaker wanted to deceive, which meant you had to _concentrate_ on their words for _hours._ Then after each meeting you went right back home to try and catch up on your own work dealing with endless client requests and the daily minutia in running your own business that had been piling up in your absence. 

You hadn’t been so tired since you, well, died.

(Shit, you were trying _not_ to think about that.)

The upside of helping the Queen was that hopefully she would be more lenient when Gaster’s trial eventually came, and more willing to aid you when you asked for someone to talk to.

“You may speak with me if you wish, my child.” she kindly offered in response when you caught her alone in the halls of the monster embassy.

“Thank you, but I meant...in a professional setting. Like...therapy.” you slowly dragged out the words, forcing them to be said aloud, unable to meet her warm, red eyes. Yet her persistent gaze caught you, the weight of it a heavy thing that commanded your unwilling attention.

“It is commendable to ask for help. And you have suffered more than most would bear. However, given all of the sensitive information that is tied to your fall, it may be difficult to find a trustworthy resource for you.” she smiled more widely, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. “But I will certainly do my utmost to find such a person. I would beg your patience in the meanwhile.”

You nodded, “Yeah, of course, I know things are really crazy right now.”

“That it is.” her smile fell slightly, “I would further beg of your aid, my child, if you are willing? Would you please visit my home this evening?”

Your smile turned brittle in turn, “Yeah, if you need it.” You couldn’t say no to her, though you wanted nothing more than to just go home and back to Gaster.

“I do. I believe this task is suitable only for INTEGRITY and the Judge.”

You were entirely confused by that request, and the confusion didn’t clear up when you ended up at Toriel’s home some hours later, sipping lemonade at her large oak table. Seated with you and the Queen was Sans, Chara and Flowey-- _Asriel_. You kept messing that up. He looked different, but the prickly plant was still very present in his demeanor. 

“You’re the Judge?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at Sans.

“yep.” he replied, placidly. 

“You wouldn’t have been my first pick, but okay. And what are we doing here?”

“Deciding the fate of my children for the crimes they have committed.” Toriel solemnly replied.

You blinked, somehow _more_ confused.

“...What?”

“i never got to judge these two before they left the underground that last time. they have to answer for what they did.” Sans said, his voice level and relaxed, the perfectly hidden and unvoiced resentment grating against your latent magic.

“...Still not following you, but okay, sure. Why us?”

“I am not an impartial party in this.” Toriel answered, her hands tightly clasped together.

“Yeah, but neither are we.” you said, feeling quite uncomfortable, “I thought monsters who committed crimes went through a trial?”

“Quite right, scion of INTEGRITY.” Chara smoothly replied with a small and too-pleasant smile, “For a common monster, that is. Members of the royal family are exempt from such rules. As such, my father never stood public trial for the murder of human children. Typically my mother would be the arbitrator of mine and my brother’s fate, but we have come to an agreement that there is no better SOUL suited for this than you.”

“‘Scion of INTEGRITY’, is that really still my title? After everything that’s happened?” you said bitterly. Off to your side, you could see the subtle motion of Sans’s skull canting downward, his eyelights lowered to Chara’s chest where he must have surely been looking at the shard of your INTEGRITY now housed in their SOUL.

“It is.” Chara’s smile faded, regarding you with their piercing multihued gaze, “The Judge and yourself wield magics that see the Truth of what we are. That has not changed. We have all agreed to your Judgement.” 

You caught Toriel and Asriel’s eyes, the former looking resigned and grim, but Asriel looked resolute. 

“I want it to be you, Alex.” he said, “Can you?”

You sighed, closing your eyes and running your hands through your hair. God, you didn’t want this, you didn’t want the power to decide the fate of another.

Maybe that was why they trusted you.

“Okay.” you agreed quietly. 

Chara nodded once, firmly, and turned to Sans, “If you would, please state our crimes.”

“murder.” Sans said, his voice deep and heavy, like the weight of a mountain was behind it, “lots and lots of murder. you dusted countless monsters to make yourself powerful enough to destroy everything,” he said with a phalange pointing to Chara before directing his cold white lights to Asriel who swallowed heavily, “and you did it for fun. you tortured and killed for nothing more than your own sick amusement.”

“And what of our circumstances during our crimes, dear INTEGRITY?” Chara said, unnervingly calm smile back in place, seemingly unaffected by Sans’s charges.

You tapped into your magic, letting it guide your words.

“You were both broken. Children with fractured SOULs who could not properly feel love or compassion or hope. Tied to each other and unable to move on, trapped in an inescapable prison that wasn’t your own making.”

“So what’s going to happen to us?” Asriel asked finally.

You and Sans slowly turned to look at one another. How different he was from your mate, how _indecipherable_ his expression, his grin a mask that hid all but what he wanted you to see. 

And what you saw was _hate._

You couldn’t think of a monster who would hate the Dreemurr children more; Sans had been killed by Chara, and you couldn’t imagine what he lived through during the time Flowey controlled the timeline. Nothing good, certainly.

And you were almost comically opposed; Chara, who carried a piece of your INTEGRITY, and your eye, newly reborn and literally seeing the world anew through a lens only you could have afforded them. The former human who helped you live and breathe once more, who granted you another chance at life and allowed you to reunite with your love.

And Asriel. The victim of a terrible experiment, nearly soulless for so long and yet he still cared for you. Your friend who saved your life. 

Sans was unreadable as always, his eyelights sharp. What was he thinking right now? What was he considering, studying your face? 

Something relented, and you saw his grin tug a little further upward on one side, a shoulder shrugging the barest amount under his hoodie, his posture becoming lax, leaning back slightly in his chair.

He was leaving this choice up to you.

He was trusting you.

...Or just dodging his responsibility. _‘Lazy.’_ you mouthed, and he gave another small half-shrug.

“Alright.” you announced after several long minutes, “I’ve decided.” you crossed your arms, “The two of you will be paying reparations to all the monsters you’ve hurt in other timelines. You will spend the rest of your childhood serving monsterkind.”

Asriel blinked, “Like...community service?”

“Yep. Ten hours a week minimum if you’re in school, forty hours if you’re not. And I want timesheets delivered to me, in person, every week until you turn eighteen.” Asriel opened his mouth- “No, I don’t care when you were born, you’re not eighteen yet.” -and promptly snapped it shut.

“I believe that is more than fair.” Chara said serenely.

“If I may amend your sentence,” Toriel asked, and you inclined your head, “Your last year must be spent serving directly under myself as aid to my office.”

“But mom!-” Asriel’s whining voice was cut off by their sibling.

“She is training you as her successor, my dear Prince.” Chara pointed out, “You are alive, and so she is aging again.”

“Both of you are alive.” Toriel corrected, to Chara’s puzzlement, “You are now a boss monster as well, and as my child, you too are a rightful heir.”

“you really want these two as the next royals, tori?” Sans said, his voice easygoing as ever but a single brow bone raised.

She looked at her children with eyes only centuries could forge, so heavy and burdened, mournful and full of regret, “That has yet to be seen. I will not cede the throne unless they prove themselves worthy.” she smiled, and never had one looked so sorrowful, “Those who are capable of understanding and growing from their mistakes make for good leaders, as are those who face their past and gain wisdom from such failings.”

She rested a large paw on each of their shoulders, “My children, you have much to learn, but I believe you may yet grow into wondrous individuals worthy of the crown.”

* * *

It had been that evening when Toriel granted you a reprieve. She apologized for commandeering more of your precious time and insisted you spend a day devoted to yourself and not your work.

Today was supposed to be that day, when she had exempted you from further meetings, your calendar blocked off for the first time in weeks, when you were supposed to do nothing but sleep, make out with your boyfriend, play some video games, and maybe cook something more complicated and intricate than endless iterations of stir-fry. 

And then Gaster had to freaking ruin it.

Hence your current grumbling as you meandered over to the bathroom to get ready.

You flicked on the light, hesitantly glancing at your reflection in the mirror. You had generally avoided looking at yourself like the plague, the reflection staring back at you terribly distressing. Your overall appearance had improved since you’d escaped the void, evidence of your slow decline beginning to recede, your skin no longer sallow, your body still too thin but perhaps not as disconcertingly frail, slowly but surely recovering. 

No, what bothered you stared right back whenever you peered at your reflection.

It was your left eye.

  
  


It was bright red, the color of freshly spilt blood.

  
  
  


**You** **_hated_ ** **it.**

Most days you wished you had declined Chara’s “exchange” when the two of you struck a deal and simply gone without the scarlet orb, depth perception be damned. A glass eye or an eyepatch would have been an option (you probably couldn’t pull off the latter like Undyne could, you were nowhere near that cool). At least you could have looked yourself in a mirror without the constant reminder of what you were now.

That disturbing eye was also why you were currently up getting ready instead of resting in bed with Gaster.

As it turned out, Chara had excellent vision. Wearing your glasses caused a headache after a short while, and going without was equally as disorienting. For weeks you had put up with looking utterly ridiculous with your frames missing the left lens you had removed as a temporary fix. So Gaster, being the kind-hearted idiot that he was, went ahead and decided to schedule you an appointment with an optometrist to resolve the issue. 

On your one day off in weeks.

You wanted to throttle him with your magic when he told you. At least he planned a date for this evening. That spared him. 

Your first date, _ever_. Things were really backwards when it came to you two, all considering his SOUL was permanently tied to your own. 

That was another source of your myriad of anxieties. What you had created in the void was more permanent than marriage. There was no backing out, no way to break a Soul Bond. Vaguely you could recall that state you had been in, when both of yours SOULs were one, when all that you were was laid bare for the other to see, and by mutual agreement you had forged the Bond with your magic.

But still, _forever._ What if you changed? (Or stars forbid, changed _more_?) What if he did? You had years and years ahead of you, and apparently skeletons could live multiple centuries (that was another grave concern of yours, given what Sans had told you in the Underground), would you still feel the same love for each other decades from now?

Amid your turbulent thoughts, and likely drawn due to them, Gaster had walked up to you from behind, his long arms wrapped around your body and his mandible resting atop your head as he held you.

<You have no reason to be nervous.> he signed with his extra hands, looking at you through the mirror.

“Oh?” you replied, that one note coming from you the perfect embodiment of ‘nervous’.

<Monster opticians, from what I have gathered, are quite similar to human ones in practice, I’m certain everything will go smoothly.>

You laughed, and you sensed his resulting confusion, “I’m not worried about the eye doctor...well, I wasn’t.” Now that he brought it up, what did monsters do differently than human doctors? You’d seen several monsters with eyewear, and you didn’t want to begin to explain your weird as fuck _new eyeball_ to your old human doctor. So off to the monsters it was, seemingly your usual mode of operation these days. 

<What is it, then?>

Ah, INTEGRITY. You could lie to him, but you never would.

“Us.”

...And there was his apprehension creeping over the Bond like a cold frost.

“Not us right now. This is fine, well, better than fine.” you laid a hand over his ulna and radius, fingers trailing over the twin bones of his forearm, his fingers twitching slightly against your hip at your caress, “I just was thinking about later. Like way, way later.” You looked away from his reflection in the mirror, glancing up at him directly, “Will you still love me when I’m all wrinkly as a prune?” you tried at levity.

<I will love you no matter what.> he signed, too seriously, not falling for your attempt to brush it off as a joke, <Is that truly your worry?>

“Kinda. I’m afraid I rushed things with the Soul Bond.”

<You’d be dead otherwise, therefore I have no objections...Do you regret it?>

“Maybe...” you felt something bitterly self-loathing and remorseful welling in his SOUL, “No, not like that, not for the reasons you’re thinking of.” you quickly soothed, you hand skimming along his arm to hold his hand, “What will happen to you when I do die?”

<Considering what I experienced having felt you perish _three_ times now,> He looked down at you with a mildly reprimanding glare, and you had the good sense to give him a weak, contrite grin in return, <I will Fall Down.> he answered simply, his arms tightening around you. Your abashed grin disappeared, sorrow seizing your breath. Fucking Sans was right. Again.

<Don’t be so disheartened, my dear, I never imagined living a very long life. Between occupational hazards and self-destructive tendencies, I wouldn’t have anticipated making it beyond a hundred and fifty at most. You can live to a hundred, correct?>

“I mean, if I’m lucky, sure.”

<That is perfectly reasonable then.> he causally signed.

That didn’t sound reasonable at all! 

He tapped a phalange to his chin in contemplation, <The alternative could be that I absorb your SOUL upon your death and become a terrifyingly powerful monster such that Asriel and Chara were.>

“Holy shit, really?”

He shrugged, <A possibility, but I feel it is less likely. Regardless, we are now running late.> he leaned down to kiss you, quick but sweet, <I love you. I don’t regret what you did. It was my choice as much as it was yours, and I would chose you again.> You smiled affectionately up at him, deciding to let the matter go for now, feeling his love bright and beaming through your SOUL.

* * *

The optometrist’s office was unfortunately not within walking distance, and Papyrus was busy helping Frisk and the Queen with some press release or something or other (everyone was so busy you could barely keep track of it all) which meant that the two of you had to take the bus.

(The last time you tried to call a rideshare for both of you, the driver took one look at Gaster and turned right around. You flipped him off and left a scathing review and complaint.)

Toriel was always pleased to have the two of you together in the public eye, and really it didn’t get much more public than you and Gaster squished side by side on a bus seat, his long, long legs sprawled out, his fingers laced with yours in what would have been a white-knuckled grip had he flesh instead of pale bones. There were always looks; double-takes at Gaster first, the oddness of seeing a monster outside the apartment complex where you lived and instead on the streets of Ebott, especially someone as tall and unique as him, and one who signed with strange hollow hands instead of speaking aloud. Then they’d sneak a closer look, take note of your proximity, of your hands held in one another’s grasp, of the low tones you used to talk to him, and it was all too clear the sort of relationship you the human and he the monster had.

And then there were the glares. The insults muttered under breaths that made anger flare in both your SOULs. But never could either of you respond in kind, not wanting to feed a narrative that monsters, or the humans that supported them, were rude or uncivilized.

But there were also the curious, pondering glances. And very occasionally the smiles. 

It gave you Hope that maybe the future had better things in store.

No matter the types of looks you got, you kept your head tilted forward, your hair a dark curtain before your face, always hiding that blood-red eye.

* * *

The appointment with the monster eye doctor (you were anticipating some monster with a gigantic eyeball, but no, it was just some orange fish creature) was uneventful. Your new left eye had 20/10 vision and your right required a slight update to your prescription.

“Or you can try out contacts.” the doctor offered, “You would only need to wear one. I could get you some trials to test out, see if you like them.”

“Er, I’m not a fan of the idea of sticking a finger in my eye.” you said hesitantly.

<You have magic, my dear.> Gaster reminded you, idly flipping through an old issue of a Popular Mechanics magazine, <Your fingers needn’t be involved if it troubles you.>

Oh, right. 

“It would also help with your peripheral vision.” the optometrist added, and that got Gaster’s attention.

<Perhaps you should try them,> he encouraged, <It may aid in spotting potential hazards. For instance, speeding trucks.>

You flushed and shot a look over at him. It was ineffective, meeting your multihued glare with a flat, unamused look of his own.

“Alright, fine.” you relented.

“Great!” the doctor said, pulling out little foil-topped plastic cases from a wide drawer. “I’ll walk you through it, and then we will get you into the exam room next, Doctor Gaster.”

He blinked uncomprehendingly, <Pardon?> he signed, and you translated.

“You are squinting when you read. Sorry, but it looks like your right eyelight has been damaged?”

<I don’t believe an exam is necessary.> he signed, and you neglected to interpret his words.

“You know, if we made the trip all the way out here, _on our day off,_ you might as well.” you encouraged with a smirk, “‘You have no reason to be nervous’, right?”

Gaster forcefully shut his magazine, glaring grumpily at you now. The returning grin you gave him could only be called shit-eating. 

Ah, retribution, you loved it.

* * *

You blinked rapidly as you stepped out of the doctor’s office and into bright sunlight, lifting your hand up to adjust your glasses before you groped at empty air, forgetting you weren’t wearing them.

“This is weird.” you murmured.

<Quite.> Gaster concurred, frowning and adjusting the square-framed glasses on his face. He lacked ears so they were kept in place with magic, apparently the sensation was something to get used to.

“Aw, they look so good on you though!”

<...They make me appear old.>

“You _are_ old. Ancient as dirt.” you teased. 

He mumbled something under his breath about Grillby pulling the look off, or at least that’s what you thought he said. You couldn’t understand him completely yet, and he would usually rather sign to you.

“The bus should be here in,” you checked your phone, “seventeen minutes. Unless you want to try a shortcut.” you suggested lightly.

Gaster grimaced. Neither of you wanted to ride the bus again, but he was still anxious about teleporting (you still needed to ask Sans what shortcut-related incident occurred while you were out of it that made him so wary). Theoretically, he could travel through the void to any place he had been before, but after getting you both stuck up a tree, he’d been reluctant about it. 

<I’m not highly confident I can make it.>

“Just ‘very confident’?”

His brow furrowed in thought, <97%.>

“Sounds good enough for me.” you said with a shrug and his wide lips tugged downwards at your cavalier attitude, “You’re doing really well of late.” you added encouragingly.

<I haven’t had much practice with passengers.>

He’d taken precisely one shortcut with a passenger, in fact.

“No time like the present.” 

He sighed, trying to rub his forehead but his phalanges knocked against his glasses, making him grumble as he adjusted them again. 

“It’s fine, we’ll just take the bus.” you backtracked quickly, sensing his rising irritation.

<I would much prefer not to be gawked at. You are correct, I need to practice this. Hold on tightly.> he said, a bit of a redundant request as his arms coiled around you, pressing you close against him. You still gripped his shirt front for good measure. [Ready?]

You nodded.

The world blacked out.

You had thought traveling through the void again after your fall would be a terrifying prospect.

It was not.

If anything, what should have been an extraordinary and petrifying process felt perfectly normal to you. Before it was always something ominous, the feeling of teetering on the precipice of being claimed and consumed, but now? It was just black. A quiet darkness. Like when you closed your eyes just before being lulled to sleep, or the cool and muffled silence of being underwater in a still, midnight-colored pool. It seemed when you re-wrote the timeline whatever had been reaching for you all that time was now content to just leave you be. 

The two of you exited the darkness a split-second later, popping back into reality right in your living room.

Sideways, that was.

Gravity reasserted itself and you both crashed to the floor in a tangle of limbs. You found yourself sprawled out atop Gaster who was groaning, flat on his back.

“...Not quite as graceful as Sans. But, hey, you kept your glasses on. That’s a solid B+.” you commended him, straightening the crooked frames on his face.

<This does not bode well for our trip this evening.> he signed with a grimace.

“You’re teleporting us somewhere?” you said, raising an eyebrow.

<Yes, and it’s a surprise.> he frowned up at you, <Are you going to get up?>

“Not quite yet...” you leaned down, a soft kiss pressed to his lips, softer words murmured against his bones, “You know, all I wanted to do today was sleep in and kiss you senseless, you could at least give me half of what I wanted.”

Gaster never was one to deny you.

... _Almost_ never.

You drowned out that thought with the taste of his magic, the tingle of his tongue tracing along yours causing your breath to shudder as you kissed him, slowly, drawn out and indulgent, like you had all the time in the world.

* * *

The evening pulled the sun down and the cries of cicadas gave way to crickets' songs buzzing in the warm, late-summer air like magic. You stood on your balcony, watching the colors of the sky change, one shade bleeding into another, the evening star just barely twinkling into existence. Early morning was always the time when you had reveled in the quiet, but there was a peace to this too that you had overlooked.

You felt Gaster’s approach, turning towards him. <Ready?> He signed with one hand. The other held a cloth bag you had packed with sandwiches and...

“Is that an umbrella?” you asked, confused given the clear skies overhead.

<No.> he signed with dry sarcasm, just to see your face contort into pout, amused at your expression. 

“Yeah, I’m ready.” you grumped, already hugging him as he began to gather his magic, his free hand pressed to the small of your back, pulling you close. 

When you emerged from the void, your body tensed and prepared for a trip or fall, you instead found yourself surprisingly upright, standing on stable ground, yet still surrounded by darkness. The air was thick and damp, suffused with magic, and you heard faint sounds of dripping water.

[Wait.] Gaster nearly whispered in a deep tone, sensing your confusion. You pulled away from him slightly, his hand still upon your back as you blinked and waited for your eyes to adjust.

You saw stars.

Wait, no, not stars. _Crystals._ They glowed faintly, growing brighter as your pupils dilated and your vision acclimated to the faint light. As the darkness began to recede you saw you were in a large tunnel.

“We’re in the Underground.” you breathed, “This is Waterfall.”

Gaster was watching you intently, the ring of his eyelight steadily trained on you, gauging your reaction. Not just visually, you could feel his studious presence through the link of your SOULs as well. He cautiously nodded in response to your question, <Is this alright?>

...Was it? Being back in the place where you had slowly suffered and died? You considered your feelings for only a moment.

If Gaster was here with you, then it was fine.

“Yeah.” you said with a soft smile once you had reached your conclusion, and a tension in his shoulders relaxed with a small exhale.

<I was unsure how you would react being in the Underground again.> he explained, <I had thought perhaps we might create some happier memories down here.>

_Overwrite the bad ones._

His eyelights were drawn to a spot on the wall, and when you followed his gaze, studying the blank rock face, you saw...

...Absolutely nothing.

“What is it?” you asked.

He smiled suddenly, elation in his SOUL.

<You cannot sense it?>

You closed your eyes, allowing your magic to crawl over the stone, feeling for some hidden switch or crack.

Still nothing.

<That is the convergence point.> he signed once your eyes opened again, <The void no longer calls to you.>

“Yeah, but we knew that already.”

<It never hurts to have multiple corroborating data points to give you certainty.> He held your hand, his phalanges and your fingers weaving together, <Come, I am afraid we have a bit of a walk ahead of us.>

He led you down the tunnel, the dripping sounds joining with noises of running water now too, gentle burbling and quiet splashes echoing over stone walls. The cave cut sharply right, light shining from just around the bend...

You gasped at the sight that greeted you, eyes wide to take as much of it in as possible. The cave opened up into a wider cavern illuminated with a blue glow from magic-infused waters. Dark stone paths cut through the gleaming streams while reeds and Echo Flowers grew in the darkness, feeding off magic instead of sunlight, their fluorescence added to the ambient light. Much like the water, wild magic flowed freely through the air, occasionally manifesting in small glowing orbs of light, like will-o'-wisps, before fading out and rejoining the greater current. It was an otherworldly beauty, this magical, fantastical place, something that could have only existed in the Underground where things of legend and fairy tales once lived, trapped under crystal-studded ceilings instead of blankets of stars.

Even here, traces of monster magic lingered; Hopeful, like a wish whispered in the dark.

Gaster allowed you to wander, dipping your hands in the cool water, magic tingling over your skin, touching the petals of a nearby Echo Flower (it was strangely silent), and meandering through the cavern, watching the mesmerizing twinkling of the sparkling stones overhead. Eventually it was time to move on, the skeleton monster squeezing your hand before leading you along. 

Another tunnel ran from what Gaster called the Wishing Room, this one even darker than the first. You found yourself relying on Gaster’s guiding hand and your magic, feeling your surroundings instead of seeing them. Water dripped down from the ceiling, a cold droplet splattering on the back of your neck, and Gaster retrieved the umbrella, pressing a button on the handle causing it to pop open and holding it over both of your heads, the water pitter-pattering on the nylon fabric as it trickled down.

“Where does the cave-in start?” you asked as the two of you progressed deeper into the cave. Sans had been the one to map the damage done to the Underground after your escape from the void. Hotland and the CORE were completely gone, as was half of Waterfall and New Home. The palace was mostly intact, having only suffered minor structural damage. Snowdin was perfectly preserved, Sans even offered to show you his and Papyrus’s old house (you had declined).

<Not much further ahead. Just beyond our destination, in fact. We are very nearly there.>

The tunnel opened up once more into a cavern, but this time the wide open space was _massive._ It may have even been bigger than all of Hotland. Crystals dotted the distant rock walls and ceiling, looking like the milky way, if you squinted a bit. Commanding the view was the palace. You were seeing it from the far side, you realized, the pale stone structure a distant landmark.

Gaster led you along the path that curved through the cavern for a short ways before stepping off of it, climbing jutting stones that resembled uneven stairs. <Be careful, it is slippery.> he cautioned. At the top of the formation was a small alcove that afforded a wonderful view, like an eagle’s nest to survey the wondrous surroundings. It was also dry, possibly the only dry spot in the damp cave.

<This was my favorite place in the Underground.> he signed, lowering his tall, willowy frame to the ground and sitting on a flat rock. You joined him, arranging yourself between his legs, your back against his ribcage, his long limbs bracketing you on either side.

“I can see why, it’s beautiful.” you said, retrieving the sandwiches from the bag and unwrapping one to pass to him.

<It was also a bit of a secret. I used to hide away here when I did not want to be found.>

“Who were you hiding from?”

<My parents, at first. My brothers later. Teachers, colleagues, the King...> his distant eyelights came to focus on you, <All that is to say, I hid from life whenever my ambitions caught up with me and it grew to be too much to bear.>

You hummed, relating to that experience a little too much. “And now you’ve shown me your secret hideout.”

<There is no secret I will keep from you.> he signed, and your SOUL did that giddy flipping sensation in your chest again.

The two of you ate your sandwiches and just...talked. About little things that didn’t matter, like if Muffet’s bakery would still be offering those orange peel scones once summer was over, and important things that did, like Gaster’s potential future career.

<If the plans to rebuild the CORE do go through, it would certainly make interfacing with the human electrical grid far simpler. We would not have to devise a method of retrofitting, rather we could build it from the ground up with that intention. Location still must be considered, humans would much prefer we build it outside the Underground, but we have yet to survey the Surface for similarly potent wells of naturally occurring magic. The ley lines have not been mapped in centuries, the old records we have are likely woefully out of date.>

“You make it sound like you’re already involved.” you commented with a grin. You loved watching him being so animated about a subject. 

<The Queen did strongly hint at it. Pending the outcome of my trial, of course.> he said with an irked frown, <I feel that no matter the sentence handed down, she will ensure I can work and she can keep me in her pocket.>

“Hm...Do you think it would pay well?” you ventured.

<Collecting your due already, my dear?> he signed with a smirk.

“Hey, you didn’t see the credit card bill. Alphys did a lot of damage. Plus you owe me rent now, I can’t have you mooching off me forever.” you said with mock disapproval. Gaster was, as usual, far too serious in turn. 

<Was it truly that bad? I am sure I can secure some funds->

“No, no, it’s not--well, it’s not _great_ but...” you shook your head dismissively, “I was asking because I had a big favor to ask you.”

<Anything you need, whatever you ask of me.> he signed with utmost sincerity.

You took a deep breath to steel your nerves, “...So you know how Toriel wants to re-open the monster university soon?” you ventured, and he nodded, “I want to enroll. I was thinking of selling off Integral Technologies, turning my lease over to you and going back to school so I can work with you and Alphys some day.”

He looked at you curiously, and you squirmed under that intense gaze of his.

<Where is this coming from? You’ve put so much effort into your career, why this sudden change?>

An unwanted, self-conscious blush heated your cheeks, “I’ve always wanted to do more than just fix computers. I never felt like I was doing something terribly important. But I also didn’t think I was smart enough to try and do anything more.”

His fingers gently wove through your hair, almost unconsciously carding his phalanges through the strands, <You know that is not the case, yes?>

“Yeah, I know. I’ve just felt lately like I have this drive to do more, like I’m--” your words suddenly cut themselves off and your spirits sank low, knowing well he could feel your despondence.

<You feel more determined.> he finished for you.

“I hate how I’ve changed.” you confessed, “I hate when you look at me and you have to see _this_.” you pointed to your red eye.

He was still for a moment, wide lips pressed together, thinking silently. 

<Would you mind indulging me for a moment?> he asked finally, and you shook your head.

He summoned one of his large hands and laid it across your chest, the hole of his palm resting over your heart. Slowly he pulled his hand forward, tugging on your SOUL. It resisted being drawn out at first, a human reflex that you had no conscious control over. He nuzzled your hair, coaxing you to relax and let go. Of course you obliged, who else would you trust with this, all that you were? With a sigh the core of your being was pulled free and hovered before his hollow palm.

You felt his breath still and you chanced a glance upward, his skull illuminated by the light of your SOUL. His eyelights were so warm as he beheld the culmination of your being, like it was the greatest treasure in the universe, the wide line of his mouth curved upwards at the corners into a soft smile. _Love._ Spelled out plain as day on his features. You looked back at your SOUL, trying to see it as he did. As you once had.

A small heart shape, the deepest, purest shade of sapphire.

Shot through with a tiny shard of vibrant blood-red.

He hummed, causing you to look up again and you saw _him_ studying _you_ just as contemplatively as you had been a moment before. 

<Do you truly find it that despicable?>

You tilted your head downward, letting your hair flow forward to cover your left eye, “It’s...tainted.” you quietly responded. It felt as if you had been corrupted, the literal integrity of your SOUL compromised. 

He grew pensive again, before finally signing; <...I would like to show you something.>

He shifted, putting space between you enough to move his hand to his own chest, drawing out his SOUL with a casual flick of his wrist. Carefully he directed it forward so that yours and his were held aloft, side by side. For a second you thought you saw something glinting between them, like invisible spider silk momentarily catching the sunlight. 

You hadn’t seen his SOUL since you freed him from the void, and you never did get a good opportunity to look at it before now. It was wonderfully, breathtakingly beautiful, a soft silvery-white that reminded you of a full moon illuminating the night sky.

But a closer look and you saw running through it a thin vein of black, a dark streak of obsidian inlaid into white marble. 

“What is that?” you cried, alarmed.

<My “souvenir” as Sans so put it. It is not the blight that you once experienced, something more akin to a stain, one could say.> he calmly signed, kissing the crown of your head to allay some of your panic.

“‘Void-touched.’” you murmured, recalling what Chara had told you.

He let out an affirmative hum, <It has altered my magic and allows me to teleport. I can still perceive the grey door. Useful, perhaps. But not enough of a prize to wish it weren’t there.>

He gently took your hand, pressing it to the cool bones of his skull, your fingertips brushing over the fracture running down from his left socket. <Did you ever find my broken appearance repellent?>

“No!” you responded too quickly, and from the way the corner of his lips lifted you realized he had anticipated that exact reaction. 

<So how could you possibly think that this-> his phalanges brushed your hair from your face, tucking the stands behind your ear and then so, _so_ lightly swept over the delicate skin under your scarlet eye, <-would ever bother me?>

“It’s not what it _looks_ like--Well, mostly,” you muttered under your breath as an afterthought. Ok, you could admit, there was a touch of vanity involved. Heterochromia was cool, but a red iris like a demon’s? That was just freaky and weird, “It’s more what it reminds me of that bothers me.” your gaze shifted sideways, glancing over at your SOUL, at the red shard that pierced it.

“It isn’t _me_ anymore.” you whispered.

Gaster’s thumb gently skimmed back and forth over your cheek, drawing your eyes back to him again. He looked between them, _intensely_ , seeing too much of you.

Or perhaps all he needed to see.

<They are merely scars. Etches of our past, but they do not define us. You are still _you_ ; Alex, INTEGRITY, my dearest. I am still Gaster, a very flawed monster,> he huffed a rueful chuckle, <But one who loves you very much.>

He leaned down, kissing you softly, sweeter than honey, making your SOUL shiver with delight in his hand. He laughed again, low and tinged with his amusement, his eye sockets hooded.

“I never will understand why you’re always so surprised that I love you.” you murmured against his lips as you felt the emotions running through his SOUL, “After everything you’ve done for me-”

[ _To_ you.] he corrected, his quiet voice containing just a hint of a growl, <Including earning you that eye.>

You hummed contemplatively, twisting around to fully face him while looping your arms around his neck, leaning forward to kiss him again, “Yes, and you’ve made me feel safe,” another kiss, “cared for,” you pressed your lips to his, whispering against them, “ _loved._ ” You pulled back, one set of mismatched eyes staring into another’s. “No one has _ever_ done that for me. Not like you. I don’t like that this happened,” you gestured to your SOUL, “but I don’t regret it for a second.”

His fingers wove through your hair, cradling the back of your head as he pulled you close to kiss you again, and not so sweetly this time. It was that darker, deeper kind of kiss that made your toes curl, that made your breath hitch in your chest and your SOUL sing. The sort of kiss that could make you forget everything that plagued you, all you had lost and all that had changed, that drew all your focus, distilling it to only your senses, filled with his scent, a brush of hard bones, a tingling taste of magic.

A kiss that left only a breathless certainly it its wake; 

You were loved.

_This._

_Us._

_Always._

You had to come up for air eventually, while your skeleton monster didn’t need oxygen, you certainly did. His eyelights were large and bright against the darkness of the cave, gleaming like the crystals overhead.

<Of course I will support you.> he signed after a time, and you blinked, a little lost. What was he-Oh! Right. It took your kiss-addled brain a second to remember what you were even talking about to begin with.

The plan to give up your life as you knew it in pursuit of something more.

“Thank you.” you said softly, hugging him, and then let out a small, excited laugh, “It’s crazy to think about, starting over again.” 

He tilted his head, studying you, <You’re not afraid.> he signed, a statement, not a question.

“Why would I be?” you grinned.

“I have you.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


_Oh, when you're near me I feel okay_

_Yeah, when you're near me I'm not ashamed_

_And the holes in my head they explain_

_In my sleep I can hear a voice_

_A call, a withering echo_

_And it sings, it sings all-knowing words_

_But ones I can't understand_

_Like running water slipping through my fingers_

_But there's something missing_

_There's something lost in my head_

_Could you help me fix it?_

_Could you please come stitch me up?_

_'cause I don't know how_

_Yeah, I don't know how_

_The answers are buried in me_

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and opening lyrics are from [Welcome Home by Radical Face](https://youtu.be/Xoz-YIssgg4)
> 
> \---
> 
> The title of this fic and closing lyrics are from [From the Mouth of an Injured Head by Radical Face](https://youtu.be/gOZwjCmxcxY)
> 
> \---
> 
> Finally, _finally_ , we are here at the end.
> 
> ...For the most part.
> 
> Thank you so much for joining me on this crazy ride. This is the first fic I’ve ever written that comes anywhere close to this length, and if you got this far I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate it.
> 
> So, will there be a sequel? As of right now, I have several shorter works planned (yes, sinners, that includes not one, but _two_ smut fics) ( **no** , not everything will be pr0n). I will be posting short stories for now that detail the events following this fic. While I can’t count out a full blown sequel, I don’t have one fleshed out currently. I will add these stories to [this series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753795), so I would recommend subscribing if you are interested in reading them, or keeping an eye on my [posting schedule on Tumblr.](https://fallingstarstuff.tumblr.com/post/624928964023025664/posting-schedule)
> 
> Edit: [Bonus chapter 30.5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26348314) if you want to read more Gaster goodness. /edit
> 
> 2nd Edit: [I wrote the smut fic <.<"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26818921/chapters/65428087)
> 
> [And made a discord server for Gaster/Reader fics.](https://discord.gg/u45p9eJESN) /edit
> 
> But most importantly, **thank you** , dear reader. This year has been... _something,_ that’s for sure. Fanfiction has helped me through some dark days and I hope this fic offered you a little light on your journey as well. I could not have completed this story without your encouragement and kind words.
> 
> If you enjoyed this story at all, I would be eternally grateful if you let me know in the comments, even if it’s just a “💙”.
> 
> 💙 Stay safe, and stay DETERMINED. ❤️


End file.
